jayenram Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 My wife was cleaning one day and asked the question "where does the dutch come from?" I said "the dutch come from holland". "No", she said "the dutch?" I said, "OK, the netherlands then". "No" she repeated, "the dutch on the furniture?" Dutch = dust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 My wife was cleaning one day and asked the question "where does the dutch come from?" I said "the dutch come from holland". "No", she said "the dutch?" I said, "OK, the netherlands then". "No" she repeated, "the dutch on the furniture?"Dutch = dust. The same mentioned ex was once ironing her shirt when she suddenly spotted a mark left by the washing machine and yelled out "what the hewwww" (rising tone) I think she was trying to say "what the h*ll".... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vrsushi Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 it is really funny to read this forum to be honest.Cant stop laughing. I am Thai and it is quite good to hear some opinions from farang who got thai wife. Hope you dont mind if there is a new face to join the forum.unfortunatly she is Thai. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 On another occasion when in the US, when my wife was just learning english, we had a traffic accident. A car backed into us. My wife said she saw the car backing towards us but said " I never thought it will gonna be happen like this! In all fairness, we arnt all that brilliant when it comes to speaking Thai. One time, upon returning from the hardware store, I told my wife I stopped to chat with the little old Chinese lady who owned the store. She was asking about the weather where I lcame from in New England. I told my wife, I was telling the old lady, this year America has alot of snow. My wife said, "WHAT?" Then she explained, snow is pronounced, " hee-mhuh", not "hee ma". I didnt go back to that store for awhile! And it's snowing is: hee Maa thok. Emphasis on the Maa or you're in trouble! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurgen Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Last year my friends gf wanted a moped so I asked her what colour she wanted. She pointed at her gold bracelet and said "same same but not same". After staring blankly at her for a few seconds she said I show you. She takes me by the hand and leads me to where a load of peds are parked,eventually she finds what she is looking for. See I told you same same but not same she says pointing at a silver one.Then told me I was stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darknight Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Ask your gf for the Thai word for near (gly) and far (gly), and you try to spot the difference!!! just asked, been rolling on the floor for two minutes and then they say dutch is difficult ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainman Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 I have a friend who is married to a thai lady since many years and they spend a few weeks every year in Bangkok. This isn't something "the girls say", but something funny that happened to him when he spoke very little thai. I don't remember the exact words, but he went to a store and wanted a bottle of some sort of oil, but confused the words and actually ordered a bottle of "female pee". Needless to say, the entire store almost died laughing. He didn't notice what he said before he went home to his wife and told her what was looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darknight Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 it is really funny to read this forum to be honest.Cant stop laughing. I am Thai and it is quite good to hear some opinions from farang who got thai wife. Hope you dont mind if there is a new face to join the forum.unfortunatly she is Thai. A big welcome to you vrsushi. Hope you can have a nice time here and we can learn from each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Rainman... Reminds me of a similar incident when I just started working out here. Had a note left on my desk asking to see a Thai member of staff. Thought I'd be a smart a*se and practice my limited Thai with her. Walked up to her desk and tried to say "did you want me?" in Thai I thought was "khun ow phom mai?"... She was in hysterics for five minutes, during which a crowd of more Thai staff had gathered around to see what was going on. When she came to her senses, she asked me to repeat it, so I did. Now the entire crowd was in hysterics. When they all came too, I asked them for the real translation of what I just said... "Do you want to <deleted> me?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIG SPUDS Posted May 21, 2004 Author Share Posted May 21, 2004 On my first trip to thailand i was getting to grips with my first two thai sentences - i love you and thank you very much. I went into the 7 11, and waited my turn in a line of about 5 - 6 thai girls to be served to fags, aftter paying and collecting my change i told the one of ugliest looking thai men i have ever see, that i loved him. I asked why all the girls were laughing to a girl behind me and she told me that the guy asked what hotel i was in. I wanted to die!!!! Oh yeh... asked my GF about the Near and Far thing..... How do i ever stand a chance of speaking thai!