Marriage Ceremonies

[yorkman]

As there have been time and time again the same questions and worries about the thai marriage, ceremonies and customs, a post here to describe what happened to me quite a few years ago, and what I have seen at the many marriages I have been to since. I must add this is Issan custom, and traditions do vary around the country.

I have seen people express concern, but really don’t worry! Any mistakes you might make will be smiled at and forgiven. Just enjoy it.

ENGAGEMENTS

· Use this as an ease in to the big day if you can. All that is happening here is that you are getting the formal permission of her parents and family to marry into the family.

· This can be done at home, yours, theirs, whatever…..

· A respected person, usual an elder from the village will be presiding over events. With the extended family around, you will be sat down in front of her parents. Between you will be some dishes, in which is part of the Sinsot you intend to give to the family. At this point, hints here, a 2 baht Gold necklace will be fine, if you want to add a western style engagement ring, this is fine too, the Thai tradition is modernising. Don’t worry about money, this is only a symbolic thing.

· Hand the gold to her parents, they will have a look, usually big smiles, and hand it back.

· Both of you will then go on your knees in front of the parents, wai and problem over!

· The family will take turns to tie string on both of your and her wrists, and after that you will be invited to kiss the fiancé. Please, Thai style, just a sniff on the cheek, that alone will get enough smiles and laughter.

· After that its just food and drink, a normal Thai party. Try to stay sober, if the make elements allow it.

WEDDING DAY

· What happens here will vary, it depends on whether you have decided to do this in a village or whether you have booked a hotel event to do it all at once. Either way works

· There may be Monk Blessing at the house of the bride (which will be the place for the event) in the morning.

· At some time in the day the traditional wedding customs will be followed. It is the main event where both the bride and the bridegroom's family (don’t worry if you don’t have your family there, your wife will get somebody in their place) get together. They witness this important event. Both the bridge and the bridegroom will sit close together on the floor (or small stage) with their hands held in wai style. A flower chain connects the hands or sometimes the head. The most senior person will act as the leader of the event. He or she will start to soak the couple's hands in water and wish them good luck.

· Then, the parents and others will do the same. If this is in the day there will only be close friends there, you can combine this with the evening event, see next.

On the same day, in the evening, there will be a wedding party. However many are invited expect double the numbers, they will bring friends, family and kids In the village or in a hotel. whatever the style, the wedding party usually follows the same steps:

· The dinner party starts around 6 pm; the bride and the bridegroom with their parents will stand in front of the function room greeting and welcoming the guests.

· Guests arrive.

· Guests go to register the name at reception area, in a formal book (Hotel) or just anything (Village) . Guest will sign the guest book wishing good luck for the couple. Guests will present the gift at the registration area. It could be gift or money in an envelope.

· Expect loads of photographs to be taken with the guest with the bride and the bridegroom.

· A bit later food and drink will appear.

· Around 7.45 – 8-00 pm, the Master of Ceremonies starts the formal ceremony. In a village this can be the same respected person again, in a hotel they will find somebody for you. Most hotels are very used to arranging this.

· The MC calls for the guest of honour. Usually, the guest of honour is the person who is well respected by the community. The person could be yet another “old man”, or could be one of the relatives.

· The guest of honour will give the speech. The speech will be to wish them a good luck and also add some tips for marriage.

· After the speech, the guest of honour will asked all the guests to stand up and toast the bride and bride groom. This is done 3 times.

· The guest of honour will step down from the floor. The MC might make a playful speech and interview the bride and bridegroom on how they met, how they fell in love, and tell some other stories about their love (if the MC learns it before the event). Just play along. You will be expected to make a speech. Do it in english if you do not speak thai, no problems, and expect to able to hear a pin drop!! WORST BIT OVER!! Then your wife will speak, expect her to ramble on a bit if its anything like mine.

· Next, the bride and bridegroom will cut the wedding cake and serve some guests. Serve her parents, senior relatives and the guest of honour first

· After that, the bride and bride groom will walk around for pictures or movies with all the guests.

· The party finishes (as far as you are concerned) around 10-11 pm.

· Go home or to your hotel suite. You may get intercepted by some of the family’s kids wanting the “keys”, traditionally 2 children. Just give them a few Baht and tradition is served. Do not take off the wedding garlands until there. They will be added to the Buddhist Shrine thingy if at home.

· Almost over…… On the wedding bed your wife will (as per tradition) kneel and wai, and tell you she promises to obey her husband. If you believe that you believe in the tooth fairy. I just gave her a smack on her bum and called her a liar. Big laughs all around.

· Ohhh..and you know what to do next….fade scene……

[TEFLMike]

What an enlightening post.

It is suited to become a film script.

[yorkman]

What an enlightening post.

It is suited to become a film script.

