PattayaOneTeam

Lose Weight or Die

By Khun Dee

Are you too short for your weight? It's not a laughing matter; nor is it simply a 'cosmetic' issue. If you're a little plump you may be facing a premature death. In fact, just a few kilos of excess weight puts you more at risk of dying, according to a new report in The New England Journal of Medicine.

Based on the results of 19 long-term studies on weight, researchers concluded that people with a body mass index (measurement of weight related to height) of 22.5 to 24.9 benefit from the lowest death rates. People with a BMI of 25 to 29.9 had death rates 13% higher. And those with a BMI of 30 to 39.9 were 44% to 88% more likely to die.

The majority of Pattaya's expats appear to fall into the more perilous last two categories.

The BMI is calculated using both height and weight. It is a guide to the amount of body fat someone has. It has long been established that a healthy BMI is between 20 and 25. A BMI between 25 and 29.9 is overweight, and over 30 is defined as obese. A BMI of 30 or more is over 35% higher than your ideal body weight. Overweight adults of all ages have an increased risk of getting high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and some cancers. Now this study adds premature death to that list of consequence.

In their research, scientists looked at groups of people who never smoked and did not have a diagnosis of heart disease or cancer. They adjusted the information for people's age, exercise level, alcohol consumption and education, among other things, to ensure that such factors did not influence the results. The study included all causes of death, not just heart disease or cancer.

If you are prone to gaining weight, take proactive steps to keep your BMI at reasonable levels. Recognize that losing weight later will be much more difficult than preventing weight gain now. Your basic formula consists of eating healthy foods, limiting calories, and exercising regularly. That must become a focus of your daily life.

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-24

Private Posts

Cradle-Snatchers?

The end of the year is when many Thai girls return from abroad with their expat husbands to visit family, so Pattaya's full of ancient husbands with their young wives. I know we see decrepit old expats groping young girls every day, and they look gross, but at least they are usually on a short sexual arrangement, not marrying a girl young enough to be a daughter, or even granddaughter in some cases! The woman almost certainly doesn't love the man; surely he must realise that she is only interested in him as financial security? If an elderly man wishes to marry, why not someone his own age?

Cathy

Thais have a saying that goes something like “Old buffalos like to eat young grass”, and the world is full of old men who have a taste for young women. Western culture has a hang-up about old/young relationships ( particularly when the woman is the oldie), whereas other cultures don't consider it a problem. Don't most women desire financial security in a marriage? An older man can often provide that, and perhaps he will be a better husband, more considerate and faithful, than a younger man. Some men may be divorced or widowed, or maybe just couldn't find a marriage partner in their own country; now they have a young wife and a new life. So the woman gets security and the man has a companion, a lifestyle which for some men beats boozing with a bunch of expats then buying a short time.

In the western world, we forever hear of multi-millionaire, pensionable-age celebrities marrying leggy young totty. Well, a mature man from the normal working class can come to Thailand and marry a pretty young lady--why should only the rich gits have all the fun?

Fun Lover

As a long-time Pattaya lover, I am sick of the miserable expats who are forever complaining about Pattaya, its infrastructure and its sex image. They go on and on about traffic, stalls on sidewalks, even the overhead cables! Who cares about these things? Most of us enjoy the free and easy atmosphere and sensual allure of the social scene, with its open-minded attitude towards all; whether gays, katoeys, or sexy girls, everyone is accepted here. These puritans want to turn Pattaya into just another tourist beach town like you'll find anywhere in the world. The sex scene was here long before they came, so why the hell did they decide to live here?

Cavalier

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-23

What's the Big Deal with Soi Bukhao? (Part 2)

We left the last edition midway through a verbal boxing match, a very punchy Thai Visa thread about Soi Bukhao called “Soi Bukhao Likes and Dislikes?”

If a soi could sue for libel (and most things can in Thailand), this soi would never be out of court.

I was trying to understand why Soi Bukhao invites such vitriol on the Pattaya forum boards, although I left off the last edition none the wiser, except now certain that it does indeed generate more abuse and anger on the boards, than any other soi in Pattaya.

Therealmrbrightside starts us as we left it, with a haymaker: Something I have noticed, is every single expat I have got speaking to ANYWHERE in Pattaya who is skint, no job, bumming about Pattaya trying to extort money out of fellow farangs - lives in Soi Buckaow.

Coincidence?

(Clearly he hasn't met the Pattaya One writers)

Jiu-Jitsu, also of the anti-soi brigade, commented on the soi's apparent attractions: Believe it or not, not everyone visits Pattaya to take advantage of women of easy virtue and to dine on a poor imitation of English style food.

In answer to which Soi Sauce (clearly a supporter of this saucy soi) asked:

What do they go to Pattaya for, then?

If it was Thailand's beautiful beaches, culture, and all the rest that TAT tell us about, they 'aint gonna find it in Patttaya. Hua Hin, Cha Am, Phuket, Samui etc, yes. Patts, No!

Taking a swipe at what he saw as the hypocritically snobby attitudes to Soi Bukhao from Pattaya habitues, he also added: I hear there's also snobbism among junkies. "Effin crackheads", sez the smackhead. Seems we got it here, too.

Soi Sauce also firmly fought back against people criticizing Soi Bukhao residents from the luxury of their posh Pattaya seaview condos; who had a view of all the yaba head freelancers strolling along the prom, but if that's your thing, good luck to ya. Bit down-market for my liking.

At this point, Jiu-Jitsu threw some more fuel on the fire: overall it's really just an unattractive, downmarket area populated by ne'er-do-wells in their three quarter trousers, football shirts and trainers; together with their equals.

You can't polish a turd….

thaibeachlovers, tried to throw sand on the flames, but succeeded in only widening up the debate: I don't understand how posters can be so brazen about condemning other people based on their looks, and choice of restaurant etc. Do they think only people that conform to their dress standards and bank balance should be allowed into Pattaya?

Jiu Jitsu, sensing a throwdown, replied with an uncompromising post designed to send the pro brigade smacking onto the canvas: Calm down, calm down... The world is full of stereotypes. If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.... If they look like the kind of people that in my experience, I would wish to avoid, they probably are the people whom I would wish to avoid.

I don't want to talk about their experience in a youth detention centre or Wormwood Scrubs, nor who played in the football game last night, how much they drank and especially not which 'sort' they pulled from the bar last night.

DanielToddGilbert, I presume a major league wind-up merchant, added: It appears that it must become easy to forget ones background when one arrives in Pattaya with the monies from the sale of a two up two down on a run-down council estate in Doncaster then builds oneself a detached house for pittance near a slum and begins to believe one is actually affluent and sophisticated when the truth of the matter is, if one really is like one would like to believe, one would be living in Monte Carlo not Pattaya.

Rgs2001uk, detailing a precise knowledge of the content of Soi Bukhao drinkers' conversations, although not being a fan of them or the soi, continued: Many soon forget and reinvent themselves, usually as real estate developers or investment advisors. After meeting their soul mate, who was of course working as a cashier at the bank where they cashed their giros…these content happy chappies can often be found in local farang watering holes, bitching and moaning about their wife, the wife's family, the heat, the spicy food, no decent beer, can't trust anyone, many suffering from paranoia, everyone's out to rip them off.

Ah soi Buakao, where dreams can become reality. Broken promises, broken hearts, broken bank accounts, broken dreams and in some more extreme cases broken men. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-22

A Pipe Dream?

Sir,

As I walked along the beach at Pattaya on Christmas night, I came upon this unfortunate Middle Eastern man who had just badly gashed his foot on some glass as he went for a late night swim.

Since I came back to Pattaya in 2007, for the first time since my original visit in 1984, I have been constantly dismayed at the plastic bags and bottles, both glass and plastic that are strewn along the beach here.

Many times in the past I have collected this unsightly rubbish from the beach, but I eventually gave up as it was a thankless and frustrating task.

I was also astonished to see the local Thais discarding their used bottles and plastic bags with the same gay abandon as the tourists.

A good example of crapping on your own best money-making amenity and environmental resource.

