vreemd13

I don't usually get involved with discussions like this but I would like to clarify something. Traditionally, the parents are taken care financially by the son(s) of the family. If the family doesn't have a son, normally the daughter(s) would have to take care of them instead. In many case, the duty falls to the oldest of the offspring alone. That's one of the reasons why the oldest often get the biggest share of the inheritance. Anyway, the obligation is their alone, not yours. You may help your wife in supporting her aging parents voluntarily. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people do it but it's not a duty or compulsory for you. You have already paid that by paying SidSod. They should not demand this support from you.

Best regards,

Roy

I'm happy to see someone who can see a bit further than the usual "taking advantage of farangs" thing.

Both my gf and her siblings pay some allowance to their parents since they started to work. Why ? Because it's the right thing to do. There is no retirement scheme in Thailand . Parents pay for their kids then kids pay for their parent. For some it's more symbolic, for others it's more needed.

But some time people get too greedy, it's up to you to set up the limit you're comfortable with.

For sure it is a cultural thing. One most foreigners get really heated up about. It was hard to get my head around this initially, until I saw how many Thai's were supporting their extended families. It's just the way it is done here...at least for the poor farmers in Issan. This has nothing to do with taking advantage of the farang. As the adage goes, you don't just marry the woman, you also marry the family.

For all you guys who married hi-so gals with rich parents...congrats! Not all of us are in that boat...and we "man up" to supporting our extended families...within reason.

How much monthly allowance did you pay your western, ex MiL (assuming your a divorced expat)?

Pay the new one exactly the same amount, just to be fair.

I never paid my ex MIL, she was a multi-millionaire, but my ex got everything anyway! My father use to give money to my Mother's family as they were very poor. It happens all the time back home.

But let's get serious here. If the family is in need, what's 4k baht per month? As long as they are not gambling and drinking every day, it's no big deal. I know in my case, a lot is going for medical care. Say what you want, but that 30B medical program sucks.

Wow Graigth3365,

I just want to comment on your last sentence words "Say what you want, but that 30B medical program sucks"

Really !!!!

My friend for 4yrs asked me to transfer 6.000B to pay for his own hospital visit after a motorcy accident.

Guess what !!!!

It turned out his sister cousin did visit a hospital after she was involved in a motorcy accident (she crossed walking a street drunk and got caugth by motorcy) for a total hospital bill of 55B (including medicine)

Yeah, a very good 20000% deal program

Probably the 30B program can be a good program for thai, if uninformed foreign people are involved

Thanks for your input, it has given me a broader viewpoint and different understanding of the change in this small village.

Still, something was / is boiling in my brain, which is just difficult to let go.

Thanks again, and just shoot .... I like more information to digest and will respond later.

I regularly visit a small Issan village (2 family, about 200 citizens). I already visit for last 5 years (2-3x each year, for many weeks each time). I am supposed to be first 'farang' visitor at this village and during 4.5 years nothing has changed the village image. Last month visit, I noticed 7 new houses were build, just during the last half year period (I did 3x visits this year).

Sure:

1) I was asked years ago to build a new house at the village, but I did not do

2) I will never do NOW, what to think about seven ...... unknown financial supporters (or is Thai farm economy really booming)

3) When I asked about the village change, a normal response was: 'don't think about it'

4) 5 years and still a stranger

Your input please?

Shoot!

Hi, it is not important if it's a gay (acting straight) or straight (acting gay) relationship (or any of these 4 combinations).

Probably, it's very important if you are able to take care .....

Twist, are you men sure, who often reply "my wife not let me, thus I don't, because it has severe repercussion", the thai wife/girlfriend never cheat? You are probable more forgiving in that case

Friendship for money, biggest scam I have ever noticed, can only happen with a smile and sweet words

HEPA/HEPB -twinrix combo is 0 month, 1month, 6month - 3shots and told last lifetime.

Twinrix HEPA/HEPB combination 3shots in that order will last 10years, not a lifetime. And 1shot only last approximately 1year.

