rethaired

Indian men and Indian women I find very attractive in general, but then I only have Bollywood movies to go by! I have heard that many Indian men don't smell nice, but I guess women could teach them to shower!

Attractiveness is relative and influenced by disinformation/marketing and culture. Look at the skin colour issue. Look at eye colour and hair colour. However, it is true that overall face and body shape/structure need to have universal parameters. They actually have a formula that can establish how attractive a face and body can be according to angles and distances to certain features. But, even that is shaped by culture. Arabs and African men and woman don't mind a relatively fat man or woman! We know that in Europe in the past a rubenesque body was seen as attractive. So, attraction is relative like a good view from an apartment. It wanes and changes. And, if there are dogs barking and religious noise early in the morning, then that make that view less attractive. I love a good candy bar, but is it good for my body? Can I survive on candies? In a relationship, I will take a decent personality over a really attractive body and face. These women and men are usually arrogant and bad partners, for obvious reasons. Of course, if it is for fun and getting knocked up (having a lovely-looking kid), then disregard the above advice! One might be concerned if the kid has the same personality (addiction or low intelligence,...) of father or mother!

But, like some women indicated, they love an attractive men, which might explain divorce rates and domestic abuse rates. The same could be said about men's attitude towards ladies. I guess some are shallow and cannot connect the dots.

My first post - but after more than 20 years residence in Thailand I'm still surprised how often the term 'Farang' is misunderstood.

A Farang is not just any 'foreigner' (foreigners are collectively 'khon tang prathet' = 'people from outside the country'), but is always a Caucasian Westerner. The term probably originates from the Arabic farangee, perhaps before that from the old medieaval French term 'Frank').

By contrast, South Asians and Middle Easterners are (Khon) Khaek, Chinese are (Khon) Jin, Japanese are (Khon) Yipun, Koreans are (Khon) Kaoree and so on. There are rude names too - certainly for Chinese (Jek) and Japanese (Yun), but not, as far as I am aware, for Westerners. Of course, I may be wrong here!

It's not surprising that the term 'Farang' is so often misunderstood as just meaning 'foreigner'. Yesterday's Bangkok Post ran a rather shallow article by a Danish-Korean woman who describes herself as a 'Farang Asian', and in the same article she objects to being approached by 'Farang Indians'. Of course, the Bangkok Post's proof readers are notoriously inept, but still, the fact remains, Farang means - exclusively - white Westerner.

Dru

I have read that the term farang originates from the word "farangset" (Francais > faran-sai), which would make sense since the French were around for a long time in the region (Cambodia, Laos, and Vietnam). The Arab connection seems a bit farfetched IMHO.

When married to a Thai you can get a non-immigrant "O" visa based on that. With your visa you can get a permission to stay in Thailand, for 90 days. These 90 days can be extended with 1 year and every year afterwards if you meet the following requirements:

- you are legaly and defacto married (actualy living together as man and wife)

- you have an income of 40,000 baht a month OR 400,000 baht in a Thai bankaccount for 3 months (the first month it can be there for only 2 months)

Only your income counts, but it can be from abroad.

If you want to work you will need a work permit.

Thanks! I am confused though! You state that an income or a deposit will do, but you add that only an income "counts". Please clarify. Thanks.

The problem with an idea such as yours would be the maintenance. People come and go here so frequently that keeping it usefully up to date could turn into a nightmare and if users have no confidence then they'll be less likely to use it. It also occurs to me that much of the information (plus some other facilities) is already able to be added to your ThaiVisa profile. The fact that almost no-one bothers may be a reflection of demand.

I hope you don't find this observation too negative

Thanks for your reply!

I see your post as being constructive and a bit negative in that it does point out an issue, but you do not seem to be able to express anything positive about the initiative though! Maybe you feel this is not a good idea at all, which would make putting something positive not genuine! Be that as it may!

