It's Silent Treatment Time (again!)

[WeeGB]

Datsun240Z - If this is your first time, for the silent treatment, you may find your wife sleeps on the sofa tonight , another favourite ploy of Thai women.

As for me, I'll keep smiling, keep silent, and plan what I'm going to do a week after this episode is over, when I'm heading for Pattaya.

[Datsun240Z]

Yup. Once again I repeat: "The mind of a woman is a wonderful thing"

[macduff]

Enjoy it while it lasts and look forward to many more of them.At least you have the internet and us lot to talk too

[jackdanielsesq]

We have an expression in LA that might work in LOS

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!

Mine would always awake me at 0200 with the dreaded "We have to Talk"

Got rid of all the M words.

BR>Jack

PS Try Peppermint Bar

[WeeGB]

Enjoy it while it lasts and look forward to many more of them.At least you have the internet and us lot to talk too

Aye, it's a wonderful thing this internet, helps keep me sane in this little village I live in. Luckily I have always been able to occupy myself, so it's no hardship to me whatsoever. I quite enjoy the peace, if the truth be told. As with most women, I know it drives her crazy having to keep silent, especially when it has no effect on me - all part of the joys of married bliss!

[WeeGB]

We have an expression in LA that might work in LOS

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!

Mine would always awake me at 0200 with the dreaded "We have to Talk"

Got rid of all the M words.

BR>Jack

PS Try Peppermint Bar

Good expression, must try it.

I take it the Peppermint Bar is in Pattaya? Haven't been for a couple of years, quite looking forward to the sea air.

[dave111223]

Some people require time to cool down before discussing the reasons that they are angry.

Me i prefer to discuss the problem right there and then, and get it over with, my wife needs a few hours to chill out or else the argument turns into her yelling about something i said 3 years ago, or forgot to do 5 years ago.

But if the reason for the silence is not a "cooling down" time, and purely designed to piss you off, then i suggest you ask her not to do it anymore, or else...

The "double silent" treatment seldom works, seeing as the initiator of the silence is usually far more practiced, and thus you'll cave first and look like more of a loser. Plus even if you manage to keep it going for weeks with no one caving...whats the point?

Edited June 28, 2009 by dave111223

[mrbojangles]

Unfortunately, I'm way up north, with no nightlife, or chance of alternative "comfort", , so I guess for now, I'll be spending a lot of time on the internet.

Tell her to give you some advanced notice and the approximate duration of the silent treatment, next time. That way you can book a sightseeing tour of Pattaya for a few days. If she doesn't start talking to you after telling her that, you can just say that you take her silence to mean she agrees that you can go.

lol! you should be a Lawyer Mr Bojangles lol

Thanks dougie. I must admit, I am quite keen on The Bar

[WeeGB]

Some people require time to cool down before discussing the reasons that they are angry.

Me i prefer to discuss the problem right there and then, and get it over with, my wife needs a few hours to chill out or else the argument turns into her yelling about something i said 3 years ago, or forgot to do 5 years ago.

But if the reason for the silence is not a "cooling down" time, and purely designed to piss you off, then i suggest you ask her not to do it anymore, or else...

The "double silent" treatment seldom works, seeing as the initiator of the silence is usually far more practiced, and thus you'll cave first and look like more of a loser. Plus even if you manage to keep it going for weeks with no one caving...whats the point?

Yelling about something from 3 or 5 years ago? You're lucky mate, my first wife (English),used to bring things up from twenty years ago.

After previous times when my Thai wife has done this, I've told her it's not acceptable behaviour, and it's better to talk to each other, in order to solve any problems between us. It does seem to be a Thai woman thing though, to do this, as she always slips back into it, sooner or later. The "or else' is going to come later, when she thinks things are back to normal.

The double silent treatment has always worked in my favour previously, it helps I think, that my wife's family live around us, and she can't keep it up in front of them. They only have to see me pretending to look miserable, and they turn on her straight away. The fact is, she has a very easy life, compared to the rest of her family, and they don't let her forget it, or fail to remind her who provides it all for her.

As for what's the point, that's a question I'm starting to ask myself.

[Gary A]

We have the opposite situation. I'm the one who pouts and refuses to speak. I think that's why my wife is happy and well adjusted. She speaks her mind and gets it off her chest. After she speaks her piece, she goes back to her normal smiling self. I DON'T.

