Jump to content

Crossy

Global Moderator
  • Posts

    46,460
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    2

Posts posted by Crossy

  1. Unashamedly plagiarised from this site:- http://www.thecapitol.net/Recommended/twocows.htm

    ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.

    ANARCHISM: You have two cows. You steal your neighbor's bull and ignore the government.

    ANARCHISM: You have two cows. You keep the cows and steal another one. You ignore the government.

    ANARCHISM: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

    ANARCHISM: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that he is a Nazi.

    ARISTOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both and buy one really big cow - with a pedigree.

    ARTIST -- VISUAL: You have two cows. You stuff them and put them in glass display boxes. In London.

    AUSTRALIANISM: You have two cows. You take one to the beach and teach it to surf, then you bung the other one on the barbie, drink some VB, and laugh at the idea of a surfing cow. (from Hannah and Gen)

    BAHRAINISM: You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the cows at the same time to cut back on unemployment.

    BITCHISM: You're a cow! (from Hannah and Gen)

    BRITISH: You have two cows. They are crazy. You try to sell them in Europe.

    BRITISH -- MAJOR: You have two cows. One has BSE. You get a vet to give the other one the all clear, and then declare there is no problem from BSE in your country.

    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. To register them, you fill in 17 forms in triplicate and don't have time to milk them.

    BUREAUCRACY -- EUROPEAN UNION: You have two cows. The EU loses one cow, milks the other and then spills the milk.

    BUREAUCRACY -- UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.

    CANADIANISM: You have two cows. The bank takes both of them, shoots one, throws away the milk and you shoot yourself.

    CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate.

    CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

    CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows.

    CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You freeze the milk and embalm the cows.

    CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You lock them up, and charge people to look at them.

    COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.

    COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both cows. The government sells the milk in government stores. You can't afford the milk. You wither away.

    COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The state takes both, and gives you a little milk ... once.

    COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you spoiled milk.

    COMMUNISM -- CAMBODIAN: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

    COMMUNISM -- CAMBODIAN: You have two cows. The government sends a teenager in a red bandana to shoot them, then he shoots you.

    COMMUNISM -- CHINESE: You don't have any cows. The government sets up a joint venture with McDonald's.

    COMMUNISM -- CHINESE: You have two cows. You take care of them. The government takes all the milk, but you are encouraged to steal some of it back (before someone else does).

    COMMUNISM -- CHINESE - MAO STYLE: You have two pigs. The government launches a campaign to convince you to donate them "voluntarily" to provide meat for workers in the city. The government then declares that people don't need pigs to make pork. Quoting the correct phrases from your little red book, you and your neighbors try to create pork from sheer willpower. Your local party leader reports that you have exceeded all expectations. Your neighbors starve.

    COMMUNISM -- CUBAN - CASTRO STYLE: Fidel Castro has two cows. They are F1's, a cross between the Cebu cow and the Holstein cow. Only one cow, "White Udder," works. When she dies she is stuffed and placed in a museum by Castro, "The Dictator of the Cows," where "future generations could admire her magnificent udders." You have not seen cow milk since 1985.

    COMMUNISM -- CUBAN: You have two cows. Fidel tells you some undercover CIA agents have infected all of the cows in your region with a foreign disease that kills the cows. You and your family become malnourished. It begins to occur to you that Fidel doesn't know what he is talking about.

    COMMUNISM -- CUBAN: You no longer have any cows. They sailed to Miami. You still have no milk - but you do have Fidel.

    COMMUNISM -- "PURE": You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

    COMMUNISM -- "PURE": You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. Well, maybe the local bully gets more, or a few neighbors band together to kill you so that there is more milk for everyone else.

    COMMUNISM -- SOVIET: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Then the government sends you to prison.

    COMMUNISM -- SOVIET: You have two cows. You count them and realize you have

    four cows. You drink more Vodka. You count the cows again and realize you have eleventy six cows. You drink even more Vodka. After a while, you realize that eleventy isn't a real number. You count the cows again and have two cows. You open another bottle of Vodka and try to drown the loss of eleventy four cows.

    DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

    DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the cows win.

    DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products. You go bankrupt.

    DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk and then blame Japan while border guards beat up Mexicans sneaking into the country. People are outraged for a week or so and then go back to televised sports where there's no violence.

    DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN (a republic): You have two cows. The government exercises those powers delegated to it by the people, who are sovereign. The majority does not rule because the people and their representatives (elected, appointed and employed) are constrained by various checks and balances, including the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the three co-equal branches of government, and the 50 state republics (see, e.g., Article IV, section 4). So what the government does with your cows and with the milk from those cows depends on the interaction between the people and the checks and balances mentioned above.

    DEMOCRACY -- BRITISH: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

    DEMOCRACY -- REPRESENTATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

    DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.

    DRMISM: You have two cows. You sell both of them, but all the milk still belongs to you.

    DUBAISM: You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years' time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.

    EGYPTIANISM: You have two cows. Both are voting for Moooooobarak!

    EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

    EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that "limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows." You sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.

    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

    FASCISM: You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and the government sells it.

    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes one away and presses it into military service.

    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    FRISBEETARIANISM: You have two cows. One of them flies up on the roof and gets stuck. You hope the government provides cow ladders.

    IDEALISM: You have two cows. You get married and your partner milks them.

    INDUSTRIALISM: You have two cows. You dissect them both and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead.

    INNOVATIONISM: You have two cows. You patent "cow" and claim license fees from all the milk of the world. ("All your milk are belong to us.")

    IRAQISM: The British Government sends in a herd of 20 cows in a trial run to help a village outside Basra. The villagers are extremely grateful for the extra milk and the health of the children improves daily. A terrorist group then kidnaps the cows and accuses them of being traitors to "the cause." The terrorists then produce signed confessions from the cows and systematically assassinates each one in front of Al Jazeera television cameras.

    KUWAITISM: Upon hearing how popular cows are in the Gulf region, a group of young male Kuwaitis buy a herd. Unfortunately, they attach so many accessories (ski-racks, 3500 watt sub-woofers, nipple lights, etc.) that the cows almost collapse under the weight and/or embarrassment. The herd are all tragically killed in a massive pile-up while their owners are attempting to perform donuts by the Towers.

    LEBANONISM: You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.

    LIBERALISM: You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to the poor.

    LIBERALISM: You have two cows. You give away one cow and get the government to give you a new cow. Then you give them both away.

    LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. You let them do what they want.

    LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.

    MARXISM/LENINISM: The proletarian cows unite and overthrow the bourgeoisie cowherds. The egalitarian democratic cow revolutionary state with the cow party as vanguard disintegrate over time. Marx choked on a veggie-burger before he could explain what happens to the use-value, exchange-value and sign-value of bovine leather.

    NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.

    NEW DEALISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes.

    OMANISM: You have three cows. They are all healthy and produce good quality milk for sale at the market. Unfortunately, your son discovers that the money he received at the market can be used to buy beer. Your grand expansion plans for a new high-tech farm are put on hold indefinitely.

    PACIFISM: You have two cows. They stampede you.

    PEROTISM: You have two cows. You aren't allowed to sell the milk to Mexico.

    PLATONISM: You have two cows. You look for two other cows to milk.

    PLATONISM: You have a reflection of two perfect cows. Their milk tastes like water. You look for two real cows to milk.

    POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

    PROTECTIONISM: You have two cows. You can't buy a bull from another country.

    QATARISM: You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

    REDISTRIBUTIONISM: You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.

    SAUDIISM: You have two cows. Since milking the cow involves nipples, the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of a curtain and a guy milking the cow on the other side.

    SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man!

    SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbor.

    SOCIALISM -- BUREAUCRATIC: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

    SOCIALISM -- PURE: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

    SOCRATIC METHODISM: How many cows do I have? Why?