You make a good point and maybe there are way to solve the issue of transiancy. I don't think it could be a nightmare to fix though, but maybe I am living in technicolour! Maybe an email could be sent to all people in the database every 6 months or so requesting a quick reply. Or, maybe the program I am wanting to use has the capability to show who is active or not, and targeting the questionable members? It would be thus easy then to remove the individuals no longer here in CM (presumably) when they don't reply! I will look into it. Maybe someone else has a solution.

It is true that no one uses the personal info that can be added in TV. I am not too sure why and I am sure there are varied reasons. I suspect though that many people have better things to do, especially if no one almost ever uses this option as almost no one writes anything on their profile. It could be (quite likely) that people are a bit nervous about advertising their poor spelling, their poor grammar, their poor humour, or their poor logic! Anonymity might provide people with more freedom of expression and less stress. I am guessing! Maybe you want to poll the membership?

For those unfamiliar with databases, it is the equivalent of a phone book, but with the power to know more about people and, even better, search/select the traits of people you are interested to meet. If you have ever chosen a dating website, it would be something similar. There would be categories that you would check of and the database (the program) would give you a list of individuals that would meet those criteria.

The Rationale

As a relatively new expat here in CM, I have found that it is sometimes difficult to meet like-minded individuals to be friends with as expats are sometimes isolated. Yes, of course, it is possible to meet people by way of activities or clubs that one can be a member of, but, I found that it is a bit of a hit-and-miss proposition. Maybe some of you have too many friends. Maybe you have been here for a long time and have more friends that you wish for. I am happy for you. I don't. And, I am sure I am not the only one. BTW, this could be open to Thais if they wished to.

BEFORE you answer the poll, make sure you read this intro carefully.

Conditions

My idea is that it would need to fulfill some strict conditions. IMHO, ...

1. it would need to be totally anonymous (no last name), so just username for instance.
   
2. it would need to be free,
   
3. it would need to be safe (UNabling spammers --or any other contraptions-- to use the info),
   
4. it would need to be created for the sole purpose of helping people meet other like-minded people,
   
5. it would need to be self-served (as I do not want to be the one doing all the work for nothing),
   
6. it would need to have the option of opting-out when entering data (editable),
   
7. it would need to be online (of course) and versatile (accessible from and usable by all browsers, if possible),
   

Details

What kind of details or categories would be included in the database?

I am thinking all kinds. IMO, the more you know about a person, the more likely are you going to be willing to meet. The category of the database could be refined as things develop, but it is very important to state that you would have the opportunity to opt out (MEANING: you would not have to answer a particular item/category if you did not want to). Of course, by not filling this or that, others might not want to take a chance. I am thinking details such as gender, age, language ability, language spoken, religion, sexual preferences, location, mobility, practicing or not, smoking or not, drinking or not, drug use or not (although this could be problematic for fear of having the police asking for info), interests, likes, dislikes,... Any other?

I repeat. The database will have the ability to be searchable, editable, and giving you the options to opt-out of certain details that you do not wish to convey or share.

I am a sensitive individual who has already put a lot of time into this, so please be careful how and what you write here. I have very little patience with people who are negative and want to show of how smart they are by putting others down (which is not that smart). This will require quite a bit of work on my part (as I am not an IT person, but quite comfortable with the idea). If a lot of people would see the use, I will try to do it, but if some negative person wants to shut down initiatives initiated for the common good or all, then I will ask moderators to enforce forum rules.

I am sure, however, that most people will give constructive and sensitive comments.

Did I miss anything? Of course, I did! Let us know what I did not consider. 2 minds are better than one!

If you would like to help out, let me know. I could need some help if you have some experience with database design. It would save me a lot of work and would ensure that this project, if needed, gets done quickly and without too many glitches.

Thank you.

If you are looking for a normal salad (with carrots, onions,...) and a vinaigrette or blue cheese dressing, go to Mong's cafe on Huay Kaew Road, beside a Christian Church or school, near CMU gate (so, about 200 m. from the gate towards the moat). Their omelet (70 is not bad either. Coffees and shakes are delicious (in the 50 B range) and the price of 50B for the salad gives an idea of the price range that they charge. It is not gastranomical, but it will do if you are dying for a normal salad.

