Need Girls Help Here

[abbas]

Hi girls,

I need some advice from you guys. Well the situation is that I love this girl very much well more then that I guess you can call me crazy. I met her 3 years back she has a good job etc. She has told me all about her x boyfriends, there is one that is still stuck in her head 3 years now but he has moved to England etc

Now the thing is I love her but she doesn?t love me or isn?t sure well that?s what she says I am not sure before there where no money problems , but after our 2 year of relationship bills started to mount up I am not complaining because I know girls cant live with out shopping but now my whole salary goes in to paying bills. I am also not complaining about that , the thing is I am scared that when the bills are going to finish off I just hope she doesn?t leave me I just love her what can I say and I don?t wana lose her I cant see her miserable in anyway now that she has no work for a year and I am helping her out without making her feel that she is taking my help I think you understand what I mean. But the same question loams in my head that she might leave me. I really don?t know what to do. And you call all see I am not good in writing situations so it will be really helpful if you guys asked some questions so you can fully understand my problem and have a useful advice for me. Oh and about myself

I am 6ft 2?

Fair complexion

Dark brown hair

Brownish green eyes

Not a body builder but good body

Good job at a gem jewelry company

Blh blh bkh

Oh and I have a gf as u noticed

Please girls need your help on this, Thank you in advance

[Sheryl]

Need to know a lot more:

Your age

her age

Her nationality (thai or other?)

If not Thai, what brought her to Thailand? How long has she been here?

What king of work does she do?

What's her educational background?

What has she told you about her long-term desires in terms of marriage, children (in general, not specific to you)?

What do you know of her parent's marriage as she perceived it? (happy/unhappy/etc)

???

Hi girls,

I need some advice from you guys. Well the situation is that I love this girl very much well more then that I guess you can call me crazy. I met her 3 years back she has a good job etc. She has told me all about her x boyfriends, there is one that is still stuck in her head 3 years now but he has moved to England etc

Now the thing is I love her but she doesn?t love me or isn?t sure well that?s what she says I am not sure before there where no money problems , but after our 2 year of relationship bills started to mount up I am not complaining because I know girls cant live with out shopping but now my whole salary goes in to paying bills. I am also not complaining about that , the thing is I am scared that when the bills are going to finish off I just hope she doesn?t leave me I just love her what can I say and I don?t wana lose her I cant see her miserable in anyway now that she has no work for a year and I am helping her out without making her feel that she is taking my help I think you understand what I mean. But the same question loams in my head that she might leave me. I really don?t know what to do. And you call all see I am not good in writing situations so it will be really helpful if you guys asked some questions so you can fully understand my problem and have a useful advice for me. Oh and about myself

I am 6ft 2?

Fair complexion

Dark brown hair

Brownish green eyes

Not a body builder but good body

Good job at a gem jewelry company

Blh blh bkh

Oh and I have a gf as u noticed

Please girls need your help on this, Thank you in advance

[davethailand]

Hi girls,

I need some advice from you guys. Well the situation is that I love this girl very much well more then that I guess you can call me crazy. I met her 3 years back she has a good job etc. She has told me all about her x boyfriends, there is one that is still stuck in her head 3 years now but he has moved to England etc

Now the thing is I love her but she doesn?t love me or isn?t sure well that?s what she says I am not sure before there where no money problems , but after our 2 year of relationship bills started to mount up I am not complaining because I know girls cant live with out shopping but now my whole salary goes in to paying bills. I am also not complaining about that , the thing is I am scared that when the bills are going to finish off I just hope she doesn?t leave me I just love her what can I say and I don?t wana lose her I cant see her miserable in anyway now that she has no work for a year and I am helping her out without making her feel that she is taking my help I think you understand what I mean. But the same question loams in my head that she might leave me. I really don?t know what to do. And you call all see I am not good in writing situations so it will be really helpful if you guys asked some questions so you can fully understand my problem and have a useful advice for me. Oh and about myself

I am 6ft 2?

