chickenslegs

Yellow was his best friend ...

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Scots

Students

When I got home the first thing I saw was that the "Welcome" doormat was missing. I went inside and found that the bath mat had gone too. In the bedroom all my wife's wigs, and my spare toupe had been stolen. Police think it was the work of rug addicts.

A farmer thought that the barn he kept his chickens in was haunted. Turns out it was a poultrygeist. He had to call an eggsorcist.

My luggage was torn to pieces, so I asked my lawyer if I could sue the airline. He said, “You don’t have much of a case”.

Some British accent jokes:- Women can do a much better Black Country accent than men. That’s because the female of the species is more Dudley than the male. Yorkshire chap asks a goldsmith to make a statue of his dog. Goldsmith asks “Eighteen carrat?”. He replies, “Nay, chewing a bone”. A Geordie chap walked into a hairdressers and asked “Can I have a perm please?” Hairdresser replied, “I wandered lonely as a cloud….” I was walking through Botanic Gardens in Belfast the other week when I saw two ducks. One said “quack”. The other said “slow down, I’m going as quack as I can”…. A man walks into a bakers in Glasgow and says “is that a cake or a meringue?”. The chap says “no, you’re right. It’s a cake”. Jousting. What a Brummie asks a bee. A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet to be neutered. ‘Is it a tom?’ asks the vet. He replies, ‘No. I brought it with me”. A man walks into a retro shop in Birmingham. He says “I’d like a kipper tie please”. Chap behind the counter says “milk & sugar?” A man goes to a barber in Glasgow, and wriggles about in the chair for a second before he settles. The barber says “comfy?”. He says “Govan”.

Surely it's wrong and abnormal to withhold the identity of the shareholders from the owner - "for several months".

Goalie

Weapons

Why don’t Marxists drink Typhoo? They believe proper tea is theft. One cup asks another if he wants to bet on which once can hold most tea. The other says, “No, that’s a mug’s game”.

Chap goes into a bookshop and asks for the book by Shakespeare. The employee says “Sure, which one?” Chap replies “William”. Then he went to The Globe Theatre box office and asked for two tickets. “For Romeo and Juliet?” asked the ticket clerk. “No, for me and my wife”.

Some little-known tribute bands: "Jar Lid" - They cover The Jam. "Prevention" - They were actually better than The Cure. An 80s tribute band who wear yellow metal plates - "Banana Armour".

I looked in my wife's wardrobe today. It was chaos with skirts, dresses and blouses all mixed together. There were even a few of my suits and shirts in there. I think she has hanger management issues.

Was in a hurry so tried pressing my trousers whilst wearing them but ended up taking longer because I burned myself. Oh, the iron knee.

Mittens

Muffler

Dismiss

To be fair, I think the OP has realised his mistake and corrected it by removing his 1* review. But yes, I agree that a review is worthless without a few words of explanation.

Crumble

In the comments it's suggested that these are fake subtitles. I don't know because I don't speak Russian. Funny as heck though.????

Dalai

Suitcases

I was sort of sympathetic to the restaurant owner until I read this part.