devona Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Hi, I'm marrying my Thai man in 4 weeks time and had a nightmare at work today about who is coming to the wedding. I live in Khon Kaen but the wedding is in Ubon, about 5 hours away. I wanted some of my co-workers to come so asked if we could organise a school van, which was all agreed. Today things have gone a bit pearshaped, though. There are about 7 people that I really wanted at the wedding as we work together every day and they're my closest friends at work. I gave them invitations, plus 3 managers who I felt I should invite to be polite. I then found out today there is a list of the people coming in the van, which doesn't include some of the people I invited and has people on it that I barely talk to. I know a couple of people I invited can't come so I'm fine with others filling their spaces, but surely it should still be my decision not the school secretary. I had a long conversation with my Thai assistant teacher and she said I should have given invitations to all the kindergarten teachers. I was actually already thinking of doing this but as there's a limit on who can come in the van I wanted to ask the people I really wanted first. 2 of the people I've invited are student teachers that have worked with me every day for the last 4 months. I feel that with the Thai status thing they are going to feel like they can't say they want to come because they know other teachers want to. Basically I need some advice on whether to just let this go and forget about getting the people I want there or fighting for them. I know the Thai way would probably be to let them organise it but it's still my wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meme Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 ohhhhhh wedding stress! I promise you it's all worth it in the end. Honestly we had more stress with our Thai wedding than my Canadian wedding and my husband took care of all our Thai wedding, so it should have been no stress for me, but with language barriers and my husband having to meet all the Thai rules of society(he is very old fashioned and by the book about these things) it got kind of stressful. We are still on the outs with one of his brothers a YEAR LATER! after a spat they had and because we had to HAND DELIVER all of our invitations some are still mad at us for not going 4 provinces over to hand them one at their door. Our wedding was 400 people which was half of who should have been invited! I know usually when teachers marry they do give the whole school invitations. I kind of think you should let it go, if the van is full and they want to come then its their responsibility to get there on their own. Im not sure what kind of wedding you are having but we had the 17 hours, people coming and going all day so there was plenty of room and more the marrier as each guest pays money However if you are having a hotel wedding and need to have a certain amount of seats then Im not sure what you should do and best if one of the Thai ladies speaks up here for what etiquette would be involved in this situation. If its a matter of seats on a bus and who gets them maybe you can pull the guests you really want aside and try and work something out and express that you really want them there. Honestly we had two weddings and I would do it all again! Things happen (At our Canadian wedding our cake arrived the colour of a teenage mutant ninja turtle! seriously! I also had a falling out with one of my friends) but then its all over with and you wish it could have lasted longer...minus the stress of course! Good luck! Hi,I'm marrying my Thai man in 4 weeks time and had a nightmare at work today about who is coming to the wedding. I live in Khon Kaen but the wedding is in Ubon, about 5 hours away. I wanted some of my co-workers to come so asked if we could organise a school van, which was all agreed. Today things have gone a bit pearshaped, though. There are about 7 people that I really wanted at the wedding as we work together every day and they're my closest friends at work. I gave them invitations, plus 3 managers who I felt I should invite to be polite. I then found out today there is a list of the people coming in the van, which doesn't include some of the people I invited and has people on it that I barely talk to. I know a couple of people I invited can't come so I'm fine with others filling their spaces, but surely it should still be my decision not the school secretary. I had a long conversation with my Thai assistant teacher and she said I should have given invitations to all the kindergarten teachers. I was actually already thinking of doing this but as there's a limit on who can come in the van I wanted to ask the people I really wanted first. 2 of the people I've invited are student teachers that have worked with me every day for the last 4 months. I feel that with the Thai status thing they are going to feel like they can't say they want to come because they know other teachers want to. Basically I need some advice on whether to just let this go and forget about getting the people I want there or fighting for them. I know the Thai way would probably be to let them organise it but it's still my wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 sounds like on kibbutz!!! since we officially have to invite all and sundry (one big happy family sort of thing), we put a single invitation up for all to see, and and additonal one at our place of work for all those that are from the 'outside' or whom work outside; then we call up to invite personally those that we really want to come, and we let all of them work it out on their own... here also its politically very not incorrect to not invite the whole work force or your work unit, floor, or team... u cant invite some and not others, so again, a single invit to all and sundry and a personal call to those u really care about... and they work out the carpool problems on their own... i suppose to westerners that sounds wierd, or maybe i've been in the mid east too long.. i guess that u will have to do the same, and dont sweat it, its really not worth all the worrying... any way, u will have to pay more attention to the 'vip' guests even it they arent your special friends, they are more as'guests of honour' , and your friends if they are thai, for the