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PattayaOneTeam
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Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh
Part 3
I have saved this final instalment of my visit to Hanoi to describe some of the tourist sites in this historic Vietnamese capital. This involves first knowing how to get around which, if you are staying in the Old Quarter, does not present much of a problem. Metered taxis are plentiful but I did notice they are not as cheap as those in Saigon or in country towns. After several trips, my mates and I suspected the drivers had an illegal accelerator fitted to the meter, turning it over faster than regulation. You arrive at your destination in one piece but it was surprising how the 17,000 VN Dong showing on the display went to 80,000 VN Dong in such a short space of time and distance.
To familiarize yourself with the city, one option is to take an eco-friendly open electric street car which you can board at the large Dong Xuan market. They carry ten passengers charging 15,000 VN Dong each and depart when they are full or near enough to it. You can even pay 150,000 VN Dong and have the car to yourself or your party. They quietly travel a set route around the Hoan Kiem lake, taking you past a dozen or so places of interest and return you to the market, unless you want to get off at some point beforehand. On the eastern side of the lake I noticed a large globe of the world (see photo) showing Vietnam in relation to Asia. I sincerely hope this is not what they teach in Vietnamese geography classes because, last time I checked, Ho Chi Minh City was not located south-west of Perth! And I suspect Vietnam itself is not that large.
The Cho Dong Xuan market comprising several buildings and several floors is worth a visit, but honestly, the markets in Thailand are better. Don’t expect to find a favourite shirt in multiple-X Westerner sizes either. The Vietnamese people are of small build and the market caters mainly for the locals.
Our first ‘cultural activity’ was to visit the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, located in the Ba Dinh district and open from 8am to 11am on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday. Admission is free but, like many religious sites in Thailand, there are dress regulations with which my slovenly-dressed friends and I failed to comply. We found out later that Uncle Ho’s body was not actually in situ because each year at this time it is transported to Russia where embalming experts give him a touch-up.
One place worth a visit with no dress rules is the Vietnam Military History Museum (also in the Ba Dinh district) which opens every day except Monday and Friday from 8am until 4:30pm. Entrance fee is 20,000 VN Dong. The museum covers the French-Indochina War (1945-1954) and the ‘American War’ (1962-1975) and it was truly an eye-opener. Now, I know all countries and governments use distortions of history and propaganda to pacify their people, highlight good deeds and gloss over or cover up the bad, but the Vietnamese seem to have perfected it. The museum offers a very distorted and one-sided view of events, so don’t go there thinking you are going to find out the ‘truth’. There may be a lot of ‘truth’ to be seen but I suspect there is even more poetic licence used in presenting it.
For instance, one brass plaque boasted from 1964 to 1973, “the North Vietnamese People’s Armed Forces shot down 4,181 US aircraft” including “2,422 shot down by the Air and Anti-Air Forces; 357 by the Militia and Self-defence Forces; 30 by Militia Women and 6 by Militia Aged People.” I had to chuckle at the statistical breakdown. They could have added, “and 3 by Militia Disabled Orphans using only a slingshot and a bag of marbles.”
Finally, we went to the Hoa Lo Prison, often referred to as the ‘Hanoi Hilton’. Most of the original structure has been demolished, but the south-east side has been restored and classified as a ‘revolutionary relic’.
Built by the French colonists in 1896 to house Vietnamese insurgents … sorry, ‘revolutionary patriotic soldiers’ … it was later used by the Vietnamese to house captured American aircrews … sorry, ‘US imperialist aggressors arrested for bombing the peaceful people of North Vietnam’. Going through this museum, seeing the photos and reading all the literature, provides a valuable lesson in human nature. The first part of the tour showed conditions under the French, with the inhuman treatment and torture of hapless Vietnamese prisoners. The guillotine “used to cut the heads of Vietnamese patriots and revolutionary fighters” was particularly chilling.
The second part showed conditions when the prison was used by the Vietnamese for US pilots. You will have to excuse my sarcasm and irreverence but, in a scene straight from Ripley’s Believe it or Not, one sign declared: “During the war the national economy was difficult but Vietnamese government had created the best living conditions to US pilots for they had a stable life during the temporary detention period.” Next to it were photos of US prisoners playing basketball in the courtyard, decorating a Christmas tree and preparing a baked chicken meal. They were all smiling. And so did I.
After four full days in Hanoi I came away primed with revolutionary zeal and a renewed appreciation of Pattaya
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-24
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Pattaya Focus
Traffic Lights And pavements
Much as we like to take credit for everything, in this case I really feel we have made a difference.
Since starting this column, every new road project in central Pattaya has been road construction by concrete rather than the cheap diluted tarmac we have highlighted and criticised previously as being substandard, poorly applied and appallingly maintained.
Thick blocks of concrete are the best way to go if you have uncaring contractors or sub-contracting deals resulting in inferior quality road surfaces, so hats off to Pattaya One for this latest success.
The main focus of this column however is the state of Thappraya Road, and in this edition I want to take you to the traffic lights on one of the busiest junctions in Pattaya, the Thappraya/Thapprasit junction, approaching at speed from Jomtien.
In the above photograph, can you see where the traffic lights are anywhere, as you approach this dangerous junction?
No?
Nor can many motorists, and I have seen some serious traffic incidents here especially at weekends, with drunk or weekend drivers unfamiliar with the road, blowing right through the lights on red, with cars and motorbikes having to take emergency evasive action.
The only set of lights facing Jomtien were bizarrely relocated away from the road a few weeks ago, and set back, where they remain hidden by this green piece of useless pavement junk erected for no purpose except self-enrichment under a previous administration.
But it’s not just at the traffic lights that you need to keep your wits about you when sojourning down Thappraya Road.
The pavement has been booby-trapped with all manner of dangerous structures and traps for the unwary (or drunk) pedestrian.
How about these life-threatening pavement-level deep holes?
Or this one.
How many people must have been injured by this glorified rat hole for some good citizens to try to helpfully mark the danger with some rubble?
Or try this, our old friend on Thappraya Road, the ubiquitous, inappropriately located, dangerous water hydrant, made extra visible by the plastic bags.
Or this impediment to walking, which is just one of many, many examples.
It’s a new pavement, built at enormous cost and massive inconvenience, and it is being littered with as much pedestrian-endangering crap as is humanly possible to dream up, and it’s not even finished yet.
Surely residents and taxpayers deserve better.
Next Week: Upsides: Thappraya Road Marketing Opportunities.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-23
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Glad you like it, and thanks for the feedback.
Our next edition, due out on December 1st, is going to be huge!
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Kris & Noi’s Private Posts
Do you have a question about customs or culture, or perhaps just a general comment on life in Thailand?
Email Kris & Noi at: [email protected]
Morons-R-Us
I’ve been happily living in Pattaya for 15 years, but in the past few years I’ve seen a real drop in the standard of visiting expats. Despite the awful exchange rates it seems that plenty of yobs from many countries still manage to get here. Being English I notice my fellow countrymen more, and I think they are amongst the worst. People
from other countries are often arrogant and rude to Thais and other expats, but some Englishmen just want to get severely drunk and then make trouble. I’m not a Lord
Posh myself, but I never act the way these people do. I love it here; the weather, food, and way of life. As a single man who enjoys a social life, this is perfect for me. I wish that the louts would find somewhere else and leave the rest of us, Thais and expat residents, in peace.
Cornish
In any internationally-famous resort, where sex and alcohol are in abundance, there will be an unruly element amongst the visitors, and Pattaya has always had its share of Neanderthals. However, many expat residents would agree with you that the percentage of crude, rude deadbeats has increased in recent years, and visitors from the newer Pattaya markets receive poor reviews from expat blogs for their bad manners and rudeness towards other citizens. But the Brits, with their “in yer face” attitude and taste for binge drinking, still seem favourites to top the Expat Violence and Vomit league table. Nevertheless, you are overstating the issue; most expats can live here as long as you have without ever encountering any trouble from other expats. Although Pattaya would certainly be a more pleasant place if they didn’t visit, you are more likely to be mugged or burgled by a Thai than be bothered by a palefaces cretin.
Nice Schmutter?
Like just about everyone else here, I’ve often been annoyed by Indian tailors trying to shake my hand like an old friend and drag me in to their shop, but—and don’t laugh—I want a couple of suits made and would like to try them. Years ago, a colleague at work came back from Pattaya with some, and he did look smart; wish I had made a note of the tailor. They must be decent, as there are hundreds of them here making a living. Can you recommend any?
Steptoe
There are also hundreds of massage parlours, some good, some which will give you a permanent backache, so the number of shops is no guarantee of performance. To find the recommended shops, take a look at the expat forums and note the comments of people who have actually used them; this will give you a few to check out. Treat the ones who advertise ridiculously low prices and throw in extra shirts and trousers, as too good to be true. Go for good quality material, this is what makes the suit, don’t go for a rush job; and ask him why he speaks like an Aussie.
[One tailor I can wholeheartedly recommend is AMA Fashion, situated on Central Pattaya Road, opposite Tops Supermarket. I have taken a number of friends there over the years and all have been extremely satisfied with the work. Ed.]
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-22
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Living Healthy in Pattaya
Addicted to Caffeine?
