submaniac Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 So out of the blue, the GF says to me "I want you to lose weight". At first I was thinking, ok, yeah well maybe I should lose some weight. But in my 20's I was very thin, and not to shabby looking, but now at the age of 34 I've turned more into a pumpkin. But then the thoughts turned to...well is she still attracted to me?!?! Should I be offended at this?!? It's like this, I have never ever ever ever in my life gone to any girl that I have been with and said, 'You know honey, you should lose some weight". From my experience with dealing with the fragile female ego, an outright statement like that will lead to disaster, and she will start feeling inadequate with herself. So the way I do it would be casually and stealthily, like 'hey honey" look at this new died, or would you like to join a gym...or something that does not implicate 1) you are fat 2) I do not want to have a fat partner anymore. But here she went out and said it straight out. Now should I be worried? Like should I fear that she is not finding me attractive anymore? If your men went a little pudgy, you wouldn't just ditch them if you loved them, right?? Ok. I need some lady opinions. Thank you as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 No, she probably still cares for you, or she wouldn't have said anything, but maybe you shouldn't get too complacent. Sorry, but you wanted an honest opinion. I would take care of myself for myself and my man, and I'd like him to do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterman21 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 When dealing with women, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 (edited) Oh, yes, this lack of logic and vanity is clearly visible in LOS from all the 20-30+ year age gaps between overweight, aging men - or "creatures" as you would have it - and their paid companions, but it's not the women who are lacking. *Do everyone a favor and go flame somewhere else. The OP started a legitimate thread. Edited February 4, 2009 by kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterman21 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 (edited) Oh, yes, this lack of logic and vanity is clearly visible in LOS from all the 20-30+ year age gaps between overweight, aging men - or "creatures" as you would have it - and their paid companions, but it's not the women who are lacking.*Do everyone a favor and go flame somewhere else. The OP started a legitimate thread. I was quoting Plato my over sensistive lovely creature 'creature is a living organism. The term is derived from a widespread historical belief in creationism' Edited February 4, 2009 by misterman21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Oh, yes, this lack of logic and vanity is clearly visible in LOS from all the 20-30+ year age gaps between overweight, aging men - or "creatures" as you would have it - and their paid companions, but it's not the women who are lacking.*Do everyone a favor and go flame somewhere else. The OP started a legitimate thread. I was quoting Plato my over sensistive lovely creature Right, circa 376 BC, exactly where that sentiment belongs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHeather Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Anyway, since this thread is about submaniac and not Plato or misterman21's outmoded quotes...... I agree with Kat, she said it because she is concerned. Women like attractive men just as much as men like attractive women and perhaps she is worried that you are overly complacent in your relationship and "letting yourself go". While I would not say this to a man unless we had been in a relationship for quite a few years, it doesn't necessarily mean I haven't thought it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patsycat Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 So, she is basically telling you that you are a fat bastard? Do something about it. Don't hum and haw over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxfordWill Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I have the opposite problem, my gf keeps feeding me saying she doesnt want other girls interested when im " a fat pig soon". Perhaps we can go jogging together, albeit for slightly different motivations? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samuibeachcomber Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 i dont think a thai lady would normally mention something like this out of politeness,the fact that she has means i would take her seriously.....................time to diet,cut down on the beer and go to the gym,she will love you forever cos you've taken notice of her remark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Dont beat about the bush Patsy..say what you mean! lol. Sub, how did she say it to you? I mean her facial expression, voice, etc. That matters a lot. Yes, she could have found a more delicate way to tell you, but maybe its been on her mind and she thought she would just tell you clear. Maybe she even gave subtle hints before, but you missed them! She still wants you, or she wouldnt be with you, but maybe she doesnt find you as attractive as before, so she is letting you know clearly. Also, maybe her motives are not about looks (or solely about looks), maybe she is concerned about your health. How about asking her the reasons behind it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterman21 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 i dont think a thai lady would normally mention something like this out of politeness,the fact that she has means i would take her seriously.....................time to diet,cut down on the beer and go to the gym,she will love you forever cos you've taken notice of her remark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 In my experience, Thai women (and men) are extremely honest in their appraisals and more than willing to make comments about personal appearance. Tactless at times, but forthright for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 So out of the blue, the GF says to me "I want you to lose weight". At first I was thinking, ok, yeah well maybe I should lose some weight. But in my 20's I was very thin, and not to shabby looking, but now at the age of 34 I've turned more into a pumpkin. But then the thoughts turned to... don't think too much. "i want you to lose weight" is rather harmless. much more important is that she never says "is it finally in?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtp Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Yes,i was at the funeral of HRH Princess Galyani Vadhana,and after the ceremony had finished,i was sitting down talking to my wife when another senior government official came up to me and said "If you lost weight you would be handsome"......... Anywhere else in the world that would be an insult,but in LOS,it's just the way they are. You gotta love 'em! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ave Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 In my experience, Thai women (and men) are extremely honest in their appraisals and more than willing to make comments about personal appearance. Tactless at times, but forthright for sure. I have noticed the same and it doesn't bother me much anymore. We both tell each other and that's when we start something about it. After all it's good to stay in shape. I hate shopping for clothes.