The week that was in Thailand news: True crime that always comes with a Thai Twist

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: True crime that always comes with a Thai Twist

 

 

Any visitor to my house will be aware quite quickly with only a gentle perusal of the bookshelves where one of my passion lies – true crime. But up until recently despite living in the kingdom for many years I never thought you could hold a candle to what I considered the best places for the best crime stories – namely the US and the UK.

However, in recent months having paid more interest in the Thai news what with writing this column I am beginning to think that Thailand is gaining ground in the crime stakes.

It is not that there is an increasing amount of crime – you can find statistics to agree with or refute that theory. It is that the stories seem to be so bizarre – usually with a very Thai twist. Not usually completely straightforward Thai crime can be utterly fascinating.

One interesting aspect of Thai crime is that it is cleared up quickly or not at all. Admissions are extracted with ease, or so we are always told, with the halving of sentences a reward. While those who seem above the law remain free. The long arm of the law in these cases being more like what British schoolboys used to refer to as a “flid kid”.

There are few cold cases or unsolved crimes for students of the genre to get their gnashers into. When a crime is committed it is usually very quick for the public to get the details of what happened from police only too willing to spill the beans and take the credit. And truth can often take a back seat.

It can’t be what some forum posters claim, can it, that your average Thai criminal is a bit thick? Even though this week had as many cases as usual where the miscreants were certainly several chilies short of a Som Tam.

Top crime story of the last seven days was the theft of a pick up near Saraburi when the gang pointed a gun at the occupants, including a four year old girl, while dad was relieving himself in a gas station loo. The mum and her daughters were driven off and when she fought back the three of them were kicked out of their vehicle to the tarmac.

The robbers were stealing cars to order for distribution abroad and were soon rounded up but it was at the press conference where the hang ’em high brigade had their moment in the sun. A relative of the victims broke through the police cordon – clearly made of reinforced marshmallow – to take a swipe at one of the gunmen.

Someone suggested that this was hardly the behavior of a civilized nation but he was outnumbered by about 100-1 as the posters who claim to abhor violence, reveled in it.

If this crime – the abduction bit, I mean - was not sickening enough at least no one was seriously hurt, which is more than could be said for the maid who had died at the hands of a Korat sadist. He cut her nipples off and stuffed her in an oil drum then turned his attention to a youth who he had adopted.

I use the term rather loosely for his idea of adoption was to take out insurance policies on the boy’s health then do things like put floor cleaner in his eye drops and extract his teeth when he “lied”.

The criminal paraded for the press in black fatigues and sunglasses was indistinguishable from the cops who had arrested him and they seemed to be patting him on the back in the picture. I have always been against the death penalty but some stories make you wonder; when the murderer is patently cruel AND does it for money…..perhaps the copper cooking pot image of hell that scares the Thais might be an appropriate punishment.

Meanwhile quirky crime of the week had to be the “pussy pervert” of Din Daeng. This time not Thai but apparently a Chinese architect who had been stealing his neighbor’s pets and hanging them up in his kitchen and torturing them with a box cutter or Stanley knife.

As if to prove that Thai society seems to be taking animal cruelty more seriously than the human variety these days not only was much of the neighborhood pointing at the hapless perv with the police looked suitable sickened, but the central criminal court jailed him for twelve days for evidence gathering. Perhaps the images of mangled pets on his phone tipped the scales of justice against him. Or the judge was just a soi dog Samaritan.

Another architect – Thai this time - was also in the news in a markedly different but still potentially criminal case. This time it was one complaining that a foreigner had worked illegally on the Mahanakorn building – the tallest in the kingdom that was inaugurated this week.

I wouldn’t have thrown the book at him for working illegally – just for designing such a pig’s ear of a monstrosity. Mahanakorn looks like it’s been chewed.

My three year old could do a better job building a sandcastle on the beach. And it may be stronger, too.

Most bizarre crime of a busy week for investigators was the manhunt for the deranged driver who robbed the last passenger on his bus before somehow getting stuck in the mud well off his route. Off his rocker more likely – he dumped the woman in the bushes and scarpered.

Tragically she died though the driver was soon arrested, hiding at home I expect. Consequences, as ever, seemed to be a little beyond the nous of the kingdom’s crims this week.

 I expect he will blame it all on Ya Ba which leads rather nicely into the main non-crime item of the week – plans to downgrade amphetamines as well as ganja to Category 2.