Perk Up—Coffee is Good for You
If you absolutely must start each day with a cup of coffee, you probably have a caffeine dependence. But unless your physician has warned you to quit the black brew, perk up: the latest research indicates that moderate coffee consumption causes no harm and, in fact, probably offers health benefits.
For decades, coffee has been defamed and acclaimed from one study to another. But this inveterate java junkie sees ample grounds to justify a healthy cup or three a day. In fact, I’m convinced that the black brew (drunk that way) helps maintain good health.
Studies conducted around the world show that coffee drinkers are less likely to have type 2 diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, and dementia. Caffeine fiends also suffer fewer cases of cancer, strokes, and heart problems. And if that’s not enough, other research shows that coffee may reduce the risk of developing gallstones, liver damage, and colon problems—including cancer, and may improve both cognitive function and endurance performance in long-duration physical
activities (think better sex).
How much and what kind of coffee?
Three to four cups a day would do the trick. But if that much coffee makes you edgy, just a single cup a day provides some protection. One cup may lower your risk of stroke by a much as 30%, for example. That same cup may reduce your chance of contracting cancer of the mouth, pharynx and esophagus by 50%, according to a 13-year study in Japan. Such benefits derive whether you drink decaf or regular; in either case eliminate the cream and sugar –which seem to hamstring the antioxidants in coffee, eliminating some benefits and add fat and calories.
Want more protection? Drink even more coffee. Two to three cups a day cut the overall risk of all deaths by 18% in women...not so much in men (3%). That’s also the amount that helps reduce chances of getting Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and type 2 diabetes. A study conducted in Finland revealed that those who drank three to five cups of coffee a day lowered their risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease by 65%.
Another study suggested that the risk of diabetes dropped about 7% with each daily cup. [brits take note: 3 or 4 cups of tea a day had similar diabetes-thwarting benefits.]
Before such good news has you reaching for another cuppa, be warned that “coffee is not completely innocent. Caffeine, coffee's main ingredient, is a mild addictive stimulant,” reports the September issue of Harvard Women’s Health Watch. The Medical School’s warning goes on to point out that the brew can have modest cardiovascular effects such as increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, and occasional irregular heartbeat that should be considered. Such
negative effects tend to emerge with excessive coffee drinking.
“It is best to avoid heavy consumption,” advises Dr. Donald Hensrud, preventive medicine specialist at the Mayo Clinic. He says heavy caffeine use—four to seven cups a day—can “cause problems such as restlessness, anxiety, irritability and sleeplessness, particularly in susceptible
individuals.”
A final positive note for coffee lovers: java has been shown to improve alertness and reaction time in people. After consuming anywhere from 20 mg to 200 mg of caffeine, "people report increased well-being, happiness, energy, alertness and sociability," says caffeine expert Roland Griffiths at the John Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore. That may be why one 10-year study found that those who drank at least two cups of regular coffee a day were about 60% less
likely to commit suicide than non-coffee drinkers.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-21
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Pete’s Peregrinations
Manila Murder Musings
I’m writing this in Manila where I have come for some meetings, arriving late last night after my PAL flight from Bangkok was heavily delayed.
That set the tone for my first night.
The airport taxi driver then lied to me and said there was heavy traffic downtown because of a church meeting (at 11pm?!) and could he go the longer but faster way to the hotel? Foolishly, befuddled by having just arrived, I agreed, and ended up with a bill three times the amount of the usual fare. I’m still kicking myself.
I come to the Philippines twice a year, and much as I love the country, the people, the islands and the scuba diving, I really hate traffic-congested Manila and find it depressing being here, especially for the first couple of days.
I am staying on Mabini Street; the hotel and location are great, but last night even just a block away from the hotel, the dark, dirty, dangerous-feeling streets immediately put me on my guard in a way that never happens in Thailand.
I am always shocked by the many babies, small children and families sleeping rough on the pavements whenever I come here. It’s very sad.
Now may not the best time to be in Manila. Today’s headline screamed: “US and four other countries put out travel alerts on Manila”, warning of indiscriminate terrorist attacks in the capital and elsewhere.
Even though the Philippines economy is booming, the stock market is hitting record highs and the currency remains strong, tourism-wise, the Philippines always seems to outdo Thailand on bad news stories splashed across the world’s press.
In the past few months there have been (just off the top of my head): a murder of a British businessman by an armed gang, the disappearance of a British woman in Manila, an assassination of a Brit in Angeles City, and the murder by stabbing of another Brit, who had gone to meet his Filipina girlfriend who he was going to marry. Unfortunately he confided this sensitive information to her secret Filipino boyfriend, who promptly stabbed him to death.
There have been other shootings of Americans here and of course, the shockingly bungled “rescue” attempt of the Chinese tourists in the bus siege which played out on TV screens the world over, which resulted in 8 deaths, global condemnation of Manilan police incompetence, and international outrage, all of which have decimated the tourism industry here.
Most of the blame can be laid at the door of gross corruption and political mismanagement, but I feel sorry for the country and its people, and hope things one day will change.
Beer Bar’s Beers Bar
A friend and I recently travelled up to Udon Thani, where we stayed overnight.
Playing pool in a beer bar in a very quiet complex, we got talking to the owner who was selling up, fed up with low tourist numbers, financial concerns, hassles and shakedowns, including the ubiquitous “real or not” copyright agent’s visit and haggled massive fine.
The last straw was a 50,000 baht fine for advertising beer on their beer coolies. He showed me what they now had to do with them (pictured), and said it was part of a new clampdown, although in other bars we were in they hadn’t had to cover up these containers.
I recalled a recent club raid in Pattaya where a similar regulation was enforced but I haven’t as yet seen anything like this in Pattaya.
If this barmy law was being strictly enforced, logic would dictate that labels on beer bottles should also be taken off or covered up. And taken to its logical conclusion the breweries would have to be raided every day, as they churn the offending bottles out, labels and all, as well as retail stores everywhere.
Imagine the backhanders.
Isaan Relief
Often accused of having a lavatorial sense of humour, I was intrigued to see these toilets in a service station in Isaan recently.
Incredibly privet, these natural screens provide a fig leaf for nervous users. The owners were clearly not beating around the bush when they put them in, presumably to hedge against the risk of prying eyes of other pee peepers stemming one’s flow.
Of course I had to skulk around the bogs, looking highly suspicious, sporting my camera, until they were empty, when I was able to take this photo, which has probably put me on some kind of toilet-lurking perverts blacklist somewhere.
Traffic Madness
A little indistinct as I was photographing it from a moving car (no, I was the passenger), recently I saw this bizarre sight at the scene of a crash on the busy Ayutthaya – Saraburi road, at a notorious traffic black spot.
Behind the group is the truck they were travelling in, which had overturned, scattering fruit all over the road.
As the traffic was still driving past at a dangerous speed, on the obstacle-littered road, the traffic policeman, conveniently indicated by the arrow sign on the right of the photo, decided to add to the road dangers by taking a group photo for the lucky crash passengers in front of their still-overturned truck.
Only in Thailand.
Contact me at [email protected]
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-20
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Above Bawd in Pattaya
Death By Phone Call
A great thread on Teak_Door a while ago brought into conflict skeptical foreigners and superstitious Thais. Unfortunately they were often married to each other, and living up-country.
Missismiggins started it: My wife came back from her mother’s today. She had a piece of paper that she briefly showed to me, which contained 3 telephone numbers, which had been given by a local official. The instruction handed out to the locals was that if you receive a telephone call from any of these three numbers do not answer it, as it will kill you. People have died already!
So you can now imagine what it’s like around here at the minute...they are all trying to check their mobiles to screen incoming calls, they all have these bits of paper, can you picture it….all now rummaging around in their bags, wallets, pockets, to find the piece of paper with the list every time their phone rings to try and compare it!
I only managed to grasp at the list, before it was quickly snatched from me as a "NON BELIEVER" (She knew I would ring them to see what happens).
Of course it wasn’t long before a Doubting Thomas actually got hold of the list.
Mousehole said: Our village is rampant today with all this. A man in Lampang got a phone call today and he immediately died with blood spurting out of his ears and eyes. I just cannot stop laughing when they stand trembling and shaking trying to warn me. My wife was at the market today and phoned me to ask if we needed bread. I saw it was her phoning so just answered and made Whoooo, Whooooo ghost noises. She nearly died.
More cynical posters, such as Norton suggested an ulterior motive: Folks will call the number and find it is someone selling time share condos. Well. Maybe in Pattaya. Although here they’d kill you as well.
Withnallstoke asked, What happens if the bastard murderers send you a text? Still death, or just a maiming? The panic hasn't reached here yet. The only numbers no one answers are from bill collectors.
Missimiggins, summoning up the blood, said: I thought of ringing the mother in law, she only has a landline, but if I were to slowly speak out the numbers ...like "I am calling from...0 - 5- 3...do you think it will work? Maybe I could write them down and fax them to her?
He then reported that he was waiting for his wife to fall asleep so he could snatch the numbers and call them. He eventually got them by pretending he was helping someone avoid death by telephone call in Lampang, and instead posted them on the forum. Of course, not wanting to be a party to mass murder, I won’t be quoting them here. He added: if my wife found out I had taken the piss about this, Joan of Arc would have died painlessly.
Norton summoned up the bravery to call them first: All three said "Sorry the number cannot be reached at this time" Either no number or phone off. Mother in law was asleep so I used nasty Sister in law’s phone.
