Takin' Care Of Mama

[a2396]

Just to add some variety here, I would like to say that I have a Thai boyfriend. His parents have two children, both boys, my boyfriend is the baby, he is 44. His older brother is about 50, has a masters degree from an American University and makes much more money, although he also has a wife and two kids.

The parents are old, I think 80 and 75, but still have their own money and some contributions from the older son which helped them in the past to build a nicer house, etc. However, my boyfriend's parents, still help my boyfriend with money, and they have never asked and never gotten any money from me other than a few token gifts. The parents were not rich, they were farmers, sold things in the market, father was a local government official, but he managed to send both sons to a good school which gave them connections in life, at a significant cost.

Their mother is blind and has been for at least 20 years. They have had a maid to take care of her and the house for all of their lives. They have a pretty nice house, aircon, hot water, satellite TV, have a nice car and nice truck. They own a lot of extra land, which is just sitting there not making money. But at some point they were able to buy it. They would like to sell it now. They have suffered to some extent because on some of the land they own, a trash factory was built next door so the land is not worth much now, and the father is too old to farm on any land now so it all just sits there.

But what I want to say, is that in Asia, men have most of the earning ability, I think, unless women who work in the sex industry trump that. But I know what my boyfriend's brother earns since he is a top executive for a Japanese company, and before that worked for a top New York firm, I think he can out earn a Thai bar girl. And he doesn't have to give too much to his parents, and he is the eldest son. And I think, tradition in Asia is that eldest sons takes care of the parents isn't it? And at the age of my boyfriend, his parents still feel the need to help him, even though he makes decent money too ... how is it that every Thai girl married to a farang says she has to support her family? I mean maybe her particular family is just beyond repair.

But I also know some Thai girls, who have children, are taken care of by their families in the country, who don't send their families any money, either for the parents, or for the child. These have been the younger daughters however, and when I have said things to them, like, "don't you think you should get prepared to take care of your daughter, your parents are old, what are you going to do if they die?" They say that their older sister will take care of them and they seem to feel very little or no responsibility.

I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that your order of birth should dictate your responsibilities in life, and that younger sibilings can be complete idiots and that you have to take care of them. How is this fair if your parents have no money, decide to have 8 kids, you are the eldest, you are a woman who has the least opportunities in Asia, unless you become a hooker, the kids who follow you are all irresponsible, gamble, drink, or became hookers and got HIV, and now you have 20 kids to look after, I mean it just doesn't make any sense.

Or if you are poor or even rich parents who just plan poorly that your daughters should sell themselves in order to send you money for the rest of your life? I am not trying to sound like a jerk but how many of us Western people have children in order to have someone to take care of us when we are broke? And don't care what they have to do in order to give us money? And some parents might be spending the money on food and be too old to work, but some of them are not and are spending the money on drinking and the lottery and things they see as status symbols.

So basically, what I am trying to say is that for the farangs trying to decide if they should be sending money to their wife's family, and how much money to send, is to try to decide how moral or not the situation seems. I know the culture here is not the same as ours and can not be judged totally the same, but to some extent it can. If your girlfriend/wife has a jerk father who is only 45 years old and doesn't want to work anymore, gambles and drinks all the time, beats his wife, well I would say, don't send them any money and don't contribute to people thinking selling daughters is a legit way to make a living. If your wife has a 70 year old mother who lives alone, okay send her money.

If you want to make the world a better place, than contributing to a part of the world that sees females as something to sell as sexual objects, no matter if you are the buyer or the seller, only helps this to continue. And to people who go to brothels, but don't buy children, you have to know that everyone started there as a child, and is working there as a slave, as an abused child, with that mentality, even if now they are 20 years old or whatever. Okay, sorry I know this is somewhat off the topic and most of you are concerned about helping the families but I just want to give you another viewpoint.

MTW

Thus far you have failed Asian culture 101 pretty bad.

First it is the youngest male (in Chinese culture) that has the duty to take care of mommy and daddy. That is why they are usually horendous brats. Mom and dad spoil their retirement fund like crazy.

