Are Thai Women Possessive Of Their Men?

[Nhscotsman]

I have expectation of her and expect her to be a certain way and I have made this crystal clear to her, just as she has to me regarding what she likes and dislikes in men. This is where we agree on everything…..so far anyway, but if I go there next week and I feel like I am on a leash, then it’s going to get cut or I’ll be saying bye bye. so I believe its best to sit back and make sure the one you pick is the one truly want to be with.

This is the key to ANY good relationship IMO. There are things about my husband that I don't like, things he does or the occasional thing he comes out with reminds me that although we are very alike in our wants, upbringing (yes even though I am UK & he is thai) & values, he has still been raised in a different culture & lifestyle. BUT, these are the things I have decided I will just deal with & not focus on too much but when we first started out there were certain things I just wouldn't tolerate. One example, was smoking dope. He liked the weed & as I grew up in an enviroment where it was openly used, knew the pitfalls of having a life with someone who liked it too much.

So, when we started to talk about getting more serious, I just gave him a simple choice, the weed or me. Up to him, I wasn't going to push it or nag about it but I was able & willing to walk away if he wanted the smoke more. He chose me & apart from the occasional visit to my dads farm in spain, he doesn't smoke it anymore. His life hasn't been destroyed by that descision & he doesn't miss it but had I not forced the issue in the beginning it would have destroyed us for sure.

So, if your lady is going over the top & you feel restricted and you know you can't live with it, then there are only 2 options. Encourage her to stop & help the trust grow or walk away letting her know the reason why.

It isn't very sympathetic I know, but I am great beleiver in not being able to change people. Someone can chose to change themselves but you can't force them to change. You can give them options & also explain what you will do if they don't change or at least compromise but ultimately, if they don't want to change then they wont.

First off, Espina, I discuss this thread to my Thai GF each and every night. I think your input is wonderful and and each night I tell her that I have been discussing this and what each of you think is always explained to her. Actually it has helped in getting into some insightful conversations regarding our relationship.

But in all honesty though, Boo.....I think you and I should do private conversations...hahaha....You and I seem to be on the same page...haha. I read your response and it's just exactly how I feel. I make myself clear to my gf anytime something concerns me and I personally can't see being with someone if at every turn in the relationship, there's a major issue that has to be hurdled. I am a "Talking Person" and believe that you should talk talk talk about EVERYTHING. These people that sit quietly and sulk and let things bother you, they usually explode at some point and why not discuss concerns with your significant other.....this is the person you plan to be with forever. Your discussion about the pot smoking was wonderful and I am just like you. If I had someone in my life that behaved like that, it would be lose the pot or lose me! But it must still bother you when he goes to Spain and dabbles with it still.

Sheryly, I agree with you too in that I believe that Thai women has jealousy issues. Not saying other nationalities don't too but I believe when you're from a third world country and someone comes along that can give you a lot better life either in Thailand or in another country, you're going to be over protective of them. Not that this man or woman in your life is your "Golden Ticket" out of a poverty lifestyle, it's just when you find a "Keeper" you tend to want to make sure it's YOUR keeper and not someone elses.

But in closing though, your comments about being on a leash are understandable, no one wants to be led around and told how to behave, especially not me. I'm not a rich American and have debt like everyone else and she knows this, but she also knows as she puts it that I'm a "Good Man with a Good Heart" and she knows at this point in time, I adore her and her son and look forward to starting a long term relationship with her and the little boy. But also too, your comments regarding this thread are WONDERFUL and we both take the input, both negative and positive with great appreciation.

Nhscotsman

[sbk]

I am a "Talking Person" and believe that you should talk talk talk about EVERYTHING. These people that sit quietly and sulk and let things bother you, they usually explode at some point and why not discuss concerns with your significant other.....this is the person you plan to be with forever.

Are you sure you are a man???

[Nhscotsman]

I am a "Talking Person" and believe that you should talk talk talk about EVERYTHING. These people that sit quietly and sulk and let things bother you, they usually explode at some point and why not discuss concerns with your significant other.....this is the person you plan to be with forever.

Are you sure you are a man???

Yup (looking down)...I'm all man , but I'm trying to figure out why you made the comment. I mentioned the comment to a co-worker and they thought maybe because "men" don't normally talk about things that bother them, they are the sulkers of the world....her comment, not mine, and she said that's what makes me "unique".......I never thought of myself as unique but hey, it's better than some words I could think of...hahaha. I just try and bring things to the front to talk about, as my fiancee says, "I talk from the heart".....Plus, what good does it do to sulk and let things build up inside of you. Eventually they come out anyway and when they do, it's usually not a pleasant scene.

