DumFarang

"Black Adder the Third" Ink and Incapability (1987)

[about the dictionary]

Blackadder: No, sir, it is not. It's the most pointless book since How To Learn French was translated into French.

Prince George: You haven't got anything personal against Johnson, have you Blackadder?

Blackadder: Good Lord, sir, not at all. In fact, I had never heard of him until you mentioned him just now.

Prince George: But you do think he's a genius...?

Blackadder: No, sir, I do not. Unless, of course, the definition of "genius" in his ridiculous Dictionary is "a fat dullard or wobblebottom; a pompous ass with sweatly dewflaps".

Prince George: Ha. close shave there, then. Lucky you warned me. I was about to embrace this unholy arse to the royal bosom.

Blackadder: I'm delighted to have been instrumental of keeping your bosom free of <deleted>, sir.

Dr. Johnson: (places two manuscripts on the table, but picks up the top one) Here it is, sir: the very cornerstone of English scholarship. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.

Prince George: Hmm.

Edmund: Every single one, sir?

Dr. Johnson: (confidently) Every single word, sir!

Edmund: (to Prince) Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafribularities. (or maybe `contrafribblarities', coming from the word `fribble'. A closed-caption decoder would help here.)

Dr. Johnson: What?

Edmund: `Contrafribularites', sir? It is a common word down our way...

Dr. Johnson: dam_n! (writes in the book)

Edmund: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.

Dr. Johnson: What? What? WHAT?

Ink and Incapability, Blackadder II

From the same ......

"Once upon a time there was a sausage called Baldryick and he lived happily ever after"

"Sausage? SAUSAGE!?!?!!"

Ok off topic but we need a bit of humour to prepare for the next few weeks of doom and gloom xx

No offence, but my version says

Baldrick: And *this* is mine (takes a small piece of paper from the front of his trousers). My magnificent octopus.

Edmund: (takes it) This is your novel, Baldrick? (unfolds it)

Baldrick: Yeah -- I can't stand long books.

Edmund: (reads) "Once upon a time, there was a lovely little sausage called `Baldrick', and it lived happily ever after."

Baldrick: It's semi-autobiographical.

Edmund: And it's completely utterly awful. Dr. Johnson will probably love it.

Timeless. It'll be funny in a thousand years as long as records are kept.

At the inauguration I have to wear the Russian Codpiece it always scares the red shirts.

....it seems you having a cunning plan...

I've decided to write MY OWN dictionary! Let's see...A...mmmhmm...Aardvark!

yes, pure enlightenment! Now I know why Rowan Atkinson has so many fans here, cause his humor is genuinely blissful, of buddha nature, something to howl about for hours the very simplistic mind...

Mr Bean...the worst stuff he ever did, irrespective of how popular it is........Blackadder and Not the Nine O'clock news far better, but couldn't see either going down very well with Thai audiences..

Agreed, Black Adder was my favorite. But, you know...Mr. Bean was one of those things that anybody in the world can get regardless of language. I understand why it's his biggest hit even though it's not his best.

But anyway, wanna get drunk? I'll be at the pub in an hour! No not that pub...the pub behind that pub that will still be open.

Probably took him a good 30 minutes to compose it as well looking for the most hateful words and expressions in the dictionary.

Pity he didnt spend another 5 seconds and look up the word "Satire" while he was at it...

This thread's like a fine wine, as it keeps breathing it keeps improving.

Notthenation articles the gift that keeps giving and giving...

This thread's like a fine wine, as it keeps breathing it keeps improving.

Post #243 certainly proves your point.

Hehehe. I amend the last statement. It's the Dom Perignon of TV threads!

This thread's like a fine wine, as it keeps breathing it keeps improving.

Does anyone at TV critique these posts before they are made public ? - What an inept and substandard article - its obvious the composer is a "Farang Hater" and just simply a "Hater" in general. The writers fabrication due to lack of real content in this article certainly makes it a fictional piece of writing - I would not go any further into the articles state of literature which would dignify it - not to give the article too much praise which it certainly does not deserve.