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    SURREALISM: You have two aardvarks. The government paints one green and requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    TALIBANISM: You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because "they are Hindu religious symbols."

    UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

    WIKIPEDIANISM: These cows are temporarily protected from milking. Please resolve disputes on the talk page. Protection is not intended to express support of German or Polish cows. (from Bill)

    WIKIPEDIANISM: This cow is a heifer. You can help Wikipedia by milking it. (from Bill)

    YEMENISM: You once had a cow. But then it got kidnapped.

  2. Agreed ^^^ the stuff must not appear new.

    I would not attempt to hide or disguise the stuff though, if found out there could be awkward questions, a big black square on the x-ray is going to attract more attention than the outline of a power drill (not that regular ali foil is going to be much of a barrier to a modern machine anyway). Best to be open about it, just mix in with your regular baggage and if stopped say it's all old / used / personal stuff.

    A lot depends upon just how much you're taking, I've brought hand and power tools in without problem including my service engineers toolkit (which is obviously tools) BUT I didn't get my bags checked by customs.

  3. if they had been 40 YOUNG lawyers.. no problem... these were lawyers that had been lawyers for 40 years, and had just about mastered the basics of windows!!! hhhaaahaaarrgghhh!

    Whilst the gentleman(?) in question is a great civil engineer, holding a pen without crushing it is a challenge (hence the requirement for something remotely automatic), Namrata (the Indian lady) does a remarkable job.

    Windows, well those are things you look out of, yes?

  4. Normally if the combination does not work , you have to SPIN the dial clockwise at least one rotation then start from 0 and first rotation to the right eg , 36 4 times , 22 3 times to the left, 12 2 times to the right,, then last number to the left and open.

    Brilliant thaipod, brilliant. Got home, picked up the sheet with the numbers, followed your instructions, opened safe first time! Now I need to get a shovel so I can stuff all the cash in there! :D

    Yup ^^^ when I worked for a 'certain' agency in the UK we had dial-type combo locks. To get the ruddy things to open reliably you had to spin them clockwise at least 4 or 5 times (the book said once) to get it totally confused, at which point it would willingly give up its contents.

    Now, changing the combo (which was supposed to be done once a month) was another issue altogether :o

  5. I think you should keep in mind that you must speak quite accurate and that any changes in voice bring a different result. Even the distance from the Mic to your mouth has some effect. You also need to teach to first the prog how YOU speak. And with different Languages you'll face more problems.

    Dragon Naturally Speaking 10 is the most advanced Voice recognition software available.

    Yeah I know, unfortunately the chap who's asking is a Star Wars / Trek fan, believes every word :o

    Hopefully letting him play with Dragon will convince him that the (cute) Indian lady who currently does the minutes is better than any machine :D

  6. Here's a pic of what I have and I agree about getting it open. I can't see any way of opening short of using a small Dremel type tool to cut it open.

    I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you, it requires lateral thinking :o

    PM me your details, I'll drop the beastie in the post when I get home along with my return address :D

  7. I'm still interested but I want to cut a deal.

    I have an unmodified unit that a friend carried from the US over to me. Never been used.

    Can we work out some trade or something?

    For a fellow TV'er I'll do a straight swap. Cost of modification is about 10 Baht (6 resistors) and a few minutes of my time (the hardest part is getting the bloody thing open).

    If you're local to BKK / Pathum Thani we can have a beer whilst performing the exchange of prisoners, otherwise I'll bung it in the post (PM me your details) :o

    I'm theoretically back on the 20th IF I can get a flight and the PAD don't close the airport again :D

  8. I have a few (3) of these testers that I got from the Good ol' US of A (courtesy ebay). I've modified them for 220V and checked they work.

    Anyone wants one PM me, 350Baht (deposited to my Bangkok Bank account) will cover my costs including postage within Thailand :D

    post-14979-1216279860_thumb.jpg

    First come, first served obviously.

    If there's demand I can get some more but this is never going to be a money making venture (postage from US is nearly twice what the beasties actually cost) :o

    I'm back in LoS next week after an extended foray to sunny Bangalore.

