Isn'T It Considered Rude To Go To A House And Use Their Stuff

[steelepulse]

My electrician was over today and he had some relatives in tow. I look outside and two of these guys were holding my golf clubs and using them without asking as if they owned the things. On previous occasions when I've had various workers over they help themselves to my snooker table and just start playing, when they should be working.

Isn't this considered rude anywhere in the world to be at someone's home you don't know and help yourself to whatever pleases you?

[orchidlady]

This is standard procedure in Thailand.

Haven't you ever been over to a couple's house that is mixed race (wife is Thai / husband is Brit or American say) and seen that they lock their bedroom and their bathroom doors-some every door has a lock.

Wonder why? Because her family thinks HER house is a personal shopping mall-whatever they have is available for her family to borrow/use (we call it stealing but they don't). Did you say anything to them? I sure would although somewhat nicely, "Would you like a drink on your break or are you ready to go back to work now? "

Be glad they just used the things they did . I had a worker come once to pick up glass from a broken closet mirror . He put on a pair of my long pants (draped nicely on a chair) over his shorts AND also put on a pair of my shoes before he picked up the broken glass from the closet mirror. I was going to ask him if he wanted to borrow a pair of my panties and bra also (I'm female). I threw out the shoes (no telling what he might have picked up walking barefoot all the time) and had to wash the pants.

Edited August 11, 2010 by orchidlady

[bkkjames]

As long as you are not paying them by the hour - I wouldn't worry about it. 

[Boater]

my ex birds brother used to come in the house and just borrowed any clothes he wanted thinking it was ok

[bina]

it is ok among many non westernized cultures to mix match and borrow among family members including extended family without asking for permission. its jsut assumed that its ok. just not in the west. westerners are much more 'space and privacy oriented'. here (israel, kibbutz/moshav adn even in city neihgborhoods that havent 'westernized') , we borrow stuff from neighbhors friends relatives w/o asking, usually just stating : borrowed your 'rake/table/outdoor chairs...'/ and within family extendeds (including, here, my ex family)we constantly are trading and using things. among family members clothing/shoes/coats/jackets all get 'borrowed'. we take from eachother's gardens: lettuce/lemons/basil/whatever... its obvious that if u take from them, they of course will take from u and its a reciprocal thing. sugar/milk/camping gear/shoes for a special evening and u dont want to buy/mattresses, we area always taking and returning ... recently i noticed my tent was borrowed, and returned, unforutnately w/o several parts. its annoying whent that happens but on the other hand, there were times when im sure i returned something with a dent/missing a piece/slightly more 'used'. but not much i can do about that if i want to be able to use something of someone else's again either.

workers from outside, no way. but from within: happens all the time. used to drive me crazy also. now i couldnt live w/o doing that as it is convenient. as we westernize more and more however, it happens less and less from outside apart from direct family members. the beduins still live like that. so do many of the large arabic families near where i live and they are upper middle class cultured and educated, not poverty stricken villagers. so do the thais that work here. they are lending and borrowing endlessly. they say, in thai 'mai hueng' (not possessive).

however, absolute strangers is an other story...

bina

israel

[WarpSpeed]

Mind boggling! At the very least it's unprofessional, these are not relatives that's bad enough but hired help and it's unimaginable for me to ever have gone to a customers house while being contracted to do a job and then freely helping myself to anything of their property without at minimum asking, which in and of itself would be unusual.

I had many high end exclusive clients and would never have even one if I behaved that way and took them for granted, they have many desirable things to both appropriate and covet but no such thing has ever crossed my mind..

I'd especially love to have taken out a few of their boats or yachts ..

[Atmos]

never encountered it from workers/tradesmen - but admit when we had builders here for renovations I did lock the door to bedroom & office.

Our immediate neighbour is fond of borrowing garden tools - I aerosol sprayed all the handles fluoro pink so there can be no dispute re ownership and often do a polite little 'repossession collection'.

But . . . when we had a motorbike breakdown we were offered a Honda Sonic 125 to use until ours was fixed. And yes - it had gas in the tank.

Re tradesmen turning up with families - you can guess the ending here: glazier for some reason had to look after 3 or 4 year old girl for the day.

Arrived with our glass, his tools, little girl . . . and a small soccer ball for her to play with.