I take strong offense to the content of this article and "spin" pieces of writing such as this - the author not having enough true content or literary writing abilities to produce an unbiased and resourceful article - resorts to filling the pages with garbage. The TV community deserves better than this and this writer should find another profession. I have not seen this many abuses of an article on TV before.

It seems the composer is the same typical person - anyone can meet - on any given day - which simply has their sights set on undermining the "Farang" community. Most likely the same person who directly or indirectly draws a paycheck from a "Farang" source of revenue each and every month - thus "Bite The Hand That Feeds You" is most likely the case.

The very small percentage of "Farangs" that are visiting for 15 to 30 days would be cheering over this article - however - those of us who live here - support the economy more than 10 times that of an average Thai per month - despise random thinking such as the content of this article being publicized. If this is the trend for TV to support random writing like this - I will certainly being changing the channel to a better quality of life resource for news and tid-bits.

You "Farang Haters" can simply walk away - stay away from all Farangs and their money - don't have anything to do with us - and I bet your pockets will be empty and you will want once again to walk beside us and give those fake superficial smiles while you hold your hand out to collect a paycheck.

I despise articles such as this and everything they stand for (which is literally nothing). "Farangs " are here to stay - if you don't like it - contact your public officials (LOL - who represents you - LOL)

GET A LIFE - OPEN YOUR EYES - THERE IS A REAL WORLD OUT THEIR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR MAKE BELIEVE ONE - the same one that obviously functions quite well without "YOU" contributing any real value as you have expressed in this article.

speechless

Likewise, such ranting! Hello, Siamjimi, I will say it again, the article is headed SATIRE, which means it has been done as a joke, or a spoof. You sound like you have some serious psychological issues here and perhaps time you left the Country before you loose it all together. Thailand is Thailand and you have to adapt to the people and the Country if you want to live here, not the Country adapt to your way of thinking and living.

OMG

What a low and arrogant opinion some Thais have of us. I wonder how they would feel if we all just left and took our money with us.

Hello, read the top of the article it says - SATIRE, which means joke!! Admittedly, I missed it at first, but did not believe what I was reading was quite true, then DOING (sound of a bell ringing) I realised IT'S A JOKE FOLKS. Perhaps not very good, or particularly funny, especially if you cannot laugh at yourself. Must dash out and get my case of Change, 30 Asian Women and probably only one DVD?

Did you know the Romans believed that when two people laugh they could trade souls?

<br />

<br />Nice jokr, but sadly it's very true and that's why i'm growing tired of Thailand. Ugly alcoholic farang guys with a new born ego being conned by ugly bar girls one way or another gets tiring to see everywhere you go.<br />

<br /><br />Good, when you finally leave there will be one more empty seat for me to plant my butt in at the bar while I leer at LBFM's swooning past, and my beer will arrive that much sooner.<br /><br /><img src="http://static.thaivisa.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/jap.gif" /><br />

I'm in my 20s mate and good looking, I don't pay for anything, I can just swoop in for 2minutes and get the best there. Keep your bar stall, your ego and mong faced issan bargirl, that will tell you're hansom and she loves you for everything.<br /><br />Mums in hospital ...... kwaii's sick ..... need money to get food at tesco .... 1 million dots later ....

Mong faced? Ouch. Kind of felt personal.

Nice jokr, but sadly it's very true and that's why i'm growing tired of Thailand. Ugly alcoholic farang guys with a new born ego being conned by ugly bar girls one way or another gets tiring to see everywhere you go.

Good, when you finally leave there will be one more empty seat for me to plant my butt in at the bar while I leer at LBFM's swooning past, and my beer will arrive that much sooner.

"Dumfarang" do you want to tell "Siamjimi" or can I ?......suspect he is going to feel a real silly billy very shortly...

Cant wait for his retraction... ...but must say one of the better rants I have read in the last few weeks

Oh just let him sweat it out till dawn breaks over Marblehead and the ships come back from sea.