Fair complexion

Dark brown hair

Brownish green eyes

Not a body builder but good body

Good job at a gem jewelry company

Blh blh bkh

Oh and I have a gf as u noticed

Please girls need your help on this, Thank you in advance

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Firstly if you are serious, grow up a bit, and if all she's doing is costing you money and giving you nothing in return then get rid of her.

She's mugging you off.

[thailotus]

Hi, just a quick response as I'm about to retire for the evening.

Firstly, I must lay my cards on the table and say that I am very traditional. Once I marry, I will not work full-time as I believe "my" duty will be the family. Having said that however, this lady is not your wife - she's your girlfriend. So, until you make her your wife she should be looking after her own finances (unless you two are living as man and wife?). That's not to say you can't assist her if you are so willing, but you should not be seen as her bank account - I can definitely tell you that ain't love.

If you do want to help her, involve her in your finances so she realises that money does not grow on trees and that the both of you will have to budget. This is part of a normal, healthy relationship. Sending yourself broke is not helping you or her.

For a woman to respect you, you need to respect yourself. Unless you are made of money, this woman needs to respect your financial situation. Unfortunately in our consumerist society, many young women (not to mention men) are all too often lured into materialism and do not respect the value of money.

Tell her that you can no longer continue going down this path and I suggest that the both of you get some financial education and advice - FAST!

[JoJo]

If she doesnt love you now even after what you are doing for her, she never will. So, face reality and MOVE ON!!!!

Dont be such a wimp or moron!

[thailotus]

How do you know if someone is a troll? I'm confused!

[Jai Dee]

Definition

troll (FISH)

verb

to try to catch fish by pulling a baited line through the water behind a boat:

Boats trolling for mackerel.

They were trolling the colder waters of the Channel.

(from Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary)

I think that there's enough bait in the original posting to get a rise!

[abbas]

Need to know a lot more:

Your age

her age

Her nationality (thai or other?)

If not Thai, what brought her to Thailand? How long has she been here?

What king of work does she do?

What's her educational background?

What has she told you about her long-term desires in terms of marriage, children (in general, not specific to you)?

What do you know of her parent's marriage as she perceived it? (happy/unhappy/etc)

???

Well Sheryl more information that you needed is

I am 27

She is turning 30 this year

She is Thai

She is a ceramic model designer in a germen company (her pay is good)

She has a bachelor?s degree in arts

She wants to get married have children in near future

I have met her parents they are nice and loving I like them very much vice versa and they are happy together also.

I hope this answers all your questions.

Firstly if you are serious, grow up a bit, and if all she's doing is costing you money and giving you nothing in return then get rid of her.

She's mugging you off.

Well davethailand I think you have never been in love before yes she costs me money and I don?t care about it, I care about her I don?t need anything in return its not business.

If she doesnt love you now even after what you are doing for her, she never will. So, face reality and MOVE ON!!!!

Dont be such a wimp or moron!

well jojo i kow she likes me, and thats what i am tring to find out if she loves me or not thanks for you concern by the way i anit no wimp or moran.

Got to be a Troll of the first order. Never heard so much twaddle in my life

well Ravisher please do explain what you just mumered.

And thailotus your responce was the most interesting. well i have no financial problem if you have read what i said earliar that i am afraid that she would not love me till her xboyfriend is out of her head. she knows he left her broke her heart but i guess she loves him still ahhh well if you guys have any other advice i am all ears.

thank you all for your reply anyway.

[cdnvic]

Got to be a Troll of the first order. Never heard so much twaddle in my life. 

Come on Rav.... you've been here long enough. Of course you've heard such twaddle before.

Seriously Abbas.. if you are this insecure you aren't ready for a lasting relationship. Move on, get some practice, then when you are ready, try again.

cv

[thailotus]

well Ravisher please do explain what you just mumered.