Yes it ended in tears (his, not ours)

[Thakkar]

my ex birds brother used to come in the house and just borrowed any clothes he wanted thinking it was ok

I've never been a big tools guy. I have however always encouraged friends and neighbors to buy quality tools, because I like to borrow the best. My dad was like that too. We lived next door to a ship's mechanic who was seldom around but had a comprehensive set of quality tools that we'd borrow from his wife. In exchange my dad let her eldest daughter give me Chinese lessons for free. Did I mention my dad was a great negotiator?

Anyway, I wish we had some proper tools when I got locked in the bathroom today. I closed the door, heard the lock snap of its own accord, tried to re-open it but couldn't. I called Mrs T through the door to get me out and she examined our sorry excuse for a tool chest to see what she could use. She decided on a hammer. While she banged away on the other side, I figured I might as well brush my teeth and take a shower. By the time I was done, there was a hole where the door handle had been, but I was still locked in.

I could see Mrs T fiddling with a pipe wrench and wanted to ask how the hel_l that was supposed to help, but restrained myself as I could see that she was much agitated after twenty minutes of banging. She soon realized the wrench was useless. She went off and returned with two butter knives and handed me one through the hole. We twiddled the knives from both sides of the now damaged lock mechanism and finally managed to get the door open.

The problem occurred because of the bad quality lock we'd installed and I wanted to tell my good wife she shouldn't have bought that cheap lock, but this wasn't an “I-told-you-so” moment. It never is, by the way.

We now have some idea as to how long it would take a burglar armed with a hammer and butter knife to break into our toilet: one hour. That's enough time for even the lethargic Thai police to get here, so the toilet would be a good place to store our valuables. Now all we need are some valuables.

We've agreed that good tools are essential to have around and have begun canvassing our neighbors to get an inventory.

Our tool chest:

Edited August 11, 2010 by Thakkar

[BillR]

reminds of a time in bkk where I was staying at the sukothai and when I awoke my gf's entire family was in the living room sleeping on the pull out couch, floor, etc.

Edited August 11, 2010 by BillR

[sillyman99]

Yeah, it's quite normal in Thailand.

Just cos its not normal in UK or USA don't make it wrong or right, it just makes it different.

\

You can do the same in their house.

[robblok]

Yeah, it's quite normal in Thailand.

Just cos its not normal in UK or USA don't make it wrong or right, it just makes it different.

\

You can do the same in their house.

Just because its accepted here does not mean i will accept it.

Its still my home and my property. I live far away from the in laws and im fortunate they don't know i got quite a lot of good tools here.

[Thakkar]

Yeah, it's quite normal in Thailand.

Just cos its not normal in UK or USA don't make it wrong or right, it just makes it different.

\

You can do the same in their house.

Just because its accepted here does not mean i will accept it.

Its still my home and my property. I live far away from the in laws and im fortunate they don't know i got quite a lot of good tools here.

I think we should be friends. May I make an appointment to peruse your possessions?

Edited August 11, 2010 by Thakkar

[robblok]

Yeah, it's quite normal in Thailand.

Just cos its not normal in UK or USA don't make it wrong or right, it just makes it different.

\

You can do the same in their house.

Just because its accepted here does not mean i will accept it.

Its still my home and my property. I live far away from the in laws and im fortunate they don't know i got quite a lot of good tools here.

I think we should be friends. May I make an appointment to peruse your possessions?

hahaha after i seen some Thais use powertools im sure never to lend it to anyone.

[Lancelot]

Of course its rude and they do know better; however, they simply don't care. If the same folks entered the house of a Thai puy yai; they would be on their very best manners and appear to even be reluctant to breath-lest it offend their host.

I know I will be deamonized for saying this but if its your house and you do not appreciate their behaviour, tell them to leave and minimize further contact with them. They demonstrated their contempt by taking liberities. Nothing good can come from further contact

[Thakkar]

In my mom's old neighborhood in Bombay, people go into each others' kitchen to use kitchen equipment and even cook entire meals. The first neighbor to get anything new, like a home theater system, better be prepared for their living room to be turned into a community cinema—until another neighbor gets something bigger and better.

