Can U Hav Sex With Only 1 Guy For The Rest Of Ur Life? I Have Never Been Honest To My Guy

[yumidesign]

I've been with the same person for around 16 years. It's not monogomous, but that's the person I love and want to be with--sort of my 'rock'. I think it's difficult to have an "affair' in the conventional sense of the word and a relationship. These things for straights or gays get too complicated and too emotionally draining. If I find myself emotionally attracted to someone, then I do not get involved. For me the feeling is simply infatuation because I just haven't run into anyone who can hold a candle to my other half.

So 'quickies' are OK. Weekends together--not OK.

agree.

my partner and i have been together for 40 plus wonderful years. obviously have had the od bump and rocky times along the way, but the great times have been wonderful, and still are, still love each other very much. we have had lots of 3 somes, some good some not so good, just like life. if you truely love someone you let them be free and do not try to poses them

[bentknee]

I've been with my partner for 11 years now. 11 years of Monogomy too. I hate the fact that people say "all gay men fool around" don't generalize. It's as bad as saying 99% of Aussies are homophobes, DON'T GENERALIZE! A relationship is a wonderful thing, and like anything worth having you have to work at it. You get back what you put in, like so much of life. We believe relationship works only if you have the three "C's", Commitment, Communication and Compromise.

We visit Thailand two to three times a year and are not interested in fooling around with anyone. We come here because we love the country and the people.

I must say that as a new member of this forum I'm disappointed with so many posters and their comments. There are some very intelligent posts and replies, but so many of them leave me saddened at the stupidity of some people.

[doggie888888]

My partner of 15 years and I had to confront this issue a long time ago: he raised it and I was upset. We communicated and survived the episode:) We were not willing to write each other off over only 1 aspect (sex) of the total relationship.

Far be it for me to preach my justifications (rationalisations?) to anyone else, because each relationship is as unique as the people in them, suffice it to say I became more accepting of the idea of an open relationship with boundaries. Once I analysed and debunked each personal reason as to why I clung to the notion of a purely monogamous relationship, I realised it was a matter of time before I raised the issue myself had my partner not beat me to it. There is no moral judgement to this issue, in my opinion...I could separate sex from love (one is physical, the other emotional) and promiscuity from non-monogamy (one is active hunting, the other is fulfilling a physical need). Again, my opinon only and of course, not everyone need to agree.

[AchiCat]

I've been with my partner for 11 years now. 11 years of Monogomy too. I hate the fact that people say "all gay men fool around" don't generalize. It's as bad as saying 99% of Aussies are homophobes, DON'T GENERALIZE! A relationship is a wonderful thing, and like anything worth having you have to work at it. You get back what you put in, like so much of life. We believe relationship works only if you have the three "C's", Commitment, Communication and Compromise.

We visit Thailand two to three times a year and are not interested in fooling around with anyone. We come here because we love the country and the people.

I must say that as a new member of this forum I'm disappointed with so many posters and their comments. There are some very intelligent posts and replies, but so many of them leave me saddened at the stupidity of some people.

I used to jump into this topic for quite some time, but having not thoroughly noticed – just saw this one today…I must confess that first I did feel the same way as Bentknee was. Anyway, after thinking twice, I must thank you all guys to openly share your really emotional cites upon the revised topic “do you think you’d have sex with one guy for the rest of your life?”

What I’d learnt is FACT and yeah so it says that’s the way it is – it’s NATURE of things. If basically reviewing sex preference, along with how to release such passions being driven by any triggers, it’s applicable and acceptable to maintain any indulgences which one person may be pleased at as he is fully single.

Nothing’s to be considered as good or bad, right or wrong; in this case. The same way as considered for hetero- couples, before jumping into starting a couple ride all people have full rights to please themselves with whatever they’d like or maybe fool (or mess) around with any sexy and attractive (sex luring) persons.

Once you start a couple life or maybe run a family, please re-consider whether it’s nice or acceptable for one another to freely please himself with the same old life style of fooling around (if having a chance). If such case acceptable, why have two persons decided to share a love relationship? What’d you feel when you hug the one you’re saying the word love to while you’d say such word and do any physical touches to others? …

At least, I do appreciate the valuable clues Bentknee gave upon the promising solutions of love relationship; "C's", Commitment, Communication and Compromise, together with the true admission of Andrianthai citing that “Monogamy is completely possible to do”. It’d shining the light that there’re many people knowing the difference of Sex affair and Love affair; when seriously jumping into the course of love relationship it must be (quite) perfect combinations of all possible things one person would need to fulfil his (single) life in which he must sincerely admit with himself that if without sharing the time with the other person (he eventually choose as love (or life) partner), his life would look like incomplete…

So now I myself could perceive the conclusion of all this topic is about the MINDSET in which two persons really get upon running love relationship. Some (or most) people would love having a mate while freely have any pleasures with others, meanwhile most (or maybe some) people prefer to stick themselves with the form so-called “single partners or monogamy” and learn to maintain such state as long as possible till the end of the road (or the end of one person (or both persons)’s lifetime).

