What would you do?

[ItsPhuketTownNotCity]

I agree, NBD. It's a sweeping generalization with lots of factors involved, including one's definition of quality of life. But the gap is closing. Another poster pointed out rightly so the percentage of income spent on housing/expenses vs. savings in Thailand vs. UK, and another poster pointed out cost-of-living differences. If you throw in safety (physical security) and weather and simplicity (lack of nanny state and regulations), one could make a case for Thailand and SE Asia.

[bendovid]

In #34 you state: ‘I earn enough already to live nicely and save money every month’

Yet you then state: ‘I do not have savings to fall back on’ …

But in Thailand you were making/ can make 100,000B which is 2/3rds more than what farang teachers or many pensioners make.

What exactly do you do/ have you done with your money?

#75 ‘…already rent my place out but the money I get from it basically covers the buy to let mortgage so is just protecting my investment rather than giving me extra disposable income….”

So where and how do you live in England where even a cuppa needs one to secure a small loan?

You have been given a great deal of sage advice by folks trying to be true to your situation but you are not being on the up-and-up as I follow your maze of ‘on again-off again savings’ and ‘Baht100K this and Multi Pounds that’, an expensive house you ‘own’ but ‘don’t own’ and wistful longing for Thailand but not Bkk where on 100K monthly you went on numerous weekend trips yet were still forced to stare out windows at the world passing you by.

Yes I’d say the world is passing you by.

What would you do? -Best sit down and get you act together, laddie, and soon; then come back and lay out what your real situation is, and why you are seeking help.

Hi, I appreciate it may be confusing to you and indeed there has been a great deal of sage advice on here but this is the first post where anyone has been confused by what my predicament is..So to explain to you in as simple form as I can. I spent all my savings in Thailand before starting to work there and had a bloody good time in the process. Having done that, I decided to get my head down and work in Thailand but found that despite it sounding like a lot of money to many, 100,000 baht in Bangkok per month is not a terrific amount if you have want to live a reasonably nice life and be able to also save for the future and potentially buy a car/support a future family etc. Also my wife and I did not like living in Bangkok that much and the idea of being there many years later did not appeal to us. So I came back to the UK where my earning potential is greater and it does not cost a small loan to buy a cuppa-in fact it is not really that much more expensive than Bangkok here. Since being here, I have managed to find a well paid job-£50,000 base salary and commission on top where I can save every month and I also have a flat that I own where the rent pays the mortgage-not an expensive house(don't know where you got that from as I never wrote that) but the process of getting a visa, mainly the waiting and to and fro has made my wife and I get very lonely and frustrated. I also am concerned that even though the money situation is good here, I am not sure she will enjoy the UK-obvious reasons such as totally different culture, very cold weather, me being away from her for very long periods in my job etc etc So the debate has been, if you have missed it , do I give up on the more profitable UK and go back to Thailand to give it another go with little behind me financially or do I persevere and stay here and bring her here instead? Hope that clears it up for you laddie! I would suggest that the world is far from passing me by..I live life to the full wherever I am and perhaps that is why at nearly 40 I do not have savings, just the flat which pays for itself through the rent. I am not seeking help. I am seeking advice..Give me yours and I will be very appreciative! Or if you still find it hard to understand what I am saying then no worries and enjoy your life..Thanks and best wishes

[NBD]

Mixed bag at best.

Personal safety is pretty poor in Thailand. Certain parts of the big US cities are more likely to get you shot, and you are probably more likely to get in a brawl in any English town centre, but that's all small stuff compared to your chances of being hit by a drunk driver, shunted by a truck wild bald tyres or similar. And anyway Thailand is not without violence.

Weather

35c is great if you're at the beach, it's a pain when you are going to work. And at this time of year the rain makes English weather look attractive!

Nanny state

Yes I can ride around with no helmet, buy noodles from a handcart and drive home after a beer or two more than I should. I'm a libertarian and believe these things should be a free choice. However I cannot visit certain websites, I cannot buy property, and I have to avoid certain topics, even if I may hold a strong opinion on it. I face a few other restrictions that are a different sort of nanny state. Less obvious than our own version of it but in some ways more important.

[Thai at Heart]

This is all very odd. If she wants to be with him, and he is the only provider, presumably she should get on the plane, get accustomed to drizzle, baked beans and a pint of bitter.

Life in the UK is nowhere near as dismal as anyone says. The op may well want kids and believe me, 100k per month goes nowhere when it comes to schools. Then throw in proper health insurance. Want a car? Can't get a mortgage.