Secondly, your BF is rich by Thai standards, very rich by Thai standards. New cars, land, kids educated in America... crap that is like Paris Hilton standard for a lot of Thai's view point. I don't know how they got their money and frankly I do not care. But he is of a wealthy family that is for sure.

Further not all Thai girls marry falangs for wealth. My extended Thai family does not recieve money from me or my wife. My mother-in-law has a competive beef with me and always tries to flaunt that she can and willingly does out spend me. She makes it a point to tell me how much her new 42 inch plasma TV costs, new truck, new car, new SUV, new pogoda.... blah blah blah. Me, Oh I do well and have done well myself. I have no idea if we were to compare incomes who would be on top. I suspect me.... at 200K+ but, I sure don't flaunt it like she does. I do know that her net worth (if she does really own tittle on all her properties/realestate she is higher than me)

All of this was earned by her, all of this accrued in around 25 years. Not bad from a lady that never went beyond Jr high.

Your comments are interesting, however you are married to the monied elite, with such fancy possessions. Your income of 200,000 (I suppose you mean bht per mo) is not chicken feed either. I would say most of the poor retired Farang slobs living in LOS and thier associated Thai companions are nowhere approaching your Beverly Hills lifestyle. Of course your in-laws don't need to ask you for money, they don't need to. We should all be so lucky as you, at least moneterily.

[sbk]

MTW had a very good point that was completely missed in the need for oneupsmanship about knowledge of Asian culture:

If your girlfriend/wife has a jerk father who is only 45 years old and doesn't want to work anymore, gambles and drinks all the time, beats his wife, well I would say, don't send them any money and don't contribute to people thinking selling daughters is a legit way to make a living. If your wife has a 70 year old mother who lives alone, okay send her money.

[Dakhar]

Just to add some variety here, I would like to say that I have a Thai boyfriend. His parents have two children, both boys, my boyfriend is the baby, he is 44. His older brother is about 50, has a masters degree from an American University and makes much more money, although he also has a wife and two kids.

The parents are old, I think 80 and 75, but still have their own money and some contributions from the older son which helped them in the past to build a nicer house, etc. However, my boyfriend's parents, still help my boyfriend with money, and they have never asked and never gotten any money from me other than a few token gifts. The parents were not rich, they were farmers, sold things in the market, father was a local government official, but he managed to send both sons to a good school which gave them connections in life, at a significant cost.

Their mother is blind and has been for at least 20 years. They have had a maid to take care of her and the house for all of their lives. They have a pretty nice house, aircon, hot water, satellite TV, have a nice car and nice truck. They own a lot of extra land, which is just sitting there not making money. But at some point they were able to buy it. They would like to sell it now. They have suffered to some extent because on some of the land they own, a trash factory was built next door so the land is not worth much now, and the father is too old to farm on any land now so it all just sits there.

But what I want to say, is that in Asia, men have most of the earning ability, I think, unless women who work in the sex industry trump that. But I know what my boyfriend's brother earns since he is a top executive for a Japanese company, and before that worked for a top New York firm, I think he can out earn a Thai bar girl. And he doesn't have to give too much to his parents, and he is the eldest son. And I think, tradition in Asia is that eldest sons takes care of the parents isn't it? And at the age of my boyfriend, his parents still feel the need to help him, even though he makes decent money too ... how is it that every Thai girl married to a farang says she has to support her family? I mean maybe her particular family is just beyond repair.

But I also know some Thai girls, who have children, are taken care of by their families in the country, who don't send their families any money, either for the parents, or for the child. These have been the younger daughters however, and when I have said things to them, like, "don't you think you should get prepared to take care of your daughter, your parents are old, what are you going to do if they die?" They say that their older sister will take care of them and they seem to feel very little or no responsibility.

I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that your order of birth should dictate your responsibilities in life, and that younger sibilings can be complete idiots and that you have to take care of them. How is this fair if your parents have no money, decide to have 8 kids, you are the eldest, you are a woman who has the least opportunities in Asia, unless you become a hooker, the kids who follow you are all irresponsible, gamble, drink, or became hookers and got HIV, and now you have 20 kids to look after, I mean it just doesn't make any sense.