I am glad that since my return to Pattaya last September there has been a noticeable decrease in rubbish on the beach, but there is still plenty of room for improvement.

The easiest solution to this problem is for the Pattaya council to make those people who rent sections of the beach from them, responsible for the removal of all rubbish from their area of the beach down to the waters edge.

Incidentally I have frequently spotted those jet-ski operators discarding their used petrol and oil containers on the beach too, nice people!

The whole packaging usage in Pattaya needs to be urgently reviewed. It is sheer madness for local Thais to peel nature's covering from fruit and then package he peeled fruit in polystyrene containers, covered in shrink-wrap. They then sell to tourists on the beach who after consuming the fruit invariably discard the packaging on the beach in an equally irresponsible manner!

It is time drastic action is also taken by Pattaya council to follow the Italian government and totally ban plastic bags being supplied in local outdoor markets, shops and supermarkets. Wouldn't that be a wonderful gesture to the environment and a move which, using clever PR, would give Pattaya worldwide positive media coverage.

After that, perhaps the council could tackle the air pollution in Pattaya which is dangerously way above the WHO recommended levels.

Derek,

By email

We couldn't agree more that the state of the beach at times is deplorable in terms of discarded rubbish and waste. All the talk about creating a world class destination is a bit of a joke if the very basics are not addressed.

It is our understanding that when a local government takes charge of making sure the environment is made as clean as possible, then those who come into that environment sub-consciously treat it with the same respect. That is, if a place looks like a dumping ground, then you can hardly expect anyone to treat it any differently.

Getting rid of plastic bags and turning the air clean in Fun Town might take a little longer. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-21

No happy ending after police raid Soi 6

After gathering in force late on a mid-week night, a team of 350 police officers launched a series of raids on no less than 50 bars in Soi 6 in central Pattaya in the search for illicit drugs, narcotics dealers, and women dressed as women.

The entire cast had assembled in the car park at the Soi 9 station, no easy task given their numbers, where they were told their assignment. A rather large number apparently managed to suppress a smirk as they mounted their vehicles and drove off into the evening.

The street was blocked at both ends (if you'll pardon the term) and a mobile drug testing unit was set up in the middle of the soi. By the time this had been set up it was allegedly interesting to note the number of sheepish-looking foreigners who appeared to emerge into the bright street light from some of the darkened bars, many of them clearly having dressed with the lights off after being disturbed from a sound slumber.

After testing about 500 people, all the police managed to find were 16 women (dressed as women) and ladyboys (dressed as women; in most cases anyway) who returned a positive swab, meaning they had recently ingested illegal drugs. Not a single illegal drug was found, which was of some surprise to the assembled constabulary given the raunchy nature of Soi 6.

They were hoping to catch a lot of people engaging in drug using and selling, but instead attracted the ire of many bar owners and managers who wondered why such a cultural icon as Soi 6 kept being targeted by the local authorities. Police said they were concerned that drugs might be sold to unsuspecting tourists during this current high season and they wanted to prevent this from occurring.

The bars of Soi 6 were open for business the following afternoon and into the night and most hoped the sledgehammer-like raid was just a storm in an erectile dysfunction cup. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-20

Pete's Peregrinations

Pattaya's High Season Street Dramas

As a resident I hate Pattaya's high season, but as a columnist I love it, as incidents of street drama, cultural misunderstandings and public incidents go off the charts.

This high season, I have seen Russians walk off unscathed or financially untaxed from many situations where an English-speaker would have been floored or taken to the cleaners, whereas I have seen Arabs fined to death, amidst a lot of other high season drama.

One evening recently, at 6.45pm, I saw a Russian guy who had been stopped on a motorbike by a policeman on Beach Road.

The stopped motorbike was blocking traffic, the Russian was unable (or unwilling) to understand the policeman's hand gestures to take the bike to the side of the road, and began to move the bike himself, at which point the Russian got off it, moved towards the policeman and began aggressively squaring up to him.

I stayed to watch as a group of nearby motorcycle guys began to edge excitedly forward, presumably to attack the Russian if he hit the policeman.

I have a theory that Thais in one-on-one situations are actually scared of Russians, seeing them as macho, confrontational and uncompromising, and their lack of English language skills means that a satisfactory negotiated outcome cannot be certain from a Thai point of view, and even if it were, it is far from clear whether most Russians could afford to pay whatever swingeing penalty would be imposed.

So many Thais, in authority and general scammers, seem to back off in confrontations with Russians.

For example, there is a famous jet ski scam story, backed up with photographs on the internet, of a Russian woman and her boyfriend facing down the jet ski robbers on Pattaya Beach and walking away without paying anything.

Also witness the number of Russian women the subject of bag-snatching who fought back this high season, making the thieves' job difficult for them (but upping the levels of extreme violence needed to get a result).

I think Thais find Russians difficult to read, impossible to understand, unpredictable to risk-assess, and dangerous in a fight.

And so it proved this time, with the Russian on the motorbike, squaring up to the policeman. The policeman tried to make himself understood to the uncomprehending Russian, who towered over him, babbling in Russian and shaking his head, as the policeman tried (in Thai) to make the real or imagined case for writing the Russian a traffic ticket.

In the end, after much huffing and puffing on both sides, and a very “in your face” aggressive style of negotiation from the Russian, he was subsequently waved on his way, without a ticket.

The taxi guys looked gutted.

Further down the road, only minutes later, outside Royal Garden Plaza, I observed three Arab guys, two Thai women and two Thai police volunteers arguing on the pavement.

It transpired that one of the girls alleged one of the Arab guys touched her bottom as they walked past. She was quite upset, but the Arabs, all sporting bushy beards, were having none of it. The police seemed in a quandry as to what to do as there were no other witnesses, and one of the Arab guys was arguing their case in very articulate English.

In general, and in stark contrast to Russians, I think the police love having Arabs here. I have seen many motorbikes with Arab riders being pulled around town this high season, the riders loudly and with a sense of outrage protesting their innocence, only for the police to completely ignore them and issue a ticket anyway (rightly or wrongly, I don't know).

The fact that Arab motorbike riders are some of the most dangerous in the city might make the ticketing blitz a form of economic karma.

But I'm sure the police know the average polite, well-off, English-speaking Arab tourist is good for the money, as opposed to the hassles and uncertainties they may encounter in shaking down a more impecunious, threatening Russian. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-19

Foreign crime gang activity increasing in Pattaya

By Staff Writers

Communications between the United States Embassy in Bangkok and the United States State Department, released by the whistleblower website Wikileaks and featured in the United Kingdom-based Guardian newspaper, highlight a disturbing growing trend of foreign gangs operating in and out of Pattaya.

The communication stated: “Thailand enjoys a rapid expansion of Russian tourists visiting Thailand but has to deal with an unwanted side effect - the presence of Russian organized crime networks around the popular beach destinations of Pattaya and Phuket.”

Whilst the cable highlighted the increasing presence of the Russian mafia in Pattaya, recent arrests of foreign criminal gangs have, surprisingly, been predominantly from South America.

Informed sources have also pointed to growing suspicions of a large Iranian drug network in the city, which Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) officers believe is the target of much of the recently seized drugs being muled in by Iranian tourists.

Pattaya One reviewed the available evidence of criminal gang activity in Pattaya during 2010, which backs up the disturbing claims that Pattaya is increasingly a foreign gang hideout.

The arrests of a South American gang of thieves operating in Pattaya made headline news late last year, when they were discovered in a house on a residential estate in East Pattaya with a large hoard of stolen jewellery, credit cards, laptops, cameras, gas bottles and blowtorch equipment.

Denying all knowledge of these items, the Peruvian and Argentine gang were arrested following the arrest of two more gang members in Bangkok.

The recovered items were claimed by victims from Bangkok and the surrounding area, and a Metropolitan Police 7 investigator believed the suspects were hiding in Pattaya, acting as tourists, renting vehicles and targeting luxury residences, before transferring money and valuables back to their home countries.

Readers may recall another arrest in 2010, of another South American gang of robbers, this time from Colombia, when one of their members escaped from police custody twice, once from a hospital, after being shot during his first escape attempt.