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patklang Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 i dont think a thai lady would normally mention something like this out of politeness,the fact that she has means i would take her seriously.....................time to diet,cut down on the beer and go to the gym,she will love you forever cos you've taken notice of her remark. thai ladies are renown for honesty based on appearances.They are always having a dig at each other about their dress,hair,weight,gold etc.Mind you,all women are like that lol. AND PLATO ISNT THE FLAVOUR OF THE MONTH NEITHER,NOW THAT WAS FUNNY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmushr00m Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Bear in mind that a Thai's perception of FAT is different from a western perception of fat. Look at all the skinny people in Thailand. I am 72kgs with 17% body fat and the #$%@ trainer at the gym said I was fat!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Could suggest she loses weight too - tell her 45-50kg is too big, and you are looking for her to be 40kg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakeopete Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 A couple of years ago my regular cab driver picked me up from the airport and said I put on weight. I told him he just lost his tip :-) hasn't mentioned anything since I must be getting thinner LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ijustwannateach Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 So out of the blue, the GF says to me "I want you to lose weight". At first I was thinking, ok, yeah well maybe I should lose some weight. But in my 20's I was very thin, and not to shabby looking, but now at the age of 34 I've turned more into a pumpkin. But then the thoughts turned to...well is she still attracted to me?!?! Should I be offended at this?!? It's like this, I have never ever ever ever in my life gone to any girl that I have been with and said, 'You know honey, you should lose some weight". From my experience with dealing with the fragile female ego, an outright statement like that will lead to disaster, and she will start feeling inadequate with herself. So the way I do it would be casually and stealthily, like 'hey honey" look at this new died, or would you like to join a gym...or something that does not implicate 1) you are fat 2) I do not want to have a fat partner anymore. But here she went out and said it straight out. Now should I be worried? Like should I fear that she is not finding me attractive anymore? If your men went a little pudgy, you wouldn't just ditch them if you loved them, right?? Ok. I need some lady opinions. Thank you as always. I'm no lady, but I have had my opinions on men's appearance and health... I don't think she's speaking in code, Submaniac- you can probably take what she says literally, that she wants you to lose weight. I would say there's very likely a chance that your change in appearance has affected some of her attraction to you, although some relaxation of that takes place in longer relationships. I was dating someone some time back who was pretty slim when I started dating him, and then just a couple of years later had increased in weight by more than 25%. I wasn't completely turned off or repelled by him, but it was enough that I gave him the same message pretty directly: lose weight (or at least stop gaining) or I will lose interest. Luckily for me I had other reasons to distance myself at the time and I didn't have to make the difficult choice based on that only, but it would have gone that way eventually. There's more reason for you to have changed (from the 20s to the 30s are a pretty big jump) but still, when we sign up for a relationship it's a potential deal-breaker if the other person undergoes radical personal changes- that's why breakups have to happen sometimes. [he was complaining that I was losing weight, but that's another story]. Anyway, you're lucky she's speaking to you so directly about this- would recommend that you take the direct advice before indirect signals commence!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Just tell her .....U don't feel FAT!!! or could be you are too heavy for her!?!?!?...haha No seriously, tell her that.......Your outer beauty will fade while your inner beauty increases with age....just like a FINE WINE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nampeung Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Did Sub specify his GF was Thai? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Don't think it matters if sub's gf is Thai or not. If she is telling you to lose weight then there is definitely something going on, regardless of nationality. And Naam, that was classic, gave me a good laugh. Thanks, I needed that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 me thinks that sometimes a thai womens vanity is not only for themselves, but for everyone they associate with too. she wants the world to see that she is beautiful, and that her partner is also gorgeous. if he is not perfect, she wonders why she would be with him, when there are plenty of other pretty boys to be with. i dont like this view, but thats how i see the way that many think. sub, if you feel good, and are fit and strong, then you do what is good for you. dont be pushed into being a skinny fella. keep some meat on your bones man! beauty comes from within, and she has to see this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geriatrickid Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 If it is any consolation, 2 of my friends have told me the same. But it wasn't malicious, they genuinely cared and I bet your g/f loves you and wants you around for a long time Be grateful, she didn't try to fluff it up by adding in the part that says "My grandfather has a tummy like yours, but I still love him." And yea I got that special line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 (edited) I think it does make a diference if the OP's partner is Thai or farang. Thai people don't generally have a problem with mentioning weight, as we all know. To call someone overweight/fat/plump whatever can sometimes be considered a complement - as they are seen to be eating well and have some wealth. If she is telling you to lose weight then either lose weight or suffer the consequences. If the OP's partner is a western partner, then it might be considered at best tactless and at worst rude - depending on the openess of their relationship. Best way to lose weight is to find an active sport you enjoy participating in and get invloved Edited February 5, 2009 by Geekfreaklover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 She's doing you a favour mate. Imagine if she kept this opinion inside, or worse, gossiped about it to everybody but you? As mentioned by samuibeachcomber, get yourself down the gym and she'll really appreciate it. What's more, in two weeks you'll appreciate her "encouragement". It's not like there's any ultimatum involved in what she's saying either, only the ones you suspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Of course, there is the flip side, that all that matters is his attractiveness and if he is no longer attractive she no longer loves him. (my husband's reaction when I told him of this post, btw) Which is, frankly, shallow, if it is the issue and not a concern for health. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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