most part they will understand completely. having been on the other side (a vip guest) at thai events, i was 'shown off' and tended to, more then family /close friends, probably they were thinking it would be useful in the future, and also 'giving respect' to status (for instance if u invited 'lower' teachers on the bus, but not the headmaster, that was a tactical mistake....just an example but u know what i mean) maybe u should just let your husband deal.. letting thai deal with thai is often better and gets better results... bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Gotta agree, I didn't have a wedding of my own but I have been to literally hundreds of them and it is just not done to invite some co-workers and not others or some relatives and not others. You invite the whole kit and caboodle and hope that the ones you like show up. Thai people have been doing these ginormous weddings for a very long time and are actually quite adept at getting things organized. Just be sure to take aside the people you really want there and emphasize that you are really looking forward to them being at the wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devona Posted September 27, 2008 Author Share Posted September 27, 2008 Thanks for the advice. I think it's best to let it go too. When I discussed it with my boyfriend he didn't understand why I was upset at all. I think I've managed to show who I value the most by giving them invitations first, so even if they don't make it to the final cut at least they know I did want them there. It just seems a shame when status becomes more important than having your friends at your wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellohello Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Same here- we invited the whole village {some people I liked and some I didn’t} and hubby's family drove down. Coz it was high season there was one cheeky Thai neighbor lady who invited a completely strange farang family along as "a tour" and they ate a whole meal for free... Too much! We did it Thai style and Farang style. Meaning in the morning was Typical Thai. Around noon boats took us farang for island swimming & back for a western Buffet/cake. In the evening Traditional live Thai folk music and dancing while the full moon came up over the sea. Relax, and just go with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Ah in a way I am glad someone else is going through this too. Sorry but it makes it much easier to know I'm not the only one. In our case it is my hubby-to-be that is being a stickler, insisting that only those who receive invitations will be welcome (his mother was aghast). He's even gone as far as moving our ceremony from his mother's village to his sister's village where noone knows us. His theory being that he won't feel obliged to invite people he doesn't know, and ignoring the fact that his sister is very social and is no doubt planning a cast of thousands. He insists that since he has not lived in the village for almost 20 years he (we) will not be paying for a bunch of people to eat and drink for free. They are also arguing about what food to serve. Pig vs Cow is very boring to me but arouses incredibly strong feelings among the in-laws. Devona I think you might have to hire a second bus (or increase the size of the first one). Better not to put too many noses out of joint, you never know which aggrieved staff member might end up as your teaching assistant next year... or have a separate 'after wedding party' in Khon Kaen and invite everyone from school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gonsalviz Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Hi,I'm marrying my Thai man in 4 weeks time and had a nightmare at work today about who is coming to the wedding. I live in Khon Kaen but the wedding is in Ubon, about 5 hours away. I wanted some of my co-workers to come so asked if we could organise a school van, which was all agreed. Today things have gone a bit pearshaped, though. There are about 7 people that I really wanted at the wedding as we work together every day and they're my closest friends at work. I gave them invitations, plus 3 managers who I felt I should invite to be polite. I then found out today there is a list of the people coming in the van, which doesn't include some of the people I invited and has people on it that I barely talk to. I know a couple of people I invited can't come so I'm fine with others filling their spaces, but surely it should still be my decision not the school secretary. I had a long conversation with my Thai assistant teacher and she said I should have given invitations to all the kindergarten teachers. I was actually already thinking of doing this but as there's a limit on who can come in the van I wanted to ask the people I really wanted first. 2 of the people I've invited are student teachers that have worked with me every day for the last 4 months. I feel that with the Thai status thing they are going to feel like they can't say they want to come because they know other teachers want to. Basically I need some advice on whether to just let this go and forget about getting the people I want there or fighting for them. I know the Thai way would probably be to let them organise it but it's still my wedding. TIT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 LOL Devona, I know it's not funny but what were you thinking, assuming you would have any control over this??!!! The dress colour being chosen by the future mil on advice from a monk should have given you ample warning of what was to come. I agree with the others, just go with the flow, the ones you really want there have already been invited personally so that is the main thing & let the hangers on make their own way there. On the day you wont care one way or another anyway. So sad I cant be there to see you in that pink frock though, I need a promise that there will be pics on the blog the very next day FYI, I have left all our arrangements for next march up to my MIL, I have no idea who or how many are coming to our blessing but we have limited the amount for the restaraunt dinner to 100 as most of the people still around at that point will be staying at the mils, so we (my family & friends from Uk & thailand & hubbies mates) will go on for the festivities away from the