This five-man gang were thought to have links to another Bangkok gang, and they were believed to be responsible for at least 20 robberies in the Chonburi area. [more...]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-18

Koh Chang v Hua Hin

As usual I spent Christmas on Koh Chang with my wife.

We used to always spend Christmas in Hua Hin but after a while, great seafood aside, we became bored. We never swam in the sea at Hua Hin in many years of visiting, and nor did we want to spend time on the beach, as it was always too packed, although we did enjoy walking along, counting the huge jellyfish which always wash up.

I'd rather swim and laze on Jomtien beach (or Bang Saray) than go all the way to Hua Hin, but we liked staying in the town, using it as a base to visit the national parks, and eating superb seafood. I just think we went there too many times.

Then, a couple of years ago, we discovered Koh Chang, and I can't recommend it highly enough to visitors to Thailand, as a high quality, easy-access beach resort, compared to the trip down to the southern islands, and I take any opportunity I can get to escape here from Pattaya.

So again, this year, we drove the car down to Koh Chang, a pleasant trip as always, and boarded the ferry, anxiously wondering if my car would fall off the back of it, as it seemed heavily overweight, the bow door was open and water lapped around the car deck every time we hit big waves.

We tried to book into our usual hotel, but even when we had called them in November they were fully booked, which told me that this high season on Koh Chang was going to be VERY high.

So we decided to drive over on spec. and found somewhere just outside White Sands Beach.

This year, compared to last year, there are many more Russians and Scandinavian tourists around. The boat over was packed with boozing middle-aged Russians, and on Christmas Eve all the hotels on White Sands Beach had tables laid out for the Scandinavians to celebrate Christmas.

The packed beach and sea also told us that high season numbers on Koh Chang have increased from last year, no matter what the dodgy TAT airport arrivals statistics say.

When we want to find a quieter beach, it's very easy to do here.

Earlier we lay in the sea bathed in late-afternoon sun, watching huge black and white eagles soaring around the green, tree-covered mountains, before lazily dropping to sea level where they skimmed the water hunting for fish, just offshore.

The only downside to Koh Chang, which strikes me every time I come here, being a Cheap Charlie Pattayan, is the outrageous tourist season prices they charge for anything in the shops, and for taxis, trips, hotels, you name it. All exorbitantly priced compared to Pattaya.

But that's high season or you.

Another Room With a View

Travelling again through Isaan recently, we made another service station stop in an out-of-the way location.

I love our wanderings through Isaan, as I have said before, yet for some reason the toilets at the service stations fascinate me almost as much as the wonderful countryside scenery.

As my wife glowered at the teenager filling up the petrol tank, I used the time to empty my own, and I was glad I did, as I walked in to see this wonderful panoramic vista.

At first I felt it was a bit too alfresco and public for comfort (although maybe that's why it was called a “public” convenience), but I had magnificent views over the Isaan countryside as I made use of these facilities.

Note how dangerously close the electrical wires were however. It was definitely a time for precision targeting. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-15

Bar Owner's High Season Tactics Explained

Nightmarch

Ode to a Haggis: As I noted in the last issue, the popular Offshore beer boozer in Soi X-zyte (off Third Road) will be holding its annual Robbie Burns night on 25 January with the official program starting at 8:30pm. By the time you read this, the 120 tickets for this unique event should have been snapped up by people of Scottish heritage and those who like to dress in fetching tartan outfits.

The 2011 event celebrates the 252nd birthday of Scotland's most famous poet and the man who brought the world the New Year's Eve anthem Auld Lang Syne. The main part of the supper will consist of Haggis, neeps and chappit tatties, which, in English, is Haggis, turnips and potatoes. The turnips are being flown in from Scotland.

The evening is open to all Offshores' usual customers and anyone else who would like to observe the cultural aspects of a country which has given the world William Wallace, Adam Smith, Mary Queen of Scots and the Bay City Rollers. For more information please call mine host, the genial Bob Lawrence, on 089 4011131 or drop in to the Offshore Bar in Soi X-zyte.

A real watering hole: The Club Oasis go-go (corner of Soi Buakhow and Soi Chaiyapoon) will be celebrating its fourth anniversary with a party on Thursday night 30 December. Although the den is always busy this party is more of a thank you for their many regulars and will feature a spitting pig and other goodies for patrons who wander by the chrome pole palace around 8:00pm onwards. The usual happy hour deals will apply: the two for the price of one house liver wasters at 100 baht has to be one of the best in Fun Town. I know a couple of people who spend an evening or two every week reducing their liver function by way of the happy hour deal while ogling the 40 or so dancing damsels scattered about the den.

If only they knew: There is an assumption among many bums on bar stools that the owners of the bars, be they foreigners or Thais, are in the business of obtaining as many bar fines for their working ladies as possible, as this leads to greater profits. There are even a few bar owners who believe this. The reality is completely the opposite. Bar owners live off the earnings of alcohol consumption not (illegal) prostitution.

The best result in financial terms for any bar owner is to have a plethora of good quality mattress actresses working in their establishment, with the majority of these remaining un-barfined until as late as possible on any given evening. That way, when prospective punters come to the bar they are likely to stay for a drink or sixty because of the tunnel vision on show. These damsels will, in turn, make some money because of the commission they receive on over-priced lady drinks. So, when a bar has the numbers of its primary attraction depleted rapidly because of bar fines, the chances of keeping the joint full with imbibers is severely reduced. This is one of the reasons why so many bars have what appear to be outrageously expensive bar fines during the Christmas-New Year period. The aim is to discourage punters from bar fining the staff. Whether the damsels who work in the dens and beer boozers are aware of this I don't know. Nowadays, they are increasingly encouraged to opt for operating in a short-time environment and many seem to have embraced this idea with a passion, realizing they can make more money.

Prisoners of more than Zenda: After much hype and fanfare the Alcatraz go-go opened on Walking Street in early December. The joint is huge in terms of size, which is going to cause problems after high season I would think. The owners have created a theme and stuck with it all the way, although I suspect the whole faux prison concept brings back a few too many memories for many punters. Not the kind of nostalgia many would be looking for, especially since the serving wenches, dressed in drab brown, are equipped with real handcuffs; I know, because one of them decided I looked dodgy enough to be locked in the bracelets. The place is arrestingly clean, bright, and fresh, unlike its namesake.

The dancing damsels are broken into three groups. There are coyote gyrators in short orange shorts and wrap shirts with the word 'guilty' stenciled on the back. The 'guilty' might well be right as a number were a little bit too much on the 'healthy' side and need to experience a prison diet for a few weeks. The downstairs dancers are way overdressed for a go-go bar, in black and white striped tops and black bikinis. The chains on their wrists keep with the theme, which is good, as are the large numbers of their tunics (007 for example), but the outfits need some serious 'sexing up'. Upstairs is what might be termed the solitary confinement room where a cage is in the centre and inside are dancers whose clothing has slipped to reveal the ravages of prison life. This section of the den is nicely appointed and more comfortable than the ground floor.

Between dancers, coyote girls, serving staff and hostesses (dressed in serious black) there must have been 70 or more people on the payroll. Given the investment in the joint and the huge staff required to make it look busy, it's no surprise the drinks prices are over the top. Liver wasters at 150 baht are designed for tourists, not expats and regulars, and come May this year they may find life getting a bit tough on the financial bottom line. Especially if the dancers remain almost fully clothed.

Just around the corner, Angelwitch (Soi 15), charges 125 baht for a liver waster and yet they have professionally choreographed shows and damsels with assets on show; Alcatraz has no shows and not much on display. Basically, well worth a look to experience the theme, but I doubt it will garner a sufficiently large crew of regular visitors.