When China was opening up, I spent a little time in Yantai, a lovely city in Shandong province. I stayed a brand new hotel in a brand new Industrial Processing Zone. Most guests left their windows and doors open for the airflow as the air conditioners the hotel had ordered were held up at customs (China wasn't yet making everything). As a seasoned traveler, I had a well-equipped office in my room with miniature everything bought in Japan. Guests from other rooms would routinely walk in and borrow my cute little stapler, hole punch and other stuff. One of these guys became a good friend I stay in touch with till this day.

In the sixties, HK was like that in many of the older neighborhoods. By the late eighties, returning from the supermarket with fresh milk and unable to get into my apartment, I couldn't even convince a neighbor to store my milk in his fridge while I went to retrieve a spare key from elsewhere.

Things will change here as well in due time. "Progress"

[Lancelot]

In my mom's old neighborhood in Bombay, people go into each others' kitchen to use kitchen equipment and even cook entire meals. The first neighbor to get anything new, like a home theater system, better be prepared for their living room to be turned into a community cinema—until another neighbor gets something bigger and better.

Things will change here as well in due time. "Progress"

I'm all for being neighborly and I like interacting with the people -that I know- living next to me.

However, total strangers helping themselves to my stuff is still a no no.

[zzaa09]

it is ok among many non westernized cultures to mix match and borrow among family members including extended family without asking for permission. its jsut assumed that its ok. just not in the west. westerners are much more 'space and privacy oriented'. here (israel, kibbutz/moshav adn even in city neihgborhoods that havent 'westernized') , we borrow stuff from neighbhors friends relatives w/o asking, usually just stating : borrowed your 'rake/table/outdoor chairs...'/ and within family extendeds (including, here, my ex family)we constantly are trading and using things. among family members clothing/shoes/coats/jackets all get 'borrowed'. we take from eachother's gardens: lettuce/lemons/basil/whatever... its obvious that if u take from them, they of course will take from u and its a reciprocal thing. sugar/milk/camping gear/shoes for a special evening and u dont want to buy/mattresses, we area always taking and returning ... recently i noticed my tent was borrowed, and returned, unforutnately w/o several parts. its annoying whent that happens but on the other hand, there were times when im sure i returned something with a dent/missing a piece/slightly more 'used'. but not much i can do about that if i want to be able to use something of someone else's again either.

workers from outside, no way. but from within: happens all the time. used to drive me crazy also. now i couldnt live w/o doing that as it is convenient. as we westernize more and more however, it happens less and less from outside apart from direct family members. the beduins still live like that. so do many of the large arabic families near where i live and they are upper middle class cultured and educated, not poverty stricken villagers. so do the thais that work here. they are lending and borrowing endlessly. they say, in thai 'mai hueng' (not possessive).

however, absolute strangers is an other story...

bina

israel

Very well constructed, Bina. It's always difficult for most Euro-types to comprehend traditional cultural social and familial extensions - finding them odd and usual - when truly they're not. It's not within their conditioning, as most Western cultures deviate from said familiarities.

[zzaa09]

Yeah, it's quite normal in Thailand.

Just cos its not normal in UK or USA don't make it wrong or right, it just makes it different.

\

You can do the same in their house.

.....or can you?

[Peterbigeyes]

I believe it is considered rude in ANY culture to just help yourself in a stranger's house.

[Thakkar]

In my mom's old neighborhood in Bombay, people go into each others' kitchen to use kitchen equipment and even cook entire meals. The first neighbor to get anything new, like a home theater system, better be prepared for their living room to be turned into a community cinema—until another neighbor gets something bigger and better.

Things will change here as well in due time. "Progress"

I'm all for being neighborly and I like interacting with the people -that I know- living next to me.

However, total strangers helping themselves to my stuff is still a no no.

I agree, total strangers are another matter. It's tricky though. Say a distant neighbor in a large moo ban came with a bottle of wine, introduced himself and the two of us shared that bottle chewing the cud on my porch. What if he retuned a week later and asked to borrow my lawn mower? I'd probably say yes.

BTW, to all my neighbors: I don't own a lawn mower, but do enjoy wine.

[wintermute]

If they haven't communicated with you at all and just go through your things then that's rude and not the norm in Thailand. I don't know why people here think it is. Even in farm communities if you don't know the people at all there's still some etiquette involved.

