chickenslegs

Dioxide

AFAIK red plates are intended for use by motor traders, but it has become common practice for traders to loan them to customers whilst waiting for proper plates. Vehicles Act 1979, Sections 27 & 28 cover this. Section 27 states that the plates can be used between sunrise and sunset (there is also reference in the Act to additional regulations, but I can't find them). http://web.krisdika.go.th/data/outsitedata/outsite21/file/Vehicle_Act_BE_2522_(1979).pdf (unofficial English translation)

Ling

These two guys are sat in their hospital beds having a little chat. The first guy asks the second, “What are you in for?” “Camera down the throat.” the second guy replies. “Oh, endoscopy?” the first guy asks. The second guy says, “Yeah. Checking for stomach cancer. How about you?” “Camera up the butt” the first guy says. “Oh colonoscopy, checking for bowel cancer?” asks the second guy. The first guy says, “No, my neighbor was sunbathing and my wife caught me taking a photo.”

I had to go to the hospital for a gastroscopy today. There were three other guys in the waiting room. The doctor came through and explained what has happening to the four of us. He said that I was having the gastroscopy, which is the camera down the throat and the other three were there for a colonoscopy, which is the camera up the butt. He then asked if any of us had any questions. I said: “Yes. Can I go first?”

I told the doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said to me, “This is a major decision. Have you talked it over with your wife and kids?” I said, “Yeah, we're all in favor, 17-1.”

Merlin

Apprentice

Spring

At 10.25pm?

How many Members of Parliament does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty five - one to change it and twenty four to go on an all expenses paid fact-finding trip to find out how it is done in Barbados. How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. It turned itself in. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A fish.

The man has done some good things over the years, and has been a pain in the a$$ to the current government and unelected PM - which is not a bad thing at all (IMO). Many of his petitions have led to improvements in people’s lives, including one against environmental pollution affecting residents living near Map Ta Phut Industrial Estate in Rayong province. When the NCPO was in power after the 2014 military coup, Srisuwan filed numerous complaints against its members and associates. In return, he was regularly summoned by the junta for “attitude adjustment”. Just before the last general election in 2019, Srisuwan took on Gen Prayut Chan-o-cha, asking the Ombudsman to rule whether the then-junta leader was qualified to be a prime ministerial candidate. He also asked the NACC to investigate Prayut’s brother Gen Preecha, then Defence Ministry permanent secretary, for failing to declare a mansion under construction in his assets report filed with the anti-graft agency. https://www.thaipbsworld.com/srisuwan-janya-thailands-master-complainer-a-hero-or-villain-for-society/

Womble

Forgiveness

A giraffe walks into a bar. The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve Heineken here.”

The barman says “We don’t serve time travellers in here”. A few moments later a time traveller walks into a bar.

I had a job as a delivery driver. One time I dropped off a huge load of bubble wrap to an office supplies depot. The warehouse manager said "Just pop it in the corner over there". Took me f'kin hours.

Girder

Reporting 90 days in the Kingdom, or reporting to show that your 800/400K THB has not been moved?

Moon

Also nicked fro ISIHAC ... THE UXBRIDGE ENGLISH DICTIORY (M to Z) Alternative definitions for some familiar English words: Macaroon To leave a Scotsman on a desert island Magenta Here comes the Queen Mishmash What Sean Connery will do if he doesn’t get to church on Sunday Module Christmas with The Who Nose dive Bad plastic surgery clinic Ovaltine A fat adolescent Pantomime Underwear for the hard of hearing Passport Fathers’ race Pastiche What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall Phlegmatic Battery-powered handkerchief Pomegranate Australian for a Englishman made of stone Pretext Letters and phone calls Psychedelia Mental cook Quick Noise made by a dyslexic duck Receipt To sit down again Realist A catalogue of bottoms Reindeer A Michael Winner weather prediction Scruple Cross between a screw top and a ring pull Tabby A big church in Yorkshire Template The secretary hasn’t turned up Tenure How they describe a decade in the West Country Testicle A boat maker’s first attempt at a coracle Toll Where you try to put the ball in on a Yorkshire golf course Transport Cross-dressing athletes Truculent That lorry you used to rent out Unfettered Without Greek cheese Urinate You’re a size eight Vanish Rather like a van Walnut An obsessive bricklayer Warehouse A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon Wince A setting on Jonathan Ross’s washing machine X-ray Former fish Yodelling Trainee Jedi knight Zucchini Animal park enthusiast