A yawning gap: Wandered into the Cavern go-go (Walking Street) at about 9:45pm on a Saturday night in December and was surprised to see there was more staff than customers. This is another themed joint (formerly Honey and then Sisterz) with about 20-25 dancers in various stages of attire, or lack thereof, and of varying ages, shapes, sizes and attractiveness. Nothing really wrong with the place except it lacks ambience and looks to be a one-drink den to be visited on irregular occasions. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-14

A Bright New Gay Dawn

Pattaya One Exclusive

By James Barnes

It's a brand new year and a bright new dawn for gay publishing here in Thailand. The inaugural issue of OUT in Thailand magazine will appear on 2 January in Pattaya, Bangkok, Hua Hin, Chiang Mai, Koh Samui and Phuket. OUT iT has already generated interest in Singapore and Hong Kong and will be free to readers in all these locations.

Despite the global economic meltdown, all the depression of recession and the political turbulence the Kingdom has endured, Thailand remains the world's most popular gay destination. More and more, hotels and even restaurants are declaring that they are 'gay friendly', honing in on the 'pink baht'. Pattaya and Bangkok continually vie for the title, Gay Capital, Planet Earth. OUT in Thailand will be the only English language magazine to serve this community of gay Thais, expats and tourists.

OUT iT's publisher/editor Rewat Kadmai is well aware of the responsibility the magazine must bear. “We have to be informative, intelligent, inspiring and gay!” he told Pattaya One in an exclusive interview. “Of course it is a 'lifestyle' publication but we aim to be more than just a guide. We have an internationally renowned designer who will give us the style expected of a 21st century magazine and an editorial team dedicated to promote gay businesses here in Thailand as well as giving full support to Thailand's burgeoning gay rights movement.”

Sexual politics feature highly on Khun Rewat's agenda. This handsome 28 year old executive is a 'new generation' Thai, modest and mild mannered but determined to have OUT iT reflect his social conscience. “Safer sex is a vital issue.” he says, “The rates of new HIV infection are horrifying and we have a special free gift for every reader of our first issue- there's a condom inside every copy!” With an initial print run of 10,000 copies, that's 10,000 condoms. “They were all kindly donated by those lovely people at Bodyguard Condoms, so our readers can see in the New Year with a bang- a safe bang!”

“We all know that the gay community comprises some extraordinarily talented and creative people,” he smiles. “And we hope to encourage and nurture budding writers and photographers who we urge to submit their work for consideration.” [more…]

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GAYMARCH

Email me at gaymarchpattayaone [at] gmail.com.

That's a Lot of Hunks: The Pattaya heat for The Mr. Gay Thailand contest was recently held at The Bondi on Jomtien Beach. The festivities commenced about an hour after the scheduled 10 pm start time (TIT). There were eleven hunky and sexy contestants who first paraded in their street clothes. During the second round, the boys strutted around their baskets in sexy bikinis. There was a five thousand baht prize for the winner, two thousand for the runner up and one thousand for the other contestants. The Pattaya final will be held on 15 January. The ultimate winner will go on to Manila to represent Thailand in the Mr. Gay World competition. First place went to Number 1, Mr. Kay, who was quite deserving of the accolades.

The TAKE CARE!! fundraiser at Café Royale in Boyz Town (Pattayaland Soi 3) was a success and raised about 40,000 baht for the volunteer group which distributes free safer sex packs to gay and gay friendly venues throughout Pattaya. Dr. Philippe Seur, of Heart 2000, was the honoree. After dinner, punters were treated to an underwear fashion show and auction, B-Boyz break dancers and the ever popular singers, El Duo. There were almost thirty lucky draw prizes and an art auction as well. Check out TAKE CARE!! at www.takecarepattaya.com. By the way, you can often catch the B-Boyz doing their routines on the street in front of Panorama, in Boyz Town, most nights after 10:30 pm.

It's Showtime: I stopped into X-Boys pole dancing palace (Pattayaland Soi 1) recently and caught their ten o'clock show. (They have three shows a night.) Following the obligatory 'big organ' show, two guys were making love under a sheet. Several boys held the sheet over them and raised and lowered it so audience members could sneak peeks at the action. There was also an interesting and entertaining act involving a katoey and some minimally attired young men. In addition, they had a hula hoop show; but alas, the performer wasn't naked as in the past. There was also, among the other shenanigans, the B-Boys dancers, who were probably the most entertaining act. Upstairs, at Dynamite, the usual mischief was going on during the 10:30 show, which climaxed with a love making performance. Two couples started out, but, unfortunately, one of them couldn't 'keep up,' so he and his partner had to exit the stage. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-13

That's Not What I Meant!

Now that there are thousands of unattached, lonely men in town and I have a wider audience, it is the opportune time to pass on some valuable advice. I can offer guidance on a whole range of subjects but this advice is for those men looking for more permanency in the Land of Smiles; those who, for whatever insane reason, seek to build a lasting monument to their stupidity in Thai bricks and mortar.

Yes folks, there are many foreign men longing to build a house or buy a condo in Thailand. I admit, there are a few success stories, but in most cases, success came at a price. That price is diligence, patience and perseverance. Let me explain with three examples.

Tony decided to build a house on his girlfriend's land up in Korat. It was not going to be an extravagant house and it was well within his budget. He did the right thing and made sure he had a legal, irrevocable 30-year lease in his name on the property so, if they ever split up, her family could not throw him out of his home or sell it from under him. So far so good. Tony and Lek agreed to the house plan with Tony having one stipulation; it had to have a farang toilet, not a squat Thai facility.

Just as the house was ready for the plumbing to go in, Tony drove to the city and purchased a very nice porcelain pedestal to be installed in his almost completed bathroom. Then he made a BIG mistake. He had to leave the country on business for a couple of weeks so left everything in the hands of the builders who assured him the house would be finished by the time he returned.

And it was. And it was beautiful. As Lek proudly showed him through their new home and the furnishings she had bought, he made his way to the bathroom to see how his farang toilet looked. It was installed and in perfect working order … except for one thing. It has been recessed into the ground and the seat was at floor level. His beautiful pedestal was now a farang squat toilet!

Max thought the ceiling in his condo was too high and decided to have a cosy false ceiling installed with new lighting to match. He also wanted the room repainted and organised a contractor for both jobs. To explain to the contractor exactly what he required, he drew a design in pencil on the wall which was going to be painted anyway. Drawing lines and pointing to the ceiling he felt sure the nodding Thai man knew what he wanted. It would take a full day, Max was told. Then he made a BIG mistake. Not wanting to be around while the work was going on and not wanting to stay in the condo overnight with the smell of fresh paint permeating the room, he arranged to stay with a friend for the night.

Next day, around noon, he went back to his condo to see how it all looked. He opened the door and almost fainted. The false ceiling was so low only a Hobbit could live there! He could not stand upright in his living room. Furious, he called the puzzled contractor who came right over. It seemed that, when he was explaining about the false ceiling he drew one horizontal line too many on the wall, and the contractor took that as the required level for the ceiling. When he shouted, “What the hell have you done!” the contractor gave him one of those 'well you're the stupid farang' looks. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-12

Atrocious weather led to the grounding and eventual destruction of a Thai warship during the Korean War

On 7 January 1951 the Thai corvette HTMS Prasae was caught in a blinding snowstorm just over 100 kilometres behind the front lines of her United Nations (UN) allies on the east coast of the Korean peninsula. In freezing conditions the Prasae was hurled onto the shoreline near the village of Yang-yang and became stranded, leading to a frantic attempt at salvaging her before the practically defenceless vessel could fall into North Korean hands.

At this point UN forces were in retreat after an estimated 400,000 Chinese 'volunteers' had joined the North Koreans in launching a counter-attack. In an effort to delay the advance, UN commanders had ordered naval vessels to operate as far inshore as possible to provide inland bombardment, despite the dreadful weather conditions. These orders had contributed to the grounding of the Prasae, one of four Thai warships sent to aid the UN war effort.

The Prasae had been commissioned in April 1943 as the British warship HMS Betony, serving until March 1945 when she was loaned to the Indian Navy and recommissioned as HMIS Sind. She returned to the British in May 1946 but in 1947 was sold to the Thai navy and renamed Prasae.

