Lost Husband

[java]

Mine is a typical case. Married couple with children. Husband keeping money at our backs long time ago. He went to Thailand last winter to visit a male friend -it is really true-. One week later after his back he asked for the separation. He just disappeared in January. He lives in Bangkok with his thaigirl... he probably found her in Internet. I guess very well with our money. He destroyed a family leaving behind a lot of problems for everybody (lack of money, debts, etc. etc.). He does not want any contact with his friends although they told him this girl is not good... some strange relationship with ma... thai. Suggestions are welcome... please, anybody should say to me... You were stupid!.

[Khun Larry]

I would say forget him.

What are your other choices?

[chonabot]

I would say forget him.

What are your other choices?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Get in there Laz! She sounds right up your street , me old mucker.....

[buadhai]

Depending on your nationality, you probably have a right to child support, spousal support, and perhaps a share of his pension, if he has one.

You need to get some legal advice and straighten out your financial situation first. Then deal with the emotional issues.

[Khutan]

Java;

Plesae tell us a litle bit more about yourself, and what the relationship was like the 6 months before your husband went on holiday.

It sounds very much like a "mid-life crisis"

We all may be in a better position to advise you.

he probably found her in Internet

Did you keep the computer he regularly used ?

Matt

[java]

Java;

Plesae tell us a litle bit more about yourself, and what the relationship was like the 6 months before your husband went on holiday.

It sounds very much like a "mid-life crisis" 

We all may be in a better position to advise you.

he probably found her in Internet

Did you keep the computer he regularly used ?

Matt

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[java]

I trusted on him and I loved him.

He started to change a couple of years ago just when we started to have economic problems. He spent a lot of time out of the house doing business to get more incomes. Meanwhile I felt quite alone and I told him but he did not change anything, he was only demanding to me more and more. I discovered later -I got some proofs- our money problems were a fake: he was keeping money for himself. About the computer we had 2: one of them during his trip got a "virus" and the other was a laptop -he brought with him to Bangkok- but he did not use it too much until he came back, then he refused me to go in. Anyway... I think he was using the computer at work to get in contact to her.

[britmaveric]

Move on - unfortunately the person you view as a husband isn't a man at all - if he's going to leave and start elsewhere he certainly shouldnt do a runner elsewhere in the world. He has responsibilities whether he likes it or not. Seek immediate legal counsel and try to gain some financial security for you and your family.

[Khutan]

Move on - unfortunately the person you view as a husband isn't a man at all - if he's going to leave and start elsewhere he certainly shouldnt do a runner elsewhere in the world. He has responsibilities whether he likes it or not. Seek  immediate legal counsel and try to gain some financial security for you and your family.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I totally agree.

Sadly, it looks like he was making an effort over a considerable period of time to trick you.

You have my sympathy.

[pedro01]

I trusted on him and I loved him.

He started to change a couple of years ago just when we started to have economic problems. He spent a lot of time out of the house doing business to get more incomes. Meanwhile I felt quite alone and I told him but he did not change anything, he was only demanding to me more and more. I discovered later -I got some proofs- our money problems were a fake: he was keeping money for himself. About the computer we had 2: one of them during his trip got a "virus" and the other was a laptop -he brought with him to Bangkok- but he did not use it too much until he came back, then he refused me to go in. Anyway... I think he was using the computer at work to get in contact to her.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sorry to hear about this.

I'd say right now your priority should be to make sure he doesn't move his assets out of reach.

There are many cases here where Thai girls bleed their foreign men dry. So - he may come back with his tail between his legs & totally bankrupt.

Think about yourself & the kids - try & get hold of his money & assets.

See a lawyer ASAP.

[java]

I was and I am with a lawyer and we will go the Court but things take time and he knew that... I am afraid we will not get too much... all money is already gone.

I was wondering more if I should try to find him before going to the Court (selling a few goods belonging to me) using an honest private eye in Bangkok... but which one?. Everybody even at the Government offices say it would very convenient for you to get him, and when I look at our children...14, 10 and the small one I can not forget....

[britmaveric]

I was and I am with a lawyer and we will go the Court but things take time and he knew that... I am afraid we will not get too much... all money is already gone.

I was wondering more if I should try to find him before going to the Court (selling a few goods belonging to me) using an honest private eye in Bangkok... but which one?. Everybody even at the Government offices say it would very convenient for you to get him, and when I look at our children...14, 10 and the small one I can not forget....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Find him and do what? He's out of reach since this isnt a criminal matter. I think you would cause yourself more grief than what its worth and waste your dosh. I dare say if he doesnt feel guilty at this juncture your presence won't do much.

[Boo]

I have to agree with the advise given so far, just get on with raising your kids & try to see if there are any assets to get hold of to help you along the way. I would say (& we have only had one side of this story) that from what you have said, he gave up any rights to property & his kids once he walked out & disapeared & that you have every right to get what you can to make yours & your kids life more comfortable.