Wise to have HEPB prevention in case you have to visit dentist or hospital for emergency reason (for sex use condom).

I think the eldest daughter, in rural culture, should pay some maintanece towards her family.

In modern Thai culture there normally isn't any money paid towards the family unless they are in financial difficulites.

I was always led to believe that the youngest daughter paid the most? And that comes from a selection of younger female siblings.

I am expecting to be corrected here.

- eldest daughter

- youngest daughter

- eldest son

- youngest son

By now, I have read and heard it all (and have asked this once before, but no reply).

I am starting to believe it is the one with the farang relation

Well I think masturbation is destroying my health:

......

- Carpets are awfully stained too.

Who cares, you will starting to be blind soon (at least that is what has been told ages ago).

And my pain in the back is destroying me right now, because of my hyperactive body (or was it hyperacid, but I can't read good anymore, I think I turn blind too).

[Edit] Ouch again my back or memory loss, I think I forgot to reply, now make sure second time is OK?

Well I think masturbation is destroying my health:

......

- Carpets are awfully stained too.

Who cares, you will starting to be blind soon (at least that is what has been told ages ago).

And my pain in the back is destroying me right now, because of my hyperactive body (or was it hyperacid, but I can't read good anymore, I think I turn blind too).

Off subject:

...... The eldest daughter is expected to provide for the family in Thai culture. If she finds an ignorant Farang great, if not she has to settle with a local.

I hear/read/experienced:

- eldest daughter

- any daughter

- youngest daughter

- any son (youngest, oldest or in between age) story

Who ever has farang friend is expected to provide for their thai family. Sorry, to generalize, but explain me this eldest, youngest thingy. Young versus old support is very controversial to me.

.... I actually gain self esteem from being able to provide financial support for my girlfriend when needed. ...... I think Ive been in Thailand too long!

Key words to gain your esteem: "WHEN NEEDED", which isn't a fixed monthly salary.

BTW:

Your quote sounds familiar to me: "farang want free sex"

and I will add: "I am looking for better farang"

(both quotations told by thai)

Next sounds familiar to me.

No, although some people do that ..... 50/50 is ideal...... not mixing love with money, etc etc.. and then a bunch of Thai who dont really get western culture will all be "oh leave him what a bad guy everyone knows if you love a girl and been with her for so many years you would already be offering to help her if she has financial issues.. so obviously that guy is just looking for free sex and a great time, find a new guy...".. or something.

But, IMO still very true values everywhere: "You can't buy love" with a salary.

..... Most people ..... were taught that money and love do not mix well, but the exact opposite is true in Thai culture. .... but its a good enough start to let go of the western ideal that money somehow pollutes "true love". Try to see it rather as a way to show your love- money merely being the most powerful vehicle.

Are you suggesting western should change their values for a 180' opposite thought? And just disregards their own culture thoughts and 100% accept other values? Ouch, relationship is 50/50 understanding. It is about accepting both ways.

The most common situation in which you'll see young Thai men asleep...

And if you're a teacher, you'll see some of the most gawd-awful sleep positions at the end of any boring lecture...

Just my opinion: you start sleeping, if it is just boring. Will it be a boring job or a boring lecture or .... (you are) a boring non-important company.

Imagine, how much difficulties I have in Thailand. I am just sleeping 4 hours a day (only when I am lazy), which already no Thai can handle/understand. Much more problems for me, if I don't need any sleep when it is NOT boring

Never lend anyone more than you can afford to give away.

Look at it as a bonus if/when it is returned.

Completely TRUE, it is a bonus, if you get it back.

Never borrow your maximum, just say 'NO' if asked, this way nobody will be hurt.

I only borrow 0.01% (almost nil) of my net worth (but nobody knows how much is my nil-maximum), but borrow already this nil is already to much to lose for me personally, especially when to borrow to any false friends afterwards.