Jandajoy added: Well, my wife called 'em. No answer. I now have to explain why I asked her to call these numbers. She's well wound up. I've told her it's "secret falang business." Missismiggins breathed new life again by suggesting that the autopsy results on phone victims might read: "Cause of Death - Stupidity". I give it a week before the local temples have "smelted" some magical charms that prevent death by 0800 numbers and the like, they'll sell like hotcakes, you wait!
And finally, to give print credibility to word of mouth wildfire rumours, Slackula posted a Phuket Gazette report on the phenomenon:
The reporters called 083-333-5xxx, reportedly one of the most dangerous numbers. Instead of an explosion of blood from the ear, however, they got an angry young woman who complained she had been called more than 100 times that day by people asking if she had really been sending out high frequency death waves.
The woman said she had been using the ‘beautiful number’ since she bought it three years ago. The following day she would buy a new SIM card, she added.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-19
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Letters to the Editor
If you would like to voice your opinion in print, please send us your thoughts and ideas by email to: [email protected]
Letters may be edited to improve clarity and spelling.
Porn shock
Sir,
I feel compelled to write after walking down Beach Road the other day and seeing on display the cover of a DVD which showed naked under-age girls and boys. I am not a prude, which is why I love Pattaya, but I was shocked and frankly disgusted that a DVD obviously promoting sexual activities with pre-pubescent children was so brazenly for sale.
The stall holder was set up not far from the entrance to Walking Street and would probably be able to catch the eye of most of the shopping ourists. What a great advertisement for the city. Here we have a local government which for years keeps pretending to try and turn the place into a haven for families and to help in this they openly allow such disgusting material to be sold.
When I stopped in front of the stall to make sure my eyes were deceiving me, the stall holder made the comment that he “had more”. By the way, the children featured on the front cover were farangs, not Thais. I guess the police turn a blind eye to this sort of thing or simply don’t care, but I wonder how many tourists see this and then vote with their feet and never come back to Pattaya?
Tom Evans,
by email
Dear Tom,
Pattaya One has seen similar evidence in public view on Beach Road. Looking at it from another viewpoint, this kind of material would not be roduced if there wasn’t a market to sell it to, and we know the Thais at this level of existence are only concerned with making a baht to get them through until the next day. If it didn’t sell to a small but evil group of self-centred, mentally warped people who engage in pedophilia even though they are fully cognisant of the human damage it can do, it wouldn’t be produced.
Equally, the street vendor is at the end of the supply chain. Who organises and funds the procurement, virtual enslavement, filmed sexual assault of the young kids and the post-production of these DVDs? We don’t wish to defend the vendors, because while they may understand the nature of these videos, they nonetheless choose to offer them for sale, revealing a total lack of moral fibre. We imagine their attitude is one of ‘well, if I don’t sell it, someone else will.’
The sad reality is that even if there happened to be one of those ubiquitous crackdowns, the material would only go undercover until the heat died down. These DVDs will continue to be sold for as long as there is money to be made by those much further up this sick and poisoned food chain.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-18
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Well done Howard. Very interesting reading.
But no general discussion thread now - Or is this supposed to be it?
We don't have a general discussion thread, but feel free to use this.
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Political opportunism led Siam to pull the right rein in the First World War
When United States President Woodrow Wilson declared war on Germany in April 1917, it was almost certain the American entry would turn the tide against the Central Powers (Germany, Austria-Hungary, the Ottoman Empire, and Bulgaria).
Watching on the sidelines, King Vajiravudh (Rama VI) considered his options. Siam had remained neutral since the outbreak of war in August 1914, and his nation enjoyed friendly relations with Germany, but Vajiravudh recognised the political value of throwing in his lot with the Allied Powers (Britain, France, Italy, and Japan).
He was convinced participation would be '…an excellent opportunity for us to gain equality with other nations.' Siam had suffered from the imperial designs of the British and French, losing great swathes of territory in the 20 years or so prior to the outbreak of war in Europe.
Additionally, Siam had been coerced into signing agreements accepting the imposition of extraterritorial rights for the citizens of nations such as France, Britain, and the United States, and Vajiravudh hoped Thai involvement in the war would lead to a revision of these unequal treaties.
Therefore, on 22 July 1917, despite the misgivings of some members of the government, King Vajiravudh instructed Interior Minister Chao Phraya Surasi to declare war on Germany and Austria-Hungary. Among the reasons cited was a claim that the Central Powers were 'ignoring the norms of warfare and fighting in an immoral way.' One of Siam's first acts was to intern, and later seize as war reparations, 12 ocean-going ships of the North German Line (NGL) as well as the Bangkok docks and warehouses of the firms Windsor Rose and Markwald.
Error
There was a certain irony in Siam allying itself with France, a nation that had bullied her way into annexing large chunks of Siamese territory over the previous 50 years. Such are the vagaries of geo-politics.
Then again, Vajiravudh had been the first Thai monarch educated abroad, being sent to Britain. He spoke fluent English, had been at Sandhurst Military College, and commissioned an officer in the Durham Light Infantry. The Anglophile monarch was contrasted by a number of royal relatives who had spent time being educated in Germany. A coup in March 1912 by 92 low-ranking royals, many pro-German, who hoped to replace Vajiravudh, did not pre-dispose the ruler towards Germany or her allies.
Not much happened until 21 September when the king gave the order for Chao Phraya Bodin, the Minister of War, to call for volunteers to make up an expeditionary force to fight in Europe. A limit was placed on overall numbers and an expeditionary force totalling 1,284 men was raised, under the overall command of Major General Phraya Pijaijarnrit (later promoted to Lieutenant-General and known as Phraya Devahastin). Volunteers were divided into three units: motor transport, medical, and aviation. Thai records suggest the force left Siam on 19 June 1918 and landed at Marseilles on 30 July where the three sections were separated and sent for training in different parts of France. Yet a report sent to the American Consul in Melbourne, Australia on 4 June stated, 'A contingent of Siamese troops has also joined the Allies.' This is a strange discrepancy of almost two months between the Thai chronicles and a contemporary account.
The motor transport section finally moved up to the Western Front in October 1918. For five days, from 26 October, the Thais supplied French forces in an area subjected to German artillery fire and later received the Croix de Guerre from the French government as a unit citation.
About 95 air personnel, training at French Army Flying Schools, qualified as pilots, but had not completed their courses when the war ended on 11 November. The motor transport unit went into the occupied part of the Rhineland with French forces following the signing of the armistice.
The aviation contingent returned first to Siam, arriving in Bangkok on 1 May 1919 while the remainder landed on Thai soil on 21 September. Each member of the expeditionary force was given a medal by King Vajiravudh.
Memorial
A now almost-forgotten war memorial stands on the edge of Sanam Luang in Bangkok. Called the Volunteer Soldiers' Monument the names of the 19 soldiers claimed as casualties of the conflict are inscribed. None died in battle. The remains of the casualties were interred in the monument on 24 September 1919 but the memorial itself was not officially unveiled until 22 July 1921, a strange and unexplained delay.
Of the 19, two men died in Bangkok before the force left for Europe, presumably during training. Nine died in France and the other eight in Germany. Of these, 10 expired in hospitals or medical stations. It is highly probable some of these hospital casualties were due to the Spanish influenza epidemic that raged worldwide between 1918 and 1920. The remaining deaths appear to be the result of vehicular accidents.
Siam participated at the Versailles Peace Conference and signed the Treaty of Versailles. In January 1920, Siam became a founding member of the League of Nations.
On 1 September 1920, King Vajiravudh's decision to go to war was vindicated when the United States ceded her extraterritorial rights. France relinquished her rights in February 1925 while Britain signed a treaty to the same effect in July the same year.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-13
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Pattaya Bar Round-Up
Nightmarch
Another good walk spoiled: The golfaholics of Fun Town will be engaging in a series of golfing tournaments between 1 and 12 November with sponsors including Babydolls and Mistys go go's (both in Soi 15, off Walking Street), the FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street), Solar Golf, Magna Carta and Pattaya Addicts.
Babydolls is the first off the rink, starting with their annual golfing day on Monday 1 November at Siam Plantation. Apparently it is conducted under a Texas Scramble format (which golfers probably understand, but sounds suspiciously like a white-ball version of the gunfight at the OK Corral). More importantly, there will be a party in the bar afterwards to which non-golfers are of course welcome.
Then, on 3 November it will be time for the ninth edition of the Pattaya RideHer Cup, starting at 10:30am at Burapha. After golf, dinner is dished out News Café before a party in FLB. All the events for the series are organized by Solar Golf who can be contacted by email: [email protected]
Under starter's orders: For Australians (and others who like to watch good quality horse racing) it's that time of year again when the Melbourne Cup is run, on the first Tuesday in November, which in 2010 means on the 2nd. There are plenty of places to watch the action: your own armchair on Australia Network if you want to stay at home. If you also hanker for a bit of atmosphere then you won't do much worse than head on down to the Boxing Roo beer boozer and bookies parlour (Third Road, opposite Soi LK Metro and Boutique Sexy) anytime after about 9:30am and catch all the action of race day. Uncle Kenny (he'll be the one in the pork pie hat and looking like Flash Harry) will doubtless be able to accommodate those keen students of equine form who wish to obtain 'a quotation' about any chaff bandit competing on the day. As usual the Boxing Roo will be offering free food and other prizes to punters throughout the action.