[WeeGB]

We have the opposite situation. I'm the one who pouts and refuses to speak. I think that's why my wife is happy and well adjusted. She speaks her mind and gets it off her chest. After she speaks her piece, she goes back to her normal smiling self. I DON'T.

Hi Gary, Don't suppose your wife has a sister?

Sometimes I think a good old ding-dong argument is what we need. At least the air gets cleared that way. This silent treatment just harbours resentment for the future, certainly in my case.

[WeeGB]

Unfortunately, I'm way up north, with no nightlife, or chance of alternative "comfort", , so I guess for now, I'll be spending a lot of time on the internet.

Tell her to give you some advanced notice and the approximate duration of the silent treatment, next time. That way you can book a sightseeing tour of Pattaya for a few days. If she doesn't start talking to you after telling her that, you can just say that you take her silence to mean she agrees that you can go.

Mr Bojangles, how can you go from great advice like this, to tipping Middlesbrough as Coca Cola champions next year? I'm originally from the Boro, and my view is that they'll continue to slide with Gormless Gareth in charge.

Good to hear you enjoy your work at "The Bar".

[sanmiguellight]

What do others do when they get this treatment?

You shouldn't put up with this. I suggest you dump her immediately and see how long it takes for her to come to her senses, if she doesn't then you have lost nothing.

This might come across as being a little harsh but I don't believe we should put up with any irrational behaviour from women.

Where is the ThaiVisa forum post of the YEAR award for this one ???

[IanForbes]

Ah, the joys of living with a woman! It's just one of many reasons why I'm happy being single.

There has been some very good advice from Valjean and Ijustwannateach. Soutpeels reply was truly funny, as were a few others. Soutpeel was right; some of the wives are barely out of puberty...

My only advice is to fight fire with fire. The cold silent treatment can work both ways. Totally ignore her and don't even make eye contact. Act like she doesn't even exist. Look right past her or right through her if you are facing her. If you brush each other as you walk by act like you touched the wall. Don't even reply if she talks to you. Do everything on your own including the cooking, cleaning and washing. If she cooks a meal, don't touch it and cook something entirely different for yourself. Under no circumstances get hostile or react to anything she does.

Leave it up to her family or her friends to contact you about what is going on. She is certainly going to tell them. Just tell them that it's her silent treatment that started it. Quiety explain your point of view and tell them that you will continue to ignore her childish behaviour. Hopefully, she will eventually learn a different method of communicating. If not then either accept it or move on.

[473geo]

All the advice.....to stay silent

Just take hold of her gently....look deep into her eyes and say in your most sincere heartfelt voice 'I love you'..........

Then let us know the outcome.......

[GrahamF]

Do you fund her life? Give her the kee niow treatment.

Is it expensive? Or even better, painful?

I think he means cut the flow of money off, if you are the source. I'm sure that would be very painful for her!

[Minke]

I have gotten this a few times from my Thai man. I have found the only real leverage I have against this behavior is the magic bullet of making him lose face. The first few times it happened I stuck it to him. Worked like this:

When his buddies come calling at the house, they ask '*** where is he?' in various versions of Thai and or English. When he was playing the silent treatment, I just said loud enough him to hear me in the other room: "Oh I don't know, he won't talk to me today. Maybe he is here still let me check" (in a very sweet innocent voice) and he comes right out like magic all smiles and sunshine to put on a big show of 'everythings fine!' in front of his all-important friends. Recovering his face. And after his buddy(ies) leave, he is fine. Whether this is the most mature or best method of dealing with the situation, I don't know. I just know it works for me. An earlier poster mentioned something about saying something in front of the family. I think this is the same thing. They don't want to lose face for being a total dingus in front of friends and family. It's been 8 months since the last incident and counting. I was very consistent the first four times he tried it and I think he has made the connection between that silly behavior and my response to it. Good luck.

[greenwood01]

isnt that what's expected after you took her out of her job? Can't really get into an argument when all you know is 'sexy man' 'hansum man' and 'i liyyyye uuuuuuuuu'

[G54]

I think you should arrange a few days holiday and come back when she phones and says she is missing you

As said earlier, a trip to Pattaya might bring her to her senses

[Ijustwannateach]

The problem I have with all of these 'that'll show 'em' kind of techniques is that ultimately they force you to go down to the same childish level. I think you should say clearly that you don't like being treated that way, that you won't accept it, and that the other person and you need to communicate about any problems (again, if it's not the cooling off period after a fight or something like that). Then after a reasonable length of time to give the other person a chance to change their mind, you have to get on with your own life and not give in to being blackmailed or tormented.