Or if you are poor or even rich parents who just plan poorly that your daughters should sell themselves in order to send you money for the rest of your life? I am not trying to sound like a jerk but how many of us Western people have children in order to have someone to take care of us when we are broke? And don't care what they have to do in order to give us money? And some parents might be spending the money on food and be too old to work, but some of them are not and are spending the money on drinking and the lottery and things they see as status symbols.

So basically, what I am trying to say is that for the farangs trying to decide if they should be sending money to their wife's family, and how much money to send, is to try to decide how moral or not the situation seems. I know the culture here is not the same as ours and can not be judged totally the same, but to some extent it can. If your girlfriend/wife has a jerk father who is only 45 years old and doesn't want to work anymore, gambles and drinks all the time, beats his wife, well I would say, don't send them any money and don't contribute to people thinking selling daughters is a legit way to make a living. If your wife has a 70 year old mother who lives alone, okay send her money.

If you want to make the world a better place, than contributing to a part of the world that sees females as something to sell as sexual objects, no matter if you are the buyer or the seller, only helps this to continue. And to people who go to brothels, but don't buy children, you have to know that everyone started there as a child, and is working there as a slave, as an abused child, with that mentality, even if now they are 20 years old or whatever. Okay, sorry I know this is somewhat off the topic and most of you are concerned about helping the families but I just want to give you another viewpoint.

MTW

Thus far you have failed Asian culture 101 pretty bad.

First it is the youngest male (in Chinese culture) that has the duty to take care of mommy and daddy. That is why they are usually horendous brats. Mom and dad spoil their retirement fund like crazy.

Secondly, your BF is rich by Thai standards, very rich by Thai standards. New cars, land, kids educated in America... crap that is like Paris Hilton standard for a lot of Thai's view point. I don't know how they got their money and frankly I do not care. But he is of a wealthy family that is for sure.

Further not all Thai girls marry falangs for wealth. My extended Thai family does not recieve money from me or my wife. My mother-in-law has a competive beef with me and always tries to flaunt that she can and willingly does out spend me. She makes it a point to tell me how much her new 42 inch plasma TV costs, new truck, new car, new SUV, new pogoda.... blah blah blah. Me, Oh I do well and have done well myself. I have no idea if we were to compare incomes who would be on top. I suspect me.... at 200K+ but, I sure don't flaunt it like she does. I do know that her net worth (if she does really own tittle on all her properties/realestate she is higher than me)

All of this was earned by her, all of this accrued in around 25 years. Not bad from a lady that never went beyond Jr high.

Your comments are interesting, however you are married to the monied elite, with such fancy possessions. Your income of 200,000 (I suppose you mean bht per mo) is not chicken feed either. I would say most of the poor retired Farang slobs living in LOS and thier associated Thai companions are nowhere approaching your Beverly Hills lifestyle. Of course your in-laws don't need to ask you for money, they don't need to. We should all be so lucky as you, at least moneterily.

It is "new" money, which means all the relatives around are fairly poor. Not shack poor, but close to it. The fact that it is new money might be why she strives to flaunt it so much to me. But this Beverly Hills life style is pretty much what I had in the states... u know, run the AC all day, pay for a tank of gass without blinking etc. That does not mean Beverly Hills, that just means comfortable, paying for the essentials without concern and haveing the ability to save money at the same time. Beverly Hills to me, is 2 or 3 Porsches etc. which I could not afford or ever afford earning just over 6 figs in the US. I can't afford that here either. So 200K here to me just tells me how poor people are here in Thialand. Not to be patronizing, we all can learn from this. What I mean is run a fan instead of an AC, rain water tanks, a desire to recycle, etc.

MTW comment about not wanting to fund a 45yr old.... It does have merrit... but let me toss something in. I once had a girl explain it to me like this. "My parents are farmers... my dad physically can not work like he used too, he can not rely on his mind to earn money, just his body. He can not type, he can not turn on a computer, he has no idea how to function in a modern world in order to earn money." He is older than 45, but my point we as falangs need to try to look at it from a different view at times. After she told me this, it did change my views some. But I still think the girls in Thailand are the main providers. It sure is in my extended Thai family.

