What Is Rude/polite?

[lost_in_space]

I'm an English teacher here, and I thought I might do a lesson on the differences between what is considered polite and rude to Thais and westerners, broadly.

I've experienced Thais saying goodbye rather abruptly compared to falangs; they're not being intentionally rude, it's just the way it's done here.

I've never got the hang of waing appropriately, I wonder how many folks I've offended.

So, I'm wondering what examples there might be of misinterpretations of behaviour that are seen as rudeness, but aren't.

[PaperTowel]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

[tw25rw]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

My English boss does the same thing. Had a few that did that actually. It's like "I'm going home so f*** the lot of you".

[tw25rw]

Touching the inside of your mouth, including when using a toothpick, must be done very discretely. However, feel free to eat with your mouth open and pick your nose.

[gpdjohn]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

Or hang up before you've finished talking on the phone..

[IMA_FARANG]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

Funny, my Thai g/f's children all still tell mom where they are going, and ask is there anything she needs them to bring back when they come home. And the youngest one is 26 years old. (Except for the grand daughter who is just 13...and granny is tougher on the 13 year old than anyone else.) She had better wai mom and granny and even "Uncle Bob" when she gets home from school. Maybe we are an "old school" family, I guess.

Not to be rude but your discription of Thais as "them" may show your real attitude toward Thais. Perhaps I'm wrong about that. But do you honestly know any Thais you don't refer to as "them". From my experience if you show you respect them, they respect you.

Edited April 6, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[IMA_FARANG]

There are certain things that are impolite to Thais that Farangs don't notice or don't find rude. I guess everyone knows about touching the head or pointing the soles of one's feet at a Thai. Even after 35+ years with my Thai G/F, she is embarresed by a hug at the airport when I leave or arrive. Not in public...but o.k. at home.

Also, have you ever been at a restaurant...where a couple is argueing about something? And have you noticed Thais in the next table discussing who is right and who is wrong in the first couples arguement? That would be considered rude to many Farangs, but is regarded as perfectly accepatable in Thailand.

When I was much younger, and living in Vietnam, I was always amused by the bargirls who would insist on turning off the light before they undressed. In bed, they were different....but you just weren't supposed look, no matter how much you touched.

Also, in Vietnam, I livd for a while in a house that shared shower in the back of the house with another family. They had a daughter, about 17 years old, who was stunningly beautiful. She wouldn't even speak to me. But she would on occasions take a shower from the water jars in the back. She always wore a sarong type of silk covering. it was just one layer, and when it got wet it left very little to the imagination...especially mine. No, I never got to touch that girl, but I imagined just about everything else under that thin wet layer of silk. Ah, it was good to be young.

Different places, different customs.

Edited April 6, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[tonititan]

So, I'm wondering what examples there might be of misinterpretations of behaviour that are seen as rudeness, but aren't.

Here's a few ideas of things that many westerners find rude, but (as far as I know), the Thais don't consider it rudeness:

1. Pointing out and commenting on someone's physical flaws

2. Asking how much money someone makes, or how much their condo costs, etc.

3. Asking how much someone weighs and then trying to guess the # of kilos

[PeaceBlondie]

I was set up to prove how 'rude' a farang teacher is to proper Thai ajarns.

I walked in drinking a drink.

I didn't wai.

I crossed my legs.

I touched an ajarn in public on the shoulder.

They were scandalized. But they pick their noses in public. They interrupt a conversation. They don't say good-by.

[jaiyenyen]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

Or hang up before you've finished talking on the phone..

My mum does that, and she's a farang

[makescents]

Touching the inside of your mouth, including when using a toothpick, must be done very discretely. However, feel free to eat with your mouth open and pick your nose.

No hypocrisy there no???

[rak sa_ngop]

Putting a knife into your mouth when eating: Farang no-no

Putting a fork into your mouth when eating: Thai no-no

[tw25rw]

Touching the inside of your mouth, including when using a toothpick, must be done very discretely. However, feel free to eat with your mouth open and pick your nose.

No hypocrisy there no???

I don't see any aspect of hypocrisy.

[lost_in_space]

A Thai friend of mine living in the States can't get over that it's ok to blow your nose in public, but not pick it.

[GuestHouse]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

....... Maybe we are an "old school" family, I guess.

.... Even after 35+ years with my Thai G/F, she is embarresed by a hug at the airport when I leave or arrive. .....