PS: I do not know if the dressing is homemade. I somehow doubt it, but it tastes ok.

Thanks Oneman for that comprehensive post! It has been copied and pasted for future reference. I was looking for some decent pasta sauce, as I don't have the means to make it from scratch at this time.

For those who are trying to avoid MSG, I would give this simple advice (perhaps too simple, but, hey, you can skip it), go to a stall and ask for the papaya salad Mai chalot and Mai prick (if you hate it spicy).

I also feel that sugar is too ubiquitous in all places. I thought North Americans ate too much sugar. I think LOS is not far off!

I would like to state that I am pleased with the variety of bread that are being sold in many bakeries (Tops is the one I enjoy). Not sure what they put in the bread, but it is nice.

Also, am I wrong in having a feeling that they add salt in some jams (the Thai ones which I cannot read the list of ingredients)? I feel I am always thirsty, although it could be the heat or the fan blowing!

Just asking! Just helping!

Law state clearly Non-Immigrant visa to register vehicle, you may get away with it, then again think about all the ones who got "away" with the invoice bikes. Piss off the right person in Thailand and scrutiny may follow and you may have yer bike confiscated, or massive bribes required. This is exactly what the current government has declared a war upon for foreigners, the ones who overstep the rules.

Easy way out, sign a loan with a lawyer to your GF stamp the bike and green book as a warranty for the loan, until it's paid off the green book and bike sits with you, she cannot sell it, and you have the right to use it, sell it or whatever until she pay you the loan back.

Same with a national license from your home country, no-can-do in Thailand. You need a legal international license issued from your country of origin, or a Thai license. Again Non-Immigrant visa is needed for a Thai license.

There are many ways to get non-immigrant visas, they are basically worth considering if you want to stay here. The government is actively trying to get rid off the people who is not on non-immigrant visas and stay here. Check out in visa section to figure out the "other" ways to get it legally.

Thanks, but I found this piece of information, which might not be totally current:

Moreover, since 2001, a foreigner with a tourist visa can register a motor vehicle in his own name. One thing you should bear in mind, however, is that Thai government officials are often unaware of recent changes in laws and regulations. So, if you're asked to present a work permit to register a motor vehicle, you must remind them that a tourist visa is good enough.

But, your advice is also given on the website, which is tempting me to use the floating transfer procedure versus going to vehicle branch and immigration which could be problematic now or later, depending on how laws change. The latter procedure seems immune to those changes, but I will need to keep those documents in a safe place, like a bank safe, I suppose, which is a pain in the rear-end, although having a safe is not a bad idea, I suppose.

Here is another website that describes the tedious process.

InCM you can show immigration a copy of a lease and I understand you can also ;use in some places other things like electricity or waer bills with the address. If you are a tourist it may beeasier to get a letter from the embassy though the cost is higher.

What was the name of the form you filled (they gave me an application form for residence certificate in Thailand) and how much did it cost? I read somewhere that it is 500 B. Am I correct?

I will keep people informed as to how things are progressing.

Some news from Chiang Mai (Honda and Toyota) and buying a car.

I've tried the 2 Toyota dealers. For one, it took a lot of persuasion and a phone call to the manager to persuade the saleswoman to give me 30% financing with a Thai guarantor, consulate paper for residence, and of course a bank account with money in. Of course, this was agreed verbally and who knows if tomorrow I will not get a different story. With the other dealer, I could not speak to the manager, but the saleswoman and another person (whose role was not ascertained, since their English was not strong enough) indicate a foreigner on a tourist visa could NOT buy, no matter the kind of arguments I threw at her.

Honda: I must give a 50% deposit, but I did not talk to the manager.

I have yet to visit the other dealership.

I will keep people informed of the development.

Note the bank account has to be a Thai bank account which BKK bank allows tourist to open (and only BKK bank), according to the consulate in CM. BTW, I did not go through the whole motion with Toyota and so would not know if their story and requirements would change when it comes to sign papers. Also, the guarantor business is not so easy. Read the following paragraph for info. So, caution.