And thailotus your responce was the most interesting. well i have no financial problem if you have read what i said earliar that i am afraid that she would not love me till her xboyfriend is out of her head. she knows he left her broke her heart but i guess she loves him still ahhh well if you guys have any other advice i am all ears.

thank you all for your reply anyway.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My best advice (if you really do want advice) is that you start doing the Rules. Make yourself busy, have a social life (yes, without her) and don't act needy. Even stop calling for a while. Then by her reaction to this, you'll know whether she truly wants you (or a bill payer). I don't advocate playing games, but I do think you need to look after number 1 - and that's you.

Affairs of the heart can be full of angst - by why make it harder by pursuing someone who says she can't stop thinking of someone else?

[davethailand]

Need to know a lot more:

Your age

her age

Her nationality (thai or other?)

If not Thai, what brought her to Thailand? How long has she been here?

What king of work does she do?

What's her educational background?

What has she told you about her long-term desires in terms of marriage, children (in general, not specific to you)?

What do you know of her parent's marriage as she perceived it? (happy/unhappy/etc)

???

Well Sheryl more information that you needed is

I am 27

She is turning 30 this year

She is Thai

She is a ceramic model designer in a germen company (her pay is good)

She has a bachelor?s degree in arts

She wants to get married have children in near future

I have met her parents they are nice and loving I like them very much vice versa and they are happy together also.

I hope this answers all your questions.

Firstly if you are serious, grow up a bit, and if all she's doing is costing you money and giving you nothing in return then get rid of her.

She's mugging you off.

Well davethailand I think you have never been in love before yes she costs me money and I don?t care about it, I care about her I don?t need anything in return its not business.

If she doesnt love you now even after what you are doing for her, she never will. So, face reality and MOVE ON!!!!

Dont be such a wimp or moron!

well jojo i kow she likes me, and thats what i am tring to find out if she loves me or not thanks for you concern by the way i anit no wimp or moran.

Got to be a Troll of the first order. Never heard so much twaddle in my life

well Ravisher please do explain what you just mumered.

And thailotus your responce was the most interesting. well i have no financial problem if you have read what i said earliar that i am afraid that she would not love me till her xboyfriend is out of her head. she knows he left her broke her heart but i guess she loves him still ahhh well if you guys have any other advice i am all ears.

thank you all for your reply anyway.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I smell a troll also

Well davethailand I think you have never been in love before yes she costs me money and I don?t care about it, I care about her I don?t need anything in return its not business

Well as said before, YOU ARE BEING MUGGED OFF

You're in love, She is'nt AS YOU SAID

Now the thing is I love her but she doesn?t love me or isn?t sure well that?s what she says

Your words mate not mine.

As for me? Well sorry to disappoint you but i'm happily married to a thai girl and very happy.

Another reason why You are being mugged off/ mugging yourself off is you claim she earns a good salary yet YOU pay all the bills leaving you short.!!!

Alarm bells are ringing Can you honestly tell me this girl is'nt using you?

[Wei]

opppssss.... looks like the guy is the one being insecure here.....

faith makes all things possible

hope makes all things work

love makes all things beautiful

u obviously has got no faith, because u kept thinking she will leave u, hope, you obviously do not dare to have any hope wiht her right now (from your post). And love? Em..... it sounds like its only one way though....

[JoJo]

If you cant see what you are doing as being a wimp, then I suggest you must be blind. You cannot be that desperate can you?

She only wants you for your money, you even feel that she will leave you once all her debts are paid off, so what else is there to think about? Try thinking with your brain and not your dick for once.

You claim she earns a good wage, why cant she pay her debts herself then?

You are an arse if you like women who sponge off you. BTW, I am a woman and I think your girl's attitude is outright disgusting and lowly thought off.

If you think love is paying someone elses debts off, I guess it must be real love then!

[Wei]

If you cant see what you are doing as being a wimp, then I suggest you must be blind. You cannot be that desperate can you?

She only wants you for your money, you even feel that she will leave you once all her debts are paid off, so what else is there to think about? Try thinking with your brain and not your dick for once.

You claim she earns a good wage, why cant she pay her debts herself then?

