Raising Another Man's Child

[Dr. Burrito]

Seems like a lot of the people on this and other boards regarding Thailand have fallen in love with and are either married or co-habitating with a Thai girl who already has a child.

Do the majority of these kids have a Thai or farang father?

Does the father try to assert and control or contact or has he motored on down the road to yet another irresponsible conquest?

Do you see yourself truly being the father of this child, adopting it, giving it your name, trying to achieve for it what you would, or maybe already have, for your own flash and blood?

Part of me admires you. Part of me wonders what you are getting yourself in for. All of me hopes that if you do it, that you do it well, since we all know what the ramifications for the child can be with a 'who's Daddy this month?' lifestyle that some of them must experience.

Experiences, observations, opinions? Do you sometimes wish you had a support group for your unique experience?

[IamMaiC]

My Father did it with me, I was the offspring to an american GI but my mom only had a one night thing with him She never seen him again and then she met my step dad. Who I consider my real dad.

I never wanted to find out where my real dad ended up More than likely he was killed in vietnam. My mom said he would go to udon thani for R&R, She saw him many times in the bar she worked at. He only talked to her a few times I guess she liked him alot.

I would do the same if my wife had children already. No problem here I just would like them to respect me for me I wouldn't want to replace their real father.

[Dr. Burrito]

You were raised by an American, European or Thai acting as father if i'm not being too nosey.

[IamMaiC]

My Dad is American, Born in New York City

[Dr. Burrito]

Sounds like he took both you and your mother back to the states with him. Is this correct? Also, sounds like he did a good thing. I tip my hat to him.

[SK1972]

Burrito, this is the modern age and people are now more open-minded (hopefully)

Let's put the Thai girls aside. Will you be questioning the women or posting this if they were farang women?

Some men do not mind children from a previous marriage and some do. It is up to the individual. I know a Canuck who could not accept them and I know an Asian man who can............we never know till we try.

Some men are known to care for the kids as if they were there own and some dont...............they just have the "hots" for the mother. It al boils down to what each individual wants in his/her life, right?

[IamMaiC]

Yes he did, Some guys in his unit did the same. One man took an orphan girl back with him. Yeah My Dad is great I wouldn't be the person I am if it wasn't for him.

Sometimes watching documentaries on the vietnam conflict, I feel bad for the men that went to fight. One place wanted to kill them and when returning home that place wanted to spit on them.

They told my dad to return home wearing civilian clothes, he didn't do it he said. he was proud of his uniform and he wasn't going to let some people get him down.

[Dr. Burrito]

Let's put the Thai girls aside. Will you be questioning the women or posting this if they were farang women?

Have no idea where you get I am questioning women. I live in Thailand, this board is about Thailand, and I think, given the people and situations we see all the time, a fairly relevant topc.

I have no intention, in fact from it, of slagging Thai women here, regardless of their reasons for being a single mother. I am though, honestly curious about this, for my own reasons, as I see it all the time here, and I'm sure you do as well. Given that these men who do it, do it well, I think they are heros, not chumps.

[IamMaiC]

I think if both people The man or woman for that matter decide to take in a child. Not their own is hard. My dad never dsiciplined me I mean spanked me My mother on the other hand was a different story.

I think it takes nerve and alot of compassion, You have someone's else's child at first. but the years roll along and both parent and child get to know and accept one another.

Unfortunately like SK1972 said Some men just do it because they have the "hots' for the mom. If in a relationship with a woman or a man and they have children sometime down the road you have to be willing to accept the whole package and not just concentrate on the "mother or father"

[SK1972]

Part of me admires you. Part of me wonders what you are getting yourself in for. All of me hopes that if you do it, that you do it well, since we all know what the ramifications for the child can be with a 'who's Daddy this month?' lifestyle that some of them must experience.

Burrito....maybe I misread..............but the above is not very positive ..........if you are being positive, then good for you!

[IamMaiC]

Burrito what do you think of a man that just has fun with a thai woman and then just leaves for whatever reason like my real dad. well the one that made me i should say, Are they Chumps??

