Yorkshire Wit

[peter991]

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee abaht me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom ?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, tha daft bugger, ah've browt it wi' us."

***

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Aye, does tha want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"

***

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and he decides that her headstone should have the words "She were Thine" engraved on it.

He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.

True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were Thin".

He explodes - "Sodding eck man, tha's left t' flamin' "e" out!

The stone mason apologizes and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.

Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".

The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, She were Thin".

***

Bloke from Barnsley with a sore backside asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, does tha want Magnum or Cornetto?"

[John_Betong]

West Yorkshire Police Statement:

A man has been found dead in a river this morning wearing a Leeds shirt, fish net stockings, suspenders and a black crotches thong. The man was also said to have an orange inserted in his anus.

Police have removed the Leeds shirt to save his family any embarrassment.