ballpoint

I did my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old people's home last night... They didn't get any of my jokes, but they still pissed themselves anyway.

Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole. Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer. "Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero." "This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole." "Aaaaaaahhhhhh," said the children. The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole. "Hmmmm," he thought, "How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?" Yes," said Little Johnny, "You take a flute and shove it up your a*se!

I saw a snake that was 3.14 meters long. I think it was a πthon.

My wife told me, " Don't get upset if someone calls you fat. You're much bigger than that."

The council really needs to do something about the potholes around here!