Chances are the relative, wife, girlfriend, or teeruk (heh ) what have you probably gave them a non committal or apathetic answer when they asked so they think it's a green light to do whatever the hel_l they want.

[Peterbigeyes]

If they haven't communicated with you at all and just go through your things then that's rude and not the norm in Thailand. I don't know why people here think it is. Even in farm communities if you don't know the people at all there's still some etiquette involved.

Chances are the relative, wife, girlfriend, or teeruk (heh ) what have you probably gave them a non committal or apathetic answer when they asked so they think it's a green light to do whatever the hel_l they want.

Agreed. You should talk to them at least before they step right over your head while you look like a scarecrow

[steelepulse]

The thing is, my electrician has been with us for 10 years and I have no problem with his immediate family using our toys, but the people with him playing with the golf clubs today were complete strangers to my house that just happened to come with him. I sarcastically said to them in Thai, " Oh you play golf left handed too" at which point they decided to put the clubs down when they saw that what I said wasn't said in a happy and welcoming voice and a nice smiling face.

[wintermute]

I sarcastically said to them in Thai, " Oh you play golf left handed too" at which point they decided to put the clubs down when they saw that what I said wasn't said in a happy and welcoming voice and a nice smiling face.

Nice way to lose face there. The Thai way to handle it would be to smile at them, offer some snacks, and then never ever use that electrician again.

[bifftastic]

my ex birds brother used to come in the house and just borrowed any clothes he wanted thinking it was ok

I've never been a big tools guy. I have however always encouraged friends and neighbors to buy quality tools, because I like to borrow the best. My dad was like that too. We lived next door to a ship's mechanic who was seldom around but had a comprehensive set of quality tools that we'd borrow from his wife. In exchange my dad let her eldest daughter give me Chinese lessons for free. Did I mention my dad was a great negotiator?

Anyway, I wish we had some proper tools when I got locked in the bathroom today. I closed the door, heard the lock snap of its own accord, tried to re-open it but couldn't. I called Mrs T through the door to get me out and she examined our sorry excuse for a tool chest to see what she could use. She decided on a hammer. While she banged away on the other side, I figured I might as well brush my teeth and take a shower. By the time I was done, there was a hole where the door handle had been, but I was still locked in.

I could see Mrs T fiddling with a pipe wrench and wanted to ask how the hel_l that was supposed to help, but restrained myself as I could see that she was much agitated after twenty minutes of banging. She soon realized the wrench was useless. She went off and returned with two butter knives and handed me one through the hole. We twiddled the knives from both sides of the now damaged lock mechanism and finally managed to get the door open.

The problem occurred because of the bad quality lock we'd installed and I wanted to tell my good wife she shouldn't have bought that cheap lock, but this wasn't an "I-told-you-so" moment. It never is, by the way.

We now have some idea as to how long it would take a burglar armed with a hammer and butter knife to break into our toilet: one hour. That's enough time for even the lethargic Thai police to get here, so the toilet would be a good place to store our valuables. Now all we need are some valuables.

We've agreed that good tools are essential to have around and have begun canvassing our neighbors to get an inventory.

Our tool chest:

Thank you, made me laugh

Whilst I agree that sharing things is nice, where I come from we used to do that all the time, things have changed somewhat but it still happens.

In Thailand, my g/f always locks the bedroom door and the front door when we go out. They're not very good locks, wouldn't stop anyone breaking in, but when we come home it means the house isn't full of other people watching our TV it's no different from their TV but maybe it seems like it's better because it's ours, or they felt the 'urge' to watch TV and just happened to be near our house.

I don't mind people using my stuff, well, some of my stuff anyway, but they need to ask first. (no I don't have any tools Thakkar ) I will now always carry a butter knife in case of emergency

Edited August 11, 2010 by bifftastic

[CarlBkk]

That is what I call taking the peas.

I think that some take the friendliness and quick familiarity of the Western male/female as a green light to feel overly comfortable, you could say taking the kindness for granted. Do you think they'd do this to a professional Thai couple? No chance. The Thai couple would remain civil but strict and let them know their place to avoid things like this.

I'd hope on seeing world-general (no cultural excuses for this) rudeness such as that example you or your wife would stand there watching them without smiling until they got the message. In fact, most Thai women with an ounce of assertiveness would tell them in no uncertain terms that it wasn't acceptable, just because they're a mixed race couple.