At Honda, not so easy, since my GF is not a regular public employee and cannot be a guarantor. She would need to find a guarantor and that is not something a lot of people want to do (for obvious reasons, since they might be responsible, to some degree (which I am not clear on)). The 40 to 50% figure seems correct, as requested by the dealership.

Another way to go about it, is to have a floating transfer of car form signed by the GF whose car is under her name. Get all official copies of contract AND official registration of the car which you can obtain once you get a paper from the immigration or consulate/embabssy of your residence in Thailand. I have yet to go through that process. I will let people know. So far, it is not clear if I was given the right form as residency forms are usually about permanent residency request. I will let people know of my progress.

OK! As anyone who has learned communication will know, there is usually an underlying message and considering it was coming from an Asian and a woman, some of us male Westerners might need a sonar to detect it. This is not meant as being disparaging in any way. To each its culture and its mode of communication. They all have their advantages. When 2 cultures and genders cross though, there might be a few challenges. So, it seems that all she wanted from me was a commitment and the car was just that and the salary was just a threat because, from her point of view, I was not giving her the impression that I wanted something long-term. I can understand that she might not like the one who gets kicked to the curb once the exterior beauty wanes out. Fortunately, she has more to offer than that as far as I can reckon. So, I am considering marrying her, which might be the fair thing to do for her and I and, actually, the sane thing to do on many fronts. Yes, She will get 1/2 of what will be purchased during the marriage, but so what, unless of course, it happens the minute after the deed took place! But, I will only need to put 1/2 of what is required by immigration at 50. Hopefully, this will decrease a little her ability or willingness to try other pastures, which considering the diseases going around, is a plus. There are other advantages as well. If I want to bring her to my home country, it might be easier too. Tax wise, I might be even be able to go down a taxation bracket or two.

Sure, there is a bit of manipulation here. Call it blackmail, if you will! Funny those 2 words contain the word "male" and "man"! In any case, there isn't any need fighting societal rules and expectations. I might as well take the plunge! Let's hope the tanks are full of air! Not cold air or hot air though! (I was going to write "gas" in lieu of "air", but I am trying to prevent this discussion to deteriorate into a full-blown scatological discussion!)

I apologize for posting what seems to be now a soap-opera like situation, but I read the situation like a Westerner. Big mistake!

Well! Let's hope there is a happy ending here.

Thank you for all of you who took the time to provide some insight or give me some advice and there were many good ones I felt. I have deleted from memory the insults.

I hope this situation helps others put in the same situation.

Your last line kills me, I would hope anyone in the same situation doesnt follow the course of action you are considering.

Marriage, you are having a laugh.

Commitment, you dont buy cars and give a salary to get commitment, true colours finally being shown, no doubt egged on by some manipulative scheming cunning mother.

Get a pre-nup, thats the best advice I can offer, this girl is trying to cover all the bases, best you can hope for is to cover your ass.

Thanks for the advice, but I believe she is entitled to a commitment! Who will be able to leave the relationship and be financially stable? Not her since her only means to get out of her misery is to find the prince. She could work and save and make it a go, but you know that this is not easy in many countries where the American dream (rags to riches) is virtually impossible, unless you partake in some illegal activities. She works hard in a very legitimate profession which I know for sure she manages to make a living. She gets stability and beauty. I get beauty and a kind heart who needs some security. Women all over the world need security. This is a well-know difference between men and women!

However, you are right! She needs to be committed to me too! What will she do to make it so? Work harder? Save more and put some money towards the purchase? I intent to ask for those kinds of commitments. Time will tell if she can show it. Actions speak louder than words. Marriage is likely a few months away during whichi time she can either hang herself or support herself!

I like the idea of a pre-nup though, but I am not too sure if it will be upheld in a Thai court!

Think whats needed on this is a Thai girls opinion.

Hey I know why don't you guys ask your GF what they think?

No seriously don't forget to mention she is 30 and they have been in a relationship for many years.