Nhscotsman

[chuchok]

I am a "Talking Person" and believe that you should talk talk talk about EVERYTHING. These people that sit quietly and sulk and let things bother you, they usually explode at some point and why not discuss concerns with your significant other.....this is the person you plan to be with forever.

Are you sure you are a man???

Yup (looking down)...I'm all man , but I'm trying to figure out why you made the comment. I mentioned the comment to a co-worker and they thought maybe because "men" don't normally talk about things that bother them, they are the sulkers of the world....her comment, not mine, and she said that's what makes me "unique".......I never thought of myself as unique but hey, it's better than some words I could think of...hahaha. I just try and bring things to the front to talk about, as my fiancee says, "I talk from the heart".....Plus, what good does it do to sulk and let things build up inside of you. Eventually they come out anyway and when they do, it's usually not a pleasant scene.

Nhscotsman

never sulked in my life.I also don't think that my mates sulk,but then again I'm never around to see these moments..

Why on earth would anybody sulk for?

[mikethevigoman]

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

I know just what you mean. My gf has the advantage of speaking Thai and I don't speak a word yet, but that is a huge advantage on her part too. But you also live in Pattaya too, big differance between Pattaya and Surin.

Plus, what I failed to say previously though too was that the one beating she did get from the ex-husband, she told me that she called the police right away and that because she was pregnant too, the police arrested him and he went to jail for 5 months. She has never seen him since! I got this info from her sister and not from my gf herself. I sat with a group of 7 Thai girls (friends of my gf) and had a discussion about their lives as females in Thailand and how Thai society treats women and children. They were the ones who initially started the conversation about my gf getting hit by her ex. She was embaressed that it was told but she speaks of it a little bit now if I bring it up.

Nhscotsman

im afraid its a financial thing too, thai women are paranoid some other woman will take away their bread winner, unfortunatly ( and this is not directed at you or yours ) if its an ex bar girl they know that most of these girls have no scruples at all,( and that most men they have come into contact with ) im afraid as in any relationship lack of trust will bring problems, you have a an uphill battle to convinve any ex bg that you are only interested in her, look in this weeks pattaya mail ,2 farang stabbed ( one almost died ) by there jealous girlfriends, i am talking from experience, these types of girl are not the sorts to have serious relationships with,. i was 100 per cent faithful but my ex had it in her head that i would /did "butterfly " and i had no chance, even finishing was a major marathon and i was threatened and blackmailed ! use extreme caution with a jealous thai lady ,.

Edited April 7, 2007 by mikethevigoman

[mikethevigoman]

My observation is a 'normal' Thai woman will have a 'normal' attitude, not overly possessive. Girls from the bars tend to be very possessive. The competition is heavy.

One hundred per cent agree,. these girls have seen it all ,been abused, lied to ( we are all guilty ) ,i tried with 2 thai bar girls ( married them ! ) i did not stray, still got accused, assaulted ,it was dismal, then one had three thai men come to assault me unless i paid a load of money over, ,and there the problem lies, not in the love but the removal of funds / income, they are rent a wives and thats it,. if these guys dont believe it they are on a different planet to me,. stop the payments to the family for this and that and see how long they stay !, .i am now ( and have been for 5 years ) married to a beautiful thai lady that was not connected to the bar industry,and we get on great no jealousy on either side, I was prepared to forget my ex bar girls past, but they couldnt forget it,. and dont forget, thailand is probably the most ethnically pure nation in s e asai ,dont believe all this about thai men,. the draw of the money thats available in pattaya and the likes has ended more relationships than thai men running off etc ,.Not all thai women are the same, its a small percentage that work the bars and not all of them are no good, however i suggest if you want a thai lady then marry one !

[sbk]

I am a "Talking Person" and believe that you should talk talk talk about EVERYTHING. These people that sit quietly and sulk and let things bother you, they usually explode at some point and why not discuss concerns with your significant other.....this is the person you plan to be with forever.

Are you sure you are a man???

Yup (looking down)...I'm all man , but I'm trying to figure out why you made the comment. I mentioned the comment to a co-worker and they thought maybe because "men" don't normally talk about things that bother them, they are the sulkers of the world....her comment, not mine, and she said that's what makes me "unique".......I never thought of myself as unique but hey, it's better than some words I could think of...hahaha. I just try and bring things to the front to talk about, as my fiancee says, "I talk from the heart".....Plus, what good does it do to sulk and let things build up inside of you. Eventually they come out anyway and when they do, it's usually not a pleasant scene.

Nhscotsman

never sulked in my life.I also don't think that my mates sulk,but then again I'm never around to see these moments..

Why on earth would anybody sulk for?

I wasn't referring to the sulking part, sorry, should have deleted that part. Its the talking bit that kind of blew me away.