-----

[Edit] I just read the amount of 25.000THB and 250.000THB. Definitely 'NO' to borrow. At your western country, would you borrow 25.000THB = compare = several gross (or 250.000THB == 10x several gross) month $western$ salary to a friend you not know for all your life? How will friends be able to return back this high amount of borrowed money, when it is many months of their gross salary? These friends will consider it as a free gift, it can't be returned, any amount will be a high price gift IMO.

..... it's the oldest profession in the world .....

Have you heard this one before: It is just my job, I can do nothing else to earn money and make a living to support family, I not have feeling, but I really love you, can you be my (girl/boy)friend, etc....???!!!???

Uuuhm, just make it much more thai BKK related?!?

Maybe, just laziness & easy bar money all over the world?

Did Thailand ever have the punka wallahs? Those chaps that would sit outside pulling a rope that attached to a horizontal cieling fan.

Get yourself one of those: two bowls of rice a day ought to do it.

But still, scientifically speaking, modern A/C would be very more efficient for you personally to cool down, than any fan or "fan" or chap.

Calculate, how much energy it will cost to produce two warm bowls of rice a day at your home all year round for this chap. Problably cost a lot more than any (fan/AC) motor electricity Watt usage a year, by electricity which can be easily delivered by copper wire at your home. Advantage this modern way: no mentally intervention talk, just turn on/off switch

But, who cares, I have been condemned by techno-babble before.

They both use so little compared to an air conditioner that I would never notice.

True, and both are also much better than AC in so many ways.

I agree, but AC (AirCon) is the only way to cool down physical heat exercise in a true scientific view.

IMHO a very easy answer: just check Watt usage at motor label: higher Wattage is more energy used (What is Watt? It is energy consumed by product).

However: higher Watt usage will tell nothing about your effective feelings of cooling down.

BTW: a fan will not cool down room temperature, it just makes you feel cooler, because your skin perspiration make your body lose heat easier, if you are closer to a fan.

Ouch: but a real good "fan" can make you heat up faster internally, than a fan can cool you down externally

..... Unfortunately though I have switched from using DTAC to AIS. ...

Simple, just have 2 telephones or 1 new Dual SIM card telephone. 1 for DTAC and 1 for AIS number.

Thanks IJWT for your help (again) and clear response:

Very, very few long distance 'relationships' between people who don't live in Thailand and people who do are very honest or real. If they were, the parties involved would recognise that meeting only a few times a year for brief unreal vacation periods does not stand in place of taking care of emotional, physical, and social needs all year long; the only honest thing to do is take care of those needs in the absence of the long-term 'partner'- not to do so is self-abusive, and not to admit it is dishonest.

Unfortunately for the OP, a stay of 3 months by his 'partner' in his own country almost certainly indicates that the 'partner' has no regular employment and is being supported financially by him and/or other persons. It is not a very hard thing to work out. I suggest that OP either accept the reality that he only has a pseudo-relationship with the 'partner' or else find someone in his local environment who is available year-round and mature enough to be his own source of financial support. With such a person a real, sustainable, growth-oriented, and financially equitable relationship might become possible.

True, I have accepted this thai

"pseudo-relationship" as surreality, before I started this post (even though, I couldn't elaborate by my words as you have done). I just wanted to make sure and you confirmed, if I did make a correct decision of detachment.

BTW:

I am not the one who condemn a person at first sight, because he is only temporarily employed. Some people just have not got the environmental luck to have a good steady employment (this made the 3months holiday possible, nothing to lose). I have witnessed this (un)employment unluckiness in the west many times, and still they can be good persons.

Note:

- To be honest, I gave some financial support, but only at a few irregular occasions

- As mentioned, it (was) isn't just a 2-3weeks holiday/year relation

The opening post confuses me. Vreemd13 is European, living in Europe most of the year. Boyfriend is jealous Thai in Bangkok. The comments at end of post are from third parties commenting on the LTR (long term relationship). Did I get it right so far?

What is the agreement: can either man have sex with somebody else during the year? Is vreemd13 jealous?

He expects 100% loyalty from me towards him, but does he return his loyalty to me (when apart)? That was, my concern and my confusion, written down in my words.

