Beachcomber

So what if I can't spell Armageddon? It's hardly the end of the world!

Two blokes at a pub were discussing event of the world over a couple of schooners when the talk turned to politicians and government. 1 bloke made the observation that most politicians appeared to be 'post turtles'. The 2nd bloke scratched his head and asked what he meant. 1st bloke replied: Sometimes when you're driving down a country road you see a turtle balanced on top of a fence post. That's a 'post turtle'. The 2nd bloke still looked puzzled and asked how that applied to politicians. The first bloke explained: You know he didn't get into that position by himself, he has been elevated above his ability to function, he doesn't belong up there and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there. The 1st bloke finished with: You just can't help but wonder what kind of dumb <deleted> put him there in the first place! (Too True)

I told me wife: There's only one thing that scares me during Halloween... My wife: "Which is?" Me: “Exactly”

Why are Vampires sick? Cuz their are always ""Coffining""

It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor. At the end of the day . . . it’s night.

I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height… Apparently, they didn’t like my critter sizing.

Which country is the largest weapons supplier of the Ukraine? Russia ! ! !

The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country !!!! I think they're in de Nile.

How do you make the number one disappear? You just add a G and then it's Gone.

The Federal Bureau of Political Correctness and Emotional Sensitivity has unveiled it's first fully approved public statue in the central park. The un-sulpted, un-engraved, un-dedicated plain marble block was titled 'Memorial to Everything and Anything'. This sparked an immediate protest from groups of people who hate everything and anything with demand to have the statue removed.