Nice to hear that there are men who like to talk things out rather than grunt and say "whatever" just to shut up the woman and get back to their football, beer, or whatever

However, we aren't discussing bargirls here, but thanks for your story mike.

Hope things work out for you, nhscotsman, seems like you are at least willing to work things out. Good luck

[lannarebirth]

I am a "Talking Person" and believe that you should talk talk talk about EVERYTHING. These people that sit quietly and sulk and let things bother you, they usually explode at some point and why not discuss concerns with your significant other.....this is the person you plan to be with forever.

Are you sure you are a man???

I understand the benefit of talking through every issue, but since coming to Thailand I've also learned the benefit of letting some issues rest for a day or so before returning to them. "Face" (ego really) is a big thing here, and in the moment, compromise is not always possible. Forcing a discussion can lead to escaltion and angry feelings, but given time for reflection you may just get what you want with little more needing to be said. Think about it anyway.

Edited April 8, 2007 by lannarebirth

[LaReina]

Congrats, but not to rain on your parade, I think you have much more than her jealousy to worry about. At least not going out in the states. No sane female approaches a man who is with another woman.

Have you thought about taking her to the states to see how she will like it?

How will she be able to adjust to a new surrounding with no friends? Have you started looking for a Thai community to help her make the transition, but at the same time, one that she will not become to dependant on?

I know your friends will be her friends.. but.. with the age gap, how nice will the other women you know be? Forget the comments, I am talking about those looks of disproval that women like to dish out. Are you prepping them also and telling them what you will and will not tolerate?

I understand you want her to work like other wives work, and I assume her English is really good, but.. what kind of work are you thinking she will be qualified to do? Are you prepping her on how to interview for a job?

Staying at home for the first 6 months until she has a work permit can be a challenge, for anyone. You need to start preparing for her transition. By finding a hobby that she can enjoy to keep her mind occupied while you are at work in the beginning.

[Polarbear45]

Read many of the pages of information and wanted to make a few comments of my own. I too am American who married what I feel is a true Thai lady, never worked in entertainment areas.

She had an x that left after three children for wife that family thought was better for the thai man. She however told me she does not say bad things about the X to the children or others. So not all Thai ladies develop dislike for Thai men. She also said she never dated Thai men again as she was not considered good wife as she had three children and was from Nort living in South. Their loss my gain.

You mention going to meet family and you would see how she acted and then decide if to walk. I also think you mentioned being engaged. I met family last visit and must tell you how important this is. She will be very hurt and disgraced in family if you meet family then dump her. My wife took me to meet everyone and was always with me. She has never acted jelous only attentive. Try not to confuse the two.

The topic of Sex was not mentioed in any of your emails. Which i hope is something that is good and you are treating her with respect in that area. I knew and did not ask until after marriage and then wife was very loving and carring. When visiting family if unmarried ( even if you are intiment before ) you may be asked to sleep with the Thai men.

I would mention if you have issues now and they are concerns that many will only get worse after you marry anyone, Thai or American. You seem to be discussing many of the issues and what you said about talking everything out is how I am also. My daughters tell me I am to nice and carring and that gets me hurt. So i understand I think the type of person you are.

I hope and it seems you are reading much Thai forums. They provide much information if you weed out all the complaining and learn to understand the Thai culture. I hope you will meet her in this area rather then try to make her american. Thai culture has a lot to offer and should be excepted.

Someone mentioned having her come to US to visit. Very hard to due if they know she has American BF. I hope you are also aware of the process you must go throught to bring to US. i saw many men at embassy after marriage thinking they would take wife home. Wait right now is close to one year, if you know what you are doing.

if you want one on one talk drop me a line [email protected]

[duratanium]

They can be strange creatures.... no offence intended

On the one hand my g/f barred me from the salon she has for a while because the lady clients were making comments about how 'hansum' I look.

Yet she will allow me to go to the pub on my own on the condition I return home afterward.

Also been told in no uncertain terms that a sharp knife across the throat will be the reward for taking up with another woman in the same vicinity

I don't think this makes Thai women that much different from women of other nationalities but they do seem to like to hang on to what they see as a 'good thing'. IMHO

And that can make you feel good too as long as they do not go overboard and make you feel like a prisoner.

Got to give any relationship time for adjustment after both parties have been with another partner / husband before coming to a decision on whether you are comfortable with them or not.

[MyFriend You]

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

Are you scared your girlfriend might actually kill you?

To the OP forget all the stuff about Thai men, half is true, half is b/shit and theres no doubt a few other halfs to it too.

It comes down to one thing, your girlfriend knows exactly how much opportunity you have in this country to get a new girlfriend or find a wife. If your handsome you got more opportunities, if you've got money you got even more, either will do. If your a guy that likes to splash about his cash then a lot of the women you meet will happily whip you away from your girlfriend without a second thought.