[Dr. Burrito]

Not trying to be positive, nor negative. Trying to be observational and objective. Sadly, it frequently can be negative, it can also be positive. Truly hope it is the latter far more often than not.

Being a father and seeing how people treat their children, I often think of little ones and what the world holds for them. It is at once full of promise and terror. I am a sadly big softie when it comes to kids. About everything else, I wear bulletproof armour.

[Dr. Burrito]

Burrito what do you think of a man that just has fun with a thai woman and then just leaves for whatever reason like my real dad. well the one that made me i should say, Are they Chumps??

Chumps? Hard to say. Your Dad for example, did your Mom give you the full info? Did he know he was going to be a father? Did he intend to get back to her and fate stepped in?

I think anyone who makes a child, knowlingly, and with absolutely no intention of being the father, providing any form of support or guidance, and basically could give a rat's arse about the consequences is worse than a chump. I doubt I could use the vocabulary I would prefer for such a person on this board.

On the other hand, if it is a mutual decision, if a woman just wants a child, but no father, then I think they are both <deleted> as the person whom it will affect the most has the least say, yet will live the longest with the effects; that is, the child. But that's me and also, it is a generalization. There are no doubt many women who cold prove great mothers without a father, plus, this being Thailand, many of them have extended family resources that at least make for a more familial environment. But is it optimal? In my view, no, and how could anyone want less than optimal for our most precious resource?

[SK1972]

Burrito........no worries, its hard to voice one's views in a forum. People read them according to how they want to read them.

I can understand your views..........I do not want to have any kids as I feel that the world just isn't a good place to bring kids up anymore.............but that's my opinion.

[Khun Larry]

My Dad is American,  Born in New York City

Does not get any better than that!!!

NY is really the undisputed #1.

[IamMaiC]

Not trying to be positive, nor negative. Trying to be observational and objective. Sadly, it frequently can be negative, it can also be positive. Truly hope it is the latter far more often than not.

Being a father and seeing how people treat their children, I often think of little ones and what the world holds for them. It is at once full of promise and terror. I am a sadly big softie when it comes to kids. About everything else, I wear bulletproof armour.

My dad is a softie also, I married 2 years ago and he's talking about grandchildren I would like to have children, In my opinion it is not a family without them. My wife wants 2 a boy and a girl I grew up an only child so I know how it feels I would like my child to have a sibling.

[katyusha]

My mother died giving birth to me.

When I was a little girl I was jealous of the kids who had mothers and angry because I had none, until my Sensei explained when I was 6 or 7 that if my mother had lived then my father would not have become the man I knew and loved. He's both father and mother to me. He always has been.

Dad says men are far more accepting of another man's child than women are of another woman's child, and this is why he never remarried.

[SK1972]

Sorry to hear that Katyusha.......

In my opinion it is not a family without them.

IamMaic.........never knew you were a softie....... and a little old fashioned....

[mike100]

My wife has two children from her first marriage, a girl 11 and a boy 7. Their Thai father died in a motorcycle accident 6 years ago, and for the last three years I have been financially taking care of them, and very happy to do so.

Lived in Thailand for two years, and for the first 7 months my step daughter lived with us, but the son did not wish to. It was her decision later to go back to her friends and family in the village which she missed very much, and she asked me not to be too sad. I tried to talk her into staying, but wanted her to be happy.

My wife spends a week a month visiting them and both kids spend their school holidays with us here just outside Pattaya.

They have not taken my name, mainly for the reason of perhaps making it difficult in the future when they inherit some properties owned by us. Also I wonder what would be the impact of them having a farang name at school. Not everyone likes us farang’s, Lol.

They call me daddy, I think the world of them, and I hope I can give them a good start in life as they become adults.

If things go wrong with our marriage, I will still look after them and have also set up a small farm with house in their village to help with their future.

[SK1972]

Good on ya Mike100........ I am sure they appreciate and love you like their own father.............and lucky too as they would never know how they would end up without you stepping in.

[stroll]

Does the father try to assert and control or contact or has he motored on down the road to yet another irresponsible conquest?

