Alpha84

Just mop down the sheets with ice water right before getting into bed. Even better.

One hand on the flush lever, the other one holding my bait and tackle to make sure they don't get sucked into the whirlpool of spinning water. No more free hands.

Have you asked your Thai ladyboy boyfriend about it yet? Won't you be sharing a room with him when you arrive?

Let me tell you something about my turds, tremendous turds, by the way. The best turds. People come up to me all the time, they say, “Sir, your turds are incredible, nobody’s ever seen anything like them.” And I say, “Thank you, I know.” Because they are. They’re huge. Massive. Like, you look at other people’s turds, sad! Tiny little things, weak, low-energy. Mine? Perfect. Beautiful. Golden, almost. People are saying I produce the most magnificent bowel movements in the history of this country. Maybe the world. Possibly the universe. That's what the best people say. And the smell? Folks, the aroma, strong. Very strong. Powerful. You walk into the bathroom after I’ve been in there, it’s like walking into a morgue, but better. People are stunned. They can’t believe it. “How does he do it?” they ask. Simple. Tremendous genetics. Great genes. My father had fantastic turds, nobody talks about that, but it’s true. Very classy turds. And I inherited them, big league. The consistency? Flawless. Not too hard, not too soft, perfect. Just the right amount of heft. You could practically frame it. I’ve had people, very smart people, the best doctors, say, “Sir, this is the most impressive specimen we’ve ever analyzed.” And I said, “I could’ve told you that.” Because I know. I know more about turds than anybody. More than the so-called experts. They don’t know anything. And the volume, unbelievable. Record-breaking. We’re talking 747 airplane sized production. Other guys, they go in there, two little rabbit pellets, pathetic. Me? Landslide. Tidal wave. It’s like Niagara Falls, but brown and majestic. People are saying it’s a miracle. A beautiful, beautiful miracle. The best part? No wiping needed. Almost none. One little pass, barely anything. Clean as a whistle. That’s winning. That’s efficiency. That’s what happens when you eat the best food, steak, well-done of course, with ketchup, people laugh, but it’s true, and you have the best digestive system. Top of the line. Custom made. Nobody digests like me. So yeah, my turds? Fantastic. The greatest. People are saying they should be in a museum. Thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States of America, and its unbelievable, yuge, perfect turds. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

After reading many of the replies here, I think the problem is that nobody really reads your topics. All I do is read the subject header, and then, if I am going to reply at all, I would make a quick one based on the title. That is quite likely what a lot of other people do and why you end up with mainly humorous replies rather than any serious ones. The posts you make are too fraught with a high level of disjointed incoherency. Since I do not think you are capable of improving the readability of what you write, the best thing you can do is at least improve the subject headers so that the replies you get are more marginally on topic.

It is indeed a sizable matter.

I live on a high floor in a condo. I've never heard of an anti-buoyant turd diet.

This is going to sound over the top and made up. I assure you, it is not. I have two very expensive American Standard toilets in my bathrooms, and the way they flush is baffling. When I hit the lever, the water forms a dramatic whirlpool with a hollow tunnel in the center. The turd gets sucked into the vortex, slides neatly into the tunnel, and then stands upright like it is saluting me during the entire undertaking. The water disappears… and then the turd is triumphantly jettisoned back into the bowl. Nine times out of ten it refuses to go down. I have adjusted the tank to use the maximum amount of water possible. No difference. It often takes two or three flushes to finish the job. If I forget to go back to re-flush after the tank refills, the survivor can sit there for hours, slowly dissolving, perfuming up the bathroom, and leaving a charming brown residue on the surface of the bowl once I finally flush it all down. I genuinely do not understand what is happening. Is it the toilet design? Water pressure? Some kind of porcelain curse? I would post a video as proof of my dilemma, but I suspect that would end my forum career overnight. All I know is this. For the price I paid, I expected a throne. What I got was a competitive arena where the turd wins most of the matches.

Wonderful, I'm so happy to hear that. I apologize, but I must go now because I feel our conversation has overstimulated me a bit and I think I might need a lie down. Say hi to all your amazing friends for me.

They are all very nice people. And yours?

Is that really on-topic?

I'm trying to discuss your posts here in this topic, as well as the original topic. Shall we do that together now? We could always start with how many real friends you have? That would seem to be very on-topic, wouldn't it?

How would you know which hand he uses? Maybe he's ambidextrous.

Anytime one discusses the OP, I thought that is on-topic, no?

Oh, wait, this is another of your Trump MAGA topics? I see. I completely misunderstood. I must be in the wrong forum.

Is that the subject of the OP?

Not a weird question at all, that is. So glad to see you don't have any strange thoughts.

I know the 10 or so people being referred to. But I won't name them because people like Harrysue might feel saddened.

Who would have thought he would have ever been able to cure his incel syndrome. Life after 70 has been great for him. Age is just a number! _users_7da2f47d-ec9e-432a-967c-91d009448a13_generated_e95836bb-6ed7-49de-ac7e-750e9a29cff2_generated_video_hd.mp4

You go Harrylyn! 6894480B-7AEF-4CD9-BB9D-6E9C96A2AD9A.mp4

That explains your incel syndrome is uncurable.

Is that you Harrisa in the tub in your mum's basement? I thought you said you had some dental work done recently to get things sorted??? Why not go for some hair replacement treatments as well? That combover isn't quite working so well for you, is it? Harrisa.mp4

After someone I know (The-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Susan) sent me this video of herself for Valentines Day, I have not been the same. What should I do? HappyValentines.mp4

You gotta up your man game, bro. Do a search on Lazada for "men's body trimmer". Thank me later. That is funny AF. 😂🥳👍🏼👌🏼💛

Photos from multiple angles with captions are much needed.