Marrying Here In Thailand

[Halo]

Could the experienced ones among us who has actually tied the knot to a Thai give me some pointers.

I am OK with the dowrie side and the day etc.

What is expected after the Big Day?

Will I be expected to send money back to her parents each month, if so how much???

Its all a mystery to me, so much feedback from guys who have over heard this and that.

[Bluecat]

Will I be expected to send money back to her parents each month, if so how much???

Very good question.

Please give us more details about your wife:name, address, phone number,...

I'll contact her and keep you informed,...

[Kringle]

Halo, bluecat must have a hairball or something. I myself, didn't pay a dowrie and don't send money to the family. Of course I had some very extenuating circumstances in my marriage(my wife was adopted by a rich family). You can do a search in this forum under dowries and a multitude of other titles to see what is excepted and the norm but keep your head on straight. A friend of mine paid 250,000 Baht to his wifes' family but this is extreme (my view) in some cases and not near enough depending on who you marry. There is this falang that just got married to an ex Miss Thailand and paid millions of US dollars to the parents. Depending again on who you marry, the money, some, if not all, should come back to the bride. It's not that you are buying her from the parents or at least it shouldn't be and if that's the way the parents look at it, then I would pass because you will never pay enough. My wifes' siblings (before the adoption) came a knockin (looking for money) when we got married and she told them quick smart that this was not going to happen.

End case scenario is that it is up to you and you are the one that will live with it. Best I can offer. Can't say anything about the other guys.

[davethailand]

i also did'nt pay anything when i married my wife,

i give them between 5000 and 6000 every month, which is for my wifes son (and her mum for taking care) until his school has finished. (then he will live with us).

basically if you're not sure and your gf and her family won't help you on the matter, then DON'T marry her, until they understand you cannot support them all of the time.

[BIG SPUDS]

Im not a wizard at this, but have asked my GF, (on the chance we ever do get married) how much i would be expected to pay. My GF told me that it was up to me. I said ithought it was up to your family. So i offered 20 baht joking, She said this would be ok as her family would rather have her daughter marry someone who takes care of her and who she is happy with, and that money didnt not mean happiness. She said her parents had a good heart and wanted the man she married to have one too and if he had no money that was fine with them as long as she was happy!!

Thats me sorted then!!

[Wash]

Up To You!

That phrase will enter your life on a regular basis with a Thai marriage. The fact is that it really is up to you what you do with your money and doing the responsible thing requires an understanding of the circumstances of that family. If the family has money then little is required form you. The fact is that parents mostly do not have any kind of retirement program at all beyond their children's generosity or lack there of. So look at the parents circumstances and decide what you can or should do.

I am not sure what I would do if were were doing the support remotely and since I do live amongst them and can decide with relative certainty what they need. I am able to adjust the amount by circumstances each month or on a daily basis. What I have done is let Mama know that she will get 2000 baht every month and that lets her have an understanding of what to expect so she can deal with the other kids when she needs more money. Additionally we regularly buy additional food and comfort devices (water cooler, etc) when we feel inclined.

The dowrey is something that is negotiated in Thai lifestyle between the grooms family and the brides family. Since you will not likely be able to do any negotiations your wife will have to help you out with this part and for sure expect to hear "Up To You" over and over again. In our part of the country 20-50,000 baht is normal and is intended for the parents as reimbursement for the education of the child. So the more education the more dowry with the liklihood that well educated girls will require less ongoing contribution to the family since they have enough money to do the proper education and conversely the poorer families will require less dowry and more ongoing support because they are generally the poorer farmers of the country.

Consider that a teacher will earn about 8,000 baht a month and since it is steady job will be amongst the better off people in any rural community as a basis for your monthly decision and the number of other off spring that are also obligated to help with the parental retirement. If you feel obligated to provide the full needs of the family you are in effect telling the other off spring that they don't have to do their part and I do not support that as the best solution.

Hope that helps you with your decisions, but for sure each circumstance deserves understanding for it's uniqueness.

[Pink Mist]

Talk to as many people as you can and take your and your wive's circumstances into consideration before committing to any thing. If the family are asking for money already then I reckon you are being viewed as an ATM.

In the end is "up to you" but remember there are traps that you dont see at first when looking thru those "rose coloured glasses"

[Halo]

Many Thanks to all who replied.

Had a quite refreshing talk with the whole family and was surprised how easy things seem to fall into place.

I have been living in BKK now for 2 years so I am not green.

I wanted to make sure this was a relationship on old values and not based on money or convenience. She has not been married or had children but just fininshed Uni and has been working at a 5 star Hotel for 7 months.

I am relocating to Chiang Mai and she has been given permission for a transfer to a 5 Star Hotel in Chiang Mai.

The family do not want any monies but would expect help when required, the first being the other sisters support (lodging) as she will be taking her studie's in Chiang Mai, no problem.

I have heard so many horror stories and so did not want the same experience, I did not want to start off supporting all the family or huge dowries or a relationship where money was the principle subject.

Hope it all works out, we have been together for 2 years now and I believe it to be a relationship as opposed to supporting her family first or else.

Did not want to buy a relationship or partner.

[350torana]

I married my wife but paid no dowry . The subject was neevr brought up. But my wife and her family are all pretty westerised and make good money by themselves . Unless treating the father-in-law to a few bottle of Chang is consdired a payoff for his daughter ?

[Duckthai]

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes I can now say I have met some sensible people. Guys with a relationship with a Thai Girl yippee yippee can I come and say hello???

Seriously you have brought a tear to my eye, can we create a Single Posting where we can correspond?

The other sad <deleted> that are buying there relationships can go and play with themselves or go to the ATM together.

Oh what a happy Er sorry Duckthai I am today, the human race is alive and kicking.

