473geo

Here in Isaan if necessary people can eke out an existence as far as every day living on occasion with fish from the ponds and fields home grown rice, some vegetables, yes somtam, leaves and fruit from the trees, cook on an fire, no frills 40 baht a day would cover it 

In the cities different less self sufficiency

So why do we need wage hikes? 

To facilitate consumerism and enable people to pay purchase prices and repay loans generating profits for business ????

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

And I’d be very interested, as I’m sure others would, to know how you got in your situation. How did you meet your partner? Where do you live? What is the living situation ?  Is it a small village. How old are you and are you forthright enough to have it your way. I have to put my foot down all the time and it causes lots of bad moods and friction but the alternative is having those lot running your life. 

In my opinion, learning the subtlety of managing your surroundings without too much conflict is at the head of the 'survival in Issan' noteworthy necessities

It doesn't do to piss people off, but being a doormat gains no respect either 

No need to go at things like a bull at a gate, if there are too many people around I go to the local town for a coffee, 

I don't mind the sisters kids coming to play as ours go to grandma's too, but I make it clear first thing in the morning to last thing at night is not on!

So how to do that without conflict ???? well I told my wife if they were living with us they and grandma could have the spare room, aircon, hot shower

I guessed grandma wouldn't want to leave her home, that turned out to be the case we are now seeing a bit less of them ???? as the point was made 

I guess I am lucky in that usually after a bit of thinking time and discussion with friends who can put forward an 'outside family' view my wife sees my point 

I see the subtle changes, my people skills also let me know who does not like it, but I am learning my happiness is important and being allowed to be comfortable in my own home is part of that, irrespective of 'family expectations' 

I also look around me people do not go into other peoples homes without specific invitation, they sit outside, a quaint Issan habit that respects privacy 

It's a new thought provoker

Now who could have given me that emoticon obviously somebody did ????

3 minutes ago, transam said:

Tell us how you know that............?

 

I am not interested in your bar stool chat chums, just actual evidence.......????

Timing of the responses 

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

don’t reckon any of you lot live anywhere near Isaan. 

You might be onto something there ????

3 hours ago, Stevey said:

 
 

I believe your referring to my point how Isaan Mothers like to get involved with your kid.

 

At the start of this happening I would indulge these women and really saw nothing in what they were doing as a problem. But After a while and especially recently I have seen it not so much as taking an interest but total outright nosiness to the point of invasion of privacy.  

Take yesterday for example. It was so hot and about 11am little Dang and I popped out to the outskirts of the village to my Favourite Noodle shop. Ah ! Closed ! So we head into town. We found a noodle shop in the shade. I ordered guay Dtee-ow noodles in ‘ Good Thai ‘. To allay any confusion I even said “ 1 bowl 60 baht “ while Dang sat down.

We sit down waiting and over walks another lady who works in the shop. Another slightly fat late forties died hair no smile and looks like a handful in an argument. She points at Dang and  asks in the local language  “ what’s he having ? “ I answered “ I’ve ordered already “ She has another go and I reply again “ I’ve ordered already “ Much to the enjoyment of the sitting local patrons.  She got off. I stopped ordering food he doesn’t eat a while back and the cheek of these restaurants I go to with Dang who want to provide a tiny five years old with a full bowl of noodles galls me. Sixty baht is no small amount for people  on 300baht a day when they get work. So I see it as a total liberty and 9iss take. He can pick at mine while he plays Minecraft on his phone.

Dang sees a kid who belongs to the family of the shop so as usual end up going over and playing. It wasn’t long before the investigation starts. The word Falang came out of her mouth a couple of times and I could hear Dang giving all the usual answers in order as she progressed her interrogation in hushed tones. I called over in Thai “Mai Dtong Dtorp!” With a chuckle. 

We later ate again in another shop and again he got the third degree from another old Isaan Hag. They always want to know the village and the mothers name. I can understand making conversation, which they would Not do with the child of a Thai man in their shop but why do they need to know his moms name. I put my hand up like a police man halting 3 lanes of traffic as she started her questioning, she sheepishly skulked off. She knew that carrying out a full probe about my private life is not polite but they really think it’s not a problem if you can’t understand. 
 

But that’s  what they’re like. 

Well here's a thought, mature Thai women probably lived in the day where men had no idea how to care for children, indeed were probably given little opportunity to be involved 

Even young mothers were 'shut out' sent off to work as 'Yai' stacked the deck in her favour supported by family elders 

Seeing fathers with children is an increasing view, but their capabilities to care for children are undoubtedly brought into question, and underestimated, no surprise as they are mostly cast as providers 

2 hours ago, Adumbration said:

I seldom use the word "tool" as an insult for people who claim to speak the Thai language well. 

 

I mostly use it to describe expat cuckolds taking care of someone else's children.

You are in the wrong country, I would suggest Thailand is the hub of taking care of someone else's children, the majority of the caring done by elderly Thai ????

Surprises me that more posters are not aware of the 'cultural' differences in every day behaviour 

Yes we are visitors here, yet it appears some of the actions mentioned by the op go 'unseen' by many 

I have no desire to befriend and show how good I am with children other than raise my own in a reasonable manner 

2 minutes of 'entertaining' children not your own, is to me more of a 'look at me' situation

But then I never sought any 'approval' for my behaviour and do not go through life on some sort of 'election' walk about 

I helped a guy stack his straw bales, as he was on his own, another one had a delivery of bales as I was passing so helped out, another had a piĺck up load of heavy rice bags to put in his shed so as I was passing helped him put them in, lady was stuck in a rut with a motorsi and side car, got her going, neighbour asked if I could drive his spare truck to drag one home with a clutch problem 

Yes hand out oatcakes and Banana muffins occasionally

Because it's just me 

Don't try to ingratiate myself, one farang bought bicycles for the village kids to go to school, gone now, never even met him, doubt he is remembered

I don't think I can ever be a fully fledged member of the community I like being me 

I would rather my wife disagree, have input, even if a little loud to get the point across, than receive an 'up to you' response 

A level of disagreement and discussion is healthy ???? 

