ballpoint

No comment...

What do you call a Scotsman who is nearly home? Hamish.

I spent a fortune on a female racehorse that won't race during the day. It's a nightmare.

I'm flabbergasted. Today, for the first time ever in our marriage, my wife apologised to me. She said "I'm sorry i ever met you".

A bloke was sitting at the side of the road crying his eyes out, his dead hamster in his hands. A fairy godmother asked him what the matter was. He said “I loved my pet hamster and it just died ”. The fairy godmother said “Well I can’t bring it back to life, but I can suggest that you can make some good of the situation”. The bloke asked “How do I do that ?” The fairy godmother replied “Go home put the hamster in a pan and add a bag of sugar. Heat the pan up stirring well and simmer for an hour. Allow to cool, pour it onto your garden and see what happens”. The bloke did exactly as she suggested. The next day, he went into the garden and there were masses of daffodils everywhere! He ran back to the road where he’d seen the fairy godmother and she reappeared and asked the bloke how he’d got on. He said “It’s fantastic, there are daffodils everywhere!” The fairy godmother replied “That’s really strange, you normally get tulips from hamster jam!”

A fellow is getting ready to take his girlfriend to a dance. First he goes to book a hotel room, but there’s a long line at the hotel and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a car. Unfortunately, there’s a large queue at the car rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the dance comes. The two are dancing and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the tune is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

Four rabbis are vigorously debating a Talmudic point. Three of them are taking one side and the fourth, Mordecai, is taking the other side. This goes on for a long time. Finally, Mordecai, in frustration yells out, “God, tell them I’m right!” Suddenly a huge booming voice comes out of the sky and thunders, “Mordecai is RIGHT!” One of the rabbis turns to the others and calmly says, “Well, now it’s 3 to 2.”

A short documentary on how it came about... The Beatles - Now And Then - The Last Beatles Song (Short Film) - YouTube

This is a painting by the Spanish artist Sergi Cadenis. It ages as you change the angle you look at it. Older painting.mp4