[sbk]

Not mine either but I also married into a well-to-do family. My in laws don't need money but do need help from time to time (esp now that they are aging). One son lives in Bangkok, and of the brother and sister that live here, well, I'll be nice and say they are both too self-involved to understand their parents needs. My husband, being the reliable, nice one, gets called when dad needs a lift to the boat, mom needs a lift to the doctor, they need help fixing some little electrical thing. Whatever it may be, he's the one who gets called. And he's not the oldest, nor the youngest.

As he told me, there is no hard and fast rule that the son or the daughter, the eldest or the youngest, takes care of their parents, it is the one who is willing who gets stuck with it

[BigSnake]

Get over it my friend or should I say get use to it, for it is the Norm in the land of smiles to have a girlfriend or wife with an extend : family; mother, father, sister, cousin, etc. You will support where you know it, like it or not. I for one have been in Thailand for over 22 years and have never seen a farang with a wife, girlfriend or in some cases a ladyboy, that wasn't taken care of an extended family.

[Maigo6]

Get over it my friend or should I say get use to it, for it is the Norm in the land of smiles to have a girlfriend or wife with an extend : family; mother, father, sister, cousin, etc. You will support where you know it, like it or not. I for one have been in Thailand for over 22 years and have never seen a farang with a wife, girlfriend or in some cases a ladyboy, that wasn't taken care of an extended family.

Bigsnake, this is the age of the internet forum, and it would appear that the majority here married into well to do well connected families. So these guys would disagree with you.

And of course , we all believe everything we see on internet forums...................................

Edited June 12, 2007 by Maigo6

[Dakhar]

Good point, my computer set up is worth approx. 50% of the avergae Thai anual income.

[jdinasia]

Get over it my friend or should I say get use to it, for it is the Norm in the land of smiles to have a girlfriend or wife with an extend : family; mother, father, sister, cousin, etc. You will support where you know it, like it or not. I for one have been in Thailand for over 22 years and have never seen a farang with a wife, girlfriend or in some cases a ladyboy, that wasn't taken care of an extended family.

22 years in Pattaya? Wow!

[Boxer]

Taking on a partner in Thailand is to be a part of the 'family' whether you like it or not. If not expect lots of agro from the partner who is not happy at not doing his or her duty, opening the door to untruths if she /he does send home without your knowledge. If you can afford a small amount each month to the Mother say 3000 baht pm you will be thanked many times over and you have the one excuse for all the other 'buffalo' stories you get, sorry 'Momma has it, all we can afford.'

[jdinasia]

Taking on a partner in Thailand is to be a part of the 'family' whether you like it or not. If not expect lots of agro from the partner who is not happy at not doing his or her duty, opening the door to untruths if she /he does send home without your knowledge. If you can afford a small amount each month to the Mother say 3000 baht pm you will be thanked many times over and you have the one excuse for all the other 'buffalo' stories you get, sorry 'Momma has it, all we can afford.'

an Absolute statement that is absolutely untrue Boxer ..... "is often"? maybe! "is to be?" no way

[chanchao]

Get over it my friend or should I say get use to it, for it is the Norm in the land of smiles to have a girlfriend or wife with an extend : family; mother, father, sister, cousin, etc. You will support where you know it, like it or not. I for one have been in Thailand for over 22 years and have never seen a farang with a wife, girlfriend or in some cases a ladyboy, that wasn't taken care of an extended family.

Well, here's one. For starters they're richer than me, so it's actually the other way around. I do make an honest effort to try to pay back the loans though.

[chanchao]

Get over it my friend or should I say get use to it, for it is the Norm in the land of smiles to have a girlfriend or wife with an extend : family; mother, father, sister, cousin, etc. You will support where you know it, like it or not. I for one have been in Thailand for over 22 years and have never seen a farang with a wife, girlfriend or in some cases a ladyboy, that wasn't taken care of an extended family.

22 years in Pattaya? Wow!

Well that would explain the statement would it...

