Have Any Of You Lost Your Husbands To A Thail Girl?

[sbk]

wow, good way to make friend there, fi. rubbish? nice.

[mssabai]

teach you new lessons and ways to cope with them.

Isn't that what making you stronger means? I doubt anyone is referring to physical strength here.

Not necessarily. One could just become tougher and more hardened. That may not lead to a happier life.

My interpretation of 'making you stronger' means learning, but not becoming too cynical and hardened.

I don't think that being an 'older lady' makes your views any more valid on this than anyone elses. We are talking about life philsophies essentially. Everyone has different ones. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't make it rubbish.

I actually think you have valid points. There is a massive element of choice in how you let negative experiences affect your life. And this phrase is primarily used as a mantra to help people get through the hard times and enable you to stay positive. You seem to be referring to something specific when you say "learning by your mistake". Many negative experiences happen completely out of anyone's control. How then are you supposed to learn from it? How can you stop it becoming an emotional drain on your life? Well you can turn it is into something positive...and often this happens without any kid of conscious action.

[F1fanatic]

wow, good way to make friend there, fi. rubbish? nice.

You're right and I apologise. 'Rubbish' is a v harsh word, I should have said that I disagree.

[F1fanatic]

teach you new lessons and ways to cope with them.

Isn't that what making you stronger means? I doubt anyone is referring to physical strength here.

Not necessarily. One could just become tougher and more hardened. That may not lead to a happier life.

My interpretation of 'making you stronger' means learning, but not becoming too cynical and hardened.

I don't think that being an 'older lady' makes your views any more valid on this than anyone elses. We are talking about life philsophies essentially. Everyone has different ones. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't make it rubbish.

I actually think you have valid points. There is a massive element of choice in how you let negative experiences affect your life. And this phrase is primarily used as a mantra to help people get through the hard times and enable you to stay positive. You seem to be referring to something specific when you say "learning by your mistake". Many negative experiences happen completely out of anyone's control. How then are you supposed to learn from it? How can you stop it becoming an emotional drain on your life? Well you can turn it is into something positive...and often this happens without any kid of conscious action.

Being an 'older lady' only means that one has been through most of the negative experiences that life has to offer and will hopefully (!) have a broader view on the subject. Life philosophies are fine until they are proven to be wrong!!

You are taking my comment out of context.

Of course many negative experiences are out of one's control, and of course they will be an emotional drain. Its far easier however,to turn them into something positive when you're young and can just start again. It gets harder when you're older!

Having said that, I agree - it can still be done, even as an older lady in a foreign country!

[micky44]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady,(i have been married to Thai lady now almost five years, NOT ONCE have i heard her swear or loose her temper, neither does she play mind games, she holds down two jobs in the UK and never sends one penny back home, so lets be realistic,) especially if they are financially secure, oh and on the point of finances not all Thai girls are just after the money.

Edited July 24, 2009 by micky44

[Boo]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady,

lol & this is in your extensive experience is it. go troll elsewhere please.

[micky44]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady,

lol & this is in your extensive experience is it. go troll elsewhere please.

excuse me , can you please expand on your comments please, esp, the one regards to being a troll ? what kind of mod are you ? are board members not allowed to express there opion? i have neither been abusive nor offensive in my comments, and do not believe that your reply was justified nor one that would be expected from a mod, can you please explain your obvious dis pleasure ?

[sbk]

This is the ladies forum micky44, and different rules apply here. To post such a thing in the ladies forum is trollish, please read not only the rules for this forum but the general forum rules again before disputing a moderator comment in the forum as well.

And just so you know, the definition of trolling covers your inflammatory post in the Ladies forum quite clearly.

5) Not to post inflammatory messages on the forum, or attempt to disrupt discussions to upset its participants, or trolling.

Trolling can be defined as the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet by posting controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.

and further :

21) Not to discuss moderation publicly in the open forum; this includes individual actions, and specific or general policies and issues. You may send a PM to a moderator to discuss individual actions or email support (at) thaivisa.com to discuss moderation policy

further such posts will result in not only deletion but more formal moderator action than merely a public warning.

[eek]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady,(i have been married to Thai lady now almost five years, NOT ONCE have i heard her swear or loose her temper, neither does she play mind games, she holds down two jobs in the UK and never sends one penny back home, so lets be realistic,) especially if they are financially secure, oh and on the point of finances not all Thai girls are just after the money.

Glad that you are happy with an Lady, who happens to be Asian, good for you. But applying your own experience and perspective onto all western men is really quite silly.