Regarding the 30K well we just don't know how rich the OP actually is do we.

Also mention that she said bar girls earn 30k see if they think she is whore because of that.

Thanks! You are courageous! But, this is much appreciated as I believe communication is key in understanding people and things in general.

I think this is an interesting and very astute comment you are making, showing finesse of thought. It is true that the commitment should be based on the person

's ability to pay or to offer whatever. Asking a 30 B meal to someone who is making millions a year is not much of a commitment, is it? Altrernatively, asking someone who cannot even pay the 30 B the purchase of a scooter is way out of line. This makes sense! Many women fall for the rich guy, but don't see to go beyond and ask whether or not they are ok with how this commitment was raised.

Women would advance humanity more, advance the evolution of our species more, if they were to look at how this commitment was acquired, not just look at how much was raised? The "how much" is ego based. How much is he valuing me compare to another. But, finding out how the commitment was raised would be more valuable to human beings as we would be able to reward those who have managed to come out of humble beginnings or challenging situations and gathered some sort of wealth or power or professional level. Of course, humanity would thank women for ditching the guys who cheated the system, such as the one who partook in illegal activities (drug dealing or trafficking, prostitution, gambling, loan sharking, hit-men, arms' salespersons,...). This would coerced men to change their ways.

Are some women advanced enough to consider all of this. Looking at how things are on the planet, we need them to understand this quickly! Time is running out. And fast!

BTW, call me blind, but what is the commitment guys get (equal to what men give)? Please discount the sex part as it is mutually satisfying (as far as I have been told ), so that does not count. The baby part is needed for humanity to survive, but it is not essential for the men of the generation. Love (with all that it implies) is also mutual, ideally, of course. So, what do men get? What kind of commitment are we getting from women? You seem to want it, no, demand it.

Just asking!

OK! As anyone who has learned communication will know, there is usually an underlying message and considering it was coming from an Asian and a woman, some of us male Westerners might need a sonar to detect it. This is not meant as being disparaging in any way. To each its culture and its mode of communication. They all have their advantages. When 2 cultures and genders cross though, there might be a few challenges. So, it seems that all she wanted from me was a commitment and the car was just that and the salary was just a threat because, from her point of view, I was not giving her the impression that I wanted something long-term. I can understand that she might not like the one who gets kicked to the curb once the exterior beauty wanes out. Fortunately, she has more to offer than that as far as I can reckon. So, I am considering marrying her, which might be the fair thing to do for her and I and, actually, the sane thing to do on many fronts. Yes, She will get 1/2 of what will be purchased during the marriage, but so what, unless of course, it happens the minute after the deed took place! But, I will only need to put 1/2 of what is required by immigration at 50. Hopefully, this will decrease a little her ability or willingness to try other pastures, which considering the diseases going around, is a plus. There are other advantages as well. If I want to bring her to my home country, it might be easier too. Tax wise, I might be even be able to go down a taxation bracket or two.

Sure, there is a bit of manipulation here. Call it blackmail, if you will! Funny those 2 words contain the word "male" and "man"! In any case, there isn't any need fighting societal rules and expectations. I might as well take the plunge! Let's hope the tanks are full of air! Not cold air or hot air though! (I was going to write "gas" in lieu of "air", but I am trying to prevent this discussion to deteriorate into a full-blown scatological discussion!)

I apologize for posting what seems to be now a soap-opera like situation, but I read the situation like a Westerner. Big mistake!

Well! Let's hope there is a happy ending here.

Thank you for all of you who took the time to provide some insight or give me some advice and there were many good ones I felt. I have deleted from memory the insults.

I hope this situation helps others put in the same situation.

Thai girls/partners are no different to partners elswhere in the world - she understands for well that what she is asking of you is no more proper or acceptable than a European partner asking the same of you in similar circumstances back home - what she is relieing on, is a practise that small group of Thai girls in the so-called "bright lights" industry become expert at, and that is getting their ex-pat partner to think and accept that their relationship revolves around a set of values associated with "money". It's abusive and they know it.

how would you feel if you were in relationship with a woman who makes 1 million $ a month but she would tell you to keep your 1.500$ /month factory job where you have to work 15 hours a day 6 days a week.

she would also tell you she's not dating your parents and doesn't give a toss if they're able to get food on the table.

that would be weird huh..