[expatwannabe]

Thai morays dictate that better-off family members help the others out. Since a foreigner is usually (though not always) the wealthiest member of a Thai family, they're expected to contribute to the rest. If the wealthiest member were Thai, then they are expected to share. Sometimes the family members don't know how much a foreigner is capable of contributing, so they'll ask for greater amounts until they hit a wall - and then they know. Often the family members are guided by what they learn from TV and their friends into believing the foreigner has no limits. This is not their fault. They just don't know what to expect and so they rely on rumour and hearsay. But in the end, you should understand that having a Thai boyfriend or girlfriend makes you a cherished member of the extended family - and that role comes with responsibilities. If you fight these notions (or encourage others to do so), you'll only create problems.

Edited June 12, 2007 by expatwannabe

[mac.wheeler]

So the general consensus is helping out is ok as long as it's not turning into extortion, I have a couple more points I think might make interesting discussion.

Let's say your lady friend previously earned in the region of B5,000 per month, out of this she had to feed herself, clothe herself, entertain herself and send money home to the parents.

So the same girl becomes a lady of leisure, with a much fatter lifestyle and no need to work, but she still needs to send money home. It seems many people have taken the 'allowance' route, fairly sensible in my mind, but how much is acceptable? When the girl has both zero living cost and far higher standard of living then just how much does she need? Surely some for the parents, but she can't have been sending more than half of that B5,000 back home previously. Some money for herself so she doesn't have to ask you for everything. So let's say B2,500 for the family, you can't give somebody B500 to spend for a month so you would feel obliged to give her at least a couple of thousand. Oh look! She's now getting almost exactly the same money she had when she had to live in a shared room at the back of the bar and work all night! And what a shame she has to eat in a restaurant every day and want for nothing, must be a terrible life.

But let's look at this another way, that girl isn't asking for much is she? And it demonstrates just how little some of them earn, when sending a few baht home to your parents and having a bit of pocket money left equals your entire monthly salary then it's bound to look bad when your farang BF does the math.

So, let's assume you have managed to get over the math hurdle and reach an amicable agreement, mama and papa are getting their little bit every month, your GF is content because she can afford all those phone cards now out of her own pocket and chances are she's taking darn good care of you for the small price you pay.

Then one morning her telephone rings, it's the parents, they need some money for <insert reason here> and want you to help them out. Do you pay up? Considering you have been giving them a monthly income, why should you help further? Is it your problem that they cannot budget and save a portion of what could be a significantly higher income than a months salary in their rural area that you have been giving them?

Then there is the whole family pressure thing, I'll give you an example from my own experience.

GF gets a call from papa much shouting going on, conversation ends, GF hardly speaks a word all day. Finally I ask what the problem is, she explains papa has some small debts (from drinking) and wants her to send him money, she's obviously upset by the whole thing and knows I myself don't have unlimited resources. So I ask how much he needs? She tells me B5,000, I say to her ok, we can send the money but it means you and I have to cut back for the rest of the month. She is very happy about this and to give the girl her due every time we go out to eat for the rest of the month it's impossible to get her to order anything to drink but water and she's eating the cheapest stuff on the menu.

But what really ###### well got me and for this reason alone I will never do it again is that the drunken sot of a father didn't even have the decency to say thankyou to me. Not a bloody word, still calls me 'your farang' on the phone instead of using my name when speaking to her. Quite frankly he can go drown himself in booze for all I care now, he will never see another penny from me.

[GuestHouse]

What's all this giving your g/f an allowance nonsense?

Assuming she's not tied down looking after infants, surely she can work and earn her own money and with it maintain her self dignity, a measure of independence and a foot in the job market.

[mac.wheeler]

What's all this giving your g/f an allowance nonsense?

Assuming she's not tied down looking after infants, surely she can work and earn her own money and with it maintain her self dignity, a measure of independence and a foot in the job market.

At the risk of sounding totally mercenary and a complete male chauvinist, my GF has more value to me taking care of the house than she would have out working earning the average non-professional Thai salary.

For those people with a well educated TGF with a career option then your route would make more sense I think.

[Dakhar]

What's all this giving your g/f an allowance nonsense?

Assuming she's not tied down looking after infants, surely she can work and earn her own money and with it maintain her self dignity, a measure of independence and a foot in the job market.