Crash

By the time supporting US naval units- including USS Endicott, Bolster, Comstock and Manchester began arriving- the Prasae had been subjected to severe damage from the pounding surf. Heavy swells had washed away on-deck equipment. The first US helicopter at the scene, flown by a man named John Thornton, was unable to raise any other vessel by radio contact. He put down near the stranded ship and his radio officer made contact with the US liaison officer aboard the Prasae who instructed the helicopter to go out to the Bolster and bring in a salvage officer named Lieutenant Dudley. A landing craft from the Bolster had earlier attempted to reach Prasae but had been shattered by the seas and the crew drowned.

Thornton told the liaison officer North Korean troops were about one and a half kilometres away, entrenched behind a series of low-lying ridges. The biggest concern was how to keep the North Koreans away and salvage the Prasae in such treacherous weather conditions.

Trying to put Dudley aboard the stranded Thai warship in 30-knot winds proved impossible. Two attempts were made and the second ended in disaster. A sudden wave struck the ship, which bucked and the helicopter, operating with the barest minimum of space, was sucked into the superstructure and crashed. The disintegration of the helicopter caused explosions of onboard ammunition and led to fires aboard the corvette. Amazingly Dudley escaped with only broken ribs while Thornton and his crewman also survived.

Crewmen attempted to put out the fires with hoses, but the water pressure was limited. Other sailors valiantly took anti-submarine depth charges aft to prevent them blowing up. Trapped sailors jumped overboard into the swirling and icy sea and struggled ashore, shivering in the sub-zero temperatures.

By the afternoon the fires had dimmed and more rescue ships arrived. The Comstock, a Landing Ship Dock with heavy landing craft, sent a volunteer group of three crewmen, two doctors and a salvage officer who were fortunate to avoid being capsized as they reached the Prasae. They took off the injured who were transferred to the beach to be taken off by helicopter.

Two Thais who had jumped into the water were injured and in shock. They were to die later. Of the other 34 Thais and Americans on the beach, 18 needed to be airlifted away as quickly as possible.

Then the North Koreans began to move forward. Thai and US spotters on the Prasae relayed co-ordinates to the warships offshore who shelled the attackers. Despite heavy losses the North Korean kept advancing, knowing the fleet would have to cease fire soon or risk hitting their own men. A smart gunnery officer aboard a destroyer used his rapid-fire anti-aircraft guns at the lead North Korean elements, literally blowing them to pieces and forcing them to retreat. During the night the warships offshore kept firing bursts every 15 to 20 minutes.

On the second day the Bolster tried to move closer but the weather became even worse. A blizzard made visibility zero. Prasae had been hurled further up on the sand and the landing craft was also severely damaged and rendered unusable.

On the third day the boilers died and with it the heat. Fresh water ran out and supplies of everything were running low. The cold sapped the morale of the Thais.

The weather finally broke on the fourth day and for 14 hours an attempt was made to drag the Prasae off the beach. The men were exhausted. That night the temperature dipped even further.

By 12 January, the fifth day, many Thai sailors were suffering pneumonia and there was no choice but to abandon ship. Detonating charges were placed, the crew stepped onto the snow and sand and flown out to the Manchester. After the charges went off Prasae was then raked with gunfire from the warships offshore.

Replacements

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-11

Pattaya Focus

Art Attack on Beach Road

It is easy to stroll down Pattaya Beach Road (PBR), glowering at the jet ski scammers, avoiding the cross-eyed gaze of the blowzy harlots, being accosted by dodgy tattooed drug dealers and sneering at some of the flotsam of Pattaya's lowest end tourists of all nationalities, as they shamefully try to haggle down the price of an already cheap bunk-up with some nasty old crone.

Most people think PBR is a horrible place, ugly, dirty and dangerous.

Well, it is.

But it is also something else. It is a walkway full of public art, much of it, surprisingly in this over-scammed town, of decent quality, and most of it certainly deserves to be looked at more by passing tourists, although it is often easy to overlook it with everything else on a human level going on there.

In an attempt to put this right, I thought we should focus on some of the public art on display on the beachside of PBR, flippantly captioned, of course.

PBR contains many traditional Thai sculptures and statues, as well as more modern art, using a whole range of materials, including plastic, metal, ceramics, coral, stone, plaster of paris, and shitty nasty concrete, in the form of that appalling disgrace of a fountain at the PBR/Central Road junction, which we shall certainly be focusing on in a future edition.

The next couple of columns will feature a selection of photos of what I consider to be the best pieces of PBR Art. Not just what I think is good, because each to his own on that, but objects that made me stop and either admire or hate them, wonder who commissioned them, and why, or wonder who made them, how and where.

There is good art on PBR (most of it, relatively speaking) and bad (eg, that concrete fountain). A lot of things caught my attention once I started looking for closely. You will see it on lamp posts, on the grass verges, in fountains, and elsewhere on a walk down the beach side of PBR.

Someone in City Hall deserves applause for conceiving and commissioning a lot of this art. Much of it is easily overlooked but it's well worth looking out for. Well, the bits that haven't been stolen or broken at any rate.

For this edition I have just focused on the traditional Thai images. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-10

THE FRUGAL GOURMAND

ENJOYING FRENCH CUISINE DOESN'T HAVE TO BUST THE BUDGET

This column will feature great dining options that are easy on the wallet. In most of the spots mentioned, you can have a great meal for less than 500 baht (sometimes including a glass of wine). For our first culinary journey, let's focus on some of Fun City's French restaurants.

L'Olivier (038 251 689), in Jomtien Complex, off Thappraya Road, offers a complete dinner, including soup, salad, main course and dessert for 299 baht. Main courses offered on the set menu change daily, but typically include such items as beef bourguignon, sea bass and bouillabaisse. A very reasonable a la carte menu is offered, as well as Thai dishes.

L'Arc French Restaurant (038 251 1921), also in Jomtien Complex, has been open for a little over a year. You'll probably go slightly over the 500 baht budget, but it is well worth it. The attractively decorated venue features modern furnishings and impressionistic art. The carrot soup (110 baht) was thick and creamy. My dining companion loved his Quiche Lorraine (120 baht). I tried the bavette cranolais of beef (390 baht), which was tender, juicy and succulent. My friend raved that his Marget De Canard Sauce Miel (grilled duck breast with honey sauce) (230 baht) was unlike any he had ever had. There's an assortment of dessert choices, but as a chocoholic, I went with the sinful Mousse Au Chocolat Maison.

You could easily spend a week trying the various, sensibly priced French restaurants in the Day and Night area of South Pattaya without repetition. At Monte Cristo (087 380 7148) on the site of the old Renoir's, adjacent to the now closed Flamingo Hotel, you can definitely stay within budget and eat like an epicure in this elegant and stylish brasserie. Their 390 baht set menu includes starter, main course, dessert and coffee. A glass of wine is 110 baht. The a la carte choices include a variety of starters, such as quiche, fish soup and smoked salmon. Special a la carte main courses include paella with sea bass and fresh tagliatelle with sea food.

Day and Night Soi 2, across and down from Tuk.com features a plethora of French offerings. La Cuisine Au Beurre ( 087 133 5471), an attractive open air bistro offers a set menu for 290 baht. A starter, main course dessert and coffee or tea is included. (Mains featuring duck, pork or fish were on offer recently.) One evening, I tried the filet steak, which for the price was excellent: juicy and flavorful. [more…]

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LIVING HEALTHY IN PATTAYA

Start the New Year Right

Get into a food-fight...against cancer

By Khun Dee

Begin the New Year with a bang. Get into a fight. A food-fight against cancer. In fact, if you haven't yet decided on a New Year resolution for 2011, why not commit to a year-long--even life-long--chomping battle against cancer?

Graze into a healthier future without being restricted to such mundane fare as kelp, tofu and flax seeds. Instead, enjoy more of the foods you like that also protect you against cancer, and eat less of those unhealthy alternatives--saturated fat, sugar, salt, processed foods. As a bonus, you'll lose weight and gain energy.

So what are cancer-fighting foods? Victuals you probably eat already but just not enough--like broccoli, tomatoes, blueberries, salmon. You can still enjoy lean meat, too, but to ward off cancer, focus predominantly on fruits and vegetables. A plate consisting of two-thirds plant food will do that. Just remember to avoid excessive saturated fat; a high-fat diet has been linked to cancer of the colon, prostate, uterus and breast.