A diet of hard tak and tacky: The Baby Boom go go in the small lane off Soi Buakhow and opposite the Sawasdee sleeping establishment opened about a year ago and, somewhat surprisingly, is still operational. I doubt they have a lot of repeat business unless the odd punter falls in lust with a specific damsel in financial distress. This is not a place where you would imagine customers become regulars. The décor has been drawn from the low end of the Early Garish Period and is already showing more wear and tear than a clapped out Skoda on the Paris to Dakar rally. The music, of course, is too loud and seems to consist of DJ Whatta Spastic and his Brain Dead Band performing 69 different mixes of their hit 'What Sound is this?' (as high as 9,733 on the Kazakhstan charts, with a bullet and a suicide bomber).
The dancing maidens numbered about eight or nine, so I suppose having three on stage at any one time is about the right rotation rate. To be fair, the place does have a couple of reasonable lookers and the girls are friendly enough in that 'buy me cola, darkling' way so obvious in a Thai-run wallet-emptying establishment. There were a few punters in the place and I watched as one older man clearly had a good time with one of the damsels. While he was paying for his drinks (including libations for the lady) the mamasan was all smiles and unctuous smarm, but he clearly didn't leave a big enough tip because as soon as he had left the premises she almost snarled as she uttered the immortal word 'keenio' ('cheap Charlie').
The bench seating against the side wall facing the small dancing stage must have been purchased from the Rigor Mortis company from their used coffin division, or perhaps taken from the grounds of the Million Years Stone Park. It would make a third-class carriage seat in a State Railways of Thailand bogie seem like you being conveyed on a cushion of air. Talk about adding a new meaning to 'hard assed'. There's a wonderful word called 'denature', which means 'to deprive of essential qualities', and Baby Boom can certainly lay a strong claim to being the number one ticket holder in the Denature Club. No, I didn't leave a tip and don't give a rat's backside what the mamasan thinks of me.
A gem or two in the sludge: The New Star go go is the first den on the left-hand side in Soi Diamond if you are coming in off Walking Street. It's easy to walk past, although the policy of having a couple of usually well-endowed and passably attractive dancing damsels sat behind the curtain and ready to display their assets to passers-by usually means the place gathers a reasonable crowd of punters most nights. A fairly short and narrow den it only takes seven or eight girls and three or four bums on seats to make it look busy. The stage has three to five girls shuffling about while two damsels soap each other towards the centre. The preferred discounted thirst quencher is draught amber for 55 baht while lady drinks are a fair 110 baht (for a proper glass). Of the 12 or so girls I saw on a recent visit, two or three were worth a second look while about half were pot boilers or potential 'before' adverts for Weight Watchers. There is a room upstairs, which can be rented for 350 baht for a short period of time (one hour), while the bar fine is 600 baht. The damsel of your desire wants you to part with 1,500 baht for an hour of her precious time. Doing the math and there is no doubt better value for the nocturnal emission baht can be found elsewhere.
The Secrets of Success: It operates one of the busiest and informative websites and forums in Fun Town (and is an advertiser with this publication), and last September celebrated its fourth anniversary with a typical standing-room only bash.
Two months on and the Secrets lounge lizard libation room is gearing up for what the management hope and expect will be a bumper high season. Certainly my most recent, albeit brief, visit made me aware there has been a concerted effort to recruit some new faces for the coyote dancing duties.
As I wrote in a column for another publication back in September 2006, just after Secrets opened its doors, 'Naturally, being opening night, the place was fuller than a Pattaya copper's bank account, and I have to add my congratulations to the London Clock and his cronies who have done a great job with the layout and the décor. The bar stools are comfortable, the big screen TVs will be a drawcard for watching any and all sports, the food from the large kitchen I was told by those who sampled the buffet was first-class, and liver wasters come in ham-fist sized glasses…Although there will be 'coyote' dancers employed to shake and wriggle in the chrome-poled alcoves, the place is essentially a club house where everyone is welcome to come and shoot the breeze.' That's pretty much the way Secrets continues to operate.
Piece of Pith: Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-12
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Police Checks at Ekamai Bus Station
By Stickman
As if proof was needed that Soi Cowboy is very much the expats' favourite playground, when the heavens open early evening, the soi is in a quiet evening. Even the most popular bars which can have 50 or more customers at 8:00 PM may be lucky to have a handful of checkbins out when early rain strikes. It takes more than a monsoon downpour to keep visitors away from the bars but for expats in a city where transport can snarl up when the heavens open, an early evening downpour can be the difference between staying in or going out. Afternoon showers and rain after 8:00 PM have much less effect. What bar owners hate the most is when rain starts around 6:00 PM and their expected evening take can drop by 50%. Entrepreneurial tuk-tuk drivers stationed at the soi 23 end of Soi Cowboy have been charging those punters who have braved the rains a baht a meter, 50 baht for the 50 odd metre distance to a bar's front door. It's a small price to stay dry.
After many delays, Carlsberg finally became went on sale again in Bangkok. At this stage it is only available in draft and interestingly, it is only bars in the farang areas offering it.
Sukhumvit soi 5 is becoming much more colourful these days, and you will see no more colour than in the small, open bar with a spacious area out front, just next to Foodland, adjacent to the steps going up to Country Road. Like the bars in Sin City, Bangkok's bars are seeing a new type of visitor.
If you take the bus from Pattaya to Bangkok's Ekamai bus station, don't be surprised if a man in a brown uniform is waiting at your destination to welcome you to our fair city. Part of his welcome routine will be a check of not just your belongings, but of your person. Bangkok's studious officials seem most concerned that visitors from Pattaya may have the sort of contraband on them that could sully the pure reputation of the Thai capital. If you have no interest in being welcomed, note that the bus from Pattaya head to Ekamai stops 4 times en route, the last at the Onut skytrain station, about 2 km east of Ekamai. You can jump off there and then either get on the skytrain or jump in a taxi and avoid the welcome committee.
Rugby fans might prefer to remain in Pattaya when big rugby internationals are taking place. With seemingly more cable TV options in Pattaya than in Bangkok, there is more chance of catching your favourite match live in Sin City. None of the networks broadcasting in Bangkok have any live international rugby scheduled. The fixture between the All Blacks and the Wallabies in Hong Kong confirmed many Bangkok-based expats' worst nightmare - the match did not appear on any local television channel's schedule.
Puffery greets you at Crossbar with the sign outside announcing “probably the best pub in Sukhumvit”. That honour is up for debate, but the landlord is doing his best to make the claim true, introducing a new pub grub menu with traditional pub favourites, such as scampi in a basket, chicken in a basket, ploughman's lunch, cottage pie and there's even some Indian dishes to keep the Brits happy!
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-11
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Adventures in Tinglish
by S. Tsow
Some readers may not be familiar with the word “Tinglish.” It refers to a hybrid kind of English often spoken in Thailand. Just as we have Hinglish (Indian English, achhchha!), Singlish (Singaporean English, lah!), and Jinglish (Japanese English, deska!), and a host of other inglishes, so we also have Tinglish: Thai English, spoken with Thai pronunciation, intonation, and sentence patterns.
It is not my purpose here to make fun of the English spoken by Thais whose mastery of the language is incomplete. Everybody has to struggle when studying a new language, and if the atrocities which we foreigners commit against the Thai language could be catalogued, they would fill a far larger volume than any that could be devoted to Tinglish.
(Test for the reader: Try pronouncing the name of the Thai prime minister, and see how well you do. His name is Abhisit Vejjajiva. An approximation of the correct pronunciation comes at the end of this column.)
Tinglish can cause misunderstandings which are often amusing, and I propose to list a few.
My source for these anecdotes is a dear friend and mentor, Fardley Nerdwell, whose girlfriend, Noy, provides him with a steady supply of Tinglishisms.
“Take the movie 'Iron Eagle,'” Fardley told me one day. “Noy thought it had something to do with ironing an eagle, as you would iron a shirt. She wondered how the eagle would react.”
“Probably with considerable outrage,” I surmised.
“One of her favorite singers is Juttin Timmerlay. Bet you can't guess who that is.”
That was easy: Justin Timberlake.
“There's also the movie star Boot Weelit.”
That was easy, too: Bruce Willis.
“Shot Put,” Fardley continued. “Guess who that is.”
That one stumped me. It was George Bush.
“One day she had to go to the hot peter to see a friend. It took me some time to figure that out. She meant the hospital.”
“I wonder how the two of you manage to communicate at all,” I said.
“It can get frustrating,” Fardley admitted. “The time I had the most trouble understanding her was when she came back from a trip to Hua Hin with her girlfriends. I asked what she had liked best about Hua Hin. She said, 'I like hot.'”
“Hot,” I echoed. “You mean she liked the warm weather?”
“Nope. Guess again,” Fardley said.
“Hot food,” I ventured. “She ate some spicy-hot food there and liked it.”
“Nope. Try again.”
I was baffled. “I like hot.” What could such a cryptic utterance possibly mean? The most sophisticated linguist, the most skilled cryptanalyst in the bowels of the CIA, would tear out his hair in frustration if he encountered this enigmatic statement in a coded message intercepted between terrorist groups.
“There's a town named Hot up around Chiang Mai, but you said Noy was in Hua Hin,” I said.