[vreemd13]

Just Silence Reply

What about: "I am on strike" Reply

Happened to me one time few years ago, however not lasted long time. 555

[purplehaze]

Tell her your going out shopping with mia noi for some gold,should break the ice or some crockery.

[JR Texas]

Tell her your going out shopping with mia noi for some gold,should break the ice or some crockery.

Silent treatment huh? How lucky you are!

Is it just me, or do any other males think that one day holographic robotic females (fully functional) will be developed that will only talk and say what you want....and do what you want?

"Yes, honey........you are the greatest honey........no, honey, I don't want money from you.......etc."

About 34 years ago I was part of a student group that used lasers to develop holograms......mine was a horse......others developed an entire spinning head (female).

I thought, way back then, that eventually these things would be "human like" and replace things like your pet dog or even your girlfriend or wife.

I wonder if we will actually see this within the next 20 years? Japan, now, has walking, talking pets.

Anyway, getting off topic........good luck with the silent treatment.

Just hope she does not go into the Thai opposite.....non stop yelling.

[sassienie]

I'm currently getting the silent treatment from the Thai missus. This is day one. I get this every few months, usually over nothing at all. Is this common in Thailand, or is it just my misfortune to be married to someone who can't seem to have an argument, but always chooses this method to get her point across? What do others do when they get this treatment? Unfortunately, I'm way up north, with no nightlife, or chance of alternative "comfort", , so I guess for now, I'll be spending a lot of time on the internet. And there's always the dogs to talk to, usually get more sense out of them than her anyway.

I live 50 kilometres from the main town of Chiang Mai and married. But every now and than I have to get away.

Have a fast motor bike and able to travel to the town in 40 minutes.. Once a month I stay a night at a hotel and lose myself doing exactly what I like, when I like, stress free and I am my own man for a day.

I suggest you do the same. Next time your wife takes a moody, than pack all your troubles in your old kit bag, go and stay at a nice hotel for a night or two. Grab some of the talent available, eat good food, have a few drinks and hel_l to everyone else.

I stay at a very nice 3 star hotel. Only 590 baht per day. Early morning breakfast 60 baht.

[draggons]

I got it the other day, bliss. grabbed my book, made myself comfy on the hamock and got peace & quiet for the whole day.

[WeeGB]

I have gotten this a few times from my Thai man. I have found the only real leverage I have against this behavior is the magic bullet of making him lose face. The first few times it happened I stuck it to him. Worked like this:

When his buddies come calling at the house, they ask '*** where is he?' in various versions of Thai and or English. When he was playing the silent treatment, I just said loud enough him to hear me in the other room: "Oh I don't know, he won't talk to me today. Maybe he is here still let me check" (in a very sweet innocent voice) and he comes right out like magic all smiles and sunshine to put on a big show of 'everythings fine!' in front of his all-important friends. Recovering his face. And after his buddy(ies) leave, he is fine. Whether this is the most mature or best method of dealing with the situation, I don't know. I just know it works for me. An earlier poster mentioned something about saying something in front of the family. I think this is the same thing. They don't want to lose face for being a total dingus in front of friends and family. It's been 8 months since the last incident and counting. I was very consistent the first four times he tried it and I think he has made the connection between that silly behavior and my response to it. Good luck.

Interesting reply, it seems it's not just Thai women who do this silent treatment thing. I've had several relationships, mostly with British women, all of whom seemed to follow the "have a really big argument, then make up in the bedroom" philosophy. When the silence happened first time with my Thai wife, ten years ago, I must admit I was at a loss for what to do. However, over the years, I have learned to let it run it's course. This silent treatment seems to happen roughly on an annual basis, so it's not too bad to live with, although I am now seriously beginning to question whether I want to stay with her.

I agree with the loss of face theory, especially where my wife's family are concerned, they all think she's mad to risk losing me, and the easy lifestyle I provide for her. As I'm now into day two of this, I'll give it maybe another couple of days before I walk around my sister in laws houses pretending to look miserable, which usually ends in her ending up being full of apologies and promises not to do it again, after her sisters have all given her a good talking to. Unfortunately my Thai language skills are very bad, I'm in my mid-50s, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to pick the language up, so following your example is not possible . Glad it works for you though, and I love the "total dingus" line.