At the risk of sounding totally mercenary and a complete male chauvinist, my GF has more value to me taking care of the house than she would have out working earning the average non-professional Thai salary.

For those people with a well educated TGF with a career option then your route would make more sense I think.

AMEN, and I do have a career wife, but I'd rather her stay at home, at least one person could watch my boy grow up. Erks me to no end. In the US, I earned a good bit, but she was not happy because no one would employ her because she does not speak Spanish. Yea, it is to that point is some parts. I don't either but I was employed because my degree is so rare, they had no choice but take what they could get.... desperate times desperate measures.

Any how she was a stay at home mom/wife.... wich was an insult to her pride. I can understand to a certain extent, she did work hard for her degree in the US. But at least she got to stay home and be a mom. Unfortunatley, in her eyes thats the maids job.

So here we are in the land of.... mirk, and yesir we have got a maid, we work 6 days a week and my boy gets to see us for 3 hours a day. Lucky kid...

[manuchaomk]

wow !

I read a lot of point of views regarding this topic !

it's great that someone can give a help to the GF Family, but it isn't fair to take advantage to the culture, especially when BF is Farang. That happens because most of thai ladies come from countryside and believes that every farang have a Money-tree. But for the real, most of them it is hard to live...as farang.

Give a help and keep the thai tradition alive is ok, but take advantage for useless purposes is not great.

Most of people that need to keep alive this tradition come from countryside. That is not accidental.... .

mk

[manuchaomk]

I respect all people. doesn't matter if come from countryside or city.

I talked about countryside because it is relevant for this topic. just for that.

manu

[expatwannabe]

mac.wheeler

I kind of agree that a spending allowance seems stupid. I used to give one to my bf when I was living overseas, but now that I'm here, he gets nothing that is just "his." To me, if you're giving an allowance, that means there's "our" money and there's "his/her" money. That seems to create a 'moral hazard,' wherein the Thai bf/gf would protect their money at the expense of "ours" (or steal from one to add to the other?).

I'm much happier with a situation where everything is "our" money. That way, decisions about whether to give alcoholic Papa a cash infusion have a clear impact on "us."

I like that your GF cut back on drinks and expensive dishes - show's she's got her priorities right.

[mac.wheeler]

mac.wheeler

I kind of agree that a spending allowance seems stupid. I used to give one to my bf when I was living overseas, but now that I'm here, he gets nothing that is just "his." To me, if you're giving an allowance, that means there's "our" money and there's "his/her" money. That seems to create a 'moral hazard,' wherein the Thai bf/gf would protect their money at the expense of "ours" (or steal from one to add to the other?).

I'm much happier with a situation where everything is "our" money. That way, decisions about whether to give alcoholic Papa a cash infusion have a clear impact on "us."

I like that your GF cut back on drinks and expensive dishes - show's she's got her priorities right.

I don't actually give my GF an allowance, but I have been considering it, the only reason I am considering it for is that I am sure she finds it degrading to have to ask me for everything.

Our firstborn is due in November, I am going to make it very clear at that stage that my complete priority becomes her and the child, familes, both hers and my own can't expect me to help them out at all. There will be no 'spare' money, every Baht left over at the end of the month is being put straight into a high interest account to prepare for the childs schooling.

[mikethevigoman]

Not this old chestnut again TROLL !

[bangkokrick]

My wife works and sends part of her income to her parents. So in truth, part of our income goes to help her parents.

I'm fine with that; when my eldest sister was dieing of cancer, my youngest sister gave up work to take care of her. I paid her mortgage, one of my other brothers paid her living expenses.

The basis of my wife's actions and those of my sister, my brother and I are good family values which we share and is a foundation of our marriage.

I totally agree with your sentiment Guesthouse good post

[MTW]

Well obviously, this is a very complicated subject and we all have different situations to deal with and one answer cannot fit everyone.

However I think it is true that most of the women who work as bargirls do it for the money, no matter if it is because their family needs the money or they just want money for themselves. And this work is more profitable than many other types of work available to them, even if they were to have an education in Thailand. And many of these girls end up marrying farangs, and as well, a large portion of poorer Thai girls who never worked in the sex industry, marry farangs, because they want to improve their lives and maybe their family's lives as well. I don't think anything is wrong with this. If I was a poor Thai girl, I think I would do it in a minute. I think many of them may end up with a better life overall then they might have with a Thai man that was socially equal to them.

