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fasteddie
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1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:
Jesus really seems to be jumping on this forum recently; see post 2633 et al
I'm faster than the BBC at showing repeats ????
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3 hours ago, chickenslegs said:
It's a long read, so bear with me ...
Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea, two prawns were swimming around. One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark and horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse)...
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'............
wait for it...............
"I'VE FOUND COD. I'M A PRAWN AGAIN CHRISTIAN!"-
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A man of NO honour!
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'' an opinion poll conducted for the Daily Telegraph''.....'nuff said.
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TBH it's not all that and the scenery no way matches the western side.
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6 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:
Alzheimer’s kicking in Eddie ??
I posted this 23 hours ago....... and you gave it a like !!Ha Ha, must be all the wanking ????
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A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
The barman says, 'Who are you?
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said ...
'Mixin-me-toastie
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2 hours ago, phycokiller said:
hate to disappoint you but cambodia is definitely for sale.
Not to the US it ain't Lol
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'' The United States expressed concern to Cambodia over plans for Ream after its offer to pay for renovations at the facility was turned down by the Cambodian government in June. ''.....it must be really disappointing for the US to realise some countries aren't for sale, let's just hope Cambodia doesn't discover oil or that dodgy ''democracy'' might need some looking at ????
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Chuck in free flights and I'll think about it ????
Worst Joke Ever 2024
in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Posted
I'm not passing nowt, buy your own ????