Dream Shattered...

[bkkmadness]

whats to say you decide to go home no job no furniture and very depressed you will argue all the time with your girl blame her for everything if she really love you she"d stayed think long and hard i take it you get holidays take them in uk and see your son same thing happened to me in us 15 years ago went home didnt work came to thailand saw kids 2 times ayear phone calls etc now old enough to come on there own see them all the time great relation ship with them as for the wife

Yep don't worry about the kids now mate, you've provided the sperm now it's time to think about yourself. Don't worry about not seeing the kids grow up, just pop over a couple of times a year that'll do it. She obviously didn't love you as if she had she would have done exactly what you said and followed you wherever you wanted to go without question or protest.

Give me a break...

[helicoptor]

Come on Buriramboy, downright selfish? She didn't even have a chance to settle in before getting pregnant, try to put yourself in her shoes. If she wasn't pregnant and she done the same, yeah then maybe I would go with that BB, but it seems people are holding this girl to a decision she made when circumstances were different.

i think if i read correctly, she was unhappy from day 1 and made no effort to make new freinds and was starting arguements, so presumably this was before she even found out she was pregnant. i personaly think she made next to no effort to adjust, and had probably made her mind up about the place before the plane even landed.

BB

That's true BB I think you did read correctly. In fact I think we all read she was unhappy from day 1, a few posts before we knew she was 4 months pregnant. I guess it seemed more significant for Helicopter to mention this at the time. I understand he's an angry guy at the moment, I would be too, as would anybody but you gotta know there's a side to her story too so I think it's a bit harsh to call her downright selfish.

With hindsight i should have mentioned the pregancy in the OP, not sinister reason for omitting it at this point but I did indicate there was more to the story.

[buriramboy]

whats to say you decide to go home no job no furniture and very depressed you will argue all the time with your girl blame her for everything if she really love you she"d stayed think long and hard i take it you get holidays take them in uk and see your son same thing happened to me in us 15 years ago went home didnt work came to thailand saw kids 2 times ayear phone calls etc now old enough to come on there own see them all the time great relation ship with them as for the wife

Yep don't worry about the kids now mate, you've provided the sperm now it's time to think about yourself. Don't worry about not seeing the kids grow up, just pop over a couple of times a year that'll do it. She obviously didn't love you as if she had she would have done exactly what you said and followed you wherever you wanted to go without question or protest.

Give me a break...

As a good wife should.

BB

[GuestHouse]

but I did indicate there was more to the story.

We take that for granted.

Get her on here and let's hear her side of it all.

[bkkmadness]

Looks like women have more options these days though doesn't it BB.

[buriramboy]

Looks like women have more options these days though doesn't it BB.

Unfortunately, LOL

BB

[solent01]

whats to say you decide to go home no job no furniture and very depressed you will argue all the time with your girl blame her for everything if she really love you she"d stayed think long and hard i take it you get holidays take them in uk and see your son same thing happened to me in us 15 years ago went home didnt work came to thailand saw kids 2 times ayear phone calls etc now old enough to come on there own see them all the time great relation ship with them as for the wife

Yep don't worry about the kids now mate, you've provided the sperm now it's time to think about yourself. Don't worry about not seeing the kids grow up, just pop over a couple of times a year that'll do it. She obviously didn't love you as if she had she would have done exactly what you said and followed you wherever you wanted to go without question or protest.

Give me a break...

As a good wife should.

BB

And I'm guessing BB you would also club her over her head and drag her in to your cave

[helicoptor]

but I did indicate there was more to the story.

We take that for granted.

Get her on here and let's hear her side of it all.

Before she went back 'for a few weeks' I suggested she sign up to TV and read mine and other posts, do some proper research as I did on Thailand, i.e .use her time in the UK constructively.

It was only once she got back that she then texted me to say, 'I am staying here, you need to decide what you are going to do'

So yeah I would welcome any posts but I doubt it - too much effort, probably.

[buriramboy]

whats to say you decide to go home no job no furniture and very depressed you will argue all the time with your girl blame her for everything if she really love you she"d stayed think long and hard i take it you get holidays take them in uk and see your son same thing happened to me in us 15 years ago went home didnt work came to thailand saw kids 2 times ayear phone calls etc now old enough to come on there own see them all the time great relation ship with them as for the wife

Yep don't worry about the kids now mate, you've provided the sperm now it's time to think about yourself. Don't worry about not seeing the kids grow up, just pop over a couple of times a year that'll do it. She obviously didn't love you as if she had she would have done exactly what you said and followed you wherever you wanted to go without question or protest.

Give me a break...

As a good wife should.

BB

And I'm guessing BB you would also club her over her head and drag her in to your cave

you know me too well, have we met???

[sbk]

Lets ease back onto the topic please. Buriramboy's caveman instincts are not under discussion here.

[bkkmadness]

but I did indicate there was more to the story.

We take that for granted.

Get her on here and let's hear her side of it all.