With those "old school family values", she's probably more embarrassed that after 35 years the two of you are still not married.

[GuestHouse]

I'd say the big issues of rude behavior are:

Things I find impolite in many Thais;

Time keeping

Queue jumping

Almost anything done while holding a vehicle steering wheel

Things I find impolite in many foreigners;

Inappropriate language - Either in their own language or use of their new found 'Bar Thai'

Inappropriate dress

Ranting about something over which they've clearly got the wrong end of the story

On the upside the Polite behavior

Thais generally win on;

Patience (Except when holding a vehicle steering wheel)

Westerners generally win on;

Consideration for others - beyond their own immediate family.

And I think in this last item is a problem for Thais - Dealing with anyone who is not either in the immediate family or circle of personal friends is a huge problem for most Thai people. I don't think they want to be rude to people out of their own close circle, rather they just don't know how to deal with the wider public around them.

Look at a lot of western 'good manners' and they are about interactions with people we do not know - Indeed, I recall very well being told as a child by my parents that my behavior and manners to others outside the family reflected on me and my family/my parents.

Thais are taught completely the other way around - Behavior in the family is the prime consideration and the only time behavior to others outside the immediate family gets consideration is when that 'other' is someone 'important'.

Hence, Thais will jump queues, turn-up late, or not turn-up at all. But they don't make these mistakes in front of someone who they regard as 'important'.

[carmine]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

Funny, my Thai g/f's children all still tell mom where they are going, and ask is there anything she needs them to bring back when they come home. And the youngest one is 26 years old. (Except for the grand daughter who is just 13...and granny is tougher on the 13 year old than anyone else.) She had better wai mom and granny and even "Uncle Bob" when she gets home from school. Maybe we are an "old school" family, I guess.

Not to be rude but your discription of Thais as "them" may show your real attitude toward Thais. Perhaps I'm wrong about that. But do you honestly know any Thais you don't refer to as "them". From my experience if you show you respect them, they respect you.

Oh right, i get it. Rather like "them" referring to all foreigners collectively as "farang."

[sarahsbloke]

When did you hear them say good bye ? Most of them just walk out without saying anything

That's so true, my wife does it all the time, first thing I know about her going out is the motorcycle starting, or she just wanders off.

Oh right, i get it. Rather like "them" referring to all foreigners collectively as "farang." whistling.gif

Another good one, racist grouping of white people is very rude IMHO.

(I think you will find they refer to non-whites by other collective names)

And another one I find extremely rude is her expecting to have sex when other family members are in the room, like her mother and 12 year old daughter .......... "it's OK the family are all used to living in one room and sharing a mattress" ........ I don't think so!

Edited April 7, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[Loz]

Thais:

Almost never hold a door open for the follower. Almost seems like slipping through the narrowest gaps shows how great you are.

Take pride in walking while looking in another direction implying the rest of the world had better clear a path. (I've perfected this to an intimidating level in an attempt to fit in)

Put dirty babies on Food prep or eating surfaces and think its cute rather than un hygenic

Don't beleive you when you tell them you are ENglish because you can't be if you have black skin.

Then try to trace back you family roots to africa to satisfy their need to believe you are not English!

Waiters hover over your change in a restuarant to see how much tip you leave. (when they do this I leave NONE, or wait until they Eff Off).

Beleive that ONLY Thai customs should be respected in Thailand. Other peoples customs can go to H3ll in a handbasket! (ever heard, "this is thailand, you no like, you leave!")

Falang:

Expect everyone to speak English.

Expect to their "ways" to be understood.

Come up with suggestions to "improve" Thailand

Does that help?

[carmine]

Thais:

Almost never hold a door open for the follower. Almost seems like slipping through the narrowest gaps shows how great you are.

Take pride in walking while looking in another direction implying the rest of the world had better clear a path. (I've perfected this to an intimidating level in an attempt to fit in)

Put dirty babies on Food prep or eating surfaces and think its cute rather than un hygenic

Don't beleive you when you tell them you are ENglish because you can't be if you have black skin.

Then try to trace back you family roots to africa to satisfy their need to believe you are not English!

Waiters hover over your change in a restuarant to see how much tip you leave. (when they do this I leave NONE, or wait until they Eff Off).

Beleive that ONLY Thai customs should be respected in Thailand. Other peoples customs can go to H3ll in a handbasket! (ever heard, "this is thailand, you no like, you leave!")