This will mean they can be used for medical purposes. You could almost hear hundreds of forum potheads readying to dash off to their local clinics with back ailments requiring a joint to ease the joints.

Though it was a bit disconcerting to see Ya Ba being made less serious – especially given some of the violent crime blamed on its use in recent months.

Thailand would do well to follow many countries in the world by at least beginning the undoing of the demonization of dope and the PM himself seemed to be in favor – next to the downgrading story came a headline on Wednesday quoting the pocket dynamo as saying “Thai herbs should receive more concrete support”.

Concrete support – hopefully hemp was not used in the construction of Mahanakorn! No, turns out he was just referring to herb herbs not the Bob Marley variety. The story continued that some Thai herbs were now available on certain local flights – now that is what I call getting high.

Prayut then came back down to earth with one of his favorite subjects – Thai dress. The meme merchants had a field day when he suggested once again that ordinary Thais should dress in traditional attire and while I think the forum posters hoping the bare chested days of the 19th century might return are unlikely to be satisfied, I do hope that university girls will ignore the edict.

Even if I am bound to be killed one day ogling to the left and right when riding my motorbike around Chula and the like.

If “appropriate dress” is the PM’s big bugbear then use of English is the one coming out of the education department almost weekly. Now they have suggested that all Thai kids will be fluent in English in ten years.

This will be achieved by getting the best Thai teachers – oxymoron alert – to do the job while all those illegal foreigners will be kicked out to peddle their phrasal verbs elsewhere. The education minister also said Thais lacked critical thinking – he did this by just being critical; maybe that’s what he thought it meant.

Most interesting story of the week for British expats was the proposed sale of the cattle market – otherwise referred to as the British Embassy on Wireless Road. How I used to loathe going there to see the civil servants – both British and Thai – be thoroughly uncivil to everyone.

Now that the embassy have officially decided that their local staff will just play tennis on a Friday to justify their mega salaries, one wonders if the 18 billion baht sale goes ahead, will the Brits get a replacement in a broom cupboard somewhere.

I mean there is still an ambassador – the gay chap who married a bloke in China before coming to Thailand to take up his post this month. Who knows maybe they will kill two birds with one stone and open a cheap new mini-consulate on top of a bar in Silom, Soi 4. I look forward to being only charged a hundred quid for one page of A4 “secretarial” services in the future.

Then came two stories that tickled the Thai funny bone to its limit. First was the fat Thai woman saying that a Facebook post had defamed her by calling her fat. Admittedly she was also banging on about being referred to as an animal but are we not all God’s creatures…..these days I suspect these complainers are just after a bit of online airtime hoping perhaps to be offered a film role in the next fat animal movie much like the plump pump attendant of last week.

Finally I really enjoyed the story of the Swiss man who went to the Pattaya nick with his lady love to get justice for parting with a 5,000 baht deposit for the services of a fake cop that had accosted them in the car park.

It was not the situation itself that tickled me pink but the words of the reporter who tried – and failed - to avoid casting aspersions on the woman’s good character by saying the Swiss man was “just one of her boyfriends”.

As Bernard Trink used to say: Any comment would be superfluous.

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2016-09-04

[Wilsonandson]

"Did someone say Bernard Trink?"

[geisha]

I do enjoy rooster59 every Sunday! Though, like many others, I have fond memories of rushing to buy the Bangkok post years back to read and laugh at my favourite Bernard Trink. What a wit he had ! I've still got some of his jokes !

[toddsaed]

after seventeen years in Asia, it is the farangs and their self righteous wise guy flippancy that will drive me home to the US

never should have left

[DSJPC]

can u perhaps do a video weekly on this commentary, similar to what Rod McNeil does with the news??...it would be hilarious!

[jabis]

8 hours ago, toddsaed said:

after seventeen years in Asia, it is the farangs and their self righteous wise guy flippancy that will drive me home to the US

never should have left

Maybe some other articles will tickle your funny-bone more then?

I enjoy these articles immensely - kinda captures the essence of the looney-bin we live happily in, without being overtly sarcastic in nature 

[Jonathan Fairfield]

12 hours ago, DSJPC said:

can u perhaps do a video weekly on this commentary, similar to what Rod McNeil does with the news??...it would be hilarious!

 

This is broadcast throughout the day on Thaivisa Radio 2: http://thaivisa.com/radio/

 

or on TuneIn: http://tunein.com/radio/Thai-Visa-Radio-2-s263071/

 

 

[DSJPC]

did not know that...thanks!