So she's looking after her interests because there's a ton of competition out there. The only thing to worry about is your gf keeping you away from other women coz she's worried about losing your heart or your wallet?

Yeeessss! I agree with bkkm here. Let you be not mistaken here that jealousy meant she has love for your heart. It could well meant your money. So if you have never shown to her as a rich person, you should be ok.

Surin - Khmer - Cambodian - Thai nationals for sure - but traditionally Khmer - I have lived on & off in Thailand for 30 years , the most jealous of all are from the Khmer region of the Cambodian border - you have been given some solid advise from the above posters. I will tell you, I have lost 7 friends to Thai wives, 3 from Cambodian (lived there for 3 years) and several from Philipina wives - Possession and status is first and foremost. as you are determined to marry this lady, and she has already showed her possessive nature, I would be wary. She is either scared to death you would fancy another chick or she has somthing else more sinister to hide - my aquaintence in Udorn was killed by his wives Pee Chai - turned out he was her husband that was missing for '3 years" I no see him 3 years now - you may find out she was still married to him - has she talked about insurance, buying a house, land, taxi for her 'older brother', open a resturant??? Has she told you that since you have proposed if you don't marry her, she will have to commit suicide because her village and family will disown her, and she will have to be a prostitute??? That is a common story. I had a very affluent friend tell me once - "Tim, these girls put a spell on you, they are so gentle but so treacherous at the same time" Of course there are the exceptions, but I have been associated with Thais so long I look at every story, excuse, explanation with scepticism. Be Wary only six months??? I lived with my thai GF almost a year , I told her I didn't want to be married from the beginning, after a year, she started becoming a real bitch - her 'Pee Chai' came out of the woodwork, talking she is living in shame, my family blah blah blah - so I hired a Thai investigator - found out he was her husband = be wary = all is not as it seems. What raises a flag is she said her Thai husnabd disappeared - same story my GF told me..............................offer to live together = see what she says.......................

[john b good]

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

Are you scared your girlfriend might actually kill you?

To the OP forget all the stuff about Thai men, half is true, half is b/shit and theres no doubt a few other halfs to it too.

It comes down to one thing, your girlfriend knows exactly how much opportunity you have in this country to get a new girlfriend or find a wife. If your handsome you got more opportunities, if you've got money you got even more, either will do. If your a guy that likes to splash about his cash then a lot of the women you meet will happily whip you away from your girlfriend without a second thought.

So she's looking after her interests because there's a ton of competition out there. The only thing to worry about is your gf keeping you away from other women coz she's worried about losing your heart or your wallet?

Yeeessss! I agree with bkkm here. Let you be not mistaken here that jealousy meant she has love for your heart. It could well meant your money. So if you have never shown to her as a rich person, you should be ok.

Haven't read through to the end of the thread but for what it's worth....

"good man and good heart" most often mean (when uttered by a Thai woman) that you are free with your money and will buy up, for all when out at a restaurant. (etc)

"their stated dislike for Thai men" is as superficial as the make up (what little that they use) on their faces. (my ex stated her dislike for Thai men as vehemently as one could yet who is she with now?, you got it, a Thai man (I don't hate all Thai woman as a result of this)

My current GF should be in the CIA, MI5 or KGB as she is the most untrusting, & jealous individual that one could meet up with. (yet who is the one to have "stepped out" when the opportunity arose.

There are many great and wonderful woman here in the realm and many will be telling the absolute gospel, but guys, if you believe everything that comes out of their sweet mouth's it is a sure fire recipe for heartbreak and disaster.

Think with you head (the one on your shoulders) and not with your heart.

And for those who ask "aren't you afraid of them killing you" you won't be the first one.

Edited April 8, 2007 by john b good

[MyPenRye]

I think you'll find that spousal abuse is not limited to only Thailand, so I doubt it is solely a cultural issue. Abusive people (men and women) exist in all countries and all cultures. It is a human issue and luckily for your gf, she managed to escape. Alot of women don't.

From Canada:

[...]*

With all due respect, what most people might not know is that these stats and others do not represent often the full story. Is jealousy a form of abuse? Are men really more abusive than women?