Etc etc etc

Edited October 7, 2013 by Thai at Heart

[klubex99]

Stay where you are in the UK...

Work 18 or so months and save as much as you can.

Let your wife visit you as and when you can, but keep it real.... International travel is expensive when you are saving.

Don't keep flying to LOS... It eats up your money.

When you have 2 or 3 Mil Baht, take a month off and come to LOS.

Look around for a business to start with that capital, if you can't find anything, at least you still have your job to go back to while you use the extended time to think up a good business. I can help you there, i have run a few pretty successful businesses here, it is the true land of opportunity. Making a very good living here with a small investment is simple. I see many good opportunities here. They are everywhere.

There you go..... sorted.

Thank you for your response. It would be useful to PM you to ask your suggestions around business/opportunity there?

Already replied to your PM.

[bendovid]

This is all very odd. If she wants to be with him, and he is the only provider, presumably she should get on the plane, get accustomed to drizzle, baked beans and a pint of bitter.

Life in the UK is nowhere near as dismal as anyone says. The op may well want kids and believe me, 100k per month goes nowhere when it comes to schools. Then throw in proper health insurance. Want a car? Can't get a mortgage.

Etc etc etc

It's not that odd my friend..how many thai people love their country so much and given a choice would prefer to stay there with husband than go to a place that is very alien to them..I guess perhaps the problem lies just there..that being a considerate man, i have asked her what she would prefer and she is kind of crying out for me to come back..but then she would because she is bored and lonely..as am I! The waiting game has been because when I came back here, I had no form of job or savings in the bank to show the visa people to get her over here, so I have had to graft away to rectify my status and only now, around 8 months later are we ready to start the process of applying. I agree with what you say about the finances of even having a well paid 100k a month job there and that was my precise thinking for coming back but having been back here, it has made me worry that she will not like the lifestyle here at all..You are right life is not dismal here but it is very cold, grey and dull often and I hope she can cope with that..also I will be away from her for long periods of time because of the long hours we work in the UK and she will find that very hard also..She wants to be with me,,there is no question about that and she has waited like a good woman for several months without me but it has taken it's strain on our relationship and at times I have just wanted to chuck it in here and go back..Having said all this, she may well like it here more than I think and we are very close now to getting her over with my finances in order again..As far as the baked beans and a pint of bitter..I love that phrase you put in..but I doubt she will go that far..even for love. It will be trips to buy Pappaya etc wherever we can find it! She is very thai!

[Thai at Heart]

This is all very odd. If she wants to be with him, and he is the only provider, presumably she should get on the plane, get accustomed to drizzle, baked beans and a pint of bitter.

Life in the UK is nowhere near as dismal as anyone says. The op may well want kids and believe me, 100k per month goes nowhere when it comes to schools. Then throw in proper health insurance. Want a car? Can't get a mortgage.

Etc etc etc

It's not that odd my friend..how many thai people love their country so much and given a choice would prefer to stay there with husband than go to a place that is very alien to them..I guess perhaps the problem lies just there..that being a considerate man, i have asked her what she would prefer and she is kind of crying out for me to come back..but then she would because she is bored and lonely..as am I! The waiting game has been because when I came back here, I had no form of job or savings in the bank to show the visa people to get her over here, so I have had to graft away to rectify my status and only now, around 8 months later are we ready to start the process of applying. I agree with what you say about the finances of even having a well paid 100k a month job there and that was my precise thinking for coming back but having been back here, it has made me worry that she will not like the lifestyle here at all..You are right life is not dismal here but it is very cold, grey and dull often and I hope she can cope with that..also I will be away from her for long periods of time because of the long hours we work in the UK and she will find that very hard also..She wants to be with me,,there is no question about that and she has waited like a good woman for several months without me but it has taken it's strain on our relationship and at times I have just wanted to chuck it in here and go back..Having said all this, she may well like it here more than I think and we are very close now to getting her over with my finances in order again..As far as the baked beans and a pint of bitter..I love that phrase you put in..but I doubt she will go that far..even for love. It will be trips to buy Pappaya etc wherever we can find it! She is very thai!

Well I have to say, I must be married to a very of woman. My job took us many places and she was more than happy to come along.

It wasn't all easy, but very worthwhile. Reality is, if she isn't willing to give up something to be with you, it shows a lot about her priorities. Yes it's nice to have a hubby in tow and live in Thailand, but if it's not feasible to the level that the nominated provider is happy with, then something has to give.

I am in process of decamping us all back to UK after 18 years arrived Thailand/Asia. That's life.