I myself strongly believe in variety of thoughts among people (of any sex orientations), and I’d likely been taught to be growing up from having broadened my views upon how people of other cultures do… but above all, when we discuss about some subjective issues; we might obviously focus on the very propensity it’d lead…

Again, everyone could live their lives along the way they love – based on the thoughts (or mindset) they’ve been keeping themselves up with. If they still find it good to lead such ways they’d insist on it, anyway if they’d find it differently, they’d eventually change—who knows? Mind issues is 100% practical, not theoretical.

And now I understand that no matter “monogamy” or “polygamy” or else to be expressed upon the love affair of two persons would be, it depends upon the sharing of sincere minds of such persons to frankly communicate with each other; if they’re able to accept such cases, it’s all about their business – they’d love to happily live such ways – so let them go!!! Life must be so gently comfortable to its owner – if it’s going along the right way, the person must feel great with the way his life passing by.

[Unfaithful]

I forgot this topic.Too weird.I am happy with two Thai boyfriends.Hope you are happy.

Edited September 30, 2009 by Unfaithful

[kek]

Can U Have Sex With Only 1 Guy For The Rest Of Ur Life?

Why would anyone want to?

Some people like to have their boyfriends and their relationships - others like to play the field and I am firmly with the latter group. I'm reminded of the old T. Shirt slogan that was once so popular "So Many Men - So Little Time"

The only rule I would impose is that neither group should be judgmental about the other - Live and Let Live.

Having said that I have met scores of 'couples' here in Thailand and on several occasions I have met just one person from one of those 'strong one-on-one relationships' making out in places like Babylon, the beach, DJ Station etc. and that person has meekly asked me not to say anything to their partner! What hypocrites.

Sure I won't say anything unless I'm asked by the other half of the couple - you're the one that's lying to your partner ... not me.

And Yes ... it's very tempting to tell some preaching old farang in a bar who wants to lecture me about my lifestyle and who tells me that 'his life is all about his relationship' that I've seen his Thai boyfriend coming out of a cabin in Babylon with someone else, or cruising for sex on GayRomeo, or chatting up some guy on Dongtan Beach whilst the (stupid) faithful partner thinks that the love of his life is visiting relatives for the weekend.

No, I won't tell even though it's very tempting ... but please don't push me too far with your preaching "PaPa" or I might just spill a big can of beans ... or worms!

Live and Let Live

[onni4me]

neither group should be judgmental about the other - Live and Let Live.

Sure I won't say anything unless I'm asked by the other half of the couple - you're the one that's lying to your partner ... not me.

WOW! Live and let live to spill the can full of beans or worms, nice touch that is...

Life is complicated sometimes and couples have different reasons to stick together. Besides that, I would be rather careful spilling anything. What one does not know doesn't hurt that much. I would be the last to tell anyone's bf about extracurricular activities.

Your post just reminds me of so many gay guys that I met that only wanted to please themselves and make easy choices like in some sort of buffet table. Easy way, I admit but where is the true substance when one gets older and at least the sharpest edge of sexual thrills have gone? Just wondering since also met so many bitter old men who have done all in their power to avoid being with 'just one guy since there are so many' and ended up being alone when their appearance has faded.

I do agree that sex is so much fun but when did it become the true essence of gay life? I mean, isn't there anything else outside Babylon, GayRomeo or Dongtan Beach (wherever that is)?

[tiza]

It's absolutely possible but it is not easy. Especially when gay men (in Thailand) have a less restricted form of their relationship i.e. no marriage, civil union, kids.

I also think if a person is popular there is a chance for him to have sex outside his relationship. i have a feeling that Thai older gay man can have an easier time to be in a monogamy relationship because he is deemed to be one of the least sexually marketable in the totem pole. Whereas older foreign men may have a little (or much easier time) to find sex still. These facts excludes paying for sex though.

[AchiCat]

I’m back for more, please note that I’m NOT the OP of this topic – but my curiosity’s kept me hopping around this. As I re-cited the mention of everyone can fully get right to lead their lives (of particularly single, and/or couple basis), as long as they still feel happy with such way.

Indeed, this topic couldn’t have gone too far till now, but you guys made me wiser! Basically, I used to think that maybe I’m very idealistic guy with too much stubbornness – esp. with the idea of monogamy. Anyway, if 100% frankly, I can confidently answer to the question “Can U Have Sex with Only 1 Guy for the Rest of Ur Life?” by “Absolutely Not”.

But the monogamy I mention is about periodicity – one partner at a time of couple session until the end of it. If we’re sharing ideas upon this kind of one-to-one relationship, the frame of thoughts should not have been varied.