The following research proves that women are just as abusive as men. Many women know this, but do not talk about it. Why? Women and girls know that women and girls are abusive amongst themselves, as the following will prove. Now, I am not saying at all (nor does the following) that men are not abusive. Men abusers exist. The point is that female abusers exist too. The issue is that women use psychological means, means which are subversive and hard to "punish". More often than not, women will get away with it. Who can say what effect can unpunished female abuse have on a boy who, for instance, might get punished for reacting to something nasty that was said or done by a girl? Have we not just taught this girl that she was victimized for apparently no reason where in fact she was the perpetrator? Given repetive incidents like these, what is the effect on women and men as they grow up? Of course, it could be argued that hitting someone is much more abusive than demeaning or humiliating someone. Some people say that words are just as hurtful. It is my experience that more often than not disputes are often a case of misunderstanding, highlighting the dire need to teach women and men proper ways to manage conflicts effectively, fairly. Of course, there are other issues between men and women. I think also there are issues relaed to the institution of marriage. For instance, men tend to be more polygamous in their thinking and women more monogamous. In view of alarming divorce and infidelity stats, one wonders if the institution of marriage is a good one for all people, for men, for women, for children. But, let's go back to the notion that women are just as abuive as men.

Recent research says that:

#1

Girls more abusive with dates than boys, study says

(One in four teenage girls admitted using 'dating violence' toward their

partner compared to one in five boys) (from the Vancouver Sun)

Even though it looks like the Sun messed up the info on its online intro,

I read the article and the actual findings of the research conducted by 3

women PhD profs (Heather Sears, Sandra Byers, Lisa Price). They found

that 25% of girls and 20% of boys use dating violence. In the article it

states that women use psychological abuse methods and boys, mostly physical

(predictably), but what it not is that women/girls are more abusive than

boys/men (and not way less [1/2] as other research had pointed out.).

Now, most of the authors of this study --up until that time-- had been

publishing research pointing out how men abused women, but rarely

providing counter-research to show that women abused men too (for instance,

http://www.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/fm/datingfs.html) (1). I applaud the

researchers for exposing the flip side of this issue. Finally!

What is profoundly disturbing in this new research is that I think that

this is just the tip of the iceberg. How many more times is the physical abuse

from the boy related to the emotional abuse of the --or a-- girl(s)? In

other words, how many times is it retaliatory? If some girls/women are

using emotional abuse amongst themselves (more than boys), it is easy to

hypothesize that they are better equipped than boys/men to deal with any

and girls/women probably don't fully understand the effect of these

techniques on boys/men. In fact girls/women might think that the way

they act is the norm and is acceptable. After all, isn't it this ubiquitous

in many movies? How many times is a delayed response from

a boy or a man directed to "girls/women" in general in a way to respond to

a particular event or a number of events that was not dealt fairly? What

are the implication of this type of early abuse in forming healthy and

functional men (and women) in terms of distrust of men for women, in

terms of pathological abuse condoned by the police/courts? Is this a new trend

or has it always been like this? If this takes place in dating, isn't it

natural to think that this takes place outside of dating as well?

Keep in mind that women's groups receive funding from governments

($15.3 millions and nothing for men) and have a vested interest in writing

history (or hers) so that they will keep being funded. What happens thus

is that we are bombarded by research made by women, for women, to paint

women as being always worst off than men. Not to say that women,

sometimes, do not have legitimate issues, but it is sad that they have not

learned to be a bit more balanced.

#2

Here is just a sample of AN ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY examining ASSAULTS

BY WOMEN ON THEIR SPOUSES OR MALE PARTNERS written by Martin S.

Fiebert, Department of Psychology, California State University, Long

Beach (The full bibliography can be found at

http://www.fathers.bc.ca/assaults_by_women.htm)

SUMMARY: This bibliography examines 95 scholarly investigations, 79

empirical studies and 16 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate

that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men

in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The

aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 60,000.

(I would add that, considering research taking into account emotional

or social bullying, we can extrapolate that women are definitively

more violent than males.)

Aizenman, M., & Kelley, G. (1988). The incidence of violence and

acquaintance rape in dating relationships among college men and women.

Journal of College Student Development, 29, 305-311. (A sample of

actively dating college students <204 women and 140 men> responded to

a survey examining courtship violence. Authors report that there were

no significant differences between the sexes in self reported

perpetration of physical abuse.)

Archer, J., & Ray, N. (1989). Dating violence in the United Kingdom: a

preliminary study. Aggressive Behavior, 15, 337-343. (Twenty three

dating couples completed the Conflict Tactics scale. Results indicate

that women were significantly more likely than their male partners to

express physical violence. Authors also report that, "measures of

partner agreement were high" and that the correlation between past and

present violence was low.)

Arias, I., Samios, M., & O'Leary, K. D. (1987). Prevalence and

correlates of physical aggression during courtship. Journal of

Interpersonal Violence, 2, 82-90. (Used Conflict Tactics Scale with a

sample of 270 undergraduates <95 men, 175 women> and found 30% of men

and 49% of women reported using some form of aggression in their

dating histories with a greater percentage of women engaging in severe

physical aggression.)

* Shortened due to space contraints. Please refer to the whole post for more information. Thanks.

Edited April 8, 2007 by MyPenRye

[LaReina]

Please do not.. say that women are more abusive than men .. and base it on "Emotional" abuse. That is comparing apples to oranges.

YOU can not equate a fist to the jaw, with broken ribs in any shape, form, or fashion.. to psychological abuse.. by a WOMAN.

By the way .. perhaps you can give an example of such abuse.

As it stands I have been abused since birth by my parents. Between the boogey man coming to get me, and an organge tree would grow out of my mouth if I swallowed the seeds... hmmm .. and Santa Claus.. give me a break. Lets not forget what age THAT form of abuse takes place.

[faranggl]

If you are not trusted.........................Don't get married

If you can't be trusted........................Don't get married

[sbk]

Well, MyPenRye, you certainly only read part of my post didn't you? you didn't even read the part you quoted where I stated women abuse as well as men.

However, this thread is not about spousal or partner abuse but the OP's gf claim to hate Thai men because of abuse she suffered.

You want a thread on abuse, please feel free to start one. But, in this thread, if you can't relate it to the OP, please try and refrain from posting. I only posted my part to show the OP that abuse comes in all nationalities and to show that her claim could be made anywhere in the world.

So, back to the topic at hand, which is jealousy and possessiveness on the part of the OP's fiancee.

[game4shame]

My observation is a 'normal' Thai woman will have a 'normal' attitude, not overly possessive. Girls from the bars tend to be very possessive. The competition is heavy.

in alot of cases where BG's are involved the girl is more concerned with her face than actually giving a toss about the farang boyfriend.

[bonobo]

Women are women, no matter where they are from. The culture may change the wrapping, but inside, they are the same.  Same in general, that is, but different from individual to individual.

I cannot abide jealousy. I am not a jealous man, and I cannot accept that in a woman. I am a pretty decent guy in most regards--I make a good living, treat people well, am honest and thoughtful, etc. But i also like women. Not just one. I cannot remain monogamous.  But since I am also honest, I need women who understand and accept me.

Right now, I have three women I regularly see. One is my g/f, and she is great. She is everything I want, and we both share a need for sexual adventure.  So we go to parties or hook up with other couples on the internet. I can say with all certainty that she is not jealous.

I see another woman about once a week. She knows about the other two, but is not willing to be with anyone else with me. She has tried to find other b/f's on at least three occassions, but she keeps coming back to me. I see her b

cause we mesh so well in bed.

The third is in love with me. She knows we will never marry, and she knows about my g/f. But she still wants me when I can see her. I have tried to break it off several times, telling her to find a man more suitable for her, but she won't. and I don't have the will to cut her completely off.

The first girl is not jealous at all, and I spend most of my time with her, partly because of that. The other two know there are others, and while they are not overjoyed, they accept that.

I know other women are very jealous, but I would never form any kind of relationship with them.  I am not saying it is good or bad, just not for me.

[LaoPo]

Women are women, no matter where they are from. The culture may change the wrapping, but inside, they are the same.  Same in general, that is, but different from individual to individual.

I cannot abide jealousy. I am not a jealous man, and I cannot accept that in a woman. I am a pretty decent guy in most regards--I make a good living, treat people well, am honest and thoughtful, etc. But i also like women. Not just one. I cannot remain monogamous.  But since I am also honest, I need women who understand and accept me.

Right now, I have three women I regularly see. One is my g/f, and she is great. She is everything I want, and we both share a need for sexual adventure.  So we go to parties or hook up with other couples on the internet. I can say with all certainty that she is not jealous.

I see another woman about once a week. She knows about the other two, but is not willing to be with anyone else with me. She has tried to find other b/f's on at least three occassions, but she keeps coming back to me. I see her b

cause we mesh so well in bed.

The third is in love with me. She knows we will never marry, and she knows about my g/f. But she still wants me when I can see her. I have tried to break it off several times, telling her to find a man more suitable for her, but she won't. and I don't have the will to cut her completely off.

The first girl is not jealous at all, and I spend most of my time with her, partly because of that. The other two know there are others, and while they are not overjoyed, they accept that.

I know other women are very jealous, but I would never form any kind of relationship with them.  I am not saying it is good or bad, just not for me.

You're a busy man.

Why don't you ask them and live all 4 of you happily together since they all accept there are 'others'? ?

Saves you a lot of time and money. But maybe three women won't be enough for you....

LaoPo

[bonobo]

Women are women, no matter where they are from. The culture may change the wrapping, but inside, they are the same.  Same in general, that is, but different from individual to individual.

I cannot abide jealousy. I am not a jealous man, and I cannot accept that in a woman. I am a pretty decent guy in most regards--I make a good living, treat people well, am honest and thoughtful, etc. But i also like women. Not just one. I cannot remain monogamous.  But since I am also honest, I need women who understand and accept me.

