CHOPTHAI

I suggest it is better for you to stay and live in Thailand (there is no necessity to pass your English test)

What a good compilation of "disclaimers". Disclaimers are not designed to be funny though...I wondered why the forumer wanted to compile them and got them posted here?? Good effort.

In Malaysia, if they want you to reverse your car, they say "Ashtun, Ashtun", which I am told is a corruption of "astern, astern" hanging over from the days when the big ships landed the planters at Georgetown.

/quote]

Allow me to add:

In Malaysia, the actual word used is "GOSTAN" and not "ASHTUN". It could have been corrupted from the word "Go astern" shouted by British traders using the Penang port. To many who are not familiar with those sea-faring jargon, thought that GOSTAN could have come from "Course turn" !!!

Similarily, the Malay word for "money" is "DUIT" which could have derived from the English phrase: "Do it". The story goes that English colonials could have used money as an incentive for favours...so, whenever there was a favour to perform certain task, they would show the locals a coin in one hand while calling out "Do it!" Do It!". But the locals thought that the word for the legal tender in general, should be called DUIT! ....till today the word DUIT in Bahasa Malaysia, still refers to money in general

This has reminded me of Singapore about 15 years ago.

For National Day, all the school pupils had to learn a song which went "One people, one nation, one Singapore".

The kids at the most 'prestigious' school, Raffles Institute, started making a downward stroke of the hand, in front of their chests, as they sang "One People". And another as they sang "One Nation". And, as they sang "One Singapore" they made an "S" sign.

The Headmaster was furious!!!!

This is a good one.

BTW, talking about currency origins, there are also many variations to the origin of a Malaysian dollar [formerly known as a straits dollar] now known as "ringgit".

Well, as the story goes....when the straits dollar coins were first minted and used in the straits settlements, the locals, especially the Malays were not too confident and had not much trust on the authenticity of the silver coin. So, the colonials had to resort to a simple test to assure that the silver dollar coins were good for their silver's worth. They would cajole the locals to "strike the coin and ring it in their ears" to test it. So every time they handed the coins to the locals, they would say loudly, "RING IT" which the locals thought that the new coin was known as "ringgit" so ...till now it is still being called the ringgit!

CHINESE PROVERBS

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Man who run in front of car get tired.

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Man who run behind car get exhausted.

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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

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Man with one chopstick go hungry.

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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

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Man who drive like hel_l, bound to get there.

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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

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Crowded elevator smell different to midget

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Who told you that those were CHINESE proverbs...they were concoctions derived form the crazy English language.

Quote:

1. Not all people on this web site grew up in English speaking countries.

2. If my post was not correct - fine - always willing to learn new things. A polite reference to the correct source of such expressions would be appreciated. No need for comments derived from the the gutter.

I fully agree with you on these.

I love owls as much as I like "hooters", but I love more of those hooter chicks

you forgot to add the tone marks!

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For those who agrees with what the Chinese have shown them, just say " SHIT" [in Beijing Chinese it is SHI, means "yes"]

Should one disagree with the Chinese, just say "BULLSHIT" [in Beijing Chinese it is BU SHI, "no, it is not like that"]

Easy?

the american government funded a study to see why the head of a man's

penis was larger than the shaft.

after 1 year and $180,000,they concluded that the reason that the head

was lager than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

after the us published the study ,the french decided to do their own

study.after $250,000 and 3 years of research,they concluded that the

reason the head was lager than the shaft was to give the women more

pleasure during sex.

australians,unsatisfied with these findings,conducted their own study.

after 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46 and 2 cases of beer,they

concluded that is was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting

himself in the forehead.

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What a piece of "tolerance fit" engineering design!

A man who had just escaped from an asylum entered a laundrette raped  two women and then ran away

The same newspaper printed the headline

Nut screws washers and bolts

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When I was in NZ, I learned that the KIWI bird is a bird that:

"eats roots, shoots and leaves"

Now there are more good play of English words..

A man who had just escaped from an asylum entered a laundrette raped  two women and then ran away

The same newspaper printed the headline

Nut screws washers and bolts

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Woweee, another good play of words. English is a funny language indeed.

Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from prison?

The local paper printed the following headline:

A Small Medium At Large.

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Good play of words

If its real its scary...............    

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That pilot could have been possessed by "KAMIKAZE" ghosts!

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."

The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science - "governmentium."

It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons.

Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.

Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn't decay but "re- organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you re- organize, the more morass you cover up.

CONCLUSION: We need to revise our Chemistry books

Mistress = something between a MISter and a matTRESS

It was a poster! well, beats me...i dunno..it was to be a joke?? it depends on how one looks at it.

Ya, the caption was supposed to be "Yet you still call us COLOURED!!"

I just wondered what will be the 'floppy'??

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had

died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply 'IN' on the Ding and 'OUT' on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if it hadn't been for that damned Ice Cream Truck".

Well, it maybe racist a bit, but these posters that I found in South Africa did some justice to what we termed English as a "nonsensical" language. It is tough for most foreigners to master English if logic is applied.

Before the ending, I thought that the moral of the story was: "never climb high when you are full of bull shit!" ???

The Titanic did let that iceberg had its way and yet it sank!! Maybe there was no blondie on board...

Yeah, the saying goes..you can't beat a dead horse, but now you certainly can "bid" a dead donkey. Pardon my pun

with those hammering, the LIONS fan [or rather shark bait] will certainly don a new rugby jersey "The All Blue-Blacks". In NZ, a Beer + a girl + rugby = a KIWI