You are an arse if you like women who sponge off you. BTW, I am a woman and I think your girl's attitude is outright disgusting and lowly thought off.

If you think love is paying someone elses debts off, I guess it must be real love then!

hahahahhaa.... jo jo is so cute and funny.... go for it girl!

sometimes i feel people like this just live their life in denial.....

Edited January 7, 2005 by Wei

[abbas]

geeez it seems i am talking to a wall, well it seems you guys havent read what i said quite well

she earns good money but for a year shes not been making much out off work geez and you guys call me a moron.

i just needed advise and i got one thank you (thailotus) i think your the only sain person in here.

in future guys please someone might need some real help so becarefull before mocking alright

take care all

no hard feelings anyone

[JoJo]

No one is reading your post.....let's recap

after our 2 year of relationship bills started to mount up I am not complaining because I know girls cant live with out shopping but now my whole salary goes in to paying bills

You think she will leave you after all debts has been settled...........

you dunno whether she loves you.................

Nope sorry, all negative so far................ very doubtful...................maybe u should try being clearer so others can understand

From what i read here, some did give you advise (indirectly), just maybe not the ones you want to hear.

all the best with your love, u may need it

by the way, your girl isnt from Nan is it?

Edited January 7, 2005 by JoJo

[bodypaul]

Abbas you cannot make someone love you! If it hasn't happened after x amount of years then it never will for her!

You are chasing your dream but unfortunately she won't reciprocate so you have to let her go and move on no matter how hard it is.

Believe me the earlier that you do the sooner you will recover!!

Good luck in your decision .... and it is only you who can decide unless you are hanging on until she makes the decision for you!!

[kreon]

troll...we're wasting our time here....geez what a &lt;deleted&gt;

Edited January 7, 2005 by kreon

[davethailand]

troll...we're wasting our time here....geez what a ######

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

spot on

[thailotus]

Guys, let's not get too personal here. I don't think abbas is a troll. I just think he's confused - and when it comes to matters of the heart, haven't many of us been there? The most sensible people I know turn to jelly if it involves their love life.

abbas, having said the above, people may appear mistrusting as your posts come accross as naive. If you are crazy about this girl and you don't mind her using you, then by all means, go ahead. I think somehow though, you have a deep down feeling - maybe even bordering on resentment (or at least it eventually will turn to resentment) and you know in your heart that this is not the right situation.

One day you may just meet the angel of your dreams so don't get stuck with someone who doesn't appreciate you, love you and want you. It may be too late by then...

[thailotus]

Abbas, check this out...

http://www.askmen.com/dating/index.html

Edited January 7, 2005 by thailotus

[britmaveric]

Cut the purse strings and see what happens - this will speak volumes on what sort of relationship you have!

[Sheryl]

Ok, with that information I can venture some advice.

First of all, apologies for the various insults you've recived...not at all nice or called for.

Secondly, I don't quite agree with the people who say you're being had/exploited. If she were a real manipulator she'd lie and say she loves you, wheras she has been honest in telling you she's unsure and still hung up on an ex. So from that I deduce she's fairly honest. You are, of course, being very generous, and it is possible that her financial dependency on you complicates things and makes it hard for her to honestly say how she feels. From that point of view, it would be helpful to phase the money down or out. You can show your concern by trying to hep her in other ways such as job hunting.

Now as to what else to do...first of all, you must realize that it is impossible to make anyone love you, and also impossible to ever guarantee anyone won't leave you. Even someone who does love you may leave later from a change of heart, or (as we've had such a vivid recent reminder) die and leave you grieving. So no matter what, love is a risk and pain is often it's price. You need to come to terms with that in advance.

Secondly, give some thought as to what you want to do/feel you can do if she does not love you in the way you want. Can you settle for a close friendship instead, or does it need to be all or nothing?