Thanks TEFL

Ohhhh the at the end of your post, explain that please

Edited December 22, 2007 by yorkman

[yorkman]

Still waiting TEFL.... I don't understand the the ......... happily married for 12 years to a qualified teacher, 2 kids later here, and this is my experience.

Awaiting your useful input. Your marriage was different? Do tell and please not a flippant post again.

Edited December 22, 2007 by yorkman

[TEFLMike]

Only married 12 years? Jeez thee is lucky. I was marired 30 years . Th word marriage is not a word, it is a SENTENCE

[Bagwan]

I love a bit of romance and sentimentality but, interesting though it was, was OTT for me. I have never come to terms with weddings being her day. Why? And why should a wife expect a gift and a coloured piece of cardboard displaying hearts and flowers, not to mention some twee prose, every year? Seems all a bit too one sided and uneccessary for my liking. Shouldn't tokens and signs of commitment and devotion be displayed every day of the year by both partners?

The first time I got married and acquired a mother in law with all the charm and grace of a puff adder, I was taken to one side by her 'friend' who told me that now I had joined the family he would explain the family politics. I replied that I was a traditionalist and that throughout history it had been recognised that the lucky lady was leaving her family's home and would go to live in the one that her new husband provided. It followed that I had not married into another family but that she had married into mine.

On the other hand the ceremony at the Amphur when my little treasure and I joined forces had all the emotion of acquiring a library ticket. "Got all the paperwork? Right. Sign here. Here's your sheet of paper (suitably embellished with a rose border) each. I'll just get the pooyai to sign. That'll be 200 baht. Now bugger off. Next?" Not too dissimilar to acquiring a passport. Yuk!

To balance some of the above, I rejoice in my Thai family. They have enriched my life and the things that I have been able to do for them does, I hope, go some way into repaying them for their acceptance and kindness.

[chicowoodduck]

I love a bit of romance and sentimentality but, interesting though it was, was OTT for me. I have never come to terms with weddings being her day. Why? And why should a wife expect a gift and a coloured piece of cardboard displaying hearts and flowers, not to mention some twee prose, every year? Seems all a bit too one sided and uneccessary for my liking. Shouldn't tokens and signs of commitment and devotion be displayed every day of the year by both partners?

The first time I got married and acquired a mother in law with all the charm and grace of a puff adder, I was taken to one side by her 'friend' who told me that now I had joined the family he would explain the family politics. I replied that I was a traditionalist and that throughout history it had been recognised that the lucky lady was leaving her family's home and would go to live in the one that her new husband provided. It followed that I had not married into another family but that she had married into mine.

On the other hand the ceremony at the Amphur when my little treasure and I joined forces had all the emotion of acquiring a library ticket. "Got all the paperwork? Right. Sign here. Here's your sheet of paper (suitably embellished with a rose border) each. I'll just get the pooyai to sign. That'll be 200 baht. Now bugger off. Next?" Not too dissimilar to acquiring a passport. Yuk!

To balance some of the above, I rejoice in my Thai family. They have enriched my life and the things that I have been able to do for them does, I hope, go some way into repaying them for their acceptance and kindness.

I wasn't too sure were you where going with your story, but your ending was perfect!

[jaiyenyen]

Thanks for your post yorkman, It has given me some idea of what I'm in for.

I get married on 10th January 2008, to my beautiful girlfriend. We have both been married before and we have both been through traditional ceremonies. So this time I was quite happy for a quick trip to the Amphur and then a few days on the beach.

My little swampduck was having non of that, so we are having the big wedding at our house, with all the family,friends,neighbours and anyone else who happens to pass by.

I must admit, I'm happy she changed my mind.

I'm just off to remind her that she has to wai me and promise to obey me, lol

Regards

Jaiyenyen

[yorkman]

I love a bit of romance and sentimentality but, interesting though it was, was OTT for me. I have never come to terms with weddings being her day. Why? And why should a wife expect a gift and a coloured piece of cardboard displaying hearts and flowers, not to mention some twee prose, every year? Seems all a bit too one sided and uneccessary for my liking. Shouldn't tokens and signs of commitment and devotion be displayed every day of the year by both partners?

I agree entirely, in fact we just wanted the Amphur legal thing. I am not sure about it being "her" day in Thailand, it's more the family's day for certain.

Anyway, only intended to document the goings on for those that have asked.

Merry Christmas, another occasion for "a gift and a coloured piece of cardboard" eh?

[Bagwan]

Merry Christmas, another occasion for "a gift and a coloured piece of cardboard" eh?

Nope. Every year the same. You are Buddhist telak. Christmas has nothing to do with you - or you with it.

Bah. Humbug.

[a2396]

The best wedding ceremony is NO wedding ceremony.