Before she went back 'for a few weeks' I suggested she sign up to TV and read mine and other posts, do some proper research as I did on Thailand, i.e .use her time in the UK constructively.

It was only once she got back that she then texted me to say, 'I am staying here, you need to decide what you are going to do'

So yeah I would welcome any posts but I doubt it - too much effort, probably.

That's a horrible way she did you leave you mate, can't argue with you being angry for that. I guess she had other options and could have handled the situation much better. It must have been a real hard blow to get that message.

You know what I read though, another post talking about how you did everything right and how she did everything wrong. The blame game isn't very constructive and you better get past it if you want to sort this situation out in the best way for all four people involved.

A couple of people have mentioned flying back to see her and your son and getting this sorted out. You must be looking at this as an option? I know you said you have some work here but surely time off can be arranged considering the gravity of the situation.

[GuestHouse]

OK Let's ask another question. (In the interests of being fairminded).

Is the OP willing to go back to the UK to be with his family?

[helicoptor]

OK Let's ask another question. (In the interests of being fairminded).

Is the OP willing to go back to the UK to be with his family?

Not yet, but as previously posted we agreed Thailand was never going to be a permanent thing

I want to be with my family here and stick to the original plan and for my fiancee to adopt a more positive outlook about living here.

I go back now to nothing, starting all over again.

As i am typing I just received an text message: I quote

"Hi darling. hope you are ok. i miss you so much. hope we can work this thing out. so want you in our lives. want you to be here with us.

[bkkmadness]

If you are not willing to go back to your family in the UK yet, do you see yourself making that move in the forseeable future, 6 months, 1-2 years down the line for example? Or is the UK totally out for you?

[buriramboy]

OK Let's ask another question. (In the interests of being fairminded).

Is the OP willing to go back to the UK to be with his family?

Not yet, but as previously posted we agreed Thailand was never going to be a permanent thing

I want to be with my family here and stick to the original plan and for my fiancee to adopt a more positive outlook about living here.

I go back now to nothing, starting all over again.

As i am typing I just received an text message: I quote

"Hi darling. hope you are ok. i miss you so much. hope we can work this thing out. so want you in our lives. want you to be here with us.

emotional blackmail, up to you, do you give in to it or not

BB

[lannarebirth]

OK Let's ask another question. (In the interests of being fairminded).

Is the OP willing to go back to the UK to be with his family?

Not yet, but as previously posted we agreed Thailand was never going to be a permanent thing

I want to be with my family here and stick to the original plan and for my fiancee to adopt a more positive outlook about living here.

I go back now to nothing, starting all over again.

As i am typing I just received an text message: I quote

"Hi darling. hope you are ok. i miss you so much. hope we can work this thing out. so want you in our lives. want you to be here with us.

As others have said, it's about the children. I'd be considering the best course of action to wrest custody from someone this manipulative. For the childrens sake.

[garro]

I think your child and unborn child need to come first.

If you can put all this behind you and move back with your family this would be the best for your kids.

If you can't put all this behind you, and end up resenting your GF and kids for shattering your dream, then it is probably best to end things.

It is a big decision with no easy answers and I think that whatever you decide is likely to be painful at least in the short-term.

Thailand will always be here but children grow up fast.

If you didn't have children my advice would be different.

[Acquiesce]

but I did indicate there was more to the story.

We take that for granted.

Get her on here and let's hear her side of it all.

We could also make Jerry Springer the thread moderator.

[terry57]

Bad luck old chap. My poor brother has lived with his British termagent wife for the past 12 years, and that's in England. Only suffers it for the sake of my niece.

You are number one, and your first priority is job and supporting yourself. With success at that women will come to you easily, no matter where. Men are naturally polygamous. You might want to consider making yourself a Thai family if that's where life has taken you. Don't get hung up on just one woman. Plenty more fish in the sea! And in the normal course of events you would still gain access to your son.

Get on with your life in sunny, happy Thailand. Good luck!

i sort of like this post as it tells it like it is.

i feel the woman has disrespected you and bailed after 3 months and then turned around and given you a choise to make.

if you cave in, she will view you as weak and your life is down the shitter as she will play on that.

if she had respect for you, she would of stuck it out for the agreed period.

id be inclined to start a new life in los and make yourself happy.

after all is said and done, we only have one life and must make ourselves happy before we can make other people happy.

women come and go, so we must accept this fact as well.

the child is the killer, as if it was just her there would be no question of what to do.

give yourself time to get over the emotional blackmail this woman has layed on you.

[helicoptor]

I am willing to go back to the UK (AUS, NZ) once the time is right, i.e. financially secure enough to move to a new area and when the kids are about to start school, but not before we give it a proper go here, which was what we agreed.

The business here is going in a direction where that would be a reality in 3-5 years.

Everything has been set up here for us wanting for absolutely nothing, yes we are miles and miles away and she misses her family/friends etc - so do I, but I am thinking about MY family. And this opportunity hasn't been fully realised by my fiancee.

[polecat]

Better hurry up and sort it out because she won't want to be travelling in a few more months. PLus, most docs recommend babies not flying for the first 6 months.

Oh, and is your relationship with your gf's dad/boss so good that he doesn't mind you poring over message boards all day? Sounds a cushy job. Tell you what, you nup back to England and I'll hold the fort.

[GuestHouse]

Terry, since you've joined the conversation late you may not be aware that the wife here is also pregnant, so its not just a child they already have, it is also the child they are having and the OP should be considering the impact of the pregnancy on his wife's emotions and decision making.

The options I see are not as black and white as they seem.

There are plenty of options for working things out before things get to the point where we have two more children being raised in a single parent family.

Nor, since there are two sides of the problem is it necessarily a case of the mother putting emotional blackmail on the father.

As much as there is 'I want to be in the UK' there is also 'I want to be in Thailand'.

[bkkmadness]

we only have one life and must make ourselves happy before we can make other people happy.

I'm glad my parents never had this attitude. When you have kids you don't put your own happiness first, I think it's called 'being a man'.

[helicoptor]

Better hurry up and sort it out because she won't want to be travelling in a few more months. PLus, most docs recommend babies not flying for the first 6 months.

Oh, and is your relationship with your gf's dad/boss so good that he doesn't mind you poring over message boards all day? Sounds a cushy job. Tell you what, you nup back to England and I'll hold the fort.

It is, unfortunately I do have to do a bit sometimes though, when the Thais are having a 'day off' so to speak

[JacknDanny]

.I just don't get it with farang guys and Thai women. There's a huge myth about their beauty. I work in an office with a couple of hundred decidedly plain looking Thai women. I walk down the street, go to the malls, hit the bars, and see decidely plain looking Thai women. Sure there are some beauties, but they are firmly in the minority.

You must be gay

[alaina]

Are you sure that her going back permanently was premeditated? Yes, a text is not a good way of communicating something so important, so I also agree that you need to talk face to face.

I'm content in Thailand and was unhappy in the US, but when I went back for a visit, it was more emotional than I expected. Even the crap airport I arrived in felt like home, and my friends were frendlier than ever. I felt like I been had missing things there, even though few things had changed. I can imagine that these type of feelings would be much stronger if I were unhappy here.

Perhaps something similar came over her when she went for an intended visit.

[polecat]

.I just don't get it with farang guys and Thai women. There's a huge myth about their beauty. I work in an office with a couple of hundred decidedly plain looking Thai women. I walk down the street, go to the malls, hit the bars, and see decidely plain looking Thai women. Sure there are some beauties, but they are firmly in the minority.

You must be gay

Nah, actually have similarities with helicopter: Farang g/f, child on the way. Difference is that we've both lived in SEA for a good few years. G/f does get emotional, but we haven't even considered heading back to farangland.

I think bkkmadness is talking a lot of sense. Think of the bigger picture. Otherwise we might see you in one of those other threads in a couple of years. Whatever you do Helicopter...

DONT BUY A BAR!

[garro]

I think what has been said about European women being jealous of Thai women is very unfair.

I was back in Europe last year and was amazed at the number of stunning asian women who now live there.

Sorry bad joke.

[terry57]

I am willing to go back to the UK (AUS, NZ) once the time is right, i.e. financially secure enough to move to a new area and when the kids are about to start school, but not before we give it a proper go here, which was what we agreed.

The business here is going in a direction where that would be a reality in 3-5 years.

Everything has been set up here for us wanting for absolutely nothing, yes we are miles and miles away and she misses her family/friends etc - so do I, but I am thinking about MY family. And this opportunity hasn't been fully realised by my fiancee.

i have a very good female friend who is married to an architect. he was sent to bangkok on a great expat package living in a very nice condo on soi nana.

maid , nanny and the works, they wanted for nothing.

there transfer was for 3 years.

the two twin boys were placed in a top private school all payed for by the company.

he loved it, the boys loved it and she hated it.

id go and stay with them in there luxurious condo and she was miserable and missing australia badly.

i actually thought she was going to do a runner back to perth.

anyway, she stuck it out and after 12 months had a nice group of expat friends and started to like it.

there back in perth now but she cant stay away, and returns every year to bangkok to see her maid and the great friends she made now loving thailand.

i love that story and just thought id share it.

sometimes we need to dig deep and hang in there to really discover some special things in life.

[solent01]

helicopter, it sounds like you have already made up your mind about staying and working in Thailand, I'm starting to think you love Thailand more than your family (I hope I'm wrong, and just not reading your posts correctly), I understand you feel that Thailand is the opportunity you have been waiting for to better your families situation, but if you don't get this sorted you may well end up with no family, which kind of defeats the whole object does it not? Honestly, I feel right now you should be arranging a trip back home, only through supporting your wife in her time of need will you get the chance to encourage her back at a later date. Playing stubborn, now of all times is not a wise move (if you want to remain a family).