Hold it there! When I was 30, I was working my a** off! She is 30 and she wants to cruise! I had to work until I was 47 and I have 3 more years to go! At that time I will have to help myself until I die! No one is going to! And, who is going to help my parents? So, let's sum up! We are supposed to help the GF, the parents, and our parents too! Thailand is pricing themselves out of the competition! Western dating and relationships might look more and more like a better deal!

To use the 1 million a month in our home country is not reflective of what Western men make or get (all things being equal) here in Thailand! If I made 1 million a month, I probably would not care! I guess the equivalent would be 150,000 B a month! I just don't make or get that kind of money! SO, I am not too sure if Thai women understand things! Maybe they are misinformed!

rethaired

You realise that 30K puts her in the top 10% or so of income earners in Thailand?

If this was a European girl asking you for a similar monthly stipend back home, and/or getting upset when you offered to buy a car for her to use, but then got upset when you expressed releuctance to put it in her name - how would you re-act?

You'd be pretty taken aback wouldn't - you'd think she had a bloody cheek - chances are its not the sort of partner you'd want.

Well, hel_l - just why should it be any more "acceptable" for a Thai girl to behave like that. It's not and don't for one moment think it is because it isn't - it's as much an "abuse" happening in Thailand, as it would be if it happened back home.

Thai girls/partners are no different to partners elswhere in the world - she understands for well that what she is asking of you is no more proper or acceptable than a European partner asking the same of you in similar circumstances back home - what she is relieing on, is a practise that small group of Thai girls in the so-called "bright lights" industry become expert at, and that is getting their ex-pat partner to think and accept that their relationship revolves around a set of values associated with "money". It's abusive and they know it.

Don't get sucked into belieiving that managing a successfull long term relationship here in Thailand is any different to how you'd manage it back home. If its not something you'd be comfortable doing back home with a European partner, why be any more comfortable with it, or think it any more acceptable here in Thailand?

Very well written post I must say !

Not sure if the OP can understand the logic of it , but better late then never .....

And your comment certainly shows your IQ!

If YOU did not quite get it, I made a real effort for 3 years NOT to go out with bar girls, choosing areas of town, parts of Thailand, and a professional who works in regular jobs to find some decent woman. This kind of behaviour is so dysfunctional that many not so dysfunctional foreigners are taken aback! If even normal girls act like bar girls (or emulate them), I believe we have a BIG problem! How can those people live with themselves? Who is teaching them to have such contempt for foreigners? We give them a rope to pull themselves out of trouble and they choose to hang the person who has thrown it!

I am not too sure what is being taught in the classrooms and in the temples, but, the message --if there is one-- is definitely not clearly understood or applied! They complain about Thai men not behaving the way they want, yet, they behave exactly like them! Holly crap! Are these people serious or what? We give them a rope to pull themselves out of trouble and they choose to hang the person who has thrown it!

Unbelievable! What are those people being taught in the temples or in the schools? Are they taught to behave with honour? With self-respect? Or is the message not understood? Who is not getting it? Who is not getting the logic?

Anyway, I have never paid this "salary" and don't plan to! Apparently others are and they are not helping the cause of regular men looking for clean women!

Thanks to all posters who thought it was best to reply to this post with constructive comments and advice!

All others, keep drinking, praying, or... posting!

Yes but the Thai will get her retainer and then take the lot including the car and the house, you cant share something that's in one name . In the west no retainer and they get half which is fair

In Thai you may or may not live if you take her to court

In the west she may not live if she takes you to court lol

Too funny!

Celibacy looks more and more like a great option or Cuba or Mexico!

I love the way such a subject gets so many Thai experts typing away to give advice ..... many have first hand experience i think!