Okay guys, we've probably made light of this serious issue which plagues Thailand's tropical beauty like mud on virgin snow past the point of decency. We should probably move the conversation toward a more civilized assessment of just how serious this drunken, lecherous farang issue really is in the eyes of the average Thai citizen. As a display of our sincere intent to honor LOS and keep those smiles on local faces I suggest we all abstain from spirits of any sort for the duration of the ban as a token of our respect for local laws. They are kind enough to take us in as such long term guests after all. The least we can do is pay it back with less than two days of sobriety. Don't you think?

Satirus interuptus?

Ita vero.

"Dumfarang" do you want to tell "Siamjimi" or can I ?......suspect he is going to feel a real silly billy very shortly...

Cant wait for his retraction... ...but must say one of the better rants I have read in the last few weeks

Oh just let him sweat it out till dawn breaks over Marblehead and the ships come back from sea.

Okay guys, we've probably made light of this serious issue which plagues Thailand's tropical beauty like mud on virgin snow past the point of decency. We should probably move the conversation toward a more civilized assessment of just how serious this drunken, lecherous farang issue really is in the eyes of the average Thai citizen. As a display of our sincere intent to honor LOS and keep those smiles on local faces I suggest we all abstain from spirits of any sort for the duration of the ban as a token of our respect for local laws. They are kind enough to take us in as such long term guests after all. The least we can do is pay it back with less than two days of sobriety. Don't you think?

GET A LIFE - OPEN YOUR EYES - THERE IS A REAL WORLD OUT THEIR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR MAKE BELIEVE ONE - the same one that obviously functions quite well without "YOU" contributing any real value as you have expressed in this article.

Anybody taking this article or its comments seriously in any way should have their head examined. Try to breath. You're having an existential crisis, but it will pass.

Well done! How many remember the April 1st story? That had people climbing the walls.

I just find it rude and slander language against foreigners. Humiliating and offending... not worth a reading and just expression of a typical Thai feeling against foreigners: all considered drunk, with a Thai beauty next to them, immensily impolite and uneducated alcoholics, shouting at waitresses, empty minded and with poor behaviour. This writer must never have seen a Thai wedding party.... What a disgusting, humiliating, hateful and mud-slinging reporting! :bah:

Small reflection: wouldn't it be from the many prostitutes and katoeys here in Thailand, there wouldn't be this kind of tourism as described...

I don't what to say except...

You have the name of DumFarang but I see that you are more clever than a lot of the other posters.

Only the smarts we all gain after a few beers.

Well done! How many remember the April 1st story? That had people climbing the walls.

I just find it rude and slander language against foreigners. Humiliating and offending... not worth a reading and just expression of a typical Thai feeling against foreigners: all considered drunk, with a Thai beauty next to them, immensily impolite and uneducated alcoholics, shouting at waitresses, empty minded and with poor behaviour. This writer must never have seen a Thai wedding party.... What a disgusting, humiliating, hateful and mud-slinging reporting! :bah:

Small reflection: wouldn't it be from the many prostitutes and katoeys here in Thailand, there wouldn't be this kind of tourism as described...

I don't what to say except...

Voltaire would be proud, there really isn't enough good satire anymore. Nice of them to make the note in bright red so no one missed it!

It would indeed be good satire but I am afraid it is more stupidity. They act like this is one of the biggest threats to the country.

During elections there will be bigger problems than a few farang getting angry about not getting alcohol.

In the article they stigmatize the whole farang and expat community.

I for one don't like pattaya or everything that has to do with drinking and bar girls. But if they have a problem with that maybe they have to change there policy.

Grtz.

Debbie Downer.

I am so angry, how dare they treat us like this, we are not animals that can be herded around. I know I wont survive this callous behavior.

Has anyone actually tried the intravenous drip treatment? does it really work? I am scared its un-tested and what happens if the alcohol is tainted with coke-cola or other deadly contaminants? Are the nurses and hospital staff available for followup treatment such as unprotected sex? all these questions need to be answered otherwise I may be forced into doing something very desperate, god knows what I will do! I might knock off a policemans hat so I get locked up and gain access to a huge unlimited menu of ilegal substances for the weekend and plenty of sex to boot.

