Earning More Than Your Thai Boyfriend

[kai21]

Are there any women out there, like me, who earn vastly more than their Thai partner?

Have you encountered any problems?

If you are married, how does your partner cope with you being the main bread winner?

Any comments would be appreciated!

[mrentoul]

I don't think the same status problems apply as they do in the West if a girl is making more than her boyfriend.

Here you might find your Thai boyfriend's standing in the eyes of his peers improves, in fact - he has more money to spend, after all!

[kai21]

In my experience western men are more than happy for a woman to pay her share whereas Thai men are almost offended if you offer to contribute. While my Thai partner does allow me to pay if we have gone somewhere of my choosing that's way out of his price range, he does still insist on paying for the general incidentals of day-to-day life, despite the difference in our salaries. While this is admirable in the short term, I am worried about the long term implications of his reluctance to let me pay.

[sbk]

Welcome to the forum, nice to hear from another farang girl in thailand!

Well, as for the money issue, we had problems at first because altho I had more money than him at the start, it quickly equalized when his parents gave us a large amt of money to start our marriage. (After all, he had been working for them for free for years so its not like he didn't earn it!)

So, at the beginning, when I had more money than him I found it difficult. Most men (thai or farang, sorry mrentoul but I disagree with you on this one) prefer to be seen as the primary bread-winner and feel inferior or a sponge if they must rely on their gf's money. Any man who doesn't feel this way probably is a sponge! Be grateful your boyfriend wants to pay. What might work better, is to start a joint bank-account to pay bills etc. Each put in an equal amt each month. Then you can pay your own expenses on top of that. Explain that in your culture it is acceptable to share expenses, I got my guy to agree to a bit of a compromise on that one after awhile.

[TizMe]

While my Thai partner does allow me to pay if we have gone somewhere of my choosing that's way out of his price range, he does still insist on paying for the general incidentals of day-to-day life, despite the difference in our salaries.

Kai21,

My Thai GF always insists on paying unless its something of my choosing that's way out of her price range.

[kai21]

Thank you for your replies! Part of the problem is that his general living expenses have gone up quite considerably as a consequence of being with me. While there is a certain amount of compromise on both sides even little things like getting a coffee at Starbucks are things that he wouldn't normally do and it makes me think twice about doing things that I normally wouldn't even consider as I don't want him to be out of pocket. The differential between our incomes is too great for it to ever be rebalanced so I guess it's just a case of letting him pay for enough small things for his pride to remain intact while trying to convince him that it doesn't make him less of a man if I pay too. It doesn't have too much of an impact on things at the moment but we have been talking about marriage and have discussed the fact that our life styles would have to meet somewhere in the middle. I just don't know how likely that is in reality. Either I'll find myself living a completely Thai lifestyle (with lots of savings in the bank) or that will give him enough security in our relationship to relax a little on the whole male pride thing. I don't by any means want to live an extravagent life but I would like us to enjoy the money I have.

[Begs]

While my Thai partner does allow me to pay if we have gone somewhere of my choosing that's way out of his price range, he does still insist on paying for the general incidentals of day-to-day life, despite the difference in our salaries.

Kai21,

My Thai GF always insists on paying unless its something of my choosing that's way out of her price range.

Like a Bowl of rice?

[TizMe]

Like a Bowl of rice?

Ummm, no, she earns a very good wage by Thai standards, but it is only 1/4 of what I earn. So if we stay or eat 5 star then I pay. Most other times, she pays.

[Supersurch]

The issue of men being the bread winner still exists and it exists all over the world. IMO, it's an instinctive behavior when men feels obligated to go out and find food, while women bear their children. I say this only as a scientific hypothesis, so please do not read into this as an insult to women.

Even though the evolution of men and women have come a long ways in terms of equal rights, we still have a ways to go. Women are still being paid less, are still considered the bearer of children, and are still passed up for promotions. Maybe if men could give birth out of their behind, things would change.