If a heavy dose of greens is new to you, take baby steps. Resolve to add one new vegetable a month to your menu. Do the same with fruit. Your goal is to eat at least five servings of vegetables and five servings of fruit daily, the most important of which are broccoli, cooked tomatoes, berries (all varieties), pomegranates, prunes, plums, carrots, pumpkin, pineapple, oranges, spinach, avocado, red grapes, papaya, red apples, olive oil, nuts and beans--particularly soybeans.

As you organize your menu, do your best to include the some of the above and consider following:

*Folate. This B-complex vitamin is found in orange juice, spinach, romaine lettuce, dried beans, peas, peanuts, asparagus and Brussels sprouts. Load up.

*Vitamin D. Curbs the growth of cancerous cells and may improve survival rates among lung cancer patients. D is in fatty fish, mushrooms, eggs, and meat. In Pattaya you can get ample doses year round just spending 10 minutes a day in the sun.

*Tea/Coffee. Polyphenols in green and black tea have antioxidant effects that help prevent skin, esophageal, stomach, colon, pancreas, lung, bladder, prostate and breast cancers. Drink four cups a day, hot or cold. And a recent Japanese study indicates that coffee may cut your chance of contracting cancer of the mouth, pharynx and esophagus by 50%. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-09

Condo Developments - A Plethora of Pattaya Possibilities

The greater Pattaya area, ranging from Naklua down to Bang Saray, has numerous condominium developments. The range is huge, some are enormous while others are boutique, some luxurious and some run-down, some are in prime, prominent locations while others are hidden away, some offer a tranquil lifestyle while some are in the heart of the busy nightlife. I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

One might say that there is something for everyone, which is the very reason why it is impossible to say with absolute certainty which is the best of Pattaya's condos. Any such assessment is, by its very nature, a subjective assessment, albeit one that can undoubtedly be based on certain objective criteria. Thus, one can say which are the most convenient, the most luxurious, the most tranquil, which have the best views, so on and so forth. And you might well argue that the condo with the most positive attributes is the best, but then what about the value for money it offers. If you have to pay a disproportionate premium to get the condo with the most positive attributes does that prevent it from being as good as it might otherwise have been?

With any assessment of real estate, be it land, a house, a condo, etc, it is often said, and with very good reason, that location is the most important consideration. In terms of which location is best for a condo in Pattaya, there is more than just one good area and which of those is best for any given individual depends upon what is most important to that person. For example, for those who want to be close to everything and everywhere, condos like Northshore and View Talay 6, both on or extremely close to Pattaya Beach Road, provide a combination of outstanding convenience (save for when Pattaya Beach Road is closed for one event or another), very good sea-views and proximity to the beach (although it is also fair to say that Pattaya Beach is not everyone's cup of tea).

For those who don't want to be right in the centre of town, but also don't want to be too far away, Wongamat Beach and more particularly the condos built adjacent to it tend to offer a very good option. Accordingly, they are very popular and, for Pattaya, generally very expensive. My own personal favourite is probably Baan Rimpha, which is located very close to the Dusit hotel in an absolutely prime location. However, it is a relatively small development with only big units which are therefore only affordable for a select few. Nevertheless, it is still very hard to get a place in there. They only rarely come on the market and there is usually a waiting list to get one.

Further down the beach, Saranchol also has an outstanding reputation and for good reason, with very nice units in a lovely setting. However, again in local terms the apartments are very expensive. Not far away, Raimon Land has just completed the twin tower Northpoint development, which has sold very well, with prices typically in the 100,000 Baht to 150,000 Baht per square metre range. It is a quality development of luxury units on a beautiful 12 rai beachfront site with extremely good communal facilities. A slight negative, albeit a temporary one, might be the fact that Raimon Land have just announced that they will launch another two-tower development to be called Zire right next door in January 2011. So it appears likely that the owners of Northpoint will have a large and potentially noisy building site next door for the next few years.

Typically I think it is fair to say that many of the better value units, and certainly the newer projects that fall into that category, tend to be found in Jomtien and the Pratumnak Hill area. A number of Israeli developers, such as Iguana and Heights Holdings, have focused on building value for money, budget and middle market developments which have proven to be very successful over the past couple of years. Many of these projects focus on using space as efficiently as possible, such that lots of one-bedroom units of only around 30 to 40 square metres have cropped up. While these are obviously only very small they have undoubtedly hit the right note with lots of buyers. It means that purchasers have been able to buy one-bedroom units, however small, for between one and two million Baht. I think the appeal is relatively obvious. If your choice is between a studio and a one bedroom of roughly the same size and thus the same price, in a one-bedroom you have the additional privacy afforded by a separate room. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-08

LETTERS

Plenty of Bite in Africa

Sir,

I am writing this from Africa where I work in a remote town in Zambia.

A friend in Pattaya sent me the link to your paper, including the cobra front page story, which was a coincidence because that day I had my own snake drama, African style. Here's how mine went.

One of our workers had gone out without the correct footwear, and been bitten by a snake in the bush and collapsed. He said it was a Common Boomslang, a highly venomous, aggressive snake, which strikes without warning, and which out here, is usually fatal within 3 days, as there are no good medical facilities nearby.

Toxic snake bite venom tends to cause internal bleeding and attacks the vital organs /nervous system (quickly or slowly) like battery acid (it liquidises organs). So once it is in the system there is not a lot that can be done, and we feared the worst as the man slipped in and out of consciousness.

The poor man was in great pain, and we took him to a dusty local hospital which is no more than a room with a bed and a stock of penicillin in it.

The hospital said they couldn't help and recommended he was taken to a local WITCH DOCTOR.

So, as directed, we took him to a nearby village, up a dirt track, where we met an old man who was the witch doctor.

The patient was carried from the truck and put under a tree in a field, as the witch doctor slashed the wound with a razor blade, applied some leaves to the gashed foot and gave him some smelly concoction from local bushes to drink, while mumbling spells of some kind.

Incredibly, the man survived and is recuperating well. We couldn't believe it.

Maybe you need a witch doctor in Pattaya?

Yours sincerely,

Paul Gerrard

By email

It seems our Internet presence is even more expansive than we had imagined. Two letters, by email, in about 10 days from two completely different continents no less. Pattaya One is hoping we also have a few people who live within a 10,000 kilometres of Pattaya who read the paper as well!

Common Boomslang's are quite thick on the ground here as well, usually around the Beach Road promenade area and parts of Walking Street late at night. When filled with alcoholic beverages, or if it's the wrong time of the month, they can become extremely aggressive. When they do strike, the organ that goes first is usually the wallet and its attendant cash, although sometimes victims have claimed they've also lost their hearts. This is probably due to some congenital weakness associated with having left their thinking and reasoning capacity at left luggage when they came off the aircraft from overseas.

We don't have witch doctors as such in Pattaya but there are plenty of persons who dabble in the arcane arts or can supply all kinds of potions; usually they've just been released from a period of detention at the pleasure of the authorities. [more…]

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KRIS & NOI'S PRIVATE POSTS

Anti-Whinger

Thailand is the worst place I've been in for moaning expats. Wherever they congregate you will hear them griping, saying how lazy and stupid the Thais are. Seeing as, for most of them, a round of golf followed by a visit to the bar is the most work they will do, they have no right to point a lethargic finger at Thais who generally work 12-hour days. Expats are better educated for sure, but the way some of them act in Pattaya, you wouldn't think so. Where do farangs get the gall to question the brainpower of a village girl who has been in Pattaya six months and can already converse in several languages, while veteran expats who've been here 5 or 10 years still can't form a sentence in Thai?