[bendovid]

This is all very odd. If she wants to be with him, and he is the only provider, presumably she should get on the plane, get accustomed to drizzle, baked beans and a pint of bitter.

Life in the UK is nowhere near as dismal as anyone says. The op may well want kids and believe me, 100k per month goes nowhere when it comes to schools. Then throw in proper health insurance. Want a car? Can't get a mortgage.

Etc etc etc

It's not that odd my friend..how many thai people love their country so much and given a choice would prefer to stay there with husband than go to a place that is very alien to them..I guess perhaps the problem lies just there..that being a considerate man, i have asked her what she would prefer and she is kind of crying out for me to come back..but then she would because she is bored and lonely..as am I! The waiting game has been because when I came back here, I had no form of job or savings in the bank to show the visa people to get her over here, so I have had to graft away to rectify my status and only now, around 8 months later are we ready to start the process of applying. I agree with what you say about the finances of even having a well paid 100k a month job there and that was my precise thinking for coming back but having been back here, it has made me worry that she will not like the lifestyle here at all..You are right life is not dismal here but it is very cold, grey and dull often and I hope she can cope with that..also I will be away from her for long periods of time because of the long hours we work in the UK and she will find that very hard also..She wants to be with me,,there is no question about that and she has waited like a good woman for several months without me but it has taken it's strain on our relationship and at times I have just wanted to chuck it in here and go back..Having said all this, she may well like it here more than I think and we are very close now to getting her over with my finances in order again..As far as the baked beans and a pint of bitter..I love that phrase you put in..but I doubt she will go that far..even for love. It will be trips to buy Pappaya etc wherever we can find it! She is very thai!

Well I have to say, I must be married to a very of woman. My job took us many places and she was more than happy to come along.

It wasn't all easy, but very worthwhile. Reality is, if she isn't willing to give up something to be with you, it shows a lot about her priorities. Yes it's nice to have a hubby in tow and live in Thailand, but if it's not feasible to the level that the nominated provider is happy with, then something has to give.

I am in process of decamping us all back to UK after 18 years arrived Thailand/Asia. That's life.

Fair point..and if my job took us to many places I would be a lot happier than being in Bangkok that is for sure..by the way what did you do for work and how much did it pay? Finally, why are you decamping back to the UK? I only ask these questions to get a better sense of it all...Did you live and work in Thailand for 18 years and if so why go back now?

[jonnyscot]

I'd suggest you get a visit visa for your wife and arrange to get her over to UK for a few weeks with a view to extend her stay by a couple months if she's then happy to, take those first couple weeks off work and show her around the country. My wife had no problems with the weather when she visited UK and that was during one of the worst winters in Scotland for 30 odd years, I don't think you or her can make any decision until she sees what life over there is like.

I had the same decision to make as you, but my line of work in the offshore industry made things easier for me, wife would happily have stayed with me in UK as she loved it and got on exceptionally well with my family but after a 5 and a half month stay in UK I sorta sensed she was missing her mum and dad and family, so I quite happily obliged and moved to Thailand.

Would I change anything? Most likely my only regret is not making settlement in UK first so my wife could have gotten her UK status as even though the kids have UK/Thai passports she must rely on applying for visas when we travel to UK on holiday. By explaining this also to your wife could help buy you time for you both staying in UK until she qualifies for British status and at the same time enable you to build up some savings at least until her qualifying period is over.

If you do decide to make the move, I wouldn't discount areas further out of Bangkok, much cheaper to live and still a decent quality of life, we live about 2 hours from Bangkok and the only time I go there is when departing/returning into the airport from work every 5 or 6 weeks, we eat well although neither the wife or I drink, we do go out with the kids maybe twice a week to a resteraunt where the meal including a nice rib eye steak will set us back the mighty sum of 490 baht for 4, including soft drinks of course, I think there's about 3 international schools in the town and everything we want here with the exception of a beach, which is a couple hours drive away. House rental prices in the outer areas is a fraction of what it is in the city, very easily to get a nice 3 bedroom bungalow for around 4k per month where we stay

[bendovid]

I'd suggest you get a visit visa for your wife and arrange to get her over to UK for a few weeks with a view to extend her stay by a couple months if she's then happy to, take those first couple weeks off work and show her around the country. My wife had no problems with the weather when she visited UK and that was during one of the worst winters in Scotland for 30 odd years, I don't think you or her can make any decision until she sees what life over there is like.

I had the same decision to make as you, but my line of work in the offshore industry made things easier for me, wife would happily have stayed with me in UK as she loved it and got on exceptionally well with my family but after a 5 and a half month stay in UK I sorta sensed she was missing her mum and dad and family, so I quite happily obliged and moved to Thailand.

