White Christmas13

Q: Why don't Mexicans like to barbecue?
A: Because the beans fall through the grill.

Well the mods can always move it I guess

http://www.news.com.au/world/breaking-news/12yearold-boy-set-bomb-at-german-market/news-story/13e9816049109c2a60364ffcee782c02 

A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command ("Jump!").

In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: "Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly."

So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly."

Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly."

Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: "Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing"

Great savings at Woolworth

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

"When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

"When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'"

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

Yes restarted many times upgraded from win 8.1

AMD quad core, AVG anti virus

run anti malware, nothing found

have not tried  Firefox yet I don't mind edge

but can not run ad blocker  on it

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

21 hours ago, billd766 said:

 

I have found these 2 links which may help, or not.

 

Both links opened up a download link for me to save and open Chrome.

 

 

 

https://www.google.com/chrome/browser/desktop/index.html?brand=CHBD&gclid=Cj0KEQiA1b7CBRDjmIPL4u-Zy6gBEiQAsJhTMF9Sl-yFuOpGJD12_ZxT4E395_nkfpmNesH7sPM-j3saAv4v8P8HAQ&dclid=CNXZirWs8dACFYgTaAodMsQDSA

 

https://www.google.com/chrome/browser/features.html?brand=CHBD&gclid=Cj0KEQiA1b7CBRDjmIPL4u-Zy6gBEiQAsJhTMMrF73NYAf-FIK6NIXlxHEnlvocuAaljb93_Y5Hi5eMaAsGM8P8HAQ&dclid=CImR8NWs8dACFY0faAodsR4JXA

Well it did not make any different same blank page with the google logo on the bottom

all I got is a google shortcut but no google listed in program files

Thanks anyway

Is this the monthly one ?

4 hours ago, sandgroper2 said:

Totally agree. People without a degree have absolutly no work ethic, dont care a hoot about education. If you dont ave a drgree like me have, yor uselessl.

Can you translate this in to English please

21 hours ago, billd766 said:

I use a free program called IObit Uninstaller (there is a better paid for one as well) which uninstalls almost every program that I want deleted.

 

It also cleans out, deletes and shreds the leftover files if you wish.

 

Here is a link for it.

 

http://www.iobit.com/en/advanceduninstallerpro.php?AFF=40025&__c=1

Thanks for the link I installed it and it cleaned out every thing relating to google chrome

but I still can't install chrome I still have the same problem it just gives me

a blank page with a google picture at the bottom of the page

I had some minor problems with google chrome so I thought to get rid

of it uninstall chrome and install again well it wasn't a good idea to

do this windows 10 will not allow me to uninstall chrome (there is a certain file missing)

So I downloaded chrome again every thing seems to be fine it downloads

and installs chrome but all I get when I click on chrome I get a blank page

with the google logo on the bottom I followed tips and suggestions on the net

how to fix that but nothing works, at the moment I am using IE which is very slow

I could use edge but I can't use my ad blocker so what can I do?

Any ideas ?  

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman"

A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.

A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.

A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

Excess billing hours

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

That's a real bargain

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them

Consultation fees

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

4 hours ago, JoePai said:

About time the silly old sod kept it buttoned up  

Are you jealous ?

You won't go to jail

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

On ‎29‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 10:48 AM, Strange said:

 

They look just like the ones we used to find. 

Yeah but you played on a different golf course

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

A mental hospital

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."