olduns Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devona Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 Think I've finally invited all the people I was meant to and I'm going to leave it up to them to sort out who does or doesn't come, how many buses etc. Boo - as for the pink dress it's now finished and I'm trying to practice smiling whilst wearing it, as it's a struggle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Lucky my MIL is nearly blind and may not be able to see whether I wear her chosen colour. But PINK ohmygod Devona you poor darling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Devona does have the colouring to wear pink & is also petite enough to get away with a pink frock, I on the other hand would look like a giant version of the sugar plum fairy if I had to wear the colour & have bought a very plain dress from UK to wear next year as my mil is not quite as bothered about the formailties what with us just having celebrated our 5th wedding anniversay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithson Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Unlike farang weddings, I thought Thai weddings were pretty open as far as invitations. Because guests give money, the impression I had was the more the merrier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I think it really depends on the kind of wedding, if a village affair where family & neighbour women are cooking all through the day to meet the demand of people turning up & the couple have a steady supply of macro bought drink & a kareoke then generally yes, it's a free for all but if in a hotel or if there are limits to numbers for food & drink in a restaurant setting then most (thai) people are aware that it is invite only. I have a feeling though that cause Devona is a farang girl, then more of her collegues are wanting to attend than would normally bother if it were thai-thai couple getting hitched!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 if u all remember i had bought two outfits (both thai style blouse and long skirt in silk: one apricot colour and one grey blue) for getting married and friends had bought the cool metrosexual version of wedding outfit for anon (open neck white indian style shirt and cream pants with black shoes) for anon.... up until four in the morning, i had chosen the pale blue thingy with putting pink roses in my hair, and no real makeup/ at four in the a.m. all family members had decided for me, the apricot, and tons of makeup and laquer in my hair, with pink roses taht didnt match at all the apricot outfit... whatever....... that was my second wedding. my first, i didnt have a dress tile the nite before either, and everything else was borrowed, and hubby (now ex) couldnt break the pyrex cup that he was supposed to stamp on (jewish wedding) and some of the food was spoiled. (i should have known right away all bad omens). second wedding anon's mother chose the day of our wedding, all the old folks did the food, actually, alls i did was do whatever i was told to do (and my daughter was told to take off her very high platform shoes since she literally towered over everyone else). bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 oh yes, the make up enough make up will be slathered on so that you will start to wonder if your face will crack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devona Posted October 3, 2008 Author Share Posted October 3, 2008 I've chosen my own hairdresser to do my make up too as I know she won't be offended if I wrestle the white powder out of her hands! The latest craziness from my mil is that we shouldn't be travelling anywhere in the next month as it's bad luck for our marriage if we don't stay at home the month before the wedding. I'm starting to wonder about her sanity now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 hahahahahahahahahaha. sorry for the big laugh but I recall earlier posts about how she seemed alright & that you must have dogded the nutty mil bullet. Sorry, you got one too Not as bad as someone who we know who's got a nightmare of an mil, but a mad one none the less, the kind but mad are much better though than the downright bitch ones though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meme Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I've chosen my own hairdresser to do my make up too as I know she won't be offended if I wrestle the white powder out of her hands! The latest craziness from my mil is that we shouldn't be travelling anywhere in the next month as it's bad luck for our marriage if we don't stay at home the month before the wedding. I'm starting to wonder about her sanity now. Honestly we were in biggggggggggg trouble for leaving for our honeymoon(with 18 canadian guests) the day after our wedding. But we were only supposed to stayput for 3 days to a week, a month! wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 we had to travel the next day for the bangkok israeli embassy nightmare (they only allow registration in the bangkok amphur).... maybe eyebrows were raised but i didnt notice... i forgot t omention that anon never actually wore what he we had planned he would wear either; he gave his wedding pants to father (who didnt wear them anyway; and shirt to brother who did wear it for two days after also), and it took me two days to splash shower the laquer out of my hair. they tried to put makeup on daughter but she is very tall and well built and adamant about certain things and when she says no, she means, NO!!! WAY!!!.... bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellohello Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 We brought our far away guests with us on our honeymoon! Very Thai. BTW- It is correct that if it’s a village affair, every one of those envelopes will be filled with cash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 (edited) Ah yes, the no-travel thing. Seems in northern Isaan we are fine to travel until the day before the wedding but have to stay in the house for 48 hours after the ceremony. So my family and friends are booked into the only nice hotel in the area but I will be sleeping on my sister-in-law's wooden floor. Edited October 4, 2008 by Goinghomesoon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devona Posted October 6, 2008 Author Share Posted October 6, 2008 