Would I change anything? Most likely my only regret is not making settlement in UK first so my wife could have gotten her UK status as even though the kids have UK/Thai passports she must rely on applying for visas when we travel to UK on holiday. By explaining this also to your wife could help buy you time for you both staying in UK until she qualifies for British status and at the same time enable you to build up some savings at least until her qualifying period is over.

If you do decide to make the move, I wouldn't discount areas further out of Bangkok, much cheaper to live and still a decent quality of life, we live about 2 hours from Bangkok and the only time I go there is when departing/returning into the airport from work every 5 or 6 weeks, we eat well although neither the wife or I drink, we do go out with the kids maybe twice a week to a resteraunt where the meal including a nice rib eye steak will set us back the mighty sum of 490 baht for 4, including soft drinks of course, I think there's about 3 international schools in the town and everything we want here with the exception of a beach, which is a couple hours drive away. House rental prices in the outer areas is a fraction of what it is in the city, very easily to get a nice 3 bedroom bungalow for around 4k per month where we stay

Thanks for your response. Sounds like you have a nice quality of life there and as you say made easier by the nature of your work. I've met quite a few people that work offshore and it seems to work well with being married to a thai..What is the name of the town you live in? 4k for a 3 bed bungalow sounds very good!

[Joe Mamma]

The best decision i made, was to bring the bride to the states. For 11 years, she got educated in the western ways, pro and con and it changed her profoundly, and the kids had their first decade in America and now their next in Thailand.

I suppose the switchback in 8 years will be good for everyone. She is now alpha female amongst the tribe and is making up for past digressions.

[NBD]

Joe

Interesting.

Was it a conscious choice or just circumstances that made you choose to spend the first decade in the US and the second in Thailand?

I'm probably going to be doing that the other way round, which will be a bigger saving on school fees etc

[BudRight]

A lot is being asked of you and nothing of her. She;

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you.

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2.

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)

If she could fix any of those four things this problem would disappear. If she doesn't value your relationship enough to make one concession or learn anything, even to fix her own suffering is that someone you want to give up a promising career for and move across the world to a place you don't want to live?

By the way, I was in the same situation two years ago (except that mine has a good job, so no #1). Since then I've only been back to Thailand to visit.

Edited October 8, 2013 by BudRight

[Noreya]

i'm 66 y.o now and very happy to have a very good pension because of working in EU. So there is not any option to work in Thailand with no future of any pension later. Don't fool yourself.

Your wife/GF can come whenever it's possible.

Thank you for writing. I dont understand what you mean. Do you mean it is not possible to work in Thailand and have a very good pension/savings later and that I should stay working in the EU?

Do you mean it is not possible to work in Thailand and have a very good pension/savings later.

I am Thai and after I paid to Thai SS for 20 years. Max I can get when I retire at is 3,000B. per moth.

In private business do not have any pension in Thailand. Most of senior people live with their grand/children. They do not have pension to live by themselves.

Nid

[Noreya]

The best decision i made, was to bring the bride to the states. For 11 years, she got educated in the western ways, pro and con and it changed her profoundly, and the kids had their first decade in America and now their next in Thailand.

I suppose the switchback in 8 years will be good for everyone. She is now alpha female amongst the tribe and is making up for past digressions.

I agree you need at least 8 years to work in UK. She may need a time as mention above.

[indyuk]

Never build your life around Thai your wife. If you do so her respect for you will tank and you'll have no wife and likely considerable debt too.

[bendovid]

A lot is being asked of you and nothing of her. She;

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you.

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2.

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)

If she could fix any of those four things this problem would disappear. If she doesn't value your relationship enough to make one concession or learn anything, even to fix her own suffering is that someone you want to give up a promising career for and move across the world to a place you don't want to live?

By the way, I was in the same situation two years ago (except that mine has a good job, so no #1). Since then I've only been back to Thailand to visit.

Hi, thanks for your comments. In answer

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you-she wants to work but every avenue we have explored is hardly worth it financially so I have told her it is better to not bother-why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)-Not true..I don't know where you get this from..she is lonely because her husband is on the other side of the world and she has to wait weeks on end to see/be with me for short periods of time

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2-she will relocate but would prefer I come back there

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)-she does understand the economics but in her eyes 100,000 baht per mth is enough to have a good life in Thailand-what perhaps she does not understand(because she saw me get that previous job without too much difficulty) is that it is not easy if that job ends to find another as well paid as that-i was pretty lucky to find it..she also thinks I am putting my career in front of her.which I am not..I am thinking of what is best for our future that will probably involve children who will need money spent on them to have a good education.