“Right. Think, man! When you go down to the beach at Hua Hin, what's the first thing you see?”
I thought. “Well, you see ponies on the beach giving rides to tourists.”
“Exactly. 'Hot' means 'horse.'”
“Ah,” I said, enlightened. “So Noy liked riding the horses on the beach.”
“Sometimes she inadvertently warns me against making a wrong decision,” Fardley said. “Once we were driving along and she suddenly said, 'One woe for life.' I was startled. At that very moment I had been daydreaming, wondering if I should ask her to marry me. And now, like a thunderbolt, the possible consequences of such a foolish decision came crashing down around my ears. If I married Noy, quite possibly I would have 'one woe for life.'”
“Nice of her to warn you,” I said.
Fardley chuckled. “Yes, but it was unintentional. She had merely been reading a sign on the back of the car in front of us. It was a Volvo, and the sign read 'Volvo for Life.'”
“That's a new one,” I observed. “I've heard 'Volvo' pronounced 'wowo' before, but never 'one woe.'”
“There's also a Khorat Hotel in Bangkok, and a famous country-and-western song called 'Writing Bahboo.' Bet you can't tell what those mean.”
I was stumped again. It turned out that the hotel was actually the Conrad, and the song was “Lightning Bar Blues.”
“One day she was gazing into a mirror and looking disconsolate,” Fardley went on. “She sighed, 'I am owned!' I was puzzled. Owned? By whom, pray? Did she find our relationship confining? Had she given her heart to somebody else? Had she been sold into slavery? But no, nothing so dramatic. She meant 'I am old!' At the advanced age of 24 she was imagining bags under her eyes.”
“Better to be old than owned,” I philosophized.
S. Tsow can be flamed, preferably in Tinglish, at [email protected]. (P.S. The name of the Thai prime minister is pronounced, not AB-bee-sit Vej-a-JEE-va, but, approximately, Ah-PEE-sit Weh-chah-chee-WAH.)
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-10
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GAYMARCH
Email: [email protected]
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Duncan Stearn, the intrepid creator of NIGHTMARCH should be very flattered; or, maybe he should just feel ripped off. I guess he can make the call. In any case, this will be the premier edition of a new feature in PATTAYA ONE that will, hopefully, do for (or to) the gay nightlife scene what NIGHTMARCH does for the straight scene.
Scores of gay bars and venues can be found throughout Fun Town, but are mostly clustered in a few areas. Not far from Walking Street, there is a plethora of gay go-go and host bars on Pattayaland Sois 1-3. (Pattayaland Soi 3 is the original 'Boyz Town'.) You'll find a variety of boys to suit most tastes. However, if you're into katoeys (ladyboys), you might find them in short supply here. Boyz Boyz Boyz in Boyz Town, one of the originals, is still going strong. They recently introduced a new 'sexy all male erotic show' at 10 pm called 'Bad Boyz.' A recent visit revealed good dancing that was a bit revealing. You can run across the street after the show and catch the boy aquarium and cabaret shows at The Copa, starting at around 10:30 pm. The cabaret show has lots of lip syncing and dancing, if that's your thing. The boys in the swimming tank put on nicely choreographed routines, but unfortunately, they don't perform au naturel. Funny Boys, on the same soi, is a lower key go-go bar featuring a large variety of boys, comfortable seating and low key music. Panorama, a big and very popular host bar, has many handsome, masculine young men to serve your alcoholic requirements and other needs. Nearby, Oscar's host bar is a quiet, recently renovated place to relax with the hosts and have a drink. Do drop into the Café Royale, which presents the hunky and popular Filipino singing sensations, El Duo.
Pattayaland Soi 2 features three go-go bars. A-Bomb is a large emporium, specializing in big, muscular boys. Wild West Boys has a nice variety of young men dancing in sexy briefs. They have two shows nightly at 10:30 and midnight; and a special party and show on the 29th of each month. The recently opened pole dancing establishment, Happy Place, formerly Bubble Boys, has shows on weekends. Showing some sparks of innovation, the bar is presenting 'Boy Bingo' on the 22nd of November, in which the winner gets to choose a lovely 'prize' of his choice. They even provide the gratuity for the aforementioned prize.
UPSTAIRS/DOWNSTAIRS: Pattayaland Soi 1 presents a string of go-go bars, on both sides of the soi. X-Boys and New Dynamite (which is upstairs) have interesting shows every night. Following a couple of raids by Pattaya's Finest, the shows are slightly less raunchy than before. Recently, X-Boys presented a thrilling, 'B-Boys' performance. These guys could really move. Sawatdee Boys has a cabaret show on weekends. You can stay on the soi all night and barhop to the various other go-go establishments, including Lucky 777, Dream Boys, Kawaii and Cupid Doll Boys. A small go-go bar, between Sois 2-3, is Vassa Boys. A recent perusal revealed quite a few cuties and a dearth of customers. You're sure to find a young man whom you'd like to get to know better at one of these venues. Expect to pay 150 to 200 baht for liquid refreshment in the bars that present special shows.
The other main gay districts, Sunee Plaza and Jomtien Complex will be covered more fully in future issues. A couple of quickies: Happy Boys, on Soi Yensabai, near Sunee Plaza, will be celebrating the manager, Khun Wat's birthday with free food and cake on Saturday 6 November. Wan's Café has relocated to the old Memories Bar. They're now in Sunee Plaza.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-09
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The Bitch is Back
By James Barnes
To pinch an idea from P.G.Wodehouse, spotting the difference between a Pattaya gay queen with a grievance and a ray of sunshine, is not an easy task; such is the relish with which the inevitable tirade is launched. The opportunity to bitch is rarely missed. The bitching is not just bitching. It is elevated to the status of high art and demonstrates an eloquence that is universally coveted, admired and feared. The waspish wit is cloaked in a humour that is particularly gay, particularly rapier in thrust and particularly devastating in effect. The recipient is struck dumb. Stunned into speechlessness. The victim will have to withdraw, retreat and maybe, just maybe, come up with the witty repost after several stinging hours of humiliated reflection.
Consider the overweight individual who had provoked a bitch, only to be told that it was obvious he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say, 'when!' Or the hapless soul who was bitched with: 'She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always the sign of despair in a woman,' delivered by that gay emperor of the acid drop, Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde, who claimed that, 'I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.' And there really is no answer to that.
To label this bitching as merely urbane is to understate in an attempt to disguise surrender. It is the waving of a white flag to the Everest-like mountain of the unassailable put down. It may also be a signal of envy. 'I wish I'd said that.' 'You will, you will.' The accomplished bitch is envied and dreaded in equal measure. The sharp word of mouth being far mightier than the blunt instrument, it is no surprise that the gay queen has honed this weapon to lethal affect.
The late, great, British comedian, Kenneth Williams saw himself as a roving mosquito, choosing his targets and was a consummate exponent of the withering word. This self-confessed follower of Sir Noel Coward (no slouch in the bitching department, himself) admitted that, 'If I got up on the stage to entertain the troops I could make them shut up and look.' But the bitch is something more than simply demanding attention. Williams continued, 'People need to be peppered or even outraged occasionally. Our national comedy is packed with earthy familiarity and honest vulgarity. Clean vulgarity can be very shocking and that, in my view, gives greater involvement.'
People love to be shocked. Whether it is the shock of the new, the latest horror flick or a bitch in full flow. It is funny. And it always carries the truth. Seek out and celebrate that legion of Pattaya bitches. Buy them a gin (or four) and then provoke them. Settle back and enjoy the show. But the last word has to go to dear Oscar, who, on his deathbed in a cheap French hotel, said to Lord Alfred Douglas, 'Oh Bosie, Bosie, look at that wallpaper. One of us will have to go.'
James Barnes is editor of Thai Spice Magazine
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-08
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Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh
Part 2
Last issue, I began the story of my recent trip to Vietnam and our rail journey to the coastal town of Vinh. We arrived on a Friday night and spent the weekend seeing the sights of Vinh. Not many. The beach, some 20 kilometres away, was large and uninhabited. The city's only real claim to fame is that it is the birthplace of Ho Chi Minh. We paid a visit to the house where he was born which, naturally, has been turned into a shrine and tourist site complete with souvenir shops and memorabilia. Nonetheless, it was a revelation and the spirit of Uncle Ho has taught me the evil of my decadent Western ways and to denounce the US imperialists and all their running dogs. I saw the light.
But being a card-carrying socialist and Ho Chi Minh groupie didn't last very long, and Monday morning we booked tickets on Vietnam Airlines back to Hanoi for US$40 each. The north-bound train did not leave until 8:00pm and we did not fancy sitting around all day waiting for it. The only other option was the bus, but nobody in this town spoke English and we were worried about ending up on a small bus packed with farmers, goats and chickens. Arriving at the small airport early, we consumed 21 cans of beer before getting on the plane and the stall-holder subsequently went on holiday with all the money he made.
After the 45-minute flight on a small prop-engine plane, we headed to Hanoi's Old Quarter tourist area to find a hotel. Unbeknownst to us, the place was packed with people celebrating the Moon Festival. (I have not-so-fond memories of eating Moon Cake in Hong Kong. Being politically correct, it has an acquired taste.) The narrow streets were so crowded we got out of the taxi and walked, hoping to find a good hotel nearby. Our luck was in as we quickly found a nice hotel for US$25 a night.