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davethailand Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 We've been warned about you large potato's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penzman Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Were were having sex and my gf stops and says " I love your crock!" Huh? "Oh, I love your clock!" I went limp laughing asking her what time it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayenram Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 Last year my friends gf wanted a moped so I asked her what colour she wanted. When I was working in Shanghai and talking to my then girlfriend on the telephone, she asked if I would bring her back some chinese silk. When I asked "what colour?", she said "Red; but not red". I asked my secretary (Chinese) to help me out and she understood precisely what was required. The gf was over the moon with my secretary's choice. "Exactly what I wanted" she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 During my first visit to Phuket a couple of years ago, I spent a week with a friendly but short tempered strumpet who looked upon me favourably enough to let me ride her moped. As we rolled and bounced through the muddy puddles, past the rows of bikes outside the Family Mart she told me to "Pork the bike". When I had finished laughing I looked around to see that she didn't look amused and couldn't understand what was so funny. "Sorry" I said, "What did you say again?" "I tell you pork the motorbike, you not hear or what?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbkudu Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 it is really funny to read this forum to be honest.Cant stop laughing. I am Thai and it is quite good to hear some opinions from farang who got thai wife. Hope you dont mind if there is a new face to join the forum.unfortunatly she is Thai. Vrsushi, we want to read all you have to say. I'm bored silly sometimes with Farang point of view, and welcome a new person. By the way, I love the way Chingy writes his posts; to the point, simple and funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonmasterzip Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 my Japanese wife stubbed her foot one night and screamed, "oww, my fingers" So I started looking at her hands and she said, "not those fingers! Those fingers", pointing at her feet. I of course learned later yubi = finger and ashi yubi is your foots fingers. She also asked me to give her my Sesame knife! any one want to venture a guess? But I have made grown Japanese wet their pants with my malpropisms. try "tongue" and "down" when you are in japan. absolutely loved reading all this. best ab exercise I've had in weeks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonmasterzip Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 it is really funny to read this forum to be honest.Cant stop laughing. I am Thai and it is quite good to hear some opinions from farang who got thai wife. Hope you dont mind if there is a new face to join the forum.unfortunatly she is Thai. I hope you will add some of the funny things you have heard frangs say in Thai. I once called a Japanese girl I had met and asked her father to "give me her" Turns out the words I used were the one I should use when asking to marry her, not get her to come to the phone! speak and suck in Japanese have only one sound which is different. Of course on a few occassions this actually worked to my advantage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mowlem Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 One danger here, is the misused English word. Example: Our secretary speaks virtually no English (I speak passable Thai), and one day I cam into her office where she was talking "girl talk" to several of her mates. So she sees me, and says "chop golden mai?" (Do I like a golden?) Long silence from me. The only thing I can think of is a slightly weird sexual practice..... Then it clicks. She has a picture of a dog on her desk..........a ha! "Do I like golden retrievers!!!!" I didn't have the heart to tell her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolf5370 Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 I had a friend that was trying out his Thai phrase book. For some reason this phrase book put Gor Gai as a 'K' - he promptly asked for Kuay Tod (instead of Gluay Tod). I learnt this early on when a friend of mine (Thai woman) kept say "Ou kuay mai?" and making my wife laugh at a dinner party (Gluay=banana ('l' is often dropped as it was in my friend's phrase book!) Kuay=rude word for penis). The Glai/Glai thing...I've noticed even Thais seem to avoid this. They tend to use the 'far' Glai all the time and avoid the 'near' one. Talart mai glai. (the market is NOT far). It took my wife about two years to learn how to say "Grill" - try it out. I once taught a friend of mine in the UK that the Tagalog for hello was "Halikan mo ako". He wanted to say 'Hi' to the new filipino cleaner we had - in a plutonic way. He scribbled it on a pad on his desk ready to use. In the morning he had a penciled 'reply' from the cleaner (he hadn't meant for her to see it, he wanted to say it to her). She had written "No Way!" on his pad. Confused he asked me - I had to inform him "Halikan Mo Ako" means give me a kiss. She gave him wiered looks every day until she left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIG SPUDS Posted May 23, 2004 Author Share Posted May 23, 2004 Another thing my GF says which i think is funny is "COCK -LOW- S" - Cockroach! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaVisionBurma Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 My GF has a hard time with the words "GRAPES", "CRABS", and "BLANKET" They come out "CLAPPS", "CLEPPS", and of course "BRANKET" Once on holiday in Australia she got terribly frustrated with me after asking me for some CLAPPS/CLEPPS, and I couldnt help myself but asked her for a complete explanation of the thing whe was trying to tell me. "You know, honey - the small green balls growing on the trees at the place you buy your WHY-WHY" (White-wine from the vineyard near my home) I steal her a Thai Airways BRANKET each time I fly in now, which still gets her in hysterics "Did you bring me a present?" Yes darling, here's another free BRANKET. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xpression Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 When my wife and I first got together I asked her to teach me some Thai. After a while I became frustrated with it so I gave up. A couple of my friends were teasing me why I have given up so quickly so I asked my wife to say these words in Thai to them - (kao) - rice, mountain, horn, and white. Nearly impossible to learn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meadish_sweetball Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 Another classic example of "farang beware" is the dessert "kluay buat chee" (falling tone/low tone/mid tone) which approximately means "the ordained nun's bananas", and consists of bananas in coconut milk. It is one of the few Thai desserts I actually like. Now, there are a number of things which can go wrong when you order this dessert - the end result which will cause the most laughter from the Thais should be "my cock has to go wee-wee = khuay bpuat chee" (mid tone-low tone-low tone). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward B Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 One danger here, is the misused English word.Example: Our secretary speaks virtually no English (I speak passable Thai), and one day I cam into her office where she was talking "girl talk" to several of her mates. So she sees me, and says "chop golden mai?" (Do I like a golden?) Long silence from me. The only thing I can think of is a slightly weird sexual practice..... Then it clicks. She has a picture of a dog on her desk..........a ha! "Do I like golden retrievers!!!!" I didn't have the heart to tell her. Then there's the national flower of Thailand. The Ratchapruk flower. Commonly known as the "Golden Shower". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward B Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 ...and don't confuse that with a golden flower (ดอกทอง). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chokrai Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Ask your Thai girlfriend/wife if she likes fog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Siam CenTERRRR CompuTERRRR Harry PotTERRRR Wisa Wietnam Thankyou werry mut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somtaamgaiyang Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 During the voting time a few years ago, my girlfriend(now wife) was trying to explain to me that she would have to go home for the weekend to do something. My Thai was and is not bad, but the word for "vote" obviously doesn't come up in conversation very often. So she starts shuffling through her dictionary whilst trying to talk to me down the phone to explain what she will be doing. "I am going home to make an erection (election)". We still laugh our asses off about it today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tufty Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 In the market all I ever see are tangerines and Jaffa oranges full of seeds so I told my girl that I wanted to buy some large seedless oranges, her reply was “what colour are they” I had to say blue. What she was talking about Pomelo After we finished shopping for clothes (party that night) when I asked my girl what she would like to buy for her friends birthday and she that she wanted to buy “some cock” I told her that her friend could probably get that for free. What she meant to say was a clock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxfordWill Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 "Crips." Girl: "Criiippss" Boy: 'No, babe, ..CriSps..' Girl: "CriiiPPPss" Boy: 'Not quite, but you're getting there..try again - CriSSSpppSS' 'Just try SSPSS and then add CRI' Girl: "SSSPPSSS" Boy: 'Good! Now try CRI" Girl: "CRRIIIPPSSS" *big beam* ... Boy to waitress: '..cheque-bill na krup.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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