Out of interest, when you say mine, are you still together? If so, does she live with you and where?

[bendovid]

Never build your life around Thai your wife. If you do so her respect for you will tank and you'll have no wife and likely considerable debt too.

i see your point and take it on board but if I don't consider what she wants, the relationship is likely to fail also so it's not an easy balance to strike..

[Noreya]

A lot is being asked of you and nothing of her. She;

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you.

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2.

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)

If she could fix any of those four things this problem would disappear. If she doesn't value your relationship enough to make one concession or learn anything, even to fix her own suffering is that someone you want to give up a promising career for and move across the world to a place you don't want to live?

By the way, I was in the same situation two years ago (except that mine has a good job, so no #1). Since then I've only been back to Thailand to visit.

Hi, thanks for your comments. In answer

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you-she wants to work but every avenue we have explored is hardly worth it financially so I have told her it is better to not bother-why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)-Not true..I don't know where you get this from..she is lonely because her husband is on the other side of the world and she has to wait weeks on end to see/be with me for short periods of time

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2-she will relocate but would prefer I come back there

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)-she does understand the economics but in her eyes 100,000 baht per mth is enough to have a good life in Thailand-what perhaps she does not understand(because she saw me get that previous job without too much difficulty) is that it is not easy if that job ends to find another as well paid as that-i was pretty lucky to find it..she also thinks I am putting my career in front of her.which I am not..I am thinking of what is best for our future that will probably involve children who will need money spent on them to have a good education.

Out of interest, when you say mine, are you still together? If so, does she live with you and where?

[bendovid]

A lot is being asked of you and nothing of her. She;

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you.

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2.

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)

If she could fix any of those four things this problem would disappear. If she doesn't value your relationship enough to make one concession or learn anything, even to fix her own suffering is that someone you want to give up a promising career for and move across the world to a place you don't want to live?

By the way, I was in the same situation two years ago (except that mine has a good job, so no #1). Since then I've only been back to Thailand to visit.

Hi, thanks for your comments. In answer

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you-she wants to work but every avenue we have explored is hardly worth it financially so I have told her it is better to not bother-why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)-Not true..I don't know where you get this from..she is lonely because her husband is on the other side of the world and she has to wait weeks on end to see/be with me for short periods of time

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2-she will relocate but would prefer I come back there

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)-she does understand the economics but in her eyes 100,000 baht per mth is enough to have a good life in Thailand-what perhaps she does not understand(because she saw me get that previous job without too much difficulty) is that it is not easy if that job ends to find another as well paid as that-i was pretty lucky to find it..she also thinks I am putting my career in front of her.which I am not..I am thinking of what is best for our future that will probably involve children who will need money spent on them to have a good education.

Out of interest, when you say mine, are you still together? If so, does she live with you and where?

Hi Noreya, you not write anything?

[Noreya]

why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

Is that mean you send money to her in Thailand for "wife support" at the moment.

You are 40 something and I am 47 I say to you as my younger bother 100,000 B. is enough if you live like Thai middle class.

The ISSUE is _ Is this job in long term contract or just shot term. You are lucky that you got that much.

If it is not long term you may see both of your future in deep shit in Thailand.

Average cost of living as a good middle class in Bangkok is 100,000 B per month. But they got their asset by home mortgage we normally mortgage 25-30 years - interest is MLR (mortgage loan rate 7%) at this moment.

After 25 years. Thai family have no saving at all. They only have asset for family to live together. Then kids grow up to work and make income for caring their parent but do not have to pay for home mortgage. This is how Thai senior survive with out SS or pension. When we sick we just go for government run hospital that 70% cheaper than Bangkok hospital.

If you are only source of family income when you have kids. Good school in Thailand very expensive.

How old is your wife ? I support you to try to bring her to UK for a few months.

Love and financing plan must go together because you spend all your saving. So you and your wife must plan on saving plan for your kids. And your income in Thailand will not enough for saving. It is also expensive here in Thailand.

Let your wife try first to be in UK for a few months.

A lot is being asked of you and nothing of her. She;

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you.

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2.

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)

If she could fix any of those four things this problem would disappear. If she doesn't value your relationship enough to make one concession or learn anything, even to fix her own suffering is that someone you want to give up a promising career for and move across the world to a place you don't want to live?

By the way, I was in the same situation two years ago (except that mine has a good job, so no #1). Since then I've only been back to Thailand to visit.