[eek]

Edit: oh, your post deleted.. uh..feel off track... nvm.

hi, i wonder if you could possibly truthfully list all the western males, you know who have left there western wifes /partners for an Asian lady ,and then returned back to there western partner ? i was simply stating what i know to be true. if what i said upsets some female members on this forum then it would perhaps be more constructive to look at why western males choose Asian females over Western females, instead of trying to :kill the messenger:

I think its a rather silly arguement/debate to get into micky to be honest...and I dont mean that in a nasty way. There are SO many different experiences men have had with women of ALL nationalities, that to make such a wide sweeping assumption doesnt really make any sense. MANY men do not find Asian ladies appealing, MANY do. USUALLY men who find Asian ladies appealing will make their way to an area where they are more likely to find one. Just as at the same turn men from one country who like a certain look or feel or whatever of women from another country will often find a way to go/stay there. Ie: Latin men who like the look of Swedish girls. Or Swedish men who like Latinas...and so on and so on.

AND, there are many factors at play when it comes to attached western men in Thailand who may decide to go with a Thai lady (and not all do of course, or even want to!). Such as, if a man has been married a long time, some of the spark has gone, hes got a bit of a middle aged spread etc. Suddenly he is faced with some much younger pretty girl giving him the come on, saying all the right things, and he is putty in her hands. Fact is, in many other countries, a young sexy girl isnt going to be looking twice at him. So yes, its something that probably happens a lot more in Thailand and some other parts of the world where a western man would be considered a good catch, purely because he is western and what that may represent (better standard of living usually).

It sounds like you found yourself what you would consider your ideal match in a woman (note that i say "woman", not "Asian woman". As I believe each woman-and man-should be judged on who they are individually rather than as a race.), but if you talk to a lot of western men and/or read a lot of their comments online, they dont all share the same positive experience as you. As i said, im happy for you, but sweeping generalisations like that just dont work.

Of course, if you want to look into it or discuss it in detail, then may i suggest reading numerous things on the net about it, or posting a new thread on Thai visa. Im not sure it will work/go down well on this thread. Male imput is often appreciate, but as this is a ladies forum looking for female perspectives (and not generalised sweeping comments), any further detail would be rather misplaced.

Edited July 24, 2009 by eek

[Boo]

off topic posts deleted. Trolling in the ladies section will not be tolerated.

[cdnvic]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady

A statistical sample of one is about as mathematically inaccurate as you can get.

[Naam]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady,

lol & this is in your extensive experience is it. go troll elsewhere please.

but Boo, isn't Micky right up to a certain degree? where in the (seen from here) western hemisphere can i sit down at a bar (as i can in Walking Street or Soi 6, Pattaya) and find after a few minutes a bunch of ladies with whom i can conduct a lively discussion about quantum mechanics, ol' Alberts relativity theory, the advantages of cold rolled steel bars when used as reinforcements in heavy duty concrete and the potential profits of going long Angolan Kwanza vs. short US-Dollars?

whenever i return home from an excursion like this and have to listen to "the vet says the dogs don't have enough exercise, your blood reports came in and they show again an unacceptable increase of LDL, the gardener and his wife are not happy with the channel selection of the sat pay-tv we provide, why do you ask for another drink? haven't you had enough?" then i wish for the company of an asian lady (or preferably two).

[mssabai]

You know what Micky. All these years and I now know how right you are...I have never ONCE seen a Thai woman in a argument with anybody.

The world is not black and white. Those who think it is are often the ones headed for the biggest disappointments. Open your eyes my dear....

[klikster]

Get him to read this www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader1.html

Or have him download and read http://www.stephenleather.com/privatedancer.html

[bhakta]

Hi Girls

I'm hoping that you can help me, over a difficult time in my life.

I've been with my husband for over 23 years, which I thought were happy years. We have 2 kids.

As we have certain commitments over in the UK, which has been taking it's toll on my husbands health. We prevoiusley had been to Thailand on family holidays, which he totally chilled out.

So probably (naively) thought that, time away in Pattaya would do him the world of good, we didn't want him 6ft under. Gut instinct told me something was amiss, and at xmas we went away as a family to Pattaya again. Only this time he got caught, I left him there.

So back here in UK, he has addmitted he's been unfaithfull. Only the once!!

Anyway, I never at any stage in our married life stopped loving him and I still do now. We've talked and talked, I found a way in my own head to get over this BIT OF FLUFF (bar girl). But he's told me he still has feelings for me, but he loves her!

He say's he dosen't trust her, I've told him she only loves you for your back pocked and trying to feed the family in the back of beyond somewhere. But he knows all this, yet he still loves her!! If any of you ladies have been through this, how the hel_l did you cope?

I'm sorry if i've offended anyone by calling the girls a BIT OF FLUFF.

We also are in the process of purchasing a property over there, can a UK will have any bearing on assetts over there? Or if they shacked up and got married what does she stand to gain? All of what we as a couple have worked for, I don't want the BIT OF FLUFF getting a bar of any of it, thats our kids not her's.