After staying there for four nights we all agreed that the Rising Dragon Hotel II at 24 Hang Ga Street, only a short walk from the north-western side of Lake Hoan Kiem, was the best hotel in its price-range we have ever stayed in. The rooms were immaculately clean and comfortable and ours came complete with a computer attached to the Internet plus an electronic safe for our valuables. Best of all were the staff. Most spoke English and could not have been more friendly, helpful and cooperative. All went out of their way to make us feel welcome and comfortable. For example, the rooms come with free breakfast and the dining room opened at 7:00am. When we left, the taxi picked us up at 6:30am so the kitchen staff prepared three takeaway snacks for us. We did not ask, but it was very much appreciated. (Wouldn't happen in Pattaya!) If you ever find yourself in Hanoi looking for a budget place to stay, don't go any further than the Rising Dragon Hotel II. (Checking their website at http;//www.risingdragonhotel.net, I could not find room rates as low as US$25 so we must have arrived at the bottom of low season.)
Hanoi's Old Quarter has a very 'Chinese' feel about it, with narrow congested streets and shop houses selling anything and everything. Shops selling similar or identical items were all clustered together; one street selling coffee; one street selling herbal medicine; one street selling shoes and one selling cigarettes, etc. That is the Chinese way. Speaking of cigarettes, I am a smoker but I am very careful about smoking in the company of other people. At one restaurant I noticed an ashtray on the table and asked the head waiter if it was alright to smoke. His reply was, “Of course!” I smiled at the thought there are still places in this world where smokers are not treated as if they have leprosy.
During our four days we walked almost every street of the Old Quarter. We saw vendors selling tickets in the Vietnam lottery (the standard loophole for countries where gambling is illegal) with a first prize of 10 million dong or about US$500. Now, I don't know about you but I've always equated winning the lottery, any lottery, with a lifetime of financial security. However, winning 500 bucks is probably not sufficient to tell the boss to “take this job and shove it!” Perhaps those in charge still retain their class revolutionary dogma and don't want to see one of their proletariat supporters suddenly gain wealth and turn to the other side. Such a small prize guarantees no chance of that.
One of our goals was to find a good bar where we could while away our non-cultural time. Actual 'bars' were scarce and the Internet-advertised foreign or expat bars were expensive. Those at our economic level came in the guise of restaurant-bars or travel agent-bars. Really cold beer was out of the question and it was invariably served between cool and room temperature with a bucket of ice. We did find one friendly bar, called Le Pub, which served cold beer. We spent a couple of pleasant evenings there.
Late one afternoon we stumbled upon Easy Rider Bar which was large, well appointed and totally devoid of customers. Stopping in for one drink, we asked the waiter if the place ever got busy and he said yes, but only after 9:00pm. Heading back at nine o'clock we found he was right; it was packed with revellers all drinking, dancing and having a good time. The problem was, they were all male. It quickly became obvious that Easy Rider is a very popular gay bar. Check bin!
In the final instalment next issue I will describe some of the tourist sites in this historic capital. In between bar searches we did manage to get to a couple of interesting places.
… to be continued
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-07
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Real Estate Investment Returns
A question I am sometimes asked by prospective real estate investors is “What kind of a return should I be looking for?” As with many questions, there is no simple answer. In fact, any proper response is conditional upon numerous factors, such as how much you are investing, how much risk you wish to take and whether you are looking for capital appreciation or income?
Important considerations include the fact that there are some good deals on offer due to the current slow market, which offer significant potential for capital growth over the relatively short term, but also the fact that the same economic and political factors that have hit the sales market have brought downward pressure to bear on rents. Thus, during the last couple of years rent for an average rental property has decreased by perhaps 20 to 25%, which has obviously hit the income returns of many landlords. However, it is also fair to say that at the same time interest rates have dropped dramatically so that money sitting in the bank has earned virtually nothing. Thus, even a 5% income return on money invested in real estate is much better than the 1-2% you will receive from a bank.
Looking at the question from the perspective of a small scale investor, someone who is looking to buy one or two investment properties, right now a good investment would ideally have solid potential to earn both an income and provide capital appreciation in the foreseeable future. So far as income is concerned, a net annual return of anything in the range of 6 to 8% represents good business. Sometimes, it is possible to be in the right place at the right time and pick up a good investment property at a fire-sale price from a seller who needs money very quickly. In those circumstances, the low purchase price can mean that the percentage income return from renting the place can be higher, typically in the range of 8-14% per annum, but normally an investor would need a little bit of good fortune to find such a place.
The reason is simple, namely basic economics. There is no shortage of real estate investors in Pattaya and so the demand for properties priced such that renting them at a market rent would provide a net annual income of 8-14% is very high. Of course, they need to be properties for which there is a strong enough demand to ensure that renting the place would be relatively straightforward. To this end, location is important, as is the nature of the property and other considerations that I don't have the space to detail here.
As for capital appreciation, the situation is a little more complex because, although people tend to talk in terms of annual growth, real estate prices typically rise and fall quite suddenly. Thus, it is probably easier to work on average annual growth over a number of years. Personally, I believe that upon the local market recovering, prices will quickly revert to where they were around three years ago. Accordingly, if you can buy a place at, say, 30% less than that, as and when the market recovers that should represent your capital growth. If that happens in two years time, that is 15% per annum over two years, or in other words a very solid return.
While any such analysis and attempt to put figures in place involves lots of ifs, buts and maybes, in general if you buy at the right price, right now you ensure you have good potential for solid capital growth. If, at the same time, you are earning a decent income of significantly more than your money would earn in a bank or in an alternative and similarly safe investment, to my mind you have made a good buy.
If you have any questions or queries in relation to the above, or if you would like to discuss any other matters related to the local real estate market, please call me on 087 137 0392 or email me at [email protected].
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-06
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Pattaya Focus on….
How to Build A Road (Part 3)
Drainage and Obstructions
Let's assume you have now built your road, avoiding the silliest of mistakes, and you now want to consider your drainage options, which SHOULD have been done properly when the road was being planned and built. But let's say it wasn't.
And, for the sake of argument, let's look at some examples from a randomly-selected road in Pattaya - say Thappraya Road, a paragon of road-building prowess. But there are a few tiny, almost imperceptible things to be put right on it, so let's use them, although I don't want you to think I am knocking that long-standing road project.
Sufficient drainage is needed for any road. That should be obvious, right? And if you build a road in the tropics, you need a lot of drainage for heavy rain. Again, obvious.
If the road is on a sharp gradient, you need even more drainage to stop surface water running down the road, damaging the road surface, causing flooding at the bottom and mayhem and inconvenience to users and adjacent owners. Right?
Not installing ANY drainage on the central reservation of a large road on a gradient going downhill in the tropics, and relying only on inadequate, poorly-built, already-clogged grates in the gutters of one side, and stone-filled cattle grids across the road, would be a triumph of under-spending over common sense.
Surely that would never happen here.
And of course, this being a road, a dangerous place at the best of times, it would be far better if it was kept clear of life-threatening obstructions built INTO the road. Apart from potholes the size of World War 1 bomb craters, hapless motorcyclists and vehicles need to be on their guard not to hit anything such as the water hydrant (pictured), especially at night.
Next Edition: Traffic Lights and Pavements
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-05
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By The Numbers
58 the ranking Thailand was given out of 100 countries in the world in a survey by the United States-based Newsweek magazine in August. The factors taken into account were education (Thailand 57th), quality of life (55th), health (66th), economic dynamism (39th), and political environment (74th).
The three worst countries were Burkina Faso, Nigeria, and Cameroon. Don't think you'd get much of an argument from many people on those, although the Nigerians might suggest they rank highly in economic dynamism, after all, they put the meaning into the phrase 'Nigerian Scam'.
The top three ranked nations were Finland, Switzerland, and Sweden. Considering the large numbers of their nationals who come to live in Thailand one gets the feeling the survey might have been missing something.
50 percent plus. This is the estimated percentage of people in the world who have never made or received a telephone call. Not one of them lives in Pattaya.
85 the estimated percentage of accidents involving public buses and caused by the drivers of these vehicles being 'careless' in the period from January to August 2010 (according to Chairat Sanguansue, the Director-General of the Land Transport Department). Alarmed at these statistics it is said Land Transport officials issued an advice to public bus drivers telling them to control their speed, especially when it happens to be raining as slippery roads can cause accidents to occur more easily.
Naturally, public bus drivers were amazed at this information and hadn't realised how dangerous wet weather could be, despite the fact many of them had been working at their profession for many years. Khun Somchai Likmaballsalot, a regular driver on the Rayong to wherever he finished up run, claimed driving a great big vehicle made him feel like a giant among minnows and he simply couldn't resist the urge to 'monster' other vehicles smaller than him on the road. He said he used to be a mini-van driver but since upgrading to a public bus his primal urges have become more pronounced.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-04
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Kris & Noi Private posts
Not a Spice-Boy
On my first visit to Pattaya, I ate Thai food only in hotels or upmarket restaurants; otherwise I ate Western food. But now I'm here for a long stay and have a Thai girlfriend who says I am wasting money eating at expensive places, and it doesn't taste as good either. She says that the best, real Thai food, is from the roadside foodstalls. This is the only country I've visited outside Europe, so the stalls look so unhygienic to me, what with all the heat and the insects, and also I am not used to spicy or hot food. I am keen to try proper Thai food as I intend to visit here regularly; do you agree with her that street food is best, and is it safe to eat there?