    I have couple of these units left if anyone wants one please PM me. First come first served :D

  9. I need some GOOD voice to text software, the idea being that we feed a recording of a meeting in and out pop the minutes ready for editing. Meetings are in English although we have Germans, French and Indians participating, they don't often degenerate into shouting matches (well once or twice per meeting).

    A colleague has asked for this, personally I think it's a big ask but it's a loooong time since I played with this type of software.

    Anyone know of an application that comes anywhere near doing what we want, whilst cost is relevant we are willing to pay for this stuff.

  10. I bought some low-end life insurance, just death cover of 1/2 million US.

    Having seen the problems the wife of a close friend who was killed in Phuket had before she managed to get hold of her inheritance (one2die haven't bothered paying anything as yet) I just wanted to ensure my missus wasn't going to go through the same pain should the worst happen.

  11. Crossy-- Are UK plugs ever installed ground pin up? It is the standard practice for hospitals in the US, and is preferred practice for many other facilities.

    UK outlets are (almost) always installed ground up. In this position the cord hangs vertically down parallel to the wall.

  12. Do you think I can safely tie the 6mm with a 4mm & use one circuit or just get another breaker? If you have space install a new 25A breaker for the 4mm2 run to the shower. It would be unsafe to have the 4mm2 protected by a 32A breaker so if you have to use a single breaker you must use 6mm2 for the full run.
  13. It will be a new install with 6 mm wire to the 6000w & 2.5 mm to the shower heater. & Grounded!

    Unless cost is a significant issue I'd run 6mm2 (or at least 4mm2 good for 5kW or so) to the shower too, just in case you decide to upgrade the heater in the future. It would be a real bind to find the 3.5kW shower unit hasn't quite got the oomph and have to replace your wiring too.

    Also-

    Unless you use 6mm2 for both you must NOT (that's NOT) use the same breaker to control both heaters, the breaker must be sized to protect the smallest cable connected in the circuit.

    And-

    Please ensure the heaters are protected by an ELCB :o

  14. Crossy can I run 2 heaters into one 32 amp breaker as I won't ever use them at the same time.

    Welllllll, it would contravene UK (and probably Oz) codes but yes, you could run both off a single breaker. Turning the two on together would simply drop the breaker.

    You should really run a separate cable and install a second breaker. If you do decide to extend the existing wiring please use a decent ceramic connector block (the plastic ones tend to melt at high currents).

  15. These simple heaters have no thermostat pre-se just a safety cutout that operates somewhere around 80oC (bloody hot). They simply get the water as hot as the flow rate will permit, more flow = lower temperature attained.

    You could try:-

    • Looking if the safety cutout is adjustable, but remember it's not intended to work as a thermostat and so may fail quickly.
    • A thermostatic mixer tap (not cheap).
    • If you suspect back-feeding into the heater add a non-return valve in the outlet (no idea if this would work, just a thought).
    • Maximise the flow though the heater to reduce the temperature it attains.
    • Insert a 50A 600V rectifier diode (it will need a heatsink) in series with the heater element to reduce the power available by supplying half-wave rectified mains.

    Or my personal favourite, ditch the thing or at least relegate it to heating water for taps only and not the shower.

    If you're a hobby electronics enthusiast why not make a 'super' lamp dimmer with a BTW67-600 (50A 600V) TRIAC for continuous power adjustment, you could likely modify a regular lamp dimmer with a bigger TRIAC. Not sure I'd bother.

  16. I don't know if Norway issue emergency travel documents.

    But it's not beyond the realms of possibility that they went to a cop-shop somewhere, reported passports stolen, and with the police reports in hand went to their embassy and got emergency documents. Dunno how much checking is done by embassies when issuing new PPs but I suspect not vast amounts, even if they do check up I doubt the BiB have a functional network to share such info as to whose PPs have been seized.

    I also suspect that they will not be coming to Thailand again any time soon.

×
×
  • Create New...