It's the same shet as equal rights to minorities. And when I say minorities, I mean all race. So for example, if you are caucasian living in Thailand, you will still be charged for more on everything compared to your Thai counterparts. Same here in the states. If you are black, you will still experience racism. Not all the times, but it still exists. It sucks, but it's evolutionary. It is evident not only in our own specie, but down to the micro-organisms that lives on our skin. Majority has an edge and always will. Think about it.

In regards to Kai21 post. Being Thai-American I like to shed some light. There were times where I was not able to meet the pocket book of my significant other, and instinctively I felt a little ashamed. It was not a feeling that I think I could control from the start. I just felt like I lost face when really it's nothing major. "Losing face" is a big deal to Thais. I think everyone has said that here in this forum. Even after being in the states for a long time where I think women have made strides in terms of status and equal rights, I still feel obligated to take care of women. Maybe it's innate. Maybe because I'm a nut and my reply is becoming a bowl of "word salad".

[k for kandy]

probably relatively irrelevant to this topic but i have a question:

if youre earning significantly more than your male significant other and he doesnt have a problem with it and is willing to let you pay whenever you feel like it i.e. the opposite the 'i will always pay' guy, would you then have a problem with that? would you think he is a leech or would you think 'great, i have the new age guy, now i can be happy'?

[Flipper]

Hi

I too am a farang female earning considerably more than my Thai partner. On household bills whoever has money at the time pays. He is paying the mortgage on the house (about 1/2 his monthly income) and me the car(about 1/5th of mine)! When we go out, I often pay (especially towards the end of the month), but if he has money then he will pay. Sometimes I give him money so that he can pay in front of friends and not lose face. However, I have noticed with Thai-Thai couples, that it is often the women who organise the financial side of life no matter whose actual earnings it is.

At first he had a problem with me paying the whole time, but now we just get on with the more important things in life. If we start a family, I will probably be unemployed for a while and he will have to look after me financially, so I am sure that things will work out.

Hope they do for you too.

[mrentoul]

However, I have noticed with Thai-Thai couples, that it is often the women who organise the financial side of life no matter whose actual earnings it is.

I live with a Thai guy who told me early on in the piece that he wanted my ATM card. I said - what? Anyway, I handed it over. It's been with him since.

He pays the bills and organises everything financial, which is great for me because I like spending money too much.

We hardly ever go shopping together, because he knows what I l am like.

Last week I asked to tag along on one of his trips to the Mall.

I blew B800 on CDs. I couldn't believe it myself when I got home.

[penny]

I have been married to a lovely Thai guy for over 6 years and we have a happy marriage...But I have always earned considerably more money than him. We live in a rented one room mansion which by my standards is pretty basic but better than he would live (or could afford to live) without me...On a day to day basis and month to month it is fine as we share living expenses, although I pay more rent than him due to his low income. But for things like travelling (and other expenses where larger sums of money are involved) I pay...This has been the cause of much frustration for me as I would prefer to travel more often and can afford to pay for myself but not for 2 people all of the time...And I also enjoy going out to dinner or for a coffee at Starbucks but there is no way my dear hubby wil pay 75 baht for a cup of coffee or let me pay...Ditto for restaurants..He feels very uncomfortable in the more expensive western restuarants and doesnt want to pay 400 baht plus for a meal...He doesnt even like Pizza Hut...He prefers to cook at home !!!! So if I we rarely eat out at nice restaurants..I go to these places with my girlfriends..But sometimes I miss my hubby..I want to eat out with him too (at somewhere other than a noodle stand!!!)

So realising that things cant go on like this we have decided to return to my own country...My hubby is a bit nervous but excited...The visa application fee was very expensive (I paid as he doesnt have that kind of money) but he was recently issued with a visa and soon we are off...I just hope that at home he wont pine for Thailand, is able to adjust and earn a reasonable/livable income so that I wont always have to be the prime breadwinner and that we can be more equal in terms of money....Fingers crossed !!! I am very worried that he wil be lonely and feel isolated...

[Sandy]

mrentoul....Thats probably why he asked for your ATM card. Incase u spend like that at the mall.

I hold the cards and the check book in our relationship. If i didnt, we would be broke as ever. But i dont make more than him, but he sure does spend more than me.