Once you've had a chance to ponder the above, wait until you are in a calm mood and have a serious talk with her. Ask her to tell you honestly how she feels about you. DON'T ask "do you love me" because that's telling her what you want to hear. Also her feelings may be complicated and not fit into easy categories. Encourage her to express herself as best she can. Listen calmly and don't react, just ask for clarification if necessary. For example, if she says she "likes"you or "likes you a lot"ask her -- in what way? As a friend, a brother, or a boyfriend/lover? Ask her from her point of view, given how she feels now, what kind of relationship would she like to have (i.e. friends vs boyfriend/girlfriend, etc).

Ask her if she can envision marriage in your near future. Given her age and desire to settle down soon, if she doesn't feel you are possibly the one for her, it is only a matter of time till she leaves you for someone she does want to marry.

Then believe whatever she has told you, and give yourself a few days to think it all over and decide whether you can live with what she feels & wants or if it's too painful for you.

Good luck

Need to know a lot more:

Your age

her age

Her nationality (thai or other?)

If not Thai, what brought her to Thailand? How long has she been here?

What king of work does she do?

What's her educational background?

What has she told you about her long-term desires in terms of marriage, children (in general, not specific to you)?

What do you know of her parent's marriage as she perceived it? (happy/unhappy/etc)

???

Well Sheryl more information that you needed is

I am 27

She is turning 30 this year

She is Thai

She is a ceramic model designer in a germen company (her pay is good)

She has a bachelor?s degree in arts

She wants to get married have children in near future

I have met her parents they are nice and loving I like them very much vice versa and they are happy together also.

I hope this answers all your questions.

Firstly if you are serious, grow up a bit, and if all she's doing is costing you money and giving you nothing in return then get rid of her.

She's mugging you off.

Well davethailand I think you have never been in love before yes she costs me money and I don?t care about it, I care about her I don?t need anything in return its not business.

If she doesnt love you now even after what you are doing for her, she never will. So, face reality and MOVE ON!!!!

Dont be such a wimp or moron!

well jojo i kow she likes me, and thats what i am tring to find out if she loves me or not thanks for you concern by the way i anit no wimp or moran.

Got to be a Troll of the first order. Never heard so much twaddle in my life

well Ravisher please do explain what you just mumered.

And thailotus your responce was the most interesting. well i have no financial problem if you have read what i said earliar that i am afraid that she would not love me till her xboyfriend is out of her head. she knows he left her broke her heart but i guess she loves him still ahhh well if you guys have any other advice i am all ears.

thank you all for your reply anyway.

[Boo]

Thats really nice advice you got there from Sheryl, sensible & thoughtful too, if your situation, as you tell it is true (& your not a troll) then you could do a lot worse than really take heed of the above post

[kreon]

seems to me that most of the guys till don't get it..if you know what i mean

[abbas]

Thank you Sherl for some wonderfull advice and you are right on most occasions , I admire her for telling me the truth, Yes she respects me offcourse no dought about that and she has a job as i said in the germen company shes like a freelancer there she hasnt been getting work for a year there only little and she loves working there. about the bills well i will finish them off this month then i will work on your advice Sherl Thank you again for helping .

I really love this girl and dont want to lose her at anycost but sometimes its not ment to be i guess or life would be boring hummm oh well Sherl i guess your right and i will try my best and see what happens.

thank you all for your advice even thought some where really strange but advice is advice and thats what i asked for and got some

so no hard feelings all

[naomisri]

My advice to you would be to treat yourself as you would like to be treated by her. Having respect for yourself and laying down some ground rules will be the only way that she will respect you. She is obviously not paying attention to all that you are doing for her so you need to pay attention to it yourself. Work you out what you will and won't accept and stick to it. Then just watch how she behaves in regards to you and YOU make up YOUR mind whether she is being fair or not.

Step away from the situation and think about the practicalities. Are you living with her? If so do you get along? Are you interested in the same things, do you like going to the same places? Do you believe in the same things? These are all as important as your feelings towards her.

Take a breath and try to order your life as you want it in every other area and then look again and check if she fits in with that. If she doesn't fall into the place that you have left for her (you have to be v. fair at this point) then what kind of future together can you look forward to?