Aaaaaaaaaaaah! I thought the invitations were stressful but it's all gone downhill from there. I've just had 3 days of wedding planning hel_l which resulted in several arguments, tears and the wedding even got cancelled at one point. MIL said our invitations were not right as my name is in the wrong place so she wanted us to print all new ones and send them out again. Not happening as far as I'm concerned, plus she's the one who wrote them in the first place so if they're wrong it's her fault. Worse than that Nung has been allowed to change his morning colour from dark blue to white as he prefered it. What happened to the lucky colour thing or that only applies to me in my horrible pink dress! I'm now tempted to go and dye it a different colour just to annoy her. I have also turned into an atm machine as the only dicussion of any details with me is when they want cash. I finally lost it completely and have told them the budget and if they spend more it's their money. At least now we've escaped to Bangkok for a few days rest from it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Just checking in with you Devona, haven't seen you on facebook either so assuming things are steaming ahead. Hope the stress has abaited for a while & you are managing to enjoy it a bit.. Let us know how you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devona Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Well it's all over now and I survived! It's probably the most stressful thing I've ever done in my life but also one of my best days too. I smiled for so many pictures I got face ache and that was with my 6 yr old niece taking some of the piccie taking pressure off me as well. Good advice for anyone else getting married here, bring along a young farang child and it halves the amount of pics they want of you! I couldn't get my hairdresser so I let a ladyboy do a Thai makeover on me, which surprisingly didn't turn out quite as bad as I expected. Even the pink dress didn't seem quite as bad on the day, although I will def never wear it again. Actually Boo if you're looking for a Thai style dress for next year I've got one going cheap?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikonjewel Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Congratulations devona! I must say I was always curious about what planning thai wedding, or the wedding itself would even be like really. I think I learned a few things in reading some of the posts here, (both fascinating and mildly-horrifying? ~learning things in this forum sometimes has this effect on me...haha just kidding!!) And Meme, I know who to talk to in case I ever have to plan a Canadian/Thai wedding (A LONG TIME AWAY FOR THAT THO!) hahahahaha I'm thinking trip to Vegas might be easiest??? ... and have the result from both families = (I've always wanted to have a reason to use this icon) I'm just teasing though, hope your day was every bit fantastic! If you don't mind sharing please post some pics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Congrats Devona, can't wait to hear more when you are ready to tell us the stories! We got married in Oz on Saturday. The first 2 days of married life have been fun Since we had an Australian ceremony I already 'feel' married and I'm feeling less pressure about the Thai ceremony because - for me at least - the deal is already done. However I suspect hubby might not 'feel' married until we have done the Isaan bai sri. Waiting for MIL to pick the colour...knowing her taste I might be interested in that pink dress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Congrats GHS I have two older sisters, both of whom went all out on the weddings. I learned first hand the stress of a US wedding. So when my husband offered a traditional Thai wedding of a minimum of 1000 people, quickly turned him down. When we got home, my mom said to me "I said 'no big wedding' not no wedding at all!" So, we organized a small family affair, maybe 20 people, at my sister's house and I wore my grandmother's lace wedding gown. Best way, IMO. No stress, no hassle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devona Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Amazingly everything went really smoothly on the day. We went and did the legal bit the day before so I felt more relaxed as it was already official in my eyes. Def the days leading up to it were ten times worse than the actual wedding. In the morning we went to his mum's house and even had time to relax and eat breakfast before everything got started. I was surprised that so few people were involved in the ceremony - only my family, a few of my close friends, Nung's mother and a couple of old Thai ladies. The rest of Nung's family and other guests didn't even seem to be watching, although they joined in with the shouting parts of the chanting from their various places around the house. My sister made the mistake of sitting behind the guy doing the ceremony, so got very wet when he started flinging the water around as he'd flick it backwards before each throw. I had to try not to laugh at the look on my mum's face when the guy started swigging back whisky too - not sure if that is an official part of the ceremony or not?! The evening party was great. We had an outside reception at a resort in the garden with lots of trees and fairy lights. I finally got to wear the dress I really liked. Everyone came that I wanted to be there and I got my chocolate cake too. (There was a whole cake issue a few days before the wedding but it got sorted out) We even organised an elephant as a surprise for my niece. The look on her face was one of the best parts of the day for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 let me guess, chocolate cake?! no , it has to be a white cake. show me a thai at a party that wants a dark cake. nyet. none. it must be white (and tasteless.) planning one of that sort for our wedding anniverseray this coming up thursday. yep. white cake. white icing. tasteless. with those sugar paste flowers my daughter does. with food colouring. pink, blue. yellow. not purple or black heaven help us all... was it the cake????? and where are pics? i put mine up already twice so want to see pink dresses and laquerred hair. bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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