[steelepulse]

I sarcastically said to them in Thai, " Oh you play golf left handed too" at which point they decided to put the clubs down when they saw that what I said wasn't said in a happy and welcoming voice and a nice smiling face.

Nice way to lose face there. The Thai way to handle it would be to smile at them, offer some snacks, and then never ever use that electrician again.

Is that a big deal when we've used them for 10 years and pay them well and they're good friends with the wife? I'd dare say not, but for the clowns that came with them and assumed my house was the same as every other house in Thailand where they can do what they want..............well I'm sure our electrician gave them the story as to how some people don't appreciate people taking things without asking. Please let us know where you are so we can come and take advantage of whatever you have and not worry about losing face.

>>In fact, most Thai women with an ounce of assertiveness would tell them in no uncertain terms that it wasn't acceptable, just because they're a mixed race couple.

The problem is this time my wife wasn't around and they showed up announced.

Edited August 11, 2010 by steelepulse

[jackr]

Yeah, it's quite normal in Thailand.

Just cos its not normal in UK or USA don't make it wrong or right, it just makes it different.

\

You can do the same in their house.

Rubbish.

Most of you are missing the point; these aren't friends, family or neighbours, they are workmen paid to do a job. Op, they're taking the piss; get into em and don't take it up the bum the way a Thaier than Thai oddball would.

[Thakkar]

I've never been a big tools guy.

<snip>

We now have some idea as to how long it would take a burglar armed with a hammer and butter knife to break into our toilet: one hour. That's enough time for even the lethargic Thai police to get here, so the toilet would be a good place to store our valuables. Now all we need are some valuables.

We've agreed that good tools are essential to have around and have begun canvassing our neighbors to get an inventory.

Our tool chest:

Thank you, made me laugh

Whilst I agree that sharing things is nice, where I come from we used to do that all the time, things have changed somewhat but it still happens.

In Thailand, my g/f always locks the bedroom door and the front door when we go out. They're not very good locks, wouldn't stop anyone breaking in, but when we come home it means the house isn't full of other people watching our TV it's no different from their TV but maybe it seems like it's better because it's ours, or they felt the 'urge' to watch TV and just happened to be near our house.

I don't mind people using my stuff, well, some of my stuff anyway, but they need to ask first. (no I don't have any tools Thakkar ) I will now always carry a butter knife in case of emergency

I'll need to know where you are at all times, in case I need to borrow it from you.

[Luang]

my ex birds brother used to come in the house and just borrowed any clothes he wanted thinking it was ok

I've never been a big tools guy. I have however always encouraged friends and neighbors to buy quality tools, because I like to borrow the best. My dad was like that too. We lived next door to a ship's mechanic who was seldom around but had a comprehensive set of quality tools that we'd borrow from his wife. In exchange my dad let her eldest daughter give me Chinese lessons for free. Did I mention my dad was a great negotiator?

Anyway, I wish we had some proper tools when I got locked in the bathroom today. I closed the door, heard the lock snap of its own accord, tried to re-open it but couldn't. I called Mrs T through the door to get me out and she examined our sorry excuse for a tool chest to see what she could use. She decided on a hammer. While she banged away on the other side, I figured I might as well brush my teeth and take a shower. By the time I was done, there was a hole where the door handle had been, but I was still locked in.

I could see Mrs T fiddling with a pipe wrench and wanted to ask how the hel_l that was supposed to help, but restrained myself as I could see that she was much agitated after twenty minutes of banging. She soon realized the wrench was useless. She went off and returned with two butter knives and handed me one through the hole. We twiddled the knives from both sides of the now damaged lock mechanism and finally managed to get the door open.

The problem occurred because of the bad quality lock we'd installed and I wanted to tell my good wife she shouldn't have bought that cheap lock, but this wasn't an “I-told-you-so” moment. It never is, by the way.

We now have some idea as to how long it would take a burglar armed with a hammer and butter knife to break into our toilet: one hour. That's enough time for even the lethargic Thai police to get here, so the toilet would be a good place to store our valuables. Now all we need are some valuables.

We've agreed that good tools are essential to have around and have begun canvassing our neighbors to get an inventory.

Our tool chest:

Funniest post i've read in ages! Thanks Takkar. :jap: