Planning Your Funeral

[bendix]

I'm going to do the same as Jeremy Bentham when i'm gone.

[Jet Gorgon]

I'm going to do the same as Jeremy Bentham when i'm gone.

Oh. Which chair and in which location will your dissected body reside on? What about your unpublished papers?

[PhilHarries]

Christ there are some sick people on this forum

No, just folks looking for advice. The one thing we definitely have in common is we are all going to die. Planning one's own exit is not morbid to me. I just want to know which vodka and videos to order so everyone really enjoys the bbq.

Nothing morbid about arranging your own funeral if your fussy how you go, we all gotta go sometime.

Only thing that bugs me is that as I'm wafting up the stack all them b@st@rds will be guzzling beer at my expense.

I think I've got it covered though. I'm having my funeral piss up before I die but due to some uncertainty regarding the date I had to start it 20 years ago and will have to keep going 'till I croak. Hope the family fortune lasts!

[davidjtayler]

I'm going to do the same as Jeremy Bentham when i'm gone.

Oh. Which chair and in which location will your dissected body reside on? What about your unpublished papers?

I see that you've just been reading google too Miss Jet .....

At least he had his own underwear

[Jet Gorgon]

Christ there are some sick people on this forum

No, just folks looking for advice. The one thing we definitely have in common is we are all going to die. Planning one's own exit is not morbid to me. I just want to know which vodka and videos to order so everyone really enjoys the bbq.

Nothing morbid about arranging your own funeral if your fussy how you go, we all gotta go sometime.

Only thing that bugs me is that as I'm wafting up the stack all them b@st@rds will be guzzling beer at my expense.

I think I've got it covered though. I'm having my funeral piss up before I die but due to some uncertainty regarding the date I had to start it 20 years ago and will have to keep going 'till I croak. Hope the family fortune lasts!

Good idea, Phil. Do you give stuff away at every party?

[Little Black Duck]

Might just be a Duck thing but..I would like to know exactly where I'm going to die....

Then I'd never bloody go there..

[terry57]

Bloody oath .. any excuse for a piss up ... and we're not scared of ghosts

You boys are scared of me in real life. Imagine my ethereal qualities.

you just make sure you give us your address jet, before you kick off.

if we miss the knees up because you aint given us the address you are in deep <deleted> mate. :D

You just wanna come for the free vodka and bbq burgers and Abba and estate giveaways. Well, as my Somerset little bro, you will get a better selection than just the Mikasa china set, but...Gimme a more reasonable plea for my current address besides our family temple in Greece.

ok jet,

ive got a cracker reason why you should give me your address.

dave and i could be driving down surat way and we get incredibly bloody hungry and thirsty.

if we know your address, we could bolt over to your place for a shandie and some cow moo dang.

you would of then saved our life and be known as a hero for ever more.

[Robski]

Might just be a Duck thing but..I would like to know exactly where I'm going to die....

Then I'd never bloody go there..

One thing is certain Mr Duck, for you there will definately be an afterlife. Think of it not as a cremation more of a roasting.

[Jet Gorgon]

I'm going to do the same as Jeremy Bentham when i'm gone.

Oh. Which chair and in which location will your dissected body reside on? What about your unpublished papers?

I see that you've just been reading google too Miss Jet .....

At least he had his own underwear

I'll have you know, Mr David J Taylor, I studied philosophy and this moralist was in amongst all the other thinkers. But, um, yes, I did have to google to get the exactly correct historical data. But at least I checked. I bet Bendix knew it right off. He knows alot of stuff, I think. Well, I don't expect to be a seraphic angel when I die. Not right off.

But I do believe the moral substance of society --- has been corrected by Beauvoir, not her boyfriend Sartre. And certainly not by Heidegger.

Oh, he had his own underwear? I never knew that. Which site were you on?

[davidjtayler]

Might just be a Duck thing but..I would like to know exactly where I'm going to die....

Then I'd never bloody go there..

One thing is certain Mr Duck, for you there will definately be an afterlife. Think of it not as a cremation more of a roasting.

we can't wait for you to pop your clogs duck .... crispy, roasted, barbecued, stewed ... mmmmmm ... your afterlife is going to be very dark, brown and smelly if I'm involved

[peter991]

Here's one way to find when your last day on Earth will be. Click here and see how long you have.

Peter

[farangsay]

Actually before choosing the style of funeral all the

implications should be taken in to account.

Thai (ie Buddhist) funeral is out because of the

reincarnation possibilities - coming back as an

earthworm or some-such.

Ditto Hindu I think.

Christian , of whichever sect , is not advised

because even the most liberal could find I

meet the entry requirements for the hot place.

Navajo is rejected out of consideration for the

survivors. They'd chop a hole in whatever

building I expired in and I would wander the

Earth as a ghost endowed with all my bad

characteristics. And nobody would like me

when I'm being bad !

Muslim is a possibility with a written guarantee ,

signed in front of Yankee attorneys who work

on a contingency basis , of the 800 pliant

houris specified in their literature.

[Jet Gorgon]

ok jet,

ive got a cracker reason why you should give me your address.

dave and i could be driving down surat way and we get incredibly bloody hungry and thirsty.

if we know your address, we could bolt over to your place for a shandie and some cow moo dang.

you would of then saved our life and be known as a hero for ever more.

I don't do shandies, cow moo dUng or unexpected guests expecting free hospitality. You just want to pick up the Mikasa china before I kick off. Go watch the Life of Brian. I'm like Brian's mom. And what did she say to the three wise men?

[davidjtayler]

Actually before choosing the style of funeral all the

implications should be taken in to account.

Thai (ie Buddhist) funeral is out because of the

reincarnation possibilities - coming back as an

earthworm or some-such.

Ditto Hindu I think.

Christian , of whichever sect , is not advised

because even the most liberal could find I

meet the entry requirements for the hot place.

Navajo is rejected out of consideration for the

survivors. They'd chop a hole in whatever

building I expired in and I would wander the

Earth as a ghost endowed with all my bad

characteristics. And nobody would like me

when I'm being bad !

Muslim is a possibility with a written guarantee ,

signed in front of Yankee attorneys who work

on a contingency basis , of the 800 pliant

houris specified in their literature.

Nothing to do with the virgins then Homer ...?

[davidjtayler]

ok jet,

ive got a cracker reason why you should give me your address.

dave and i could be driving down surat way and we get incredibly bloody hungry and thirsty.

if we know your address, we could bolt over to your place for a shandie and some cow moo dang.

you would of then saved our life and be known as a hero for ever more.

I don't do shandies, cow moo dUng or unexpected guests expecting free hospitality. You just want to pick up the Mikasa china before I kick off. Go watch the Life of Brian. I'm like Brian's mom. And what did she say to the three wise men?

She wasn't the most polite of crones I seem to remember

[Jet Gorgon]

Here's one way to find when your last day on Earth will be. Click here and see how long you have.

Peter

Peter, I ain't even going to peek at that site. Last time I did a test like that, it asked me if I flossed my teeth once a day. Well. I floss twice a day so I got dinged 8 points for being honest and answering no, I don't floss once a day. I am going to be 742 on my next birthday, and no actuary can figure out why I can chain smoke, drink and sleep with the dogs and not die. Genes, baby, it's all in the genes.

Give me your die date Peter, and we will hold a bbq in your honour.

[farangsay]

Nothing to do with the virgins then Homer ...?

I have always thought that men who insist on

virginity fear comparison.

[pampal]

Quote form Farangsay:

Muslim is a possibility with a written guarantee ,

signed in front of Yankee attorneys who work

on a contingency basis , of the 800 pliant

houris specified in their literature.

That's 72 houris and that happens only if you a martyr, otherwise it's

potluck.

Edited January 24, 2007 by pampal

[Jet Gorgon]

Actually before choosing the style of funeral all the

implications should be taken in to account.

[Little Black Duck]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

[Jet Gorgon]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

Can I have the wishbone?

[terry57]

ok jet,

ive got a cracker reason why you should give me your address.

dave and i could be driving down surat way and we get incredibly bloody hungry and thirsty.

if we know your address, we could bolt over to your place for a shandie and some cow moo dang.

you would of then saved our life and be known as a hero for ever more.

I don't do shandies, cow moo dUng or unexpected guests expecting free hospitality. You just want to pick up the Mikasa china before I kick off. Go watch the Life of Brian. I'm like Brian's mom. And what did she say to the three wise men?

urr, umm,

they were very naughty boys.

[Robski]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

Yeh I know that was a bit cruel, I thought shall I, shan't I, and then thought sod it!