Donald
In the same way that Thai restaurants overseas change the flavour of their food to suit western tastes, so upmarket hotels and restaurants here tend to offer bland versions of the original fare. There's no way that Hotel De Costly will risk having an unsuspecting tourist getting red-faced, breathless, and litigious over a chilli-laden dish, so if you want to try the authentic scran you must be more adventurous. Let your girlfriend take you to the smaller, family-run restaurants that are plentiful in Pattaya. The food is excellent and cheap, and she can tell the cook how much seasoning to use; you may eventually be like most expats here, tucking in to the fully-seasoned nosh. As for foodstalls, try the ones where many expats and Thais are eating; they are great value for a quick and tasty meal. And food poisoning has sometimes been suffered by customers of the world's leading establishments, so it can happen anywhere. As you don't see many people collapsing in the streets by the foodstalls, the odds are that you'll survive.
Barfine Bypass
I regularly walk around the shopping malls. I am often given cute smiles by beautiful girls. Are they just being friendly “Thai Style” with no ulterior motive or are they off duty bar girls? If they are off duty bargirls, can I bypass the bar fine system during the day? If they don't work in bars, can I try my luck without getting slapped? I am not used to not paying.
Creature of the Night.
When Thai women give that nice smile, it should be taken as just a friendly gesture to an obvious foreigner, not a come-on. Too many mongers, who believe that all Thai women are gagging for an ageing farang to bed them, embarrass the girls by approaching them and asking how much. Seeing as you always pay for your nooky you are obviously not a pinup poster boy, so better to stick with the baht for bang system. If a girl is a freelancer or an off-duty bargirl who fancies some extra cash, leave it to her to let you know she's available. And of course there wouldn't be any barfine.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-03
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Pete’s Peregrinations
Dental Torture
Squeamish readers may wish to skip this item.
A friend recently needed a back tooth extracting and went to his usual small clinic in Pattaya, where things began taking a turn for the painful.
First the dentist didn't seem to know what she was doing. She went to work without anesthetizing his gum. When he howled in pain she anesthetized it, but unprofessionally and insufficiently, as he felt the fluid cascading down the back of his throat instead of going into his gum.
Eventually demolition work became so painful that he had to beg for more anesthetic, which she gave him with reluctance, muttering: “farang teeth very strong”.
Twenty minutes later, frustrated that her full-on assault and feverish yanking had got nowhere, she began to smash his tooth. He could feel particles of it disappearing down the back of his throat as his mouth became yet more painful and extremely bloody. Even with the water he said he felt he was choking on his own blood.
After half an hour of smashing, the dentist x-rayed the damage. To my friend's dismay, he saw that all the exposed tooth had been smashed off completely, leaving the root intact.
She decided to cut the root in half. When that didn't work, she tried to cut it into thirds, and the anesthetic began wearing off again, at which point my terror-stricken friend gave up, one and a half hours after going into the clinic, in excruciating pain, and looking like he's just been on the receiving end of a hostile interrogation at the hands of the CIA in a Pakistani jail.
As he escaped from the clinic, he warned them not to bill him. He then drove himself to Bangkok Pattaya hospital, his face swollen and painful, his clothes, and now his car, were covered in slobbered blood. Lucky he was only driving in Pattaya, where such things pass as normal.
At the hospital he was seen by a very skilful dentist, who had his tooth assessed, x-rayed and extracted, painlessly and professionally, within 30 minutes of him being in the chair, for the reasonable sum of 1,800 baht.
He was warned that the carnage in his mouth was shocking and that the first dentist may have damaged his adjacent, healthy teeth in her extraction frenzy. The dentist couldn't tell until my friend's swelling in his mouth and gums subsides.
The new dentist also had to put six stitches in his mouth.
Ouch.
Nong Khai Inflation
I am writing this in Nong Khai where I have been recently been spending more time away from Pattaya.
Whoever came up with the phrase “driving rain” had a perverse sense of humour, I thought, as we drove from Pattaya last night, through at least seven hours of heavy rain, which made driving in the dark, on poorly lit, hazardous and water-flooded roads, aqua-planing in “driving” rain, a pretty treacherous and stressful experience.
Up in Nong Khai, the locals think they have struck gold with the announcement of a rail link from China to Bangkok which will come through the town in about 10 or 20 years time, if ever.
This news has made their already inflated real estate prices now, ahem, go through the roof, with no ceiling in sight, as they add on a rail link premium to their asking prices, making them even higher than in Pattaya for shophouses and commercial premises.
The way they structure their deals is also interesting.
One owner told my wife on the phone (so Thai to Thai, not knowing I was involved) he wanted the already-excessively high monthly rent paid UPFRONT, three years in advance, plus a huge security deposit for one small shophouse in the town centre.
Er, no thanks.
Isaan Non-Scam
The Green Fields of Isaan
One of the many joys of a trip to and from Nong Khai are the detours we take through the wonderful Isaan countryside.
The rich, varied greenery of its rice fields is always a joy to behold, although I never seem to be able to capture them well on camera.
On our trip this time I was warned to be wary when filling my petrol tank, as the local rumour (or urban myth) was that some petrol attendants, in cahoots with a certain brown shirt organization, were slipping small bags of ya bah into petrol compartments after drivers had filled up, only for them to be stopped down the road by a spot check followed by a gargantuan backhander to allow you to continue on your way, if you were lucky.
I scoffed at this, but my wife took no chances and watched the petrol attendants like a hawk.
Luckily, either as a result of her hawkish oversight, or simply because it was <deleted> in the first place, we reached our destinations happily unimpeded by corrupt attendants, planted drugs, police stops, incarceration or bribes.
Contact me at [email protected]
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-02
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Above Bawd……
Thieving, Drugged-Up Baht Bus Nutters
As we head towards high season, I thought a trawl of topics dealing with the traditional hot chestnut of thieving, drugged up, abusive, pugilistic, dangerously-driving baht bus nutters would be instructive. And so it was. If you never want to board one again.
These topics usually descend into a flaming, name-calling morass, with posters arguing about the outrageousness of being double-charged compared to Thais, and whether it is a matter of principle or cheapness to object.
Another issue is what to do when confronted by a baht bus driver screaming at you in the street or otherwise threatening to kick the crap out of you for a variety of reasons.
One post stood out on Thai Visa by Aussiechick who, a few years ago, was riding up front, with a clearly drunk baht bus driver. She asked him to stop at the Tourist Police headquarters, and asked him to wait while she went to ask the police to nick him, which they did, letting him sleep it off in their car park.
Waatwang had an unpleasant experience, which serves as a timely reminder of the dangers of riding shotgun: “The one that stopped was full, but the driver said I could sit inside the cab. I speak passable Thai and we started chatting. Everything was ok until he started making advances and offered me B2,000 to go to a hotel with him!”
They must earn more than we think, or he really fancied her.
Sometimes I think posters bring ill-luck crashing down on their own heads, as they encounter more trouble in a week on baht buses than most of us do in a lifetime, collectively. One poster, Ulysses G, admirably exemplifies the other extreme and confessed:
“I was always skeptical about Pattaya baht bus drivers being crazy until I discreetly flipped one the bird and he chased me for about 3 blocks the wrong way on Beach road in his truck…”!
One poster, Jingthing, had problems with the baht bus operators and loaders on Pattaya Second Road: “The loading man went totally postal on me….his alcoholism disease ravaged brain decided if I wasn't getting on the bus he ordered me to board, I wasn't going to be allowed on ANY bus. He started yelling at me, clearly ordering me to leave the scene of his sordid transport empire. “
I felt pity for Smellyfarang who experienced a trip on a busy afternoon, driving through heavy traffic: “I happen to glance down through the back window and notice the driver is not only “steering” with his knees, he has his head down and is intently concentrating on some mesmerizing task that requires not only both hands, but apparently his full, undivided attention so much that he couldn’t be bothered with such distractions as actually looking out the windshield. Apparently he decided that driving through heavy traffic was the ideal time to roll a cigarette.”
SirPaul attracted a lot of flak for his argument that baht bus drivers should be tipped 10 baht for every journey. Then he revealed he was a London taxi driver, at which point his argument, that you should tip anything that moved, weakened somewhat under the weight of self-interest.
Loong objected: “300 passengers a shift. If all tipped him for doing nothing extraordinary that would be 3,000 Baht every day, maybe 90,000 Baht per month. A good income for somebody whose only qualification is being able to drive.”
Sure, but they could afford to splash out for more 2,000 baht short times with their sexy passengers at that rate.
Barry M was “amazed that westerners who would demand prison sentences for parents who fail to properly secure their children in cars at home jump, grinning like Cheshire cats, with their kids into the back of these farm trucks often driven by half drunk muppets with no concept of safety”.
And finally, Pistolbelt confessed to “giving change in 1 baht coins. I always save them in my back pocket for those bastards and sometimes only give them nine.
I'm real nasty see.”