Maybe I should run a poll: "Have you been taken for a ride by a Thai GF who, after a while, started to behave like a hooker?" Choices: once, twice, or more. If indeed, so many Thai women do behave as such, it might be cheaper and easier to date women in the West, although those nasty divorce laws/lawyer fees are in the way!

Cuba or Mexico is looking better and better!

She speaks good English, but sometimes not well enough for me to convey fully what I mean and not well enough for her to clearly state what she really wants

....she seems to have clearly stated what she really wants upto now....THB 30k/m and a car in her name...no mis-communication there, just wait till the subject of a house comes up...

OP its pretty obvious to me that you have already decided what you are going do....So write back in a few months/year and let us know if we were right or wrong...

Clearly stated?

After 3 years of living together! Ya! Couldn't be clearer ... and honest!

She also throws the word "gentleman" in her plea! To which my reply is ... I am looking for a gentlewoman!

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Because you have been thinking with Mr little head, and not with Mr big head....

Now if you wish....test the theory...cut her off completely from all the cash and see how long she hangs around, tell her you need some time on your own...etc etc

You will of course get all kinds of sob stories...etc etc, but be strong man...stiff upper lip and all that Great British rubbish...

And dont forget the Nikes...

Repost ... due to bad connection! Sorry!

WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

Because you have been thinking with Mr little head, and not with Mr big head....

Now if you wish....test the theory...cut her off completely from all the cash and see how long she hangs around, tell her you need some time on your own...etc etc

You will of course get all kinds of sob stories...etc etc, but be strong man...stiff upper lip and all that Great British rubbish...

And dont forget the Nikes...

As if no man and no woman ever want sex now! Come on! stop the feminist stuff, will you!

I have been thinking with my own head for the last 3 years (on and off ) since I have not sank too much money in this baby!

Will see if you are right! I would not be surprised! But, hey, it is nto because I have not thought about it!

The answer is in your question.

Preferable choices are to

1 Do not renew the relationship on your next visit and do not send her money while you are in your own country. She will find somebody else before you get back.

2 Encourage her to leave by reducing her income.

Very few bargirls get 30,000 Bt per month - only A league players. Most are very happy to break 15k per month. Most bar girls are happy to take a job as a cashier or mamasan which pays 10k per month to compensate them for not being allowed to take customers during normal working hours.

BTW your name suggests ''retired'' with ''thai'' inserted in place of ''ti'', but you mention returning to work in your own country. Please do not bring more confusion to a land which is awash with confused people.

Good advice.

By the way, I never send her money while away. I felt like paying half the rent as I was getting the benefit of having a place call home and as I actually asked her to get a more expensive place that she could afford. I think that was only the right thing to do.

You are right about the name. Semi-retired would have been more appropriate, but then I did not really want to take a new name in a few years, should I decide to retire. These sorts of issues might make find another name: not-rethaired!

Cuba sounds better and better.

I am in the process of buying a car, but she wants me to put it on her name and, when I tell her, I want to put it in on my name, she does not want the car anymore. This makes me VERY suspicious.

No sh*t sherlock...

Now with this further information lets analyse the situation again:

1. She wants THB 30k/month "salary"

2. She wants the car in her name, but you refuse, so doesnt want it anymore (female tactic to put someone on a guilt trip)

3. You are not in country all the time

4. "In her line of work, she sometimes frequents BGs"

5. Just because she has a tourism license, doesnt mean she isnt a part time BG, when you are not around

Ding Ding Ding..alarm bell ringing on this one....

So will stand by my previous advice:

Run Rabbit.Run Rabbit...Run..Run..Run

I would be going out and purchasing the most expensive pair of Nikes I could find...

For 6 months of the year and for the last 3 years, she does work in the tourism industry and is licensed. It is not as if I come here every 2 months or so. Even though she did talk about BG's salary, I don't think she indicated that she wants 30,000 B/month per say, but she hinted it. But, I think you are right about the rest. It looks very suspicious. WOW! I never thought after this amount of time I would not have been able to smell the rat!