[Bobsyouruncle]

I'm currently getting the silent treatment from the Thai missus. This is day one. I get this every few months, usually over nothing at all. Is this common in Thailand, or is it just my misfortune to be married to someone who can't seem to have an argument, but always chooses this method to get her point across? What do others do when they get this treatment? Unfortunately, I'm way up north, with no nightlife, or chance of alternative "comfort", , so I guess for now, I'll be spending a lot of time on the internet. And there's always the dogs to talk to, usually get more sense out of them than her anyway.

I live 50 kilometres from the main town of Chiang Mai and married. But every now and than I have to get away.

Have a fast motor bike and able to travel to the town in 40 minutes.. Once a month I stay a night at a hotel and lose myself doing exactly what I like, when I like, stress free and I am my own man for a day.

I suggest you do the same. Next time your wife takes a moody, than pack all your troubles in your old kit bag, go and stay at a nice hotel for a night or two. Grab some of the talent available, eat good food, have a few drinks and hel_l to everyone else.

I stay at a very nice 3 star hotel. Only 590 baht per day. Early morning breakfast 60 baht.

I think your wife knows exactly what you are up to.

[wolfmanjack]

I have gotten this a few times from my Thai man. I have found the only real leverage I have against this behavior is the magic bullet of making him lose face. The first few times it happened I stuck it to him. Worked like this:

When his buddies come calling at the house, they ask '*** where is he?' in various versions of Thai and or English. When he was playing the silent treatment, I just said loud enough him to hear me in the other room: "Oh I don't know, he won't talk to me today. Maybe he is here still let me check" (in a very sweet innocent voice) and he comes right out like magic all smiles and sunshine to put on a big show of 'everythings fine!' in front of his all-important friends. Recovering his face. And after his buddy(ies) leave, he is fine. Whether this is the most mature or best method of dealing with the situation, I don't know. I just know it works for me. An earlier poster mentioned something about saying something in front of the family. I think this is the same thing. They don't want to lose face for being a total dingus in front of friends and family. It's been 8 months since the last incident and counting. I was very consistent the first four times he tried it and I think he has made the connection between that silly behavior and my response to it. Good luck.

Interesting reply, it seems it's not just Thai women who do this silent treatment thing. I've had several relationships, mostly with British women, all of whom seemed to follow the "have a really big argument, then make up in the bedroom" philosophy. When the silence happened first time with my Thai wife, ten years ago, I must admit I was at a loss for what to do. However, over the years, I have learned to let it run it's course. This silent treatment seems to happen roughly on an annual basis, so it's not too bad to live with, although I am now seriously beginning to question whether I want to stay with her.

I agree with the loss of face theory, especially where my wife's family are concerned, they all think she's mad to risk losing me, and the easy lifestyle I provide for her. As I'm now into day two of this, I'll give it maybe another couple of days before I walk around my sister in laws houses pretending to look miserable, which usually ends in her ending up being full of apologies and promises not to do it again, after her sisters have all given her a good talking to. Unfortunately my Thai language skills are very bad, I'm in my mid-50s, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to pick the language up, so following your example is not possible . Glad it works for you though, and I love the "total dingus" line.

Personally I would go hang around the sisters house after the first few hours of the silent treatment if i did not like it. My wife tried the silent treatment the first year we were married but soon gave it up after she figured out it did not work.

[WeeGB]

All the advice.....to stay silent

Just take hold of her gently....look deep into her eyes and say in your most sincere heartfelt voice 'I love you'..........

Then let us know the outcome.......

Aaah the romantic viewpoint.

I actually tried this, or something very similar, one of the first few times this happened, it was taken by her as a sign of weakness. Hope it works for you, in your relationship(s), though.

[WeeGB]

What do others do when they get this treatment?

You shouldn't put up with this. I suggest you dump her immediately and see how long it takes for her to come to her senses, if she doesn't then you have lost nothing.

This might come across as being a little harsh but I don't believe we should put up with any irrational behaviour from women.

Where is the ThaiVisa forum post of the YEAR award for this one ???

Will I get an "assist of the year", for starting the topic?