Groucho

Expats, particularly-- but not exclusively--those living in Third World or developing countries, do have a tendency to complain about the shortcomings of the locals. It's in the expat genes; rumour has it the first letters home from the Mayflower complained about the quality of the local beer. The most whining seems to come from the laziest examples of Western man. While they are sitting at their restaurant tables, or boozing in the bars, they cannot see the irony in complaining about lazy Thais, when the Thais serving them are probably working six or seven days per week just to maintain a very basic lifestyle. Thais are poorly educated in comparison to most expats, but stupid they certainly are not, being far more self-sufficient than pampered Westerners. Many Thais speak one, sometimes two, regional languages, as well as Thai, but to claim that service girls can converse in several languages is stretching it a bit, or a lot actually. Being able to say “another blow is 500 more” in six languages doesn't make her a linguist [might make her a cunning linguist though, Ed]; however, by increasing her customer appeal she is smart. And better than some expats, who prefer relying on shouted English. [more…]

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Above Bawd in Pattaya

What’s the Big Deal with Soi Bukhao? (Part 1)

I have to admit I like Soi Bukhao. It used to be a white elephant but it’s an increasingly important area of Pattaya, with a rosy future ahead of it.

Often I find myself strolling down there of a daytime wondering why so many people hate it, admittedly as I leap out of the way of speeding baht buses, with no pavement to offer me sanctuary.

However I do notice on market days the bars fill up with people who look like they know how to handle a bottle of Chang, from a lifetime of experience, but hey, this is Pattaya.

Whenever I have been down the Soi at night I haven’t seen anything particularly lewd, offensive or objectionable either (this being Pattaya), so I really needed an answer to what Pattaya’s internet posters’ big problem is with the place, cruelly dubbed “The English Patient”, on account of the number of British welfare benefit claimants who allegedly hang out there.

Forum posters frequently get worked up about Soi Bukhao, how it’s spelt (I’m using my own spelling here) and whether it actually exists at all (?), so I endeavoured to find out what all the fuss was about by reviewing Thai Visa’s threads: “Soi Bukhao Likes and Dislikes?” “And Does Soi Bukhao Actually Exist?”

About spelling, I am always surprised by the variations on the name. Buakhaow, Buakao, Buakow, Bukhao, BuaKhao, Bua Khao, Bukhaow, Buckaow, and many others are used by posters, so it was perhaps reasonable for andyww to comment: The street seems to be a virtual soi which only exists on internet forums.

Musongman believe not only did it exist, but it is the dirtiest, noisiest, most undesirable, traffic-congested address in all of Pattaya.

Not so, Charlie1968 countered: good soi, everything you need; nice hotels, plenty of choice for food and drink, all for a reasonable price, and not too far to walk to the beach.

And there we could probably leave it, as many posts, for and against, are a variation of the above.

But where would be the fun be in that? Usually the disagreements about Soi Bukhao become quickly, irrationally and enjoyably heated, so I decided to plough on through the absorbing “likes and dislikes” thread. [More…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-06

In Defense of the Manly Art

By Sodom N. Gomorrah

(Note: S. Tsow is on vacation. Our guest columnist during his absence is Sodom N. Gomorrah.)

Recently there was a brief kerfuffle in the media about fledgling U.S. politician Christine O'Donnell, who opposes masturbation. “The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. You can't masturbate without lust!” she declared in 1996.

She's right on both points. Personal experience reveals that lust is essential to masturbation, and in Matthew 5:28 Jesus tells us, “Everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

I've always been a big fan of Jesus, but on this issue I'm afraid he was a bit harsh. His dictum makes every man an adulterer, because we have all lusted after women at one time or another, and often with great enthusiasm, especially in go-go bars. I prefer the more liberal viewpoint of a 19th-century Hindu saint who declared, “Mental sin is no sin in the Kali Yuga.” (That's the era we're currently stuck in.)

Back in the days of when Bill Clinton was President of the United States, a top official was forced to resign when she advocated teaching masturbation in the public schools. She thought it would alleviate the problem of teenage pregnancies.

Boy, was she stupid. You don't have to TEACH masturbation, lady. Every young man will find out about it soon enough on his own. It's one of those instinctive skills that emerge spontaneously during puberty.

It's like picking your zits. Nobody has to teach you how to pick your zits. Nobody has to teach you how to masturbate, either.

What somebody does have to do is to reassure guilt-ridden young men that there's nothing wrong with it. In this regard Christine O'Donnell was not being helpful.

Indeed, masturbation has received a very bad press throughout history. It used to be called Onanism, after a gentleman named Onan. Genesis 38:8-10 tells us that Onan spilled his semen on the ground rather than produce offspring on behalf of his dead brother (a charming custom of the time). This upset God, who promptly killed him.

Generations of clergymen have seized upon this incident to condemn masturbation and threaten young men with damnation. But they miss the point. It wasn't masturbation that upset the Lord. It was Onan's dereliction of duty in failing to provide offspring for his brother. (His brother's widow was expected to participate in this endeavour, and I've always suspected that she may have been superlatively ugly.) [More…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-05

Ayutthaya and its Christian past

'I am never tired of admiring this very large city on an island surrounded by a river three times the size of the Seine, full of French, English, Dutch, Chinese, Japanese, and Siamese vessels and an uncountable number of barges, and gilded galleys with 60 oarsmen…But something still more admirable is that on both sides of this island are the quarters or villages inhabited by the different nationalities… I have never seen anything finer, though with the exception of the [gilded] pagodas everything is of natural simplicity.'

So wrote the 41-year-old Frenchman Abbe de Choisy, in 1685, about Ayutthaya, then one of the great cities of Asia. While Thailand has played host to many strange and unusual characters down through the centuries, de Choisy, a cleric and member of the French diplomatic mission in Ayutthaya, ranks among the weirdest. His mother brought him up as a girl and he embraced a transvestite lifestyle, which included seducing young girls, until struck down by a serious illness. After recovering, he renounced his former life of debauchery in favour of religious and diplomatic pursuits.

The first European traders to come to Ayutthaya were the Portuguese, in 1511, being impressed enough to call it the Venice of the East (an appellation applied to Bangkok a couple of centuries later). The Portuguese language became the lingua franca of trade through most of Asia during much of the 16th century. To Asians, the Portuguese were known as feringhi (from which it's not hard to see the modern Thai word farang being a derivative) and were highly regarded as mercenaries. Among their key trading goods were arms and ammunition, which the Thais used to good effect against the Burmese soon after.

The Thais permitted the Portuguese to establish a settlement in 1540, outside the city walls in the south, and the remains of this can be seen today. The restored Church of Saint Petro, which was originally run by the Dominicans, dominates what is left of the settlement. At its peak there were upwards of 300 Portuguese nationals, many coming from Goa in India, living in Ayutthaya. The base of the church was discovered in 1985 and also uncovered were the remains of about 200 people in what was assumed to be the local cemetery. Go inside the church and the skeletons are on open display, with one of their number encased in glass for a closer inspection. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-31

Engorged prices in Pattaya

Nightmarch

I'm mad, bad and open very late: The Diamond go-go has turned itself into what the management call a 'BAD' place, that is, the 'Best Ago-go Disco' in Fun Town. I am led to believe the joint now doesn't open until 9:00pm but will keep batting through the night 'until you drop' according to owner Khun Tee. The aim is to compete, on a smaller scale of course, with the likes of the popular Insomnia Club and Marine head-bangers auditoriums. Given that the local government has managed to create a situation where bars 'in the zone' can stay open officially until 4:30am during this high season I am not sure how much added business will accrue to Diamond. Then again, the den has for a long time been popular with a late-night crowd and that's unlikely to change.

More than Soi Disgusting: The Flintstone Sierra Tango boozer (Soi Kow Noi) is just one of a string of similar places designed to relieve the pent-up emotions of the denizens of the Dark Side, and any visitors who care to wander into the eastern reaches of Fun Town. The Flintstone is one of those more brightly lit dine and dash establishments that can be relied upon to have eight or nine exponents of the art of the one-eyed trouser snake handshake. The prices for a lie down do seem over the top with the bar fine at 300 baht and the damsel asking 1,000 baht to reveal her horizontal mattress skills.

A cross between a poetry recital and a madman's breakfast: The popular Offshore beer boozer in Soi X-zyte (off Third Road) will be holding its annual Robbie Burns night on 25 January with the official program starting at 8:30pm.