Hi, thanks for your comments. In answer

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you-she wants to work but every avenue we have explored is hardly worth it financially so I have told her it is better to not bother-

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)-Not true..I don't know where you get this from..she is lonely because her husband is on the other side of the world and she has to wait weeks on end to see/be with me for short periods of time

3. why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)-she does understand the economics but in her eyes 100,000 baht per mth is enough to have a good life in Thailand-what perhaps she does not understand(because she saw me get that previous job without too much difficulty) is that it is not easy if that job ends to find another as well paid as that-i was pretty lucky to find it..she also thinks I am putting my career in front of her.which I am not..I am thinking of what is best for our future that will probably involve children who will need money spent on them to have a good education.

Out of interest, when you say mine, are you still together? If so, does she live with you and where?

[bendovid]

why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

Is that mean you send money to her in Thailand for "wife support" at the moment.

You are 40 something and I am 47 I say to you as my younger bother 100,000 B. is enough if you live like Thai middle class.

The ISSUE is _ Is this job in long term contract or just shot term. You are lucky that you got that much.

If it is not long term you may see both of your future in deep shit in Thailand.

Average cost of living as a good middle class in Bangkok is 100,000 B per month. But they got their asset by home mortgage we normally mortgage 25-30 years - interest is MLR (mortgage loan rate 7%) at this moment.

After 25 years. Thai family have no saving at all. They only have asset for family to live together. Then kids grow up to work and make income for caring their parent but do not have to pay for home mortgage. This is how Thai senior survive with out SS or pension. When we sick we just go for government run hospital that 70% cheaper than Bangkok hospital.

If you are only source of family income when you have kids. Good school in Thailand very expensive.

How old is your wife ? I support you to try to bring her to UK for a few months.

Love and financing plan must go together because you spend all your saving. So you and your wife must plan on saving plan for your kids. And your income in Thailand will not enough for saving. It is also expensive here in Thailand.

Let your wife try first to be in UK for a few months.

A lot is being asked of you and nothing of her. She;

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you.

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)

3. Won't relocate to at least mitigate #2.

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)

If she could fix any of those four things this problem would disappear. If she doesn't value your relationship enough to make one concession or learn anything, even to fix her own suffering is that someone you want to give up a promising career for and move across the world to a place you don't want to live?

By the way, I was in the same situation two years ago (except that mine has a good job, so no #1). Since then I've only been back to Thailand to visit.

Hi, thanks for your comments. In answer

1. Won't find a reliable income source other than you-she wants to work but every avenue we have explored is hardly worth it financially so I have told her it is better to not bother-

2. Is dependent on others for sense of self worth. (Thus the loneliness)-Not true..I don't know where you get this from..she is lonely because her husband is on the other side of the world and she has to wait weeks on end to see/be with me for short periods of time

3. why do back breaking long hours for 2-300 baht a day?

4. Doesn't understand basic microeconomics (hence telling you to quit your 208,000 Baht a month job)-she does understand the economics but in her eyes 100,000 baht per mth is enough to have a good life in Thailand-what perhaps she does not understand(because she saw me get that previous job without too much difficulty) is that it is not easy if that job ends to find another as well paid as that-i was pretty lucky to find it..she also thinks I am putting my career in front of her.which I am not..I am thinking of what is best for our future that will probably involve children who will need money spent on them to have a good education.

Out of interest, when you say mine, are you still together? If so, does she live with you and where?

Thanks for your advice Noreya. The job in Thailand is not long term..May finish in 5 years or 1 so not so secure! It is good to hear a thai lady's perspective and I really appreciate the advice..my wife is 23 by the way..young!

[Noreya]

Hope this is useful data for any expat in Thailand

ISSUE; BUY HOUSE IN THAILAND - Posted 2013-10-04 11:24:37

I have my own story to share about buy a house in Thailand. Now I am 47 years Thai. In 2003 when I was unemployed from Trading company because of the company need to get out from Thailand and do relocate in China after China in WTO in 2000. My friend who is a nurse in Bangkok hospital ask me to work as a Caretaker for 71 years American (he went under L-spine surgery for 5 of them need one year continue rehab and caring) he did trading business in Thailand and living apart from his Chinese American wife in Cal.

But a year later in 2004 we became a couple and his Chinese wife in Cal know it but she is ok because she said he need a caretaker. In 2004 he set up a company just for purpose of buying a house for 100,000USD. or 4 million THB then to April 2013.