Don't ask people whether you should or shouldn't be paying her bills, getting married or supporting her - only you know if you can and should do that. It's all a compromise.

[venturalaw]

Need to know a lot more:

Your age

her age

Her nationality (thai or other?)

If not Thai, what brought her to Thailand? How long has she been here?

What king of work does she do?

What's her educational background?

What has she told you about her long-term desires in terms of marriage, children (in general, not specific to you)?

What do you know of her parent's marriage as she perceived it? (happy/unhappy/etc)

???

Well Sheryl more information that you needed is

I am 27

She is turning 30 this year

She is Thai

She is a ceramic model designer in a germen company (her pay is good)

She has a bachelor?s degree in arts

She wants to get married have children in near future

I have met her parents they are nice and loving I like them very much vice versa and they are happy together also.

I hope this answers all your questions.

Firstly if you are serious, grow up a bit, and if all she's doing is costing you money and giving you nothing in return then get rid of her.

She's mugging you off.

Well davethailand I think you have never been in love before yes she costs me money and I don?t care about it, I care about her I don?t need anything in return its not business.

If she doesnt love you now even after what you are doing for her, she never will. So, face reality and MOVE ON!!!!

Dont be such a wimp or moron!

well jojo i kow she likes me, and thats what i am tring to find out if she loves me or not thanks for you concern by the way i anit no wimp or moran.

Got to be a Troll of the first order. Never heard so much twaddle in my life

well Ravisher please do explain what you just mumered.

And thailotus your responce was the most interesting. well i have no financial problem if you have read what i said earliar that i am afraid that she would not love me till her xboyfriend is out of her head. she knows he left her broke her heart but i guess she loves him still ahhh well if you guys have any other advice i am all ears.

thank you all for your reply anyway.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

All of the comments (advise) really do not matter if YOU are not number 1 in her head. Don't you feel that you deserve that from a person who is obviously number 1 to you? Don't waste any more time - it goes quickly. If you wish to be serious and settle down with someone, pick one that feels as strongly about you as you do her. If you do not, you will be back looking again, perhaps with a broken heart.

[venturalaw]

Abbas you cannot make someone love you! If it hasn't happened after x amount of years then it never will for her!

You are chasing your dream but unfortunately she won't reciprocate so you have to let her go and move on no matter how hard it is.

Believe me the earlier that you do the sooner you will recover!!

Good luck in your decision .... and it is only you who can decide unless you are hanging on until she makes the decision for you!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I could not have said it any better.

[anna234cn]

Hi girls,

I need some advice from you guys. Well the situation is that I love this girl very much well more then that I guess you can call me crazy. I met her 3 years back she has a good job etc. She has told me all about her x boyfriends, there is one that is still stuck in her head 3 years now but he has moved to England etc

Now the thing is I love her but she doesn?t love me or isn?t sure well that?s what she says I am not sure before there where no money problems , but after our 2 year of relationship bills started to mount up I am not complaining because I know girls cant live with out shopping but now my whole salary goes in to paying bills. I am also not complaining about that , the thing is I am scared that when the bills are going to finish off I just hope she doesn?t leave me I just love her what can I say and I don?t wana lose her I cant see her miserable in anyway now that she has no work for a year and I am helping her out without making her feel that she is taking my help I think you understand what I mean. But the same question loams in my head that she might leave me. I really don?t know what to do. And you call all see I am not good in writing situations so it will be really helpful if you guys asked some questions so you can fully understand my problem and have a useful advice for me. Oh and about myself

I am 6ft 2?

Fair complexion

Dark brown hair

Brownish green eyes

Not a body builder but good body

Good job at a gem jewelry company

Blh blh bkh

Oh and I have a gf as u noticed

Please girls need your help on this, Thank you in advance

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey, from what you said, we only can see you are crazy for her. What makes you feel she might leave you? There must be sthg happened. Some girls are not good at expressing by words, but their actions.