How come I am so dam_n contrary to many on this board.

There is nothing wrong with giving her a monthly stipend, with some stringent conditions:

#1. The bargirl thing is over. You cannot control this, so foh-get about all of this, until you stop commuting back to your home country. But if you have any misgivings about her 'activties', a monthly stipend would be the first thing that would need to be considered. A private investigator would be the next thing. But the hel_l with it, get yourself a professional, salaried lady. Dont underestimate your market value so much. They are available everywhere. Break out of that dam_n bargirl syndrome.

# 2. Should this lady be the dream of your life however, at the very least separate yourself from the famdamily. This stipend is one way of doing that. Use the stipend as the 'firewall' between yourself and the famdamily. Whatever stipend you give her, any moneys flowing to the family comes from that stipend. The more she gives, the less she has for herself. This rule must be rigidly enforced and adhered to. Dont give the famdamily access to Farang pockets - ever and forever! No matter wot you do financially, they dont appreciate it anyway. The daughter owes it to them, regardless where it comes from.

# 3. How much should the stipend be. Let me put on my professional salary administration hat from a previous life. Her use of bargirl salary as a measuring stick is actually quite good - from the perspective of using employment to determine her earning power (EP). Her EP should determine stipend size....But not bargirl EP. bargirl EP has nothing to do with a normal life that she would presumably be living with you. With her quals., could she get a job at Big C, or Tesco? I think they earn about 5,000 baht a month. That should be your measuring stick. Perhaps with a little sweetener for being the love of your life. But rule #2 applies unquestionably.

# 4. I have much other tried 'n true advice about living happilly with a Thai lady in Thailand, in a balanced way. Where there are checks and balances between Farang and Thai lady, ensuring that one can never take advantage of the other. This is just the stipend part. For example my money is not our money, buying land from mama and papa is a fraud, back-end load any financials to the Thai lady to encourage a lifetime of good behavior, ie house purchase only by mortage or by rent, leave an inheritance, etc., etc.

X

Thanks for some very good advice here. I have been using #4 as a way to plan for the future with her and #2 sounds like a smart move.

Thanks.

It is difficult because the 2 cultures are sometimes a bit far apart. She speaks good English, but sometimes not well enough for me to convey fully what I mean and not well enough for her to clearly state what she really wants, although it seems quite apparent what she does. If I use the Asian (round-about way of expressing oneself for reference, she seems to ask for quite a bit, which might mean she wants much more. Direct communication is bliss, but they have not understood that yet! )

She is not a BG, but works in the tourism industry (and I know that for a fact since she has a licence. I cannot know if she was a BG before. She has never told me! Joking! Let's be honest! No man alive can know for sure what was the dark-side of a woman IF she does not want you to know! She might tell you, but will you know for sure it is not another story! In her line of work, she sometimes frequents BGs.

She does not come from Isaan, but she is a farmer's daughter. She is 30. I am 47.

I am splitting the B 4000 rent as she used to pay 2000 B for 12 m2 apartment and I would have to pay minimum about B 4000 myself. So this seemed a win-win situation for both of us. I usually pay for food and give her sometimes other gifts when people do.

I am in the process of buying a car, but she wants me to put it on her name and, when I tell her, I want to put it in on my name, she does not want the car anymore. This makes me VERY suspicious, especially considering she does not have a downpayment. She asks me to trust her, but then when I ask her to trust me to put the name of the car on my name (so that she can theoretically be absolved of all the financial responsibilities and allow her to save some to have a downpayment for land/house and such, which is a good compromise since foreigners cannot own land anyway), she is not interested, saying that she is not able to save money!

She works and can make about 150,000 B min. a year. For the record, I have not paid her and do not really intent to. Of course, I like to treat her once in a while and do pay half of the rent and the gas whenever I am using it. I am 47, not fat, bold, and have all my teeth. And, yes, I could afford it, but do not feel this would fit my definition of LOVE, as universally defined! Will I miss her, not really! As much as the meaningless conversation we have about nothing!