We were together until April 2013. He got very sick and his Chinese-Amrerican son came to Thailand and put him in Nursing Care in Bangkok locate nearby our house and his son cut me out from him also his son apply to be SS Rep Payee to get his benefit from US SS office and transfer payment to Nursing Care direct from Cal. His son wants to get 50% of shareholder for house ownership. Under Thai law to set up a company you must have at least 3 shareholders and 51% must be Thai so I am that 51% and he is 49% lawyer 1%. I am entitled to a company asset and a son entitled to nothing as long as his father life. When father pass away 48% shareholder must be transfer to his son but practical is not an issue because everything must have my signature since I am only authorizes Managing Director in a company.

Posted 2013-10-04 11:37:48

His son cannot do anything without my signature. I offer to his son I want to sell a house and 50% to him and to me. But I need to get a legal paper between his father and me in Thailand. I want to come to visit his father as long as he is living in nursing care in Bangkok (he cannot walk and lost memory from Alzheimer disease he is 81) his son instructed a nursing home do not let me come to see him. So I want his son to let me replace him and be a SS Rep Payee for him. We are not married. And he did not divorce. But his son gets me out from his father and I get his asset in Thailand. His son is very angry to me but he cannot do anything unless he let me see his farther as a Rep Payee. Then I will sign a paper for selling a house for him. Hope this is useful data for any expat here in Thailand.

Correct I am not legal wife and have no rights to see him. But I am a major shareholder in a company. And only one Managing Director from day one that set up a company for buying a house.

[Noreya]

Noreya Eska-CV- Objective: Secretary or Personal Assistance Position

E-mail: [email protected]

Experience: Secretary to Design Director

Feb 1991 – Nov 1997 Design Phase Company Ltd., Bangkok, Thailand

(Interior design and consultant company)

Maintain Admin and Projects Filing System.

Handle admin and customers correspondence.

To act as an interpreter for American boss and Thai local staff.

Assistance to Merchandiser

Dec 1997 – Mar 2003. Akko Group International Company Bangkok, Thailand

To help a merchandiser on sending Sale Samples or Shipment Samples to over sea buyer by couriers or freight forwarders.

To help a merchandiser on chasing of New Products Development from Factory and work co-operate with Products Development / Sample Dept.

To help a merchandiser.

Chasing Shipments Status from Factory by keeping an update weekly Priority Shipments List.

To work co-operate with couriers and freight forwarders for customs/duty documents requires.

International Hotel and Tourism Industry Management School. Ramkhamhaeng road, Bangkok, Thailand.

1988 - 1990

Diploma in Hotel and Tourism Management.

Chaopraya Witthaya Khom School. Rama 3 road, Bangkok, Thailand

High School Certificate, Major English.

Personal Data: Date of birth : 12 Feb 1967

[NBD]

Is that some sort of a wind up Noreya, or are you actually posting here to tell us that you ripped of a sickly old man and his family?

[Noreya]

Is that some sort of a wind up Noreya, or are you actually posting here to tell us that you ripped of a sickly old man and his family?

What do you mean "wind up" I do not understand this expression ?

[Noreya]

More information when it was a few months while I was his caretaker I was looking for job to go back to work in trading companies in Thailand. And I got it a few months later. I was prepared to leave them I even discuss with his wife and his son. An old man said he is better live in Thailand because it will be too expensive to live in U.S. and he need me not his wife to live with him in Thailand. Wife accepted as long as he make commission from his Agent to Thai manufactures and earn enough income to give his wife 10,000USD per month. Anyways, his Chinese/American son even said to me his father needs me not his Mom to be in Thailand. The bottom line is " see a son email. About a house" I post it on this topic for a purpose to tell a farang do not buy a house buy a condo under farang own name is my advice.

Date: Fri, 9 Nov 2012 12:39:49 -0800

Subject: Re: California is a no fault divorce state - default judgment
Ya,

If my mom divorces my dad, then she loses all social security benefits that she is entitled to. We already had this discussion that after my father passes on, you will get the house and we will not interfere.

For you to ask my mom to divorce my dad is selfish and unfair. Both you and my father made the choice together to live the life that you guys are living. Don't bring my mom into this. I hope you understand this.

Shane

[bendovid]

More information when it was a few months while I was his caretaker I was looking for job to go back to work in trading companies in Thailand. And I got it a few months later. I was prepared to leave them I even discuss with his wife and his son. An old man said he is better live in Thailand because it will be too expensive to live in U.S. and he need me not his wife to live with him in Thailand. Wife accepted as long as he make commission from his Agent to Thai manufactures and earn enough income to give his wife 10,000USD per month. Anyways, his Chinese/American son even said to me his father needs me not his Mom to be in Thailand. The bottom line is " see a son email. About a house" I post it on this topic for a purpose to tell a farang do not buy a house buy a condo under farang own name is my advice.