He doesn't sound like a very nice person so better you look after your kids & forget about him

Best of luck

[peterzxr]

Sh*t, what a b*astard! Real sorry to hear about your predicament.

Get everything you can out of him and then make it clear that WHEN he does come crawling back he'll get the door slammed in his face.

[Khun Larry]

I would say forget him.

What are your other choices?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Get in there Laz! She sounds right up your street , me old mucker.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How did you know that was my next move.

I was having a beer a week ago with a guy who left the wife out of his extended vacation plans. I wonder if it was the hubby. A real gentleman as I recall

[java]

To Boo

I wish... but I got a letter from his lawyer asking for a rent to me as we are using the 50% of "his house" and we will see what is going to happen when I try to sell the family house... I guess he will clame some money or no "deal"...

[britmaveric]

To Boo

    I wish... but I got a letter from his lawyer asking for a rent to me as we are using the 50% of "his house" and we will see what is going to happen when I try to sell the family house... I guess he will clame some money or no "deal"...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not so fast- seems abandonment - spousal/child support will be coming from his supposed half.

[Khutan]

get on with raising your kids

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So very true.

After my edit

I got a letter from his lawyer asking for a rent to me as we are using the 50% of "his house"

How low can you go... Obviously he is running out of money.

I would say that you are only living in 10% of the house as you can't afford to keep the rest of the house.

[Boo]

Java, Please seek legal advise asap, legal aid is available in your situation, my sister had a similar problem, husband left, gave up work as he didn't feel like supporting their daughter anymore, shacked up with some tart with 3 kids from previous, both of them on benefits & my sister was awarded 5 pounds a week child support, which she is yet to see. He claimed he was entitled to half the house my sisters lawyer & his told him different as he abandoned the wife & child & my sister allowed him 10% of the house sale which IMO was 10% too much.

Get a lawyer & make him face his responsibility.

Best of luck

[Butterfield8]

Mine is a typical case. Married couple with children. Husband keeping money at our backs long time ago. He went to Thailand last winter to visit a male friend -it is really true-. One week later after his back he asked for the separation.  He just disappeared in January. He lives in Bangkok with his thaigirl... he probably found her in Internet. I guess very well with our money. He destroyed a family leaving behind a lot of problems for everybody (lack of money, debts, etc. etc.). He does not want any contact with his friends although they told him this girl is not good... some strange relationship with ma... thai. Suggestions are welcome... please, anybody should say to me... You were stupid!.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I am sorry to hear about your situation. Men stray for the same reasons that dogs lick their ***** Why? Because they CAN.

But remember this, the universe holds INFINITE possibilities. Move on. He was probably not worth your affections.

I dated a man who told me he was divorced. In fact, he was married. It was a long distance relationship fraught with pain, confusion, big highs and low lows. He was in love with me but more in love with his money and did not wish to split his assets which I much later learnt was considerable. I went to NYC to forget him and found a gorgeous man who is well heeled and uncomplicated and we are now friends. You see, when one door closes, a window opens. I am not saying that my NYC beau whom I met whilst trying to forget the other one has offered me a wedding ring BUT ... I learnt a great deal about men in the process - particularly self made, attractive, talented men. I am now starting to write a book about it.

We can deal with pain constructively and we should. It's called SELF LOVE. I spent over 5 1/2 years in my long distance relationship with the married guy whom I didn't know was married. He used to spend the holidays with his mom and his kids but left out telling me his wife was also there during Christmas, the summer and New Years. It sucks but I am OLDER and alot WISER about the ways of men today.

[Gary A]

The LONG arm of the law. I have a friend who went to the US Embassy in Bangkok to have some pages put in his passport. They promptly confiscated his passport until he settled up his child support. I was surprised to hear that since his 19 year old daughter had just visited him. He had an expensive and difficult time getting his passport back. It WAS an error on the part of the state he came from and his ex-wife was not to blame. His daughter did what she cold to help him but it was not a simple thing. He OWED nothing.

That said if you are from the US you can run but you can't hide. He WILL pay his dues sooner or later. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I would say forget him.

What are your other choices?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Get in there Laz! She sounds right up your street , me old mucker.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How did you know that was my next move.

I was having a beer a week ago with a guy who left the wife out of his extended vacation plans. I wonder if it was the hubby. A real gentleman as I recall

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds a lot like the same guy

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Java, I've arrived on this a little late.

All I have to add is bear in mind the possibility that this fling of his will most likely go tits up and if he's as stupid as he seems then he could end up broke (especially if it's a 'bad' Thai girl) -and back on your doorstep begging forgivness saying he can explain everything etc... etc... and that he wants you back.

Whatever happens, I hope the ride isn't too rough and you can let us know what happens.

Good luck.

[java]

I have known he is doing some investments there (business, land, etc.)... and he extended his visa for 3 more months... I am afraid he looked for a good thai girl... so, poor her... she will be one more victim sooner or later... and if she is a bad girl... he will get what he deserves!