Right now, I have three women I regularly see. One is my g/f, and she is great. She is everything I want, and we both share a need for sexual adventure.  So we go to parties or hook up with other couples on the internet. I can say with all certainty that she is not jealous.

I see another woman about once a week. She knows about the other two, but is not willing to be with anyone else with me. She has tried to find other b/f's on at least three occassions, but she keeps coming back to me. I see her b

cause we mesh so well in bed.

The third is in love with me. She knows we will never marry, and she knows about my g/f. But she still wants me when I can see her. I have tried to break it off several times, telling her to find a man more suitable for her, but she won't. and I don't have the will to cut her completely off.

The first girl is not jealous at all, and I spend most of my time with her, partly because of that. The other two know there are others, and while they are not overjoyed, they accept that.

I know other women are very jealous, but I would never form any kind of relationship with them.  I am not saying it is good or bad, just not for me.

You're a busy man.

Why don't you ask them and live all 4 of you happily together since they all accept there are 'others'? ?

Saves you a lot of time and money. But maybe three women won't be enough for you....

LaoPo

Believe me, I have thought of that.  My g/f would accept another, especially if she was bi. But the one I see each week will not share.  She knows about #1, but merely accepts that.

My #1 is great in almost everything, but to be blunt, we are only OK in bed. She tries hard, but it is only OK. The other one is great in bed with me--we mesh well.  But she is not so open, nor fun to be with out of bed.

The third is just an also ran. I don't want to sound cruel, but that is the way it is.

I don't drink or go to the bars. Basically, I work, exercise, go to an occassional movie, and enjoy the company of women (alone or swinging). So yes, my time is full.   If I had all three with me, I would be happy for awhile, but I know even then I would start looking elsewhere.

In most ways, I am the nicest guy around, one most women would love. But I am a dog, and I admit it. So it is better for me to find women who not only accept this lifestyle, but who enjoy it.

But the point relevant to this thread is that there are Thai women, just as there are women everywhere, who are not jealous.

[LaoPo]

Women are women, no matter where they are from. The culture may change the wrapping, but inside, they are the same.  Same in general, that is, but different from individual to individual.

I cannot abide jealousy. I am not a jealous man, and I cannot accept that in a woman. I am a pretty decent guy in most regards--I make a good living, treat people well, am honest and thoughtful, etc. But i also like women. Not just one. I cannot remain monogamous.  But since I am also honest, I need women who understand and accept me.

Right now, I have three women I regularly see. One is my g/f, and she is great. She is everything I want, and we both share a need for sexual adventure.  So we go to parties or hook up with other couples on the internet. I can say with all certainty that she is not jealous.

I see another woman about once a week. She knows about the other two, but is not willing to be with anyone else with me. She has tried to find other b/f's on at least three occassions, but she keeps coming back to me. I see her b

cause we mesh so well in bed.

The third is in love with me. She knows we will never marry, and she knows about my g/f. But she still wants me when I can see her. I have tried to break it off several times, telling her to find a man more suitable for her, but she won't. and I don't have the will to cut her completely off.

The first girl is not jealous at all, and I spend most of my time with her, partly because of that. The other two know there are others, and while they are not overjoyed, they accept that.

I know other women are very jealous, but I would never form any kind of relationship with them.  I am not saying it is good or bad, just not for me.

You're a busy man.

Why don't you ask them and live all 4 of you happily together since they all accept there are 'others'? ?

Saves you a lot of time and money. But maybe three women won't be enough for you....

LaoPo

In most ways, I am the nicest guy around, one most women would love. But I am a dog, and I admit it. So it is better for me to find women who not only accept this lifestyle, but who enjoy it.

.

Who am I to argue....?

But, are you sure you are not a 'Bonobo'....?

" Sexual social behavior

Sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, being used as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution and post-conflict reconciliation, and as favors traded by the females in exchange for food. Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in all of the following sexual activities: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female, then male-female and male-male), tongue kissing, and oral sex.[1] [2] In scientific literature, the female-female sex is often referred to as GG rubbing or genital-genital rubbing, while male-male sex is sometimes referred to as penis fencing.[9]

Sexual activity happens within the immediate family as well as outside it, and often involves adults and children, even infants.[10] Bonobos do not form permanent relationships with individual partners. They also do not seem to discriminate in their sexual behavior by gender or age, with the possible exception of sexual intercourse between mothers and their adult sons; some observers believe these pairings are taboo. When Bonobos come upon a new food source or feeding ground, the increased excitement will usually lead to communal sexual activity, presumably decreasing tension and allowing for peaceful feeding.[11]

Bonobo males frequently engage in various forms of male-male genital sex (frot).[12] [3][4] One form has two males hang from a tree limb face-to-face while "penis fencing". Frot may also occur where two males rub their penises together while in missionary position. A special form of frot called "rump rubbing" occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, where they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacks together.