Good points all. It's okay to drip alcohol into the blood, but if any Coca Cola gets in there it creates a risk that your head might explode due to the fizzy carbonation.

Trust me. I'm a doctor and an alcoholic.

how do high ranking police officers and government spokes people get away with remarks like this. its not the first time and constantly insult foreign visitors. can you imagine a western government blaming everything on there visitors. the truth is that thailand would not be far ahead of laos if it wasnt for those skanky farang alcholic's

Satire

You still haven't figured out that this is a joke. Further proof that TV members are not renown for their intelligence.

Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realise the ban on alcohol sales was a joke.

Sir! Please calm down. Don't incite a riot.

"...sobriety-related violence" and “deranged, sober foreigners. For many of these men, 36 hours without a drink and the company of a rented Asian female represents something unacceptable, terrifying even. Sobering up means becoming momentarily aware of their graying bodies and emotionally hollow lives. What we think of as an alcohol-free night represents an existential crisis for them.”

Really?

You think Thai airways is bad , don't fly Aroflot they have outside toilets and soup in a basket,

You know if this survey were about a country's buses from city to city etc. I would say that I've never been on a better state run bus system than I was on Mexico. Would this be popular? Doubtful. However I've been on a good solid number of buses in as many countries. Mexico does it right.

I'm not seeing the difference in comparison between this and Thai Airways vs. competitors.

Thai Airways runs a pretty tight ship, but you know there are always those people who get a gold nugget and they say, "Oh, I was expecting a gold necklace. Can I have that instead?"

I own a business, and I can safely say that there are customers who will simply never be happy. There's just not a product that meets their needs. For the majority of us who don't fall into the "I'm impossible to please category" Thai Air is doing a pretty good job.

If you're the type of person who asks for something and when they bring it you smile and thank them then Thai Air will probably work for you. However, if you're the type who asks for something and upon receiving thinks, "has this person made me feel special, like a unique snowflake" as you are frowning at them then Thai Air may not be for you.

What you say is very true. In my business (service industry), I only ever get complaints from clients and very very few compliments because they expect that things will run smoothly in the first instance. However, the thread here is about Thai being the 5th best airline in the world and this a a bit of a stretch in my opinion. Apart from actual comfort on the plane and check in on the ground, one also needs to consider stuff like ease of use of the internet bookings, online check-ins, quality of lounges etc etc

I am a gold member on Thai which means that I do fly Thai regularly and I'm satisfied overall. But it is true that the air stewardesses in Business class are older than in CX or MH or SQ and many others.....

So, they haven't made you feel like a unique snowflake?

You kidding me? :D

After two years of being a Gold member, it was only on my last flight from Hkg that the chief purser actually came up to me to say hello and welcome - first time it happened to me. I was so stunned that I even forgot to ask for a second bag of almonds.

Thai Airways runs a pretty tight ship, but you know there are always those people who get a gold nugget and they say, "Oh, I was expecting a gold necklace. Can I have that instead?"

I own a business, and I can safely say that there are customers who will simply never be happy. There's just not a product that meets their needs. For the majority of us who don't fall into the "I'm impossible to please category" Thai Air is doing a pretty good job.

If you're the type of person who asks for something and when they bring it you smile and thank them then Thai Air will probably work for you. However, if you're the type who asks for something and upon receiving thinks, "has this person made me feel special, like a unique snowflake" as you are frowning at them then Thai Air may not be for you.

What you say is very true. In my business (service industry), I only ever get complaints from clients and very very few compliments because they expect that things will run smoothly in the first instance. However, the thread here is about Thai being the 5th best airline in the world and this a a bit of a stretch in my opinion. Apart from actual comfort on the plane and check in on the ground, one also needs to consider stuff like ease of use of the internet bookings, online check-ins, quality of lounges etc etc

I am a gold member on Thai which means that I do fly Thai regularly and I'm satisfied overall. But it is true that the air stewardesses in Business class are older than in CX or MH or SQ and many others.....

So, they haven't made you feel like a unique snowflake?