Get some pointers guys (sad <deleted>), this is what its all about.

[350torana]

Ducky poos

As always your writing is enlightening and full of such wit. I think the day your momma blessed this world with your presence was the ulitmate 'sad <deleted> '

[Nam Kao]

Halo,

Watch your back, dont trust any of them

They'll slowly try to cannive you but be strong and say NO when their plans unveil

Your gonna hear the craziest stories from sick goats to her father suffering from

a terrible motorcycle wreck that is up and walking the next day without a scratch

as soon as he recieves your $$

Remember its ok to say No, they'll actually respect you for that long term

They'll not only go after you , but also your wife, and she'll be vulnerable

regards

nam

[phazey]

This is quite a difficult question, as every marriage in thaliand is different. all this talk of dowries and family payments does not apply to everyone. even i am confused (at one point i was embarressed and thought i f'k'd it all up) but...i spose it depends on circunstances.

All i can say for, it that i pay what "we" deam as nessasary - which right now seems to be my sons mc'donalds fetish.....bless his little cottons

[Chaamman]

Carry on as you mean to go on, why send money to her home?

If your girlfriend is able to work then its upto her. The parents should realise that she is better off with you, therefore they can sit back relax and look forward to a nice present on Papa's and Mama's birthday.

Remember keep it as a relationship, do not buy it as the majority seem to do, if she has children then she would be working anyway to help support them, this should not stop because she is with a farrang. By working I mean at a proper legal worthwhile job (not prostitution).

[Dutchy]

I am OK with the dowrie side and the day etc.

Will I be expected to send money back to her parents each month, if so how much???

Huh? Dowry? What's that? I've been married for a long time but haven;t heard about that. Sending money to the parents? hmmm it looks like I;m in a developing country...

Dutchy

[Halo]

Hi

The problem is that so many guys come here and fall for the first girl (Usually Bar Girl) and shell out thousands of pounds. This is true for a friend of hers and a cousin, makes it harder but I am determined that the relationship will win through as I have no intention of paying a Dowrie or a Monthly sum.

I know quite a few guys that have paid Dowries of upto 300,000 baht and this for a BG, most have children so also expect a contribution every month. I find this unbelievable and distatfull, but they pay, one guy I know well has children in England, as he lives here he does not pay the CSA. He shells out loads for this BG but nothing to his own children, this country really does make poor humanbeings out of people.

I for one will keep my self respect. Same as you Dutchy thanks.

[davethailand]

Hi

The problem is that so many guys come here and fall for the first girl (Usually Bar Girl) and shell out thousands of pounds. This is true for a friend of hers and a cousin, makes it harder but I am determined that the relationship will win through as I have no intention of paying a Dowrie or a Monthly sum.

I know quite a few guys that have paid Dowries of upto 300,000 baht and this for a BG, most have children so also expect a contribution every month. I find this unbelievable and distatfull, but they pay, one guy I know well has children in England, as he lives here he does not pay the CSA. He shells out loads for this BG but nothing to his own children, this country really does make poor humanbeings out of people.

I for one will keep my self respect. Same as you Dutchy thanks.

don't count on it, the girl will put her families needs as a priority.

you will probably be left with 2 choices.

[ProThaiExpat]

No formal dowry, but after two years, moma is reportedly not getting on well with any of the other children (7) all with families to support, so child married to a rich farang is looked to to help out. Move in with us, no way.

Solution, buy her a house in her home village that has electricity and plumbing, ancestral home has neither. Some baht for furnishings and the whole thing including a samll remodel costs less that 400,000 ,undertood to be the last baht contributed to family. The same money was loaned to a sister previously to buy a truck, it was repaid in one month rather than the six months allowed.

Comming from a family that abandoned me at age four, I admittedly have few family values and so may err in the direction of overcompensating. That said, I feel that if I can afford to provide to a 77 year old mom of seven children who has been dirt poor her whole life, with a few golden years in her own home where she is the "boss" of all she surveys, then why not? The property is one of the best in the village and was bought at a very low price due to the hardship of the owners, the size of the land and house make it a very good investment.

Likewise, it is in gf/s name. so it will be her additional security if I kick the bucket and make getting her a visa for travel abroad a lot easier.

One poster hit it right when they spoke of pressure put on the gf by the family. Mine resisted all family entreaties until a breakdown was imminent. Part of my reliquishment was over a period of time and with the clear understanding that this was it, that I didn't have enough retirement funds to help out any more.

Call this delayed dowry, that has been mentioned, or the richest relative helping the poorest, or whatever, the result is that my love is now very happy that this "problem" has been resolved and that future son-in-law has done more than his duty in helping the "family" in a generous way that gives them all "much face" in the village. Moma is now the toast of the village with "much face" as her future son-in-law cares so much for gf's family that he bought mother-in-law a house of her own.

It is my nature to give a lot of rope before hanging one out to dry, and this I have done, so any NO required in the future will come easily with a litany of reasons why there can't be more, including the agreement at the time of the purchase of the house.

No sooner than I withdrew the money from the bank and the house was bought, that I received an e-mail from a lawyer announcing that money due me from a bankruptcy 14 years ago had come through to everyones amazement and the amount on its way to me represents a multiple of nine times the money I gave to mom. My pen rai.

[Halo]

Well whatever those 2choices mat or maynot be I will have my self respect and all my assets in my control.

I ahve not om here to give assets to Thais, whatever background.

I know the relationship will win through, she has a good job/career and is not money orientated. She is gorgeous and knows all the farang bar none would pay her anything she wants. She is intelligent and wants a relationship.

She has no children so no dependants, this is indeed a blessing as the majority of women girls that have children will stay with anyone providing the guy pays for the offspring.

I consider myself very lucky indeed.