Call AIS / DTAC to ask for the service where you can get music when your own phone is off/out of reach.

Then let's see if they even offer the service. I mean... that's what I'd do because I have never heard of that and it seems weird. Simple call to customer service.

If they don't offer it -> what bubba said

if they do -> what vreemd13 said

OK, however I have done my Short Message Text (SMS) delivery notification for the last 4years, still use your common sense with this thechnology.

Don't sentence recipient wrong for not receiving one SMS of your many SMS, but if they deny more than once, don't believe them anymore. For the last 4years (several SMS a day) I have used it and with my experience it is 99.99% prove they receive SMS and have their telephone turned on. Thus, if you call and have no answer, but sent a SMS with delivery notification (which you receive back as deliverd) and recipient deny you have called (should show on recipient's mobile cell-phone anyway) or deny you have sent SMS (who can more than once tell: "I have never received your SMS"), they lie for sure. It works like that world-wide.

And if you receive back a non-delivery notification immediately after you sent SMS, just wait, in case recipient mobile telephone is really turned off (technically really not announced at any world-wide provider for over than one minute). Your provider sent SMS to your telephone (as long as 3days waiting, after 3days provider let you know by SMS it will "never be delivered"). When recipient telephone has received you SMS, you hear Beep-Beep, check SMS and then you know recipient's telehpone is turned on and you can call back. Still no answer, they lie.

I have to admit, by accident, day before yesterday I discoverd a new returned non-delivery message. I was talking to my friend and he already tell me his telephone battery was low and after a while the connection was suddenly broken, immediately I send SMS (just to make sure he didn't cut off the call on purpose to finish without reason the ongoing difficult discussion). I get return message from provider the message wasn't delivered with extra information "check recipient xxxxxxxx number and try sent again" (thus different as "can't be delivered yet, we try later"). It happened that my friend never received this specific SMS (sure provider tell me to SMS sent again, because recipient was unkonwn even I used correct number). After my friend put his telephone on charger, he called back in a few minutes and we were talking again for hours.

And yesterday something similar happened to me again: talking to a friend, who lost telephone connection by walking inside a building. I sent SMS to say sorry we finish call so suddenly and received immediately back message undelivarable "unknown number xxxxxxxx, check number and sent again". For sure, my xxxxxxx number was correct and he did not cut off telephone by purpose.

Just to tell you, use your common sense. However, this shows the provider returned delivery notification messages don't lie.

My LDR (for 3years now) tells me honestly he meets farang friends in BangKok. How would you feel?

Any informative suggestions how to approach this "honest" disclosure?

------------

Well, I am not a jealous type of gay, but I am just very suspicious about everything what is going on in BangKok city (or Thai-Farang relationship).

He shows a lot of his jealousy towards me all the time, by doing strange/stupid - talk/actions (according to me). And, for sure open-minded (I hope), I make no secret about my thoughts about him or to his strange actions towards me (I try to consider two-sides of the story). Neither does he keep quiet about his ("good" and "bad") thoughts about me (talking on telephone for hours, I appreciate his open response). He questions me about everything, f.e. what I am capable to do (wrong to him), while I am away in my home-country or even when I visit Thailand (just my solely purpuse to meet him). He has stayed at my home for 3months last year, so he has experienced how I am living and what I do for a daily life in my country. My LDR admits he is jealous and therefore he shows anger by talk.

And yes! No value of news to me, a LDR between cultures is difficult. So please, stop any suggestion to quit this relationship asap (so easy to write), without proper explanation of you.

------------

-1- Ouch! Maybe, just a case of: "how can we trust each other", while living apart/together (to inform you this is 60%/40%)

-2- Ouch! Maybe, just a case of: "taking advantage of each other", while (this is already extensively discussed between us):

-a- is it just for fun?

versus

-b- create a better future?

-3- Ouch! Maybe, just a case of: "sincere relationship with many difficulties" (we both are stubborn and have traits: this we agree, however without constructive solutions yet)

P.S. We still didn't get an agreement with each other among options: -2.a- versus -2.b- and -3-