The main point I was trying to make earlier, was that I don't think bad, worthless, parents who have the idea that selling their daughters into the sex trade or selling them off into marriages as a way to pay for the parents to drink, gamble, not work, and buy status things should be rewarded. If your Thai girl has been conditioned to think that she is supposed to pay for her father to go to the brothel, buy a new car, get the newest mobile phone, gamble, etc., and that she should sell her body to do get that money, then she has been taught things that are abusive basically, and I don't think if she someday becomes your wife, that you should give her money to feed that. I am not saying to any of you that your wife was a bar girl or sold her body. But maybe she felt pressured to find a farang husband, maybe she surely feels pressured to ask you for money and that causes problems in the marriage.

No matter what work a girl did or does, at least if she is paying to support good people for real things in life that they need, then okay, and hopefully those parents took good care of her when they were able to, and now they just are not able to take care of themselves. But how would you feel if your father never had money for you because he had 6 mia nois and drank all his money away, so you never had much in your life, and now that you are an adult he expects you to support him?

I think rather than simply asking "should I send my g/f or wife's family money" these other questions are the ones we should be asking when we try to decide what to do.

[meom]

Your last post makes perfect sense MTW and I actually tend to agree this time.

Luckily my own situation is not so complicated; basically I'm a giver and Mrs Meom is a taker so we sort of complement eachother which overall makes for a good partnership. She's a bit stingy when it comes to setting a budget for the Mia Noi but I hope we can work that out in due course.

In fact the Mia is causing much more grief than the Mrs because she expects equal treatment and status symbols. I can't seem to explain to her that as a number two she will never rise to the #1 position because it would be to much of a precedent and cause unnecessary grief.

So far the Mia hasn't asked for any money for the parents but for sure I'll keep your advice in mind should it ever reach this stage.

[MTW]

Good for you meom, I am glad you have control of the situation. I just hope you have enough money left over for your kids and won't be sending them to Pattaya as your retirement plan.

[sukanyacondo]

My wife came to the uk to live with me fortwenty years. ssssssssssssShe was the typical brainwashed Thai where familly is everything. Then we returned her permanently. She soon saw that all her family loved was her money and has ######ed them all off as spomgers.

It did break her heart to know them for what they are.

The house and land we own is now lived in by her sister and mother---once mother dies her sister has two choices---buy the land fom us or get out

the big sister thing here will not work with my wife----she is the youngest sister and the cleverest and sees no need to pay to supprt her brothers drunken and mia noy lifestyle nor her sisters stupidity

I have to admit my wifes parents are both dead (lucky me) and she has about 6 brothers and 3 sisters. One sister is always asking but she says we have no money and agrees that we will not give handouts at all.

[meom]

Good for you meom, I am glad you have control of the situation. I just hope you have enough money left over for your kids and won't be sending them to Pattaya as your retirement plan.

Don't worry MTW I think the world is overpopulated as it is so I have no intention to multiply myself.

Luckily Mrs Meom is of the same opinion, specially after I gave her a few dogs on which she can project any motherly feelings she might have.

[sukanyacondo]

Get over it my friend or should I say get use to it, for it is the Norm in the land of smiles to have a girlfriend or wife with an extend : family; mother, father, sister, cousin, etc. You will support where you know it, like it or not. I for one have been in Thailand for over 22 years and have never seen a farang with a wife, girlfriend or in some cases a ladyboy, that wasn't taken care of an extended family.

See one here then www.sukanyacondo.com

[jdinasia]

Good for you meom, I am glad you have control of the situation. I just hope you have enough money left over for your kids and won't be sending them to Pattaya as your retirement plan.

Don't worry MTW I think the world is overpopulated as it is so I have no intention to multiply myself.

Luckily Mrs Meom is of the same opinion, specially after I gave her a few dogs on which she can project any motherly feelings she might have.

lol ... she's STILL at it?