roo860

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone famous there is to know. Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that I know them" Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "Not a problem boss. Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door. Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer! Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck. "No, no, just name anyone else then", Dave says. "President Biden!", his boss quickly retorts. "Yep"Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago. Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you" So they fly out to Washington and go on the White house tour" "While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, it's great to see you again after all this time. I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up" After they leave the White House grounds the boss tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced. Dave again implores him to name another famous person. After thinking about it for a long time the boss replies with, "The Pope!" "Sure thing!", says Dave, "I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact" So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican. Dave says, "This will never work, I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw. You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said,... " "Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"

You there as well? You know nothing.

Total <deleted>

It was on wheels anyway. Been better to push it.

He's a total <deleted>

Peter had been in the Army for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys fifty acres of land in Alaska as far away from humanity as possible... He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month... Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door... He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. "Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00..." "Great", says Peter, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you...!" As Cliff is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinking." "Not a problem," says Peter. "After twenty five years in the Army, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting too." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again." "More'n likely be some wild sex too." "Now that's really not a problem!" says Peter, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?" "Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

Bloody hell, is it your 'time of the month'? ????

Watched 1st episode last night! ????????

Feel sorry for the guy on the far left, can't afford a shirt, not even a wife beater.

Ya never go back.