Tickets for this unique event are limited to 120 people and have been selling faster than you can pronounce 'O wad some Pow'r the gifte gie us' without sounding like you've swallowed a snail with the shell still attached.

The 2011 event promises to be the most impressive ever, celebrating the 252nd birthday of Scotland's most famous poet and the man who brought the world the New Year's eve anthem Auld Lang Syne. The main part of the supper will consist of Haggis, neeps and chappit tatties, which, in English, is Haggis, turnips and potatoes. A Haggis is, according to my dictionary, 'made from sheep's heart, lungs, liver, chopped with oatmeal, suet, onion etc, and boiled in the stomach bag.' What one would call 'an acquired taste.' Turnips are not a vegetable you will find in Thailand and so they will literally be flown in from Scotland.

Although this is a peculiarly Scottish event it is certainly not limited to people whose taste in clothes extends to tartan skirts, and all are welcome to attend. For anyone interested please call mine host, the genial Bob Lawrence, on 089 4011131 or drop in to the Offshore Bar in Soi X-zyte.

Have one on me: A regular patron of the Soi 6 lying-in-for-a-brief-period facilities is of an age where he requires the testicular stimulation afforded by the application of a gel to the genital region. To this knob end he has a regular standing order with a particular pharmacy. The evening following Father's Day he wandered into the said pharmacy and collected his usual prescription, which always comes to 80 baht. The pharmacist peeled off a 20-baht note for the change and then peeled off a second 20-baht note and proffered the 40 baht to him, stating, “Happy Father's Day.” [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-30

Don't expose yourself on Soi Cowboy

By Stickman

They say that London has more surveillance cameras than any city on the planet but over the last couple of years a huge number of such cameras have been installed in downtown Bangkok. Standing on the pedestrian walkway above the Asoke intersection are too many to count. There are several poles with cameras mounted, each pole with a bunch of cameras mounted, making close to 50 odd cameras at that one intersection. And there are plenty more nearby, including each end of Soi Cowboy where mounted cameras look straight down the soi. Be on your best behaviour in the Asoke area!

Spanky's 3 has been sold and the venue has no association with the original Spanky's in Nana Plaza. Even Bangkok's boy wonder, Marc, could not make Spanky's 3 work. The original owners who Marc took the bar over from have bought it back and regained control and plan to remodel it back to its old look and even adopt its original name, The Strip!

Debate rages over the baseball-themed burger and beer joint, Home Run, that opened last month in a Sukhumvit back soi. A plush venue that is sufficiently far out of the way as to be a nuisance to get to, location is not the main problem. The burgers look great, but with prices running over 400 baht for most, they should be! I can't help but think that a car park might help. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-29

Cosmo Comes to Pattaya

I really love reading those informative 'tips' found in tabloids, magazines and on the Internet. You know the ones: 'Ten steps to a flatter stomach'; 'Five foods to make you thin'; 'Eight ways to keep a perfect marriage' etc. There are literally thousands of topics but my favourites are the one relating to sex, dating and relationships. Most of them are directed at women and some people go to a lot of trouble to give me a good laugh. Bless them.

The actual 'real world' value of such information is debatable and in the 'fantasy world' of Pattaya it is negligible. I thought it would be interesting to compare the advice using two recent 'tips' I found on Yahoo. The first was entitled “What Stresses Men out on a First Date” and provided women with four examples of what men are worried about.

1. That you'll be different from what he's expecting.

The argument went that, even if the first date went well, she may not hear from him again because she “ended up being different than [she was] when he first asked [her] out.” Women were told, “He'll wonder if he sized you up all wrong in the first place. Doubting his own judgment isn't a comfortable feeling - it's something every guy dreads.”

Not a problem in Pattaya because every guy is hoping she'll be different from what he's expecting. A guy telling his mates “she's different” is a statement of success! Number one bragging rights.

2. He won't be the only one you're interested in. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-28

GAYMARCH

Email me at gaymarchpattayaone [at] gmail.com

The Good, the Bad and the Bizarre: I recently visited Cartier Boys Club, off the beaten, gay path, on Soi Lengkee between Third Road and Soi Buakhow. There were about ten 'boys' and katoeys dancing on the stage. The first show commenced about 10:30 pm and was an hour in length. The opening act featured a katoey shooting fireworks from her back door; and it wasn't even the Fourth of July. Other acts included boys in costume and out. Golf enthusiasts appreciated the putting demonstration in which the golf club was suspended from the player's pole. Three well-built, young men danced on the stage, au natural and then circulated among the audience. Other acts included a body painting dance and a shower show. In a show of responsibility, the boy performing in the show's finale wore a condom. Cartier has been open for four years. On the few occasions I've visited, there seemed to be a dearth of customers. Perhaps, they do well with their 'home delivery' service.

Dancers from Wild West Boys (Pattayaland Soi 2), perform in front of the bar before the show. You can get a preview featuring boys in sexy, black briefs and traditional costumes. Across the soi, they were packed to the rafters on the 22nd at Happy Place Bar, for their monthly Boy Bingo. Bingo cards are 100 baht apiece. First prize winner gets to take off a boy of his choice for free; and the bar gives the chosen staff member a 1,000 baht tip. So, the winner potentially wouldn't have to pay anything. (Could anyone be that cheap?)

Boys in Briefs: Over in Boyz Town (Pattayaland Soi 3), Saturday is Sexy Underwear Night at Funny Boys. The dancing lads strut around their stuff in the latest, sexy, bikini fashions. Actually, I thought boys in their underwear could be seen every night. The guys at Funny Boys are mostly on the slim side. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-27

Right on Gay Rights

By James Barnes

How wonderful it is to witness history, especially when that history represents a step forward in human rights. For the first time ever, gay activists in Thailand have formulated a set of demands in the form of an "Open Letter" to the government, which were launched at the end of November in two events in Bangkok. The Sexual Diversity Network held its second Rainbow Umbrella March when 150 people with identical rainbow umbrellas snaked through the Siam interchange shopping area, ending on the plaza in front of the Bangkok Art and Cultural Centre. There they read out their "Open Letter to the Government."

Soon after, the letter was presented formally, at a workshop in the offices of the National Human Rights Commission. This workshop marked a new beginning of interaction with the Commission. Two commissioners attended, along with government officials. Observers representing the embassies of France, Germany, Denmark, Norway, and the Philippines as well as the European Union were also present.

The letter read as follows: [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-26

The Terrible Truth About Santa Claus

By S. Tsow

(Warning: For mature readers only. Keep your kids away from this one.)

In a sensational new book, noted Freudian psychologist Dr. Gottfried von Angst blows the whistle on one of the greatest frauds in history: the myth about Santa Claus.

Von Angst's book is called Santa Claus: The Man, The Myth, The Monster. It presents a frightening but impressively documented thesis: that Santa Claus, far from being the kindly old elf he pretends to be, fits the psychological profile of a seriously disturbed psychopath--almost certainly a pedophile, possibly a serial killer, conceivably even a cannibal.

Von Angst's case focuses on Santa's abnormally reclusive personality. You can't get more reclusive than living at the North Pole, and anyone who chooses to live in such a cold and forbidding wasteland is bound to suffer from a severe personality disorder: a coldness of the spirit, an alienation from human affection, an acutely dysfunctional inability to relate normally to others, probably caused by parental neglect--and possible sexual abuse--in childhood.

In a rare interview at his office in Zurich, von Angst recently explained his theory. Note, he observed, that this remote and enigmatic individual chooses as his companions not warm, loving human beings, but elves. Elves are related to gnomes, dwarfs, trolls, and goblins; more distantly, to demons. And you know who their honcho is: the Epitome of Evil, the Instigator of Iniquity, the CEO of Sin, the Boss of Bad, the Big Kahuna of the Dark Side: Satan, the Devil himself.

If elves, the relatives of demons, are helping Santa in his nefarious work, he may secretly be in league with the Devil. And before you laugh at that hypothesis, consider Santa's very name--an anagram for Satan. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2010-12-25