Sorry for the ramble and hoping you can help

Regards

time to get even

Be patient... He'll get over this and come back to his senses in time. Chances of success with a bar girl are slim, although not beyond imagination. I met my wife of 19 years in a BKK bar and she's the been the best of the best always. Good luck.

[trogers]

Be careful, your hubby may be a victim of a love spell.

My HK friend was a victim over 12 years ago. Girl was from Obon, northeast Thailand. Spell was made by a Khmer witch doctor.

I noticed his unusual behaviour after being friends for over 10 years. Whenever he went to a bar, he would actively scan for new dancing girls. But during that period, he just carried a blank stare and would not take notice even if Ms. Universe was dancing naked in front of him.

Had him treated and spell broken, and he is back to his usual self up to today.

Edited July 25, 2009 by trogers

[cdnvic]

Had him treated and spell broken

[Namsai]

I don't know about you, but I would have a really hard time taking back a partner who has done what he has. It's not just about the sex. It's about the fact that he says he loves her. Sex is one thing, and a man can have it without love. However, if my GF/wife/partner said that she was im love with someone else, I don't know how I could stand to be with her.

The reality of the situation is this bargirl has no/or very little feelings for him. This forum is full of stories about how relationships with bargirls goes South, and how a farang ends up alone and with a lighter pocketbook. I say let him go. It may be hard for you to do so, but it will bring the point home. If you try and cage him, he will only have ideas about trying to get out. Let him go. Let him see the reality of the situation. Once he gets to Thailand, this bargirl will get sick of him. Let me guess, he is an overweight middle-aged man right? Receding hairline maybe? The bargirls go for this type of guy for the money. But she probably has a young, good looking Thai boyfriend. It will not last. Once he gets dumped by the Bargirl, or duped out of money, he will be alone. And he will realize that the girls are not after him because of his stunning good looks and charm. He will realize what a mistake he made and come back to you.

For god's sake - get out now! He's going through a mid-life crisis that will take years to resolve. Of course, many men go through mid-life crises, but they know better than to risk everything for a Thai woman!

He is not about to change.

Whatever happens DO NOT bring any money here, you can lose everything v easily and quickly!

zYeab l m agree .when your husband doesn t have money for her. He will comeback to you. I belive the farang can t stay in Thailand for longlife because everything we different ,culther,food and also Thai Lady when married with the farang they don t want stay in Thailand too. because all most Thailady want to show off I have Farang husband and want to show the social i m rich build big house for family. I will told the real alot off young lady married with Sugar Dady she don t want stay in Thailand because Thai Culther not agree different age. The younger lady married with Sugar Dady she think just he husband will die very quick and she can take everything money,house, and after she can find a new husband because all most Thai lady look young more than her the real age.not it mean Thai lady not good but you have to find the lady to be honest and not work in bar gril because maybe she have 3or4 boyfriend from different country.Don t belive just she look good ,younger,she speak englist very well.O well The best thing you have to do the good person and take care your kid .The God will sent the best thing for you.Take care your kid and take care your self.

[Bakeman]

As a divorced male from America I can tell you that it is hard to beat a Thai ladies attention. As many others stated protect yourself, protect your children and definitely protect your future by freezing any assets you can.

Sorry for your predicament.....

[cyb]

Be careful, your hubby may be a victim of a love spell.

My HK friend was a victim over 12 years ago. Girl was from Obon, northeast Thailand. Spell was made by a Khmer witch doctor.

I noticed his unusual behaviour after being friends for over 10 years. Whenever he went to a bar, he would actively scan for new dancing girls. But during that period, he just carried a blank stare and would not take notice even if Ms. Universe was dancing naked in front of him.

Had him treated and spell broken, and he is back to his usual self up to today.

Utter rubbish

[SMEEERE]

Be careful, your hubby may be a victim of a love spell.

My HK friend was a victim over 12 years ago. Girl was from Obon, northeast Thailand. Spell was made by a Khmer witch doctor.

I noticed his unusual behaviour after being friends for over 10 years. Whenever he went to a bar, he would actively scan for new dancing girls. But during that period, he just carried a blank stare and would not take notice even if Ms. Universe was dancing naked in front of him.

Had him treated and spell broken, and he is back to his usual self up to today.

Utter rubbish

Careful, you may be next !.

[IanForbes]

off topic posts deleted. Trolling in the ladies section will not be tolerated.

Ah, cummon now, Boo, not even if we use the right lure?

[cdnvic]

off topic posts deleted. Trolling in the ladies section will not be tolerated.

Ah, cummon now, Boo, not even if we use the right lure?

[Boo]

care to explain what point you are trying to make Ian?