The latter for both the biologicall Thai-Chinese father and the stepfather my gf is divorcing. Never paid a Baht but gf is still paying of her husband's bankloan. Biological father only contacted his daughter when he was dieing last year and left her nothing.

Scumbags!

I arrived quite late on the scene, she was 15, and although I do not feel she has grown as part of me, I am proud to have an intelligent, attractive daughter (now 20).

[Mohammed Al Pasha]

Seems like a lot of the people on this and other boards regarding Thailand have fallen in love with and are either married or co-habitating with a Thai girl who already has a child.

Do the majority of these kids have a Thai or farang father?

The children almost all have Thai fathers and the girls are almost all former whores.

[davethailand]

My wife has 2 children with separate thai fathers, (proper relationships with the thai men i might add).

the father of the boy "Fang" (good name eh) who's nine was according to my wife a very good man, she left him because she felt he was too protective and loving and she could'nt go or do anything without him, he does'nt see the boy anymore, he's got a rich gf and does'nt seem to care, we are going to see him as we want Fang to be under my wifes name here in pattaya.

The daughter "Foye", her Dad was and probably still is a drug addict scumbag and we don't know or care where he is, Foye is under my wifes name and he has'nt got any claim over her at all.

My wife and I are trying for a baby, it might not work because of certain complications so fingers crossed, obviously it will be a dream come true if it works out, if not i will provide for Foye and Fang, and treat them as my kids.

[Mohammed Al Pasha]

the father of the boy "Fang" (good name eh) who's nine was according to my wife a very good man, she left him because she felt he was too protective and loving

Yeah right.

Women always leave husbands who love their children too much.

One born every minute!

[davethailand]

the father of the boy "Fang" (good name eh) who's nine was according to my wife a very good man, she left him because she felt he was too protective and loving

Yeah right.

Women always leave husbands who love their children too much.

One born every minute!

Who the **** are you to question me?

I've met the guy, keep your pathetic views to yourself mate.

You probably another expert who does'nt even live here,

(sorry mods, I don't take comments like that very well)

[katyusha]

I do not want to have any kids as I feel that the world just isn't a good place to bring kids up anymore

If everyone felt the same then the human race would become extinct in one generation.

I would like to experience natural childbirth before I'm too old. Sadly the scales are weighted against me. Copulation with a guy is just about out of the question, and government restrictions make IVF extremely difficult for women like me.

I'm considered perfect to fight and possiby die for my country, but I cannot even adopt a child while I live in Australia.

A de facto "village" adoption in a third world country is one way out, but it would make me an outcast, unable to return to my own country with my child.

Dad thinks IVF in Europe and childbirth in Australia is the best legal solution. He's probably right.

[Mohammed Al Pasha]

Who the **** are you to question me?

I'm not questioning you. I'm simply saying that there's one born every minute.

A woman will NOT leave her husband simply because he loves his child.

I'm afraid you've been taken for a ride

[davethailand]

Who the **** are you to question me?

I'm not questioning you. I'm simply saying that there's one born every minute.

A woman will NOT leave her husband simply because he loves his child.

I'm afraid you've been taken for a ride

What are you talking about?

My wifes just read this and also asks <deleted> are you talking about?

She left him because he was too possesive over HER, ie- she was'nt allowed to go to the shops or to work unless he went along with her. he did'nt give a monkey's about the son.

Thats why she left him, thats why he does'nt ask or care about the boy.

[Insight]

Seems like a lot of the people on this and other boards regarding Thailand have fallen in love with and are either married or co-habitating with a Thai girl who already has a child.

Do the majority of these kids have a Thai or farang father?

The children almost all have Thai fathers and the girls are almost all former whores.

What was that about the new board software being able to block annoying posts? Can't wait...

Would also be great if it had built in AI to automatically block out mindless posts like this, but then, not that much intelligence is needed to spot them...

[kat]

Seems like a lot of the people on this and other boards regarding Thailand have fallen in love with and are either married or co-habitating with a Thai girl who already has a child.

Do the majority of these kids have a Thai or farang father?

The children almost all have Thai fathers and the girls are almost all former whores.

Exactly how do you define a whore?