Date: Fri, 9 Nov 2012 12:39:49 -0800

Subject: Re: California is a no fault divorce state - default judgment

Ya,

If my mom divorces my dad, then she loses all social security benefits that she is entitled to. We already had this discussion that after my father passes on, you will get the house and we will not interfere.

For you to ask my mom to divorce my dad is selfish and unfair. Both you and my father made the choice together to live the life that you guys are living. Don't bring my mom into this. I hope you understand this.

Shane

Noreya,

I think you need a new page to post this and let people talk to you! I see what you say about not trust thai lady to buy house there..I thought you were a nice lady before but this is just horrible. Why are you major shareholder of his house? You be with him for 10 years and take care him also but that does not make you right to take from his son, he is his blood and if you be good woman you give everything back to him. Very worrying...

[Noreya]

Because his Chinese wife she is 63 now. His son was in university in US. They did not want to be a caretaker for him in Thailand. So this family get solution by asking me to be his Thai wife and still keep marry paper for his Chinese wife for legal matter. Due to she was in US. since she was 27 and never work in US at all. She will not entitled to any US SS benefit, this is only one reason a deal is not divorce Chinese wife for her benefit in US when an old husband pass on. And for myself and my path is help him develop agent business in Thailand with American buyers to come to Thai manufactures. All income for 10 years that support his Chinese wife in US and paid for his son a good living and got a car to ride to UCSD. All source of income both Thai and US family come from a company that I run a business. After he went under 5 of L-spine surgery he completely cannot walk and live his life on a wheelchair an have to ware adult diaper. In a company only me to run a business because we do not need staff-agent business is on sell and bring buyer to factory and they do trading between buyer and manufacturer we go 4% from FOB price. He gave her 10,000 USD per month plus his SS check start when he was 65. And travel to Taiwan from time to time. He came to Thailand because Taiwan stop to be industry country. After one year I transfer form Thai wife to be a business partner. Because of me run a business for 10 years and I send money to US from 2004 to Chinese wife and son until he graduate in 2008. Unfortunately it was not good time to get job it was sub-prime and CDO crisis then. In 2009 when Lheyman Brother collapsed 90% of our customers filed Chapter 11. Thai manufactures that sent shipments to various US to our customers lost million of dollars. We got hit too. We lost all our money we must be part of our buyer to pay debts to factories because most of factories run business by bank loan. In Jan 2010 we have nothing left. Only a house to live in but big issue is his hospital and med bills that about 1,000 dollars per month to Bangkok hospital.

More information when it was a few months while I was his caretaker I was looking for job to go back to work in trading companies in Thailand. And I got it a few months later. I was prepared to leave them I even discuss with his wife and his son. An old man said he is better live in Thailand because it will be too expensive to live in U.S. and he need me not his wife to live with him in Thailand. Wife accepted as long as he make commission from his Agent to Thai manufactures and earn enough income to give his wife 10,000USD per month. Anyways, his Chinese/American son even said to me his father needs me not his Mom to be in Thailand. The bottom line is " see a son email. About a house" I post it on this topic for a purpose to tell a farang do not buy a house buy a condo under farang own name is my advice.

Date: Fri, 9 Nov 2012 12:39:49 -0800

Subject: Re: California is a no fault divorce state - default judgment
Ya,

If my mom divorces my dad, then she loses all social security benefits that she is entitled to. We already had this discussion that after my father passes on, you will get the house and we will not interfere.

For you to ask my mom to divorce my dad is selfish and unfair. Both you and my father made the choice together to live the life that you guys are living. Don't bring my mom into this. I hope you understand this.

Shane

Noreya,

I think you need a new page to post this and let people talk to you! I see what you say about not trust thai lady to buy house there..I thought you were a nice lady before but this is just horrible. Why are you major shareholder of his house? You be with him for 10 years and take care him also but that does not make you right to take from his son, he is his blood and if you be good woman you give everything back to him. Very worrying...

[Johnniey]

At your age you desperately need to build up your capital. You WILL need it later. Best advice is to work in the UK, or wherever you can work and save the most.

 

Your need for money in the future should outweigh any other consideration.

 

Take steps to have your gf with you. If it doesn't work out with her, don't worry...plenty more available. But, remember the law in the UK relating to what happens upon break-up of a relationship can potentially be ruinous to you financially. From that point of view it's better to leave her here and come to visit whenever you want, and/or just get her over on a Visitor visa occasionally. 

What rubbish, live for today.

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