Falang:

Expect everyone to speak English.

Expect to their "ways" to be understood.

Come up with suggestions to "improve" Thailand

Does that help?

Excellent observations Loz

[rivers2020]

Many Thais tend not to look you in the eye's when your speaking to them even those who know english, In the west one might think they have something to hide (maybe they do) or are lieing.

western disregard for Thai tradition and buddha. I am sick of seeing topless bathers at beachs here....its illegal right? and anyway nobody wants to see your sagging white pancakes. and men come on speedos good god.

[MyphuketLife]

Thais:

Showing up late, always saying "No Problem", if unsure default answer "NO HAVE", Picking nose in public, Interupt Conversations, Just walk away with out saying bye or anything, Never admit to fault and say sorry.

Foriegners:

Very vocal when upset, tend to "go with the flow" less, assuming every one can speak some english, think they can fix thailand.

[obi1970]

Many Thais tend not to look you in the eye's when your speaking to them even those who know english, In the west one might think they have something to hide (maybe they do) or are lieing.

western disregard for Thai tradition and buddha. I am sick of seeing topless bathers at beachs here....its illegal right? and anyway nobody wants to see your sagging white pancakes. and men come on speedos good god.

lol true

But i never have any problems with thai manners before and i try to keep to there customs , afterall we are guest in there country and we need to show respect to them in first place if we like to get respect ourself.

and if you make a mistake as a farang the most tHAI just ignore it and probebly think to themself this is just another farang ting tong

[clinique]

Farangs;

- kissing and cuddling their Thai partner in shopping malls,

- loud abusive language,

- expecting the TukTuk/Taxi driver to know where their hotel is when they are drunk and dont know themselves,

- 'demanding' service from Thais without explainign what it is they actually want done,

- expecting Thais to speak fluent English,

- being confrontational,

- dress code generally - especially showing no respect especially in Temples,

- driving like idiots (more so than our hosts)

- drinking till being unable to walk,

- failing to understand basic thai culture,

- bad body odour, bad breath,

Thais;

- hanging up phone while still in mid conversation,

- never accepting they are wrong on a point,

- never (rarely) apologising,

- lack of consideration for others outside family (even when you are their ATM)

- doing whatever they like, but refusing to allow you to do what you want,

- expecting farangs to act as 'language teachers'/ translators at most any time,

- asking to 'borrow' money, and then always having an excuse why not to repay,

- expecting you to pay when out with their friends and 10 people turn up,

- standing and waiting for Tips at restaurants,

- discussing other peoples business,

- discussing your business with their friends ( no secrets here )

- "expecting" the latest mobile phone / lap top as a gift,

- questions re finances / money

- 'mom' has the last word in your relationship,

[clinique]

oh forgot one ,

- lieing continuosly and thinking you dont know they are lieing.

- lieing about lieing even when presented with proof.

[MSingh]

Is staring incesently menat to be rude in Thailand ??

I was under the impression it was & remember reading Books when i first arrived saying it was & that it was pretty much an open invitation for a confrontation if done too much yet here on Samui, all the Locals do is stare in a very aggressive manner, especially Taxi Drivers & especially if THEY are in the wrong in a situation ??

Strange aye ??

Or not ??

[F1fanatic]

oh forgot one ,

- lieing continuosly and thinking you dont know they are lieing.

- lieing about lieing even when presented with proof.

Had to laugh at your previous post - oh so true! But I know Westerners here who lie about lying even when presented with proof!

[F1fanatic]

Is staring incesently menat to be rude in Thailand ??

I was under the impression it was & remember reading Books when i first arrived saying it was & that it was pretty much an open invitation for a confrontation if done too much yet here on Samui, all the Locals do is stare in a very aggressive manner, especially Taxi Drivers & especially if THEY are in the wrong in a situation ??

Strange aye ??

Or not ??

1 - staring at a Westerner is not considered rude as we are not Thai

2 - taxi drivers (who believe YOU are in the wrong) are being confrontational!

[Garry9999]

Many Thais tend not to look you in the eye's when your speaking to them even those who know english, In the west one might think they have something to hide (maybe they do) or are lieing.

western disregard for Thai tradition and buddha. I am sick of seeing topless bathers at beachs here....its illegal right? and anyway nobody wants to see your sagging white pancakes. and men come on speedos good god.

What wrong with speedos?