BTW what does this long word mean? 'hermaphrodites' Isn't it something to do with nipples?

[Little Black Duck]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

Can I have the wishbone?

Jet Grog-on, sorry, Gorgon...If your wish is for my bone, who am I to refuse,as I believe you are a Lady.!!!!!

[PhilHarries]

Christ there are some sick people on this forum

No, just folks looking for advice. The one thing we definitely have in common is we are all going to die. Planning one's own exit is not morbid to me. I just want to know which vodka and videos to order so everyone really enjoys the bbq.

Nothing morbid about arranging your own funeral if your fussy how you go, we all gotta go sometime.

Only thing that bugs me is that as I'm wafting up the stack all them b@st@rds will be guzzling beer at my expense.

I think I've got it covered though. I'm having my funeral piss up before I die but due to some uncertainty regarding the date I had to start it 20 years ago and will have to keep going 'till I croak. Hope the family fortune lasts!

Good idea, Phil. Do you give stuff away at every party?

Yep. I give wads of cash to charming people on the other side of these counter things. They then hand me back flagons of foaming amber liquid. After repeating this little ritual a few times things get a little hazy but strangely my wallet always seems to be empty the next day. I think I need a new one, wallet, this one seems to have a hole in it.

As for any afterlife, well I'm not too fussed anything above a politician will do me just fine. I heard that cockroaches are real social characters.

[terry57]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

Can I have the wishbone?

Jet Grog-on, sorry, Gorgon...If your wish is for my bone, who am I to refuse,as I believe you are a Lady.!!!!!

cricky's duck,

how is jet suppost to get off on a ducks bone.

it's near on invisible mate and they blow there load in about 2 seconds flat.

[Little Black Duck]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

Yeh I know that was a bit cruel, I thought shall I, shan't I, and then thought sod it!

BTW what does this long word mean? 'hermaphrodites' Isn't it something to do with nipples?

Mr Robski..Its so nice to see you have a conscious..Shall I, Shant I,

Mr Robski isn't Sod it, what Kiwis do to Sheep ???

'hermaphrodites' you naughty boy you caught me out trying to be sophisticated

Dont know myself but it looked good hey ???

[bendix]

I'm going to do the same as Jeremy Bentham when i'm gone.

Oh. Which chair and in which location will your dissected body reside on? What about your unpublished papers?

I plan to use the toilet as my chair, and my unpublished papers as the stuffing.

Because of my chosen final 'chair' there will be no need for either my Benthamite underwear, or the more usual 'shirt-tails' between the leg alternative.

See? I have everything covered (or not, as the case may be . . )

PS . .how did I know it would be YOU who got the Bentham gag?

[farangsay]

Quote form Farangsay:

Muslim is a possibility with a written guarantee ,

signed in front of Yankee attorneys who work

on a contingency basis , of the 800 pliant

houris specified in their literature.

That's 72 houris and that happens only if you a martyr, otherwise it's

potluck.

Thanks for the input bro

Actually I always read the fine print before

signing on any dotted line.

800 or 72 is not a problem. 72 is a bit much

really when I think about. One concurrent

was all I could cope with before and stay

sane and physically intact to be honest.

The martyr thing is a problem however.

Memories of nightmares induced by the

horror pics the nuns used to show us.

Anyway this project is still at a drawing

board brainstorming stage. Even the most

pessimistic "anything that you enjoy is

going to kill you" vet gives me a few years

before drop-dead implementation date

(pun intended).

[davidjtayler]

OK,OK,Ok, Mr Robski Mr David J..At least when the Duck quacks for the last time

people will rejoice and feast and happiness and merriment will reign supreme..

When you pair of A/Holes go the Worms will be the only ones rejoicing...

The thought of hermaphrodites eating me YUK !!!!

Can I have the wishbone?

Jet Grog-on, sorry, Gorgon...If your wish is for my bone, who am I to refuse,as I believe you are a Lady.!!!!!

cricky's duck,

how is jet suppost to get off on a ducks bone.

it's near on invisible mate and they blow there load in about 2 seconds flat.

Blimey ! I disappear for a few minutes and ducks trying to get his rocks off at Jets funeral ... with the newly deceased as well ... you're one sick bird, duck and I think it wise to report a case of bird flu in Phuket to the authorities... that'll really put the cat amongst the ducks