Bonobo females also engage in female-female genital sex (tribadism) to socially bond with each other, thus forming a female nucleus of Bonobo society. The bonding between females allows them to dominate Bonobo society - although male Bonobos are individually stronger, they cannot stand alone against a united group of females. Adolescent females often leave their troop of birth to join another troop. Sexual bonding with other females establishes the new females as members of the group. This troop migration mixes the Bonobo gene pools.

Bonobo reproductive rates are not any higher than that of the Common Chimpanzee. Female Bonobos carry and nurse their young for five years and can give birth every five to six years. Compared with Common Chimpanzees, Bonobo females resume the genital swelling cycle much sooner after giving birth, allowing them to rejoin the sexual activities of their society. Also, Bonobo females who are either sterile or too young to reproduce still engage in sexual activity.

From:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo#Sexual_social_behavior

LaoPo

Edited April 10, 2007 by LaoPo

[bonobo]

Women are women, no matter where they are from. The culture may change the wrapping, but inside, they are the same.  Same in general, that is, but different from individual to individual.

I cannot abide jealousy. I am not a jealous man, and I cannot accept that in a woman. I am a pretty decent guy in most regards--I make a good living, treat people well, am honest and thoughtful, etc. But i also like women. Not just one. I cannot remain monogamous.  But since I am also honest, I need women who understand and accept me.

Right now, I have three women I regularly see. One is my g/f, and she is great. She is everything I want, and we both share a need for sexual adventure.  So we go to parties or hook up with other couples on the internet. I can say with all certainty that she is not jealous.

I see another woman about once a week. She knows about the other two, but is not willing to be with anyone else with me. She has tried to find other b/f's on at least three occassions, but she keeps coming back to me. I see her b

cause we mesh so well in bed.

The third is in love with me. She knows we will never marry, and she knows about my g/f. But she still wants me when I can see her. I have tried to break it off several times, telling her to find a man more suitable for her, but she won't. and I don't have the will to cut her completely off.

The first girl is not jealous at all, and I spend most of my time with her, partly because of that. The other two know there are others, and while they are not overjoyed, they accept that.

I know other women are very jealous, but I would never form any kind of relationship with them.  I am not saying it is good or bad, just not for me.

You're a busy man.

Why don't you ask them and live all 4 of you happily together since they all accept there are 'others'? ?

Saves you a lot of time and money. But maybe three women won't be enough for you....

LaoPo

In most ways, I am the nicest guy around, one most women would love. But I am a dog, and I admit it. So it is better for me to find women who not only accept this lifestyle, but who enjoy it.

.

Who am I to argue....?

But, are you sure you are not a 'Bonobo'....?

" Sexual social behavior

Sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, being used as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution and post-conflict reconciliation, and as favors traded by the females in exchange for food. Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in all of the following sexual activities: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female, then male-female and male-male), tongue kissing, and oral sex.[1] [2] In scientific literature, the female-female sex is often referred to as GG rubbing or genital-genital rubbing, while male-male sex is sometimes referred to as penis fencing.[9]

Sexual activity happens within the immediate family as well as outside it, and often involves adults and children, even infants.[10] Bonobos do not form permanent relationships with individual partners. They also do not seem to discriminate in their sexual behavior by gender or age, with the possible exception of sexual intercourse between mothers and their adult sons; some observers believe these pairings are taboo. When Bonobos come upon a new food source or feeding ground, the increased excitement will usually lead to communal sexual activity, presumably decreasing tension and allowing for peaceful feeding.[11]

Bonobo males frequently engage in various forms of male-male genital sex (frot).[12] [3][4] One form has two males hang from a tree limb face-to-face while "penis fencing". Frot may also occur where two males rub their penises together while in missionary position. A special form of frot called "rump rubbing" occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, where they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacks together.

Bonobo females also engage in female-female genital sex (tribadism) to socially bond with each other, thus forming a female nucleus of Bonobo society. The bonding between females allows them to dominate Bonobo society - although male Bonobos are individually stronger, they cannot stand alone against a united group of females. Adolescent females often leave their troop of birth to join another troop. Sexual bonding with other females establishes the new females as members of the group. This troop migration mixes the Bonobo gene pools.

Bonobo reproductive rates are not any higher than that of the Common Chimpanzee. Female Bonobos carry and nurse their young for five years and can give birth every five to six years. Compared with Common Chimpanzees, Bonobo females resume the genital swelling cycle much sooner after giving birth, allowing them to rejoin the sexual activities of their society. Also, Bonobo females who are either sterile or too young to reproduce still engage in sexual activity.

From:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo#Sexual_social_behavior

LaoPo

Well, my biologist, you are only the second person online to