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You know the difference between 68 & 69 ? Blow me and I owe you 1

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out. The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron which is ironic. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

Found this article by accident and found some useful information. I hope it would be of some use to you too! Android’s home screen is immensely customizable. While users mostly focus on icon packs, widgets, and launchers, one small, incredibly useful feature often flies under the radar: your ability to add shortcuts right to the home screen. Android introduced the concept of actionable shortcuts years ago, and many popular apps have embraced it. Those are the options you see when you press and hold an app icon on the home screen. For example, a long-press on the icon for the Notes app might show you an option to create a new voice note, while Spotify lets you start a search without actually opening the app. Tried on a Samsung A71 running Android 12 One UI version 4.1 Full article

*NAPKINS for Special occasions My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet that said "sanitary napkins" . I then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins" in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for big people on 'special occasions' (her second mistake). Now fast forward a few months .... It's a special Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion napkin" at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little flaps in so they didn't hang off the edge!! My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. 'But, Mom, you said they were to use for big people on special occasions!!!'

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day to yerself .This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call.

Was just petting my boyfriend’s dog and he said “I’m so glad you like her” and I was like “of course how could I not like her, she’s so cute” and my boyfriend was like “no I’m talking to my dog, it would be really awkward if my dog didn’t like you.”

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds. “The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.” The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan. One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?" The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"

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The Windows Key Shortcut Alphabet In Windows 11, Microsoft uses shortcuts performed with the Windows key as universal shortcuts that work across all apps and control basic Windows functions. Some of these go as far back as Windows 95, but newer editions of Windows have changed a few over time. At least seven of these shortcuts are new to Windows 11. Windows+A: Open Quick Settings Windows+B: Focus on the first icon in the Taskbar system tray Windows+C: Open Teams Chat Windows+D: Display (and hide) the desktop Windows+E: Open File Explorer Windows+F: Open Feedback Hub Windows+G: Open Xbox Game Bar Windows+H: Open voice typing (speech dictation) The full list

*The Mysteries of Anatomy* Where can a man buy a cap for his knee, Or the key to a lock of his hair? Can his eyes be called an academy? Because there are pupils there? In the crown of your head can jewels be found? Who crosses the bridge of your nose? If you wanted to shingle the roof of your mouth, Would you use the nails on your toes? Can you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand, Or beat on the drum of your ear? Can the calf in your leg eat the corn off your toe? Then why not grow corn on the ear? Can the crook in your elbow be sent to jail? If so, just what did he do? How can you sharpen your shoulder blades? I'll be darned if I know. Do you?

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