Beachcomber

My idea of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Have you ever noticed that people who think everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it, look both ways before crossing the road.

I don’t believe in reincarnation and I didn’t believe it when I was a hamster.

Not without a work permit. Taking jobs away from RTP ????

Not good idea to use a Shower unit for hot water in the kitchen. A unit used for a shower is controlled by the water inlet tap, leaving the outlet, shower head, open for any hot water expansion. If used in a kitchen situation the tap at the sink would be controlling the water, not leaving any safety outlet for the hot water expansion, Potentially dangerous. ☹️

Just for information. The battery in a DashCam is to allow the last file to be shut down and saved after the ignition is turned off. In normal daily use this may not seem relevant, and if there has been no incident it does not matter if the last file is corrupt and not saved. But if you have an accident where the power is cut to the camera, the last file, the important moments leading up to the accident will not be saved, and the whole point of having the camera is lost. So be sure when you switch off the ignition the camera is still working, saving the last file before it shuts down. Just FYI

Edge and chrome both have "AdGuard AdBlocker" available from their Extensions page. The program is free and really does work in blocking all adds and pop-ups. Have been using it for long time and never get any pop-ups from any site, including this one. RARBG is the only site a bit touchy and sometimes wants to fill a captcha, but small price to for being ad free. With Torrents, Magnet is the way to go, always use Magnet download.

Russian Newspaper A Russian buys a newspaper, looks at the front page and tosses it in the trash. He does this for a couple of weeks and the newsstand guy finally asks him why he always just looks at the front page and throws paper away. He replies, I'm looking for an obituary. Newsstand guys says, obituaries aren't on the front page. Russian replies, the one I'm looking for will be!

95th Birthday Four brothers left home for university, they became successful doctors and solicitors and had families of their own. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together where they discussed the 95th birthday gifts they sent to their elderly mother who had moved to Queensland. The first said, “I had a big house built for Mum on the canals.” The second said, “I had a large movie theatre added to the house.” The third said, “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.” The fourth said, “You know how Mum loved reading the Bible but now her eyesight is failing and she can’t read anymore. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mum only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.” Mum sent out the following “Thank You” notes. She wrote: "Adam, the house you built is huge but even though I live in only one room, I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.” “Bradley, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered. I have no use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.” “Christopher, you gave me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people. All of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing, and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.” “Dearest David, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much. Love, Mum”

Blonde secretary What's the difference between a brunette secretary and a blonde secretary? The brunette says: Good morning, Mr. Director, while the blonde secretary says: It's already morning, Mr. Director!

Feeling old 1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. 3. Age 50 might be the new 40, but 8:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative. 9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. 10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" 11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing. 12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever. 13. I run like the winded. 14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on. 15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" 16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? 17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. 18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east." 19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out. 20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. 21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Propaganda When an English man has a really good look at something.

RABBITS 2 Rabbits escape from the test labority, over fields they run until they come into a cabbage patch, they spent the next 2 weeks eating as much as they could, the first rabbit says I'm fed up lets move on so they did, they came upon a field full of Does, they spent the next 2 weeks bonking morning noon and night, the first rabbit says lets go back to the test labority, the second rabbit says what's your problem, we have all the cabbages we can eat and all the Does we can mate with, THE FIRST ONE SAYS, YES i KNOW, But I am dying for a fag.

A couple of points. A memory card should never get full, it should be set to constantly overwrite the oldest file so neve get "full" While GPS may not save you from a speeding fine. In an accident it would help to prove you were NOT speeding. My dashcam if played on the dashcam player will show all the information, but play it on VLCplayer it shwas just the movie without any of the information. Useful if you don't want to show your information.

Get one of those stickers that the locals use when they want to confuse the spirits into protecting their car "This car is yellow/orange"

You must be talking about me. I can have something lying around for years, need not be cables, you can bet the day after I have a clear out I will need it. ????

Rubbish Perfectly good and easy way of fixing a puncture in the tread section. Got three of those in a couple of my pickup tyres that have been good for many years, and still good to this day.

Worked on my Land Rover Spray the belt and all the pulleys

Donald Trump was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York. He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to how he had supported every Native American issue that came to the news media. Although Mr Trump was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.” At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” The proud Mr Trump accepted the plaque and then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the Donald. They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of <deleted> it can no longer fly.

Yesterday I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money...

I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me...

A dear friend of mine, has just spent 6 hours in Accident and Emergency Turns out the Dyson Ball Cleaner, isn't what he thought it would be.. !!!!

whoever invented the zero: thanks for nothing! whoever invented the number after three: what was that for!?

2 blokes walk into a pub in London dressed in traveling fatigues and looking weathered. One of them is normal height and build whilst the other is only 3 feet tall with a gigantic head, clearly several times too big for his body. The barman serves them a pint and asks how they are doing. The tall bloke replies 'we have been traveling the world doing great deeds', the barman said ' ok that's very noble, where have you been? The bloke says "well we went to china and helped repair the great wall", the little bloke looks up from his pint and says in a strained squeaky voice, 'we didn't go to bloody China!' the tall guys replies "sure we did, remember all the red flags and little people, and that massive long wall? that's where we helped them rebuild several miles of it', 'oh...yeah ok!' the small bloke replies and sips his pint 'so yeah then went to the middle east and brokered a successful peace deal between warring nations, that was pretty tricky..", 'we didn't go to the bloody middle east!", 'sure we did, remember all the desert and blokes on camels? that's where we met with all the tribal leaders and convinced them to put down their weapons and pursue peace", "oh yeah ok.." (back to the pint) "we also went to Central America to help out with the drug problem there, some interesting stories there i can tell you...", "We didn't go to bloody Central America", "sure we did, that's where all those green mountains were, remember we went to all those big houses and met with the Cartel bosses", "oh...yeah ok" (back to the pint) "so anyway we also went to Africa to help out the poor tribes in the Congo, a very rewarding experience", "We didnt go to bloody Africa!", "sure we did, remember the sweaty jungles and remote villages? that's where you called that witch doctor a c**t.."