Married But Not Legal

[jfk]

hi guys, some advice please.

my girlfriend wants to go stay with her family in home but i would like to go with her. however she says that if i want to sleep in same bed with her that her mother and family wont approve. however if we get " married" then ok. i voiced my concerns to her but she assures me that it is only a custom and that her mother will do it and it is not legal, just so her mother doesnt have bad luck. i have no rason to doubt her however i would like some advice from you guys.

please reply asap as we go to her home tomorrow.

thanks in advance.

[Sumitr Man]

My advice: sleep in the spare room or on the living room floor

[SK1972]

JFK........so long as you dont sign anything........you are safe.......or better yet, just dont sleep in the same room!!!

[Sulaphat]

While technically not a legal marriage, within the family and village it will carry much weight.

My advice would be to avoid it unless you are really prepared to marry her. It can have consequences, perhaps not the legal kind, but consequences none the less.

[Gazza]

my girlfriend wants to go stay with her family in home but i would like to go with her. however she says that if i want to sleep in same bed with her that her mother and family wont approve.

They probably won't approve cos a lot village families often all sleep in the same room.

You can always sneak away in the daytime together and go to a guesthouse or short time hotel somewhere if you're worried about getting your daily jollies.

[SK1972]

hahahaha..........well said Gazza

If you dont intend to stay there for life and its just a visit, control yourself mate......or do it in the fields where the buffaloes are (kidding)

[chanchao]

It's possible that your gf calls it 'marriage' but that it's actually a level below that. I'd push for an 'engagement' that includes the whole ghost hocus pocus so you scan have sexual intercourse without the ghosts of the land getting upset. Just say it's common in your culture (or in your family) to be engaged first. The engagement ceremony can then be used to appease the ghosts.

Then again, if you intend to stay with her for like at least a year or so then you might as well go ahead with the marriage.

Also: Woudln't surprise me if some kind of sin sod / bride price would rear it's ugly head at some point or antoher.. That would make it a whole new ballgame, needless to say. Bride prices are still quite common in some Thai families, especially if the girl is still a virgin. If she's had relationships before then they may still try to hit you with a briod price, but if she's indeed had prior relations then this would be a typical case of 'no way Jose, nice try but no cigar, missy'. Just another thing to be aware of.

Anyway: some kind of village ghost docter-uncle doing a ceremony before you have physical relations is quite common. It doesn't necessarily have to constitute 'marriage'. (Unless y'all want it to)

Cheers,

Chanchao

Edited October 4, 2004 by chanchao

[jfk]

hi guys, thanks for the advice.

my gf has two kids and has been "married' before, her father has passed away and her mum looks after the kids when she is working or with me in chaingmi. i think the engagement is a good idea and i think i will go with this. my gf has a good heart and is probably just looking out for me and also trying to get me to at least give her some level of commitment which i understand.

i love it here and want to stay for as long as the money holds out. i enjoy this girls company and she is very good to me.

engagement it is, i think.

however keep the advise coming until i make up my mind for def.

thanks again in advance.

[Gazza]

hahahaha..........well said Gazza

If you dont intend to stay there for life and its just a visit, control yourself mate......or do it in the fields where the buffaloes are (kidding)

Actually, it wasn't too bad for me in my wife's village home as there was a main sleeping area with two very thinly partitioned small rooms for the married members of the family.

Care had to be taken though. I couldn't have the light on because of too many holes in the walls and I had to be ultra careful as the slightest 'fanny fart' would've seemed deafening in the deadly silence of the night.

Found it better to just go into town the next day to do a bit of shopping and then go to a guesthouse for an hour or two and leave nightimes for getting bevvied. Had to kill some time anyway cos we had to wait for the village songtaew for the return trip back home.

[chanchao]

> the slightest 'fanny fart' would've seemed deafening in the

> deadly silence of the night.

Oh comon, you have to make prior arrangements with the chainsaw-tree-crickets and the frog choir, I thought everyone knew that?

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Gazza]

> the slightest 'fanny fart' would've seemed deafening in the

> deadly silence of the night.

Oh comon, you have to make prior arrangements with the chainsaw-tree-crickets and the frog choir, I thought everyone knew that?

Cheers,

Chanchao

Yeah, and not forgetting crowing cockerels that don't wait for dawn. Anytime after 1am seems fine for them.

[GuestHouse]

Beware!

Under English Law you may be legally married even if no certificate or registration is made.

Note this is NOT the same as acceptance by the British Government/Embassy.

The first question an English court of law asks when considering matter relating to a marriage (including Divorce and Divorce Settlement) is 'has the court got juristiction'. If either of the couple have any substantial connection to the UK the court will have juristiction (i.e. pension/savings/property remaining in the UK).

The next question is 'Does a marriage exist?'

The English High Court has accepted a ritual marriage between an Englishman and a Bornian tribes woman.

The court heard evidence that the ritual marriage was accepted as tradition and that in the eyes of the bride and her family, neighbours, friends, relatives a wedding had taken place.

The guy lost half of everything he had.

Only right and propper.

If you want to marry, marry.

If you want to play, go play where playing is expected.

[siamruby]

Traditionally in Thailand boyfriends and girlfriends or fiancees don't sleep together unless you have been living together as man and wife. so in that case the Thais will call your partner husband/wife no matter you are married or not. But the common law husband/wife in Thailand has no legal right unlike in UK.

Anyway,it depends on if you have been living with her as man and wife or not. You can get her to tell her mum that you both actually been living together as man and wife and are waiting for a good day to get married etc, but again it depends on how old fashioned her mum is. When I took my fiancee from Uk to visit my family in bkk, my sister was preparing a seperate bedroom for him until I told her that we actually been living together in the Uk and just saving up to have a proper marriage. She then stop fussing and everyone in my family and all my friends alway refer to my fiancee as my husband! and my (snobbish) sister even said that why waste money getting married

[simon43]

If the English courts accept that a 'ritual' marriage is as good as a legal one, then will they accept if I 'ritually' divorce my UK wife (maybe by emailing her 3 times with 'I divorce thou'

[Sumitr Man]

The English High Court has accepted a ritual marriage between an Englishman and a Bornian tribes woman.

Jerry Hall vs. Mick Jagger

[RDN]

however keep the advise coming until i make up my mind for def.

Your first reply:

My advice: sleep in the spare room or on the living room floor  

is probably the best advice you'll get.

[kayo]

The English High Court has accepted a ritual marriage between an Englishman and a Bornian tribes woman.

Jerry Hall vs. Mick Jagger

English Man = Jerry Hall

Bornian Tribes Woman = Mick Jagger