[sbk]

Wow, that's in extremely poor taste. Extremely.

Frankly, I suggest that that attitude will only get you so far with some women and the rest will shun you. Not every woman is after money and not every woman is a hooker. And frankly, to come into the womens' forum with that kind of post and the kind of implication you are making about Boo is absolutely unacceptable.

[Datsun240Z]

I'm afraid to say Lady's and gentleman, that once a western man has enjoyed the company of an Asian lady, and not just the bedroom company ,then very rarely do they return back to a western lady,

lol & this is in your extensive experience is it. go troll elsewhere please.

but Boo, isn't Micky right up to a certain degree? where in the (seen from here) western hemisphere can i sit down at a bar (as i can in Walking Street or Soi 6, Pattaya) and find after a few minutes a bunch of ladies with whom i can conduct a lively discussion about quantum mechanics, ol' Alberts relativity theory, the advantages of cold rolled steel bars when used as reinforcements in heavy duty concrete and the potential profits of going long Angolan Kwanza vs. short US-Dollars?

whenever i return home from an excursion like this and have to listen to "the vet says the dogs don't have enough exercise, your blood reports came in and they show again an unacceptable increase of LDL, the gardener and his wife are not happy with the channel selection of the sat pay-tv we provide, why do you ask for another drink? haven't you had enough?" then i wish for the company of an asian lady (or preferably two).

This has to do with their culture. Why do you think the admire the King so much? I'n the so called "West" people tend to be more free about what they think, thus complain more. It's understandable we men like the more easy and loving Thai woman. Although this also can be found in "western" woman, it's just a bit harder work.

[Datsun240Z]

Wow, that's in extremely poor taste. Extremely.

Frankly, I suggest that that attitude will only get you so far with some women and the rest will shun you. Not every woman is after money and not every woman is a hooker. And frankly, to come into the womens' forum with that kind of post and the kind of implication you are making about Boo is absolutely unacceptable.

Have you ever thought off, why it is that the man always have to go after a woman to get one in life?

Because woman have higher demands, which after ( not the first butterfly eye contact ) better learning, goes into a fail of gf/marriage. Remember nowadays we live in a divorce and break up culture. The media plays very well into this. ( Coca Cola break up commercial, for instance ) Why? Because woman have higher demands nowadays. Sorry to say, not saying you are one, but in general.

[sbk]

Your response has zip to do with my post, datsun. I suspect you replied to the wrong post.

[MegaKat]

Whoa, this is the first time I've ever joined a forum, but the topic is very close to my heart. I've already lost my husband to a Thai girl about 3 years ago; the reason are many and varied. Unfortunately, due to the death of my 18 year old niece, who had lived with us (me, him and my son, who was 16 at the time) for 6 months (she died from a rare complication of glandular fever), I excused my husband's behaviour as grief.

My son is the one who found out about the girlfriend - I thought it was only teenage cynicism. His father gave him a mobile phone with her number in it (Freudian?). Some of the previous posts pointed out the damage that this type of behaviour causes to the kids, and I can only say how true, because on top of the grief, my son then had to cope with his father's abandonment (when my son confronted his father, the reply was "Why did you tell your mother? You've ruined everything. Get out!") My son dropped out of school and became very reclusive, although we were getting on top of things late last year, but he too died earlier this year (accidently).

It's only now that I've had to initiate property settlement from the divorce that I'm finding out that all the time he's been crying poor, that he's been spending money like water in Thailand, and contrary to his affadavit for the court, he either has businesses in Thailand, or, as I've found out thanks to this very helpful forum, he has them in his "girlfriend's" name (they had a very lavish cultural ceremony late last year - maybe in Thailand they are considered married - over here? AUS defacto.

Anyway, even if the relationship is genuine (they're "in love"), he is still trying to impress her with what a big man he is, while over here in Aus, the companies he persuaded friends and family to invest in are doing very poorly. I suspect he is hiding income as expenses.

This is a long rant, I think I have a lot of venting to do, but someone mentioned other forums where men talk about how to make sure they take care of themselves in divorce settlements. Can you please direct me? The problem is that I've been too trusting, taking the ex at his word, and I hope I haven't left it too late. He has racked up credit card debt, and wants to sell the house here to cover it. I just want a chance to get on with the rest of my life, retrain to get a job, and keep the house (which is very modest). He has a lavish apartment in town, as well as wherever he stays in Thailand.

I have a good lawyer here, but it wasn't until recently that I found out that all was not kosher. The more work you do, the cheaper your legal bill is (relatively!), so any clues I can pick up would be helpful. This is not a condemnation of Thai women as a whole, I understand it's a cultural thing, but...I've got to fight for my future here, and not have wasted 21 years of my life, or the 20 years of my son's life.