And though, the conclusion may be eventually leading to the same point – it’s all about mindset how person views the happiness he’d get from life. And I’m not offending against anyone’s ideas…

I understood the way – many people indulgent their physical needs upon sex with partners (more than one); while I totally cannot do that. And I saw @“Unfaithful” cited that he’s HAPPY with 2 Thai boyfriends. Again, I do feel smilingly HAPPY to learn that three of YOU can openly share such wonderful relationship – that’s your way.

Hmm.. I love the phrase “Live and Let Live” @Kek quoted – may I buy that idea? Moreover, the way Kek’d directly involve some corners of gay life at some gay bars and saunas where some preaching-papa-liked gay men are pleasing themselves like enjoy eating at the buffet table – when out of the sight of their current couples. It’s so frustrating! And to this, I added some idea of @onni4me into Kek’s.

If I’d have got a chance making friend with Kek and somehow have him as personal detective to look into where my guy (now he’s totally away) was and did, while he couldn’t seek some time to meet me; I could easily handle the very short relationship which I recently destroyed by my fussiness.

And with @tiza, I clearly understood how you mentioned and supposed that maybe Thai (old) gay men should be with propensity to lead monogamy life due to least attractive appearance of advancing age; compared to other foreign gays. Anyway, may we expand the scope of thoughts throughout existing sexual diversification?

Even I’m not with very mature age (about 33 years), I could learn many life samples of varied ages– directly and indirectly. I’m strongly feeling no matter nationality or physical appearances persons’re taking, they can freely flirt or just stick themselves in term of single partners mainly based on the thoughts they’ve set upon how happily they live.

So I said “it’s very subjective!”, and you guys helped me clear with other opinions which I never stepped into. To be honest, I was very stupid to judge individual life styles by my too narrow thoughts… and I couldn’t open my mind up to please the other person who sincerely came into my life.

I just realized that I behaved myself less than the degree of expectation I’d do in term of satisfying relationship – in fact, I was bad and very idiot not to learn about what other people do in reality, instead I’d been finding only the wrong deeds like while I was treated like the “left-over” – waiting for shared time of not over 5 hours per week, etc.

Yeah, frankly saying I was set as another person of a couple life of others; during such moments (now it’s finished I’ve been confirmed by his absence) I’d feel that he tried his good (or best I’m not sure) to meet me and fulfill whatever I might be pleased at under the very limited time as said.

However, during the time I was waiting, he told me that he’s not available and it’s so hard to seek time from quite tight working schedule and from the sight of his permanent boyfriend; I did think with bad suspicion. And frequently I clicked that if he valuated the time with me, he mayn’t get any troubles with managing the time – it’d be that…

Further getting worse, I lonely thought in negatives upon his private life in which he’d slip away from the sharing affairs with me and then… give me only excuses for his not coming. And that’d lead to the end of things – I’d not bear his scarce sharing time of which it’s not over two and a half hours…he came to see me and went off to further his appointment – I then got too much furious and burst my words of good-bye to him…. And he’s so acceptably abiding by my farewell without giving any words.

If I reviewed this topic earlier and shared such ideas as I can broaden my vision like today, maybe I would change my negative thoughts during carrying on the relationship with him…who knows?

Anyway, if I could wish for the already finished relationship; I might need my guy very strong and able to handle the relationship to ensure every person (himself, me and his boyfriend) of openly satisfying stance. I don’t mind if I’d be just the one Thai after the first Thai boyfriend he met (not including other boys he’d take as not-serious pleasures), but please set me free out of the secret place since I never secretly loved him.

As I always told him that never in millions years I betray him by seeking for another guy during sharing the confirmed relation with him; I know what I’m saying – it’s not rhetoric! I really thank him for teaching me that maybe I’m not good enough to start any relationship, I’m deserving quite long term living alone until I’d be open-minded enough to happily accept the very gay life style.

I’m not offending any valuable posts you guys gave… may I share a bit about how gay men of any nationality live their lives – there’s no difference in my eyes… thus, it’s hard to conclude in any degree that gays of one nationality should be prone to maintain some kind of single-couple life than ones of other nationalities.

May I do thank you all a lot for opening my eyes upon how very farang gays enjoy and happily live their lives (while in Thailand)…for me, it’s most valuable sources of knowledge unless I’d have blamed myself of self-broken relationship; meanwhile it’s all about compatibleness on how we share intimacy, understanding, sincerity, existence and mutual blissfulness.

And I greatly thank the site moderators again, I’m not sure if there’d be anyone else interested in sharing ideas off…for me, here’s my last post on this topic (and I shared this post on my facebook, also) – since I’m totally cleared, maybe I’m Thai in some thoughts (since I’m Thai native), while beyond very western styled in many views. That’s why previously I did need very farang points of view to convince me that some I might be wrong with, while some I was correct.

Thanks indeed, guys!