The regular 'experienced posters' don't appear too knowledgeable about the real rural Issan, high volume is not unusual in conversation or music  

15 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Yes, not all women are good wives or mothers.

And that includes good girls, women with decent education and jobs, etc.

 

And let's not forget that the definition of a good mother is different in Thailand.

I was told that here many people think a good mother works hard and makes a lot of money and she send that money to her parents who take care of the children.

I other countries mothers are supposed to be best if they spend 100% of their time taking care of their children.

But it seems there are also different opinions about that in the western world. 

Interesting the way your explanation equates providing money is to love the children as opposed to

Spending time, entertaining, creating memories, enjoying the company of a loved one, this appears somewhat secondary

Grandma may be a lovely person but hardly a modern day role model for anything other than the subsistence life in the village

Its a massive difference in cultures, and how does the poor Thai girl then show her love for her husband, in the farang relationship?

One of the more expensive times to travel certainly from the UK

On 3/31/2023 at 8:51 PM, Elkski said:

I'm uninformed for sure.  I really don't want to know what incel means.  Just enjoy life, it is what you make of it.  Plenty of partners for Everyone if you halfway fit and not psychotic. 

I am struggling to understand what the point of the thread is ????

My understanding of life is 'make the best of it' learn as you go enjoy 

Should that leave you with the rather easy to solve conundrum 'should I pay for sex or not' I would say continue the learning curve

Village farang bent double and his charming wife would take some beating for fitness quality ???? 

I have always been muscular and not flexible I think too late now ????

18 minutes ago, StreetCowboy said:

That’s commendable.  Most people refuse to give up driving until they don’t know that they need to.

Or forget where the car is

I often wonder at those who see retirement as the best time of their lives, its good enjoyable, and one can still have wonderful times, but options are governed a little at least by age and conditions???? 

Which is why I would expect many of us had 'the best times' of our lives when we were younger, unless having fun was left a bit late ????

2 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

Well, we both have opinions , I won't rubbish yours , as either could end up correct,

and only time will tell , good luck to the poster.

 

regards Worgeordie

I agree, however a relaxed positive attitude may get him where he was originally heading, the bulk of advice on this thread could well land him where he possibly doesn't want to be 'Pattaya' being one popular suggestion ????

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

A good reminder that you do not only get a wife when you marry, you get the whole family! 

 

Know your future by knowing her family! 

 

Good luck, but I would pack up the car and go for a ling weekend, if that do not help, go for a week next time, and if wife do not change her mind, leave. Thats the only language they understand, the potential loss of you and their future safety Asset.

His wife and family are building a house which he is paying for, what's to get upset about, a bit of soot where there used to be a fence, not the end of the world 

He needs to step back, chill, not runaway, or make silly 'threats'

I have actually surprised myself with the amount of daily physical exercise I cope with on the farm, more inclined to do it as a hobby too 

Wife is 20+ years younger than me just hitting middle age spread but still attractive and sexy, which we both enjoy

I thought this was the destiny of all of us who married younger Thai lovelies

In mirror when I am tired I probably do look my age I'm afraid, when feeling good perhaps not so much 

Life is good ????

17 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

You need to get a handle on it NOW , if you don't put your foot down

they will be there everyday after the house is finished , problem is you

don't own the land , so you are at a disadvantage , your wife needs to

stand by you ,or there is going to be trouble.

 

regards worgeordie 

Rubbish, once the job is done there is no benefit to be 'seen' to be participating

All these 'family' issues can be fixed with training, his wife knows this is not the right time, for which she is being heavily criticised on this thread 

What is the crux of the problem? The op and his wife cannot be there all the time!

Hence my advice let them get on with it 

There is a very easy solution, let them all get on with it ????

It is surprising how the job gets completed, wife will consult with the builders and maybe advise the BIL of the latest plan so he can oversee it 

Look at it this way, it's a house for your wife, let her build it, yes perhaps with suggestions from you, but don't be offended if they are not taken up ????

As for family close by, we have built two new ensuites separate from the older house, I have told my wife this is our immediate family only zone where we can relax away from everyone 

The older building has everything anybody could require, thus there is no need for people to be in our family area without invitation

Thing is its kind of rubbing off across the board that while people are welcome to visit we have acceptable areas outside the home where they can sit and chat ???? the Thai way ????

As for the building, l am enjoying gradually fixing minor issues and doing work to take to completion in general things are ok 

17 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

No problem finding ingredients for UK  style sausages  just look in any rubbish bin and if you still haven't found anything to your "taste"  there is usually a bit of road kill lying around.  should be easy enough to cook up a taste of home lol.  

If the two options above fail to produce, it might be worth enquiring where MacDonald's source their ingredients from, as they seem to be able to produce identically disgusting food all over the world

And before anymore sad face emoticons appear I am from the UK and I know exactly what I am talking about

 

Obviously didn't live near a top quality local butcher, sure frozen supermarket stuff lacks quality 

Some things never change, there will always be those calling for change ???? no need to get all worked up, some change will be good some change not so good