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kevjohn

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    A Senior Church Moment

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

    There is a hush within the congregation.

    No one wanted him to leave.

    Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims, .. 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

    The congregation sighs in relief and applauds...

    Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'

    More sighs and loud applause.....

    Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, .... I will give him sex!'

    There is total silence.

    The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

    Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand,

    and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies,

    'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said,......'Screw him!'

    • Like 4

    The Cowboy

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..

    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

    She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

    For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

    Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,

    "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

    The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

    One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

    Two o'clock and no hired hand.

    Finally he returned around two thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

    She quietly called him over to her..

    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

    Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

    He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

    "Now take off my skirt."

    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

    "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

    • Like 2

    Worst Joke Ever

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    They were burying Paddy today and the priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could

    put Paddy to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Paddy, even though Paddy was a

    drunk and a fighter and a crook and never paid back what he had borrowed.

    No one got up.

    So the priest got up again and said, "Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in

    his grave, one of us MUST get up and say something nice about the man. It's our duty."

    So as the priest sat down again, a man in the back pew got up, cleared his throat, and with hat in hand, said,

    "His brother was worse!".

    • Like 1

    Little Bruce

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    Little Bruce and Jenny are only twelve years old, but they know they are in love.

    One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

    Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

    Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,

    Mr Smith replies, “Well Bruce, you are only twelve. Where will you two live?"

    Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies,

    "In Jenny's room; It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

    Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr Smith says with a huge grin,

    "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

    Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make

    ten bucks a week. That's about sixty bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

    Mr Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.

    "Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out.

    I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

    Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,

    "Well, we've been lucky so far."

    Mr Smith no longer thinks the little **** is adorable..

    • Like 2
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