All comments or Web Board tipoffs gratefully received at [email protected]
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-- Pattaya One 2011-11-01
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Sordid Murder of Russian Property Developer
Reasons behind slaying still being sought
By Staff Writers
A 38-year-old Russian property developer was found brutally murdered in mid-October, but the precise motive for the slaying has yet to be determined by police, even though arrests have been made.
The decomposing body of Mr. Victor Krishin, a Russian national, was found buried in bushland not far from the Silverlake Vineyard on the southern outskirts of Pattaya after police were directed to the site by a man who was one of two men initially arrested following a shootout with officers in Banglamung.
At a press conference conducted by senior police at the Soi 9 station on 21 October, three people were paraded before the media, flanked by heavilyarmed SWAT team members. Probably a bit over the top for a press conference, but it made for a good show.
The three arrested were all Russian citizens and named as Mr. Rashif Saganov, aged 36, Mr. Dimitri Kochenko, and Miss Natasha Shepugro. They were charged with conspiracy to murder while the female was also charged with attempting to bribe a police officer with 500,000 baht in an effort to secure the release of the suspects. The money was displayed in front of the arrested trio, which might have been why the SWAT team was on hand, especially knowing how little journalists are paid.
Mr. Krishin was initially reported missing on 14 October by his 70-year-old mother, who told police she had not been able to contact her son by mobile phone, which had been turned off. Police soon found Mr. Krishin’s bank accounts were being accessed. Security camera footage showed two men making withdrawals from ATM’s. The footage was shown to Mr. Krishin’s mother who could not identify the pair.
Police then asked banks to alert them as soon as Mr. Krishin’s ATM card was used again. A bank in front of a Wat in Banglamung soon contacted police who arrived and began following a black sedan (just the colour you might expect) containing two men. When officers attempted to get the vehicle to pull over they were ignored and a chase ensued. One of the men in the car produced a gun and shot at police, who returned fire wounding one man. The men abandoned the car and attempted to escape on foot but were quickly apprehended. One of the men was identified as Rashif Saganov.
Initial reports suggested the two men confessed to having murdered Mr. Krishin after being paid US$10,000 (approximately 300,000 baht) by a Mr. Sergey Alexandrov, a 34-year-old Russian man who was Krishin’s alleged lover and business partner. They said they lured Mr. Krishin to his real estate office in Soi 6, off Pratamnak Road where they tied him up and took him to remote bushland. Here Mr. Krishin was shot in the back twice and then strangled with a length of computer cable, just to make sure he wasn’t about to make a remarkable recovery.
Police initially interviewed Mr.. Alexandrov but he was released. Then, on Thursday 21 October he was arrested and formally charged with conspiring to murder Mr. Krishin for reasons as yet unknown. Alexandrov was a director of the company established three years ago by Mr. Krishin, but he claimed not to be involved in the day-today operations of the real estate business. He claimed he was going to meet Mr. Krishin on the night of 14 October at the Hopf Brew House on Beach Road but was unable to contact his friend, whom he said he had known for 18 years. He claimed to have tried to ring his friend but Mr. Krishin’s mobile phone was turned off.
The Russian national who had been shot and wounded by police the previous day was released without charge.
Police have seized ATM cards, bank books, company accounts, mobile phones and anything else they think might be relevant in solving the mystery of just why Mr. Krishin was murdered.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-10-31
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TRAVEL: Thailand & Beyond
Sungai Golok, Narathiwat
In recent years the internal tensions in the four predominantly Muslim southern provinces bordering Malaysia have been the most violent in the modern history of Thailand. Therefore, it may seem somewhat reckless to suggest taking a train journey to the border town of Sungai Golok in troubled Narathiwat province. Well, if you take the train, stay at an inexpensive hotel, and only want to cross the border and come back, it really shouldn’t be any more dangerous than trying to cross South Pattaya Road on a
market day.
Since having four paying customers killed by insurgents back in June 2008 on the Sungai Golok-Yala train, the government has heavily armed soldiers board each train at Had Yai. All the stations between there and Sungai Golok were full of troops and police and secured by sandbagged emplacements for added protection.
There’s not much to see in Sungai Golok unless you like checking out the variety of uniforms worn by the security personnel. It’s a border town after all. The Sungai River, only about 30 metres wide in places, separates Thailand and Malaysia. Thai Prime Minister Thanom Kittikachorn and Malaysian Prime Minister Abdul Razak officially opened the bridge spanning it on 21 May 1973. There is a Malay satellite town on the other side and if you have the time and the inclination it is about 40 kilometres to Kota Baharu.
A couple of faded mosques impress upon the visitor the Islamic nature of the bulk of the Sungai Golok community. There’s a park with a rusting steam locomotive and a statue of King Chulalongkorn; another park has a rarely used fitness area, broken concrete seats and a couple of quite unrealistic, but suitably imposing, dinosaur statues.
Near the municipal offices is a large park covered by shade trees and loads of swings and rides for children, seating for adults and rustic-style restaurants. A 7-11 convenience store was the only franchise operation I noticed while the Toh Moh Goddess Shrine, a Chinese religious edifice, is right in the middle of the night bar area. Older buildings still outnumber newer constructions, unlike many Thai urban centres.
One thing Sungai Golok is not short on is hotels, of all shapes and sizes, and catering to all budgets. A decade ago when I chanced upon a sleeping den bearing the cognomen ‘Savoy Hotel’ I knew I’d come to the right place. It is still in business, and hasn’t changed a bit. Even before entering its portals I was acutely aware this was not linked in any way to the famous London Savoy. There were no liveried footman doffing their hats and opening glass doors with gloved hands. In fact, there were no doors -let alone footmen- at the entrance to the Sungai Golok version.
In 2000, the room tariff was a mere 130 baht. The Savoy then had ladies who seemed to be either just past, or well past, the prime of life, sitting or lying on beds and who exchanged bemused glances as if they couldn’t believe a foreigner would actually want to stay in the hotel. I soon discovered these women rarely ventured far from their rooms and were always eager to engage me in conversation, even suggesting a private consultation for a most reasonable monetary consideration.
Once the manager showed me the room I could understand the reason for their curious looks. A ceiling fan, cold water, Thai-style toilet, a mattress with no bedding, and walls that probably hadn’t seen a coat of paint since Winston Churchill died, in 1965. Closer inspection revealed the hand basin had no drainage pipe, so water just ended up on the bathroom floor. Sickly green tiles stretched half-way to the ceiling around the walls of the room, a faded mirror hung precariously from a wall hook and beneath it was a plastic tray -also green- designed to hold combs and brushes and the like but from the cigarette scars it clearly doubled as an ashtray.
Apart from the bed with a thin mattress and two pieces of concrete meant to serve as pillows, the furniture consisted of two wooden chairs with brown vinyl cushions, a small wooden table with a laminate top, and a wall hanging masquerading as a wardrobe. Brown curtains that hadn’t seen water since the day they were hung, possibly as long ago as the 1930s, covered a window with a view of the washing line. The window missed a number of slats and the mosquito netting possessed holes big enough to admit a large rat. The room phone would have been cutting edge technology…in 1945. But then, what would you expect for 130 Baht a night: the Savoy?
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-- Pattaya One 2010-10-27
Gay Prejudice In Pattaya
in Pattaya
Posted
The Worst of Both Worlds
By James Barnes
The plethora of gay venues in Pattaya, the thousands of wide-eyed young Thai gay men who flock here from all over the country to find fortune and love, the city’s popularity with gay tourists and gay expats are all signs of how Thai society tolerates gay people. Pattaya seems to be close to Utopia for gay Thais and foreigners alike. It is disturbing to learn that physical assaults on gay men are not uncommon in Pattaya and verbal abuse of gay people in public places here is rife. This homophobia is mostly unreported, especially by tourists who do not want their holidays further spoiled by involvement with officialdom and expats who may have a jaded view of the local justice system. The perpetrators of this frightening aggression are never Thai.
Thai society is less accepting of homosexuality than Europeans are. There are no same sex civil partnerships here. Nor is there any of the equality that legal status confers. Thai gay men still feel that they have to marry and produce children. They often dare not come out of the closet at work- a suicidal career move. Thai families are not generally accepting of gay children. Many bars frequented by gay Thai men will not advertise themselves as being gay establishments because gay professionals would never patronise them, fearful of becoming ‘known’. But gays are tolerated here. Thais may be full of prejudices that have largely disappeared in Europe with its politically correct ethics but they do not accept homosexuality. Nor do they punch someone in the mouth because that someone enjoys a love of his own gender.
In contrast, Europe is beginning to see gay couples who have engaged in civil partnerships in the same light as heterosexual married couples. Gay businesses run openly and with pride under the full protection of the law. Equal opportunities legislation also prevents discrimination in the workplace. More and more parents are willing to accept that their children are gay and it is many a long year since a gay elected public official had any novelty value. This is, of course, a generalised view- many eastern European countries retain a bigoted, puritanical and offensive position towards gay people and don’t even attempt to equate Russia with egalitarian thought.
In Thailand, there is tolerance and little acceptance. In Europe there is acceptance but less tolerance. Here we are, approaching the year 2011 and the struggle for gay rights has to continue. Gay people should never accept this worst of both worlds. They are entitled to live in one world, where acceptance and tolerance go hand in hand. A world that provides equality under the law. Where gay men can walk in the streets, hand in hand, without fearing a punch in the mouth.
James Barnes is Editor of OUT in Thailand Magazine.
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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-25