[bkkmadness]

If he's making some investments there as well he's likely to have a lot of problems, Thailand is not the easiest country to just walk into and make a lot of money through business.

[java]

I think he is all bad things you can think about him (r***ter, unsensible, pervert, etc.) but not so stupid... He did not mind to loose a family because he preferred to fulfil his dreams (to have a better life and a thai girl as a slave+different girls in bed). He told me he was having a look to some business there and speaking to lawyers in his first trip and he should give a reply a few months later. I asked him why Thailand?.. It is so many places to go all together.... but of course what he did not tell was we were not included in his plans. I think he kept for himself 200000 USA dollars minimun.... I guess this is a fortune there!.

Anyway to steal and choose another life abandoning your own family shows a complete lack of moral principles and limits...

If he is in troubles there.. good for him... but in his mind he thinks the others are the source of his problems.

After been for a while reading at this forum... good thai ladies...not all farangs are what they seem to be... any difference with bad thai men...

I feel so sad when some men speak bad about western women.. they do not tell why they are where they are actually and about their mistakes in their relationships. I do believe not all western women lost their feminity, etc. there is still a lot of them sensible, honest, loving, sexy, trustful, loyal to a common project, not interested in money... perhaps their mistake they expected to find a real partner, a partner capable to fulfil a balanced role but they did not get it... It is only my opinion and feelings of course!. I apologize if someone does not like my words... I do not pretend to hurt anybody..

[threekids]

Mine is a typical case. Married couple with children. Husband keeping money at our backs long time ago. He went to Thailand last winter to visit a male friend -it is really true-. One week later after his back he asked for the separation.  He just disappeared in January. He lives in Bangkok with his thaigirl... he probably found her in Internet. I guess very well with our money. He destroyed a family leaving behind a lot of problems for everybody (lack of money, debts, etc. etc.). He does not want any contact with his friends although they told him this girl is not good... some strange relationship with ma... thai. Suggestions are welcome... please, anybody should say to me... You were stupid!.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

the guys a real jerk. You and the kids are way better off without him. I know financially you are going through a rough time. But remember "there is always light at the end of the tunnel". this means that there is always hope. You must look at his actions and realise that in the end he has done you and the kids a favour. Please don't even consider taking him back if he does return to you. My ex husband hid his money as well and left me to use my wages to pay the bills. When we split up he had lots of money stashed away and hidden from my lawyer. He has probably planned this move for a long time and in this time he has been able to look you and your kids in the eyes, live with you , love you .deceive you without batting an eyelid. How could you ever trust a male like that. I have called him a "male" as he is certainly not a "man". I wish you the best of luck. You will survive this.

[IMA_FARANG]

Mine is a typical case. Married couple with children. Husband keeping money at our backs long time ago. He went to Thailand last winter to visit a male friend -it is really true-. One week later after his back he asked for the separation.  He just disappeared in January. He lives in Bangkok with his thaigirl... he probably found her in Internet. I guess very well with our money. He destroyed a family leaving behind a lot of problems for everybody (lack of money, debts, etc. etc.). He does not want any contact with his friends although they told him this girl is not good... some strange relationship with ma... thai. Suggestions are welcome... please, anybody should say to me... You were stupid!.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I hope by now you are talking to a lawyer.

Forget the husband....he isn't worth it.

However, DON'T forget about his money.

He OWES you for the upkeep for the children.

Here's a thought...what kind of visa does he have? If it is only a tourist visa, he will have to leave country to get another. Is it a British passport? British embessy in Thailand might be interested.

Anyhow, get to a lawyer to get what he OWES you.

[java]

I was and I am with a lawyer, the case is so complicated will take long time to solve all this mess. About his (&ours) money... there will be only a small amount in the accounts here.. do not forget he did and he is doing business there.

I do not think we can do too much in relation to his accounts abroad.

He is a scandinavian citizen, he knows the Government will pay his grant for the children till they are 18 y.o... so he will get a debt here... he is free to go in/out of his country in spite of all and while he does not work here he can not pay=he is not willing to pay his debt.

It is a shame and a fact the system does not work properly... so, people can abandon and steal his families but there is not any kind of punishment for this... governments will pay and honest people will pay too with their taxes... letting them to have a good life.... so, how they are going to stop them?

I have no the right word to describe him.. not even rats abandon their youngs..

I think he has a 3 months visa.

I have been thinking about -once the case is solved-... publishing all information about him -even with his name+surname+id number+a picture-... so, at least a lot of people in Thailand especially Bangkok will know this guy, especially farangs from Scandinavia... maybe Thaliland Forum does not let me to do it...

[The_Eye_Of_Sauron]

Interesting to hear from an injured party - and credit to you for being brave and open.

So often we hear from men 'enjoying the life' in Thailand, and we don't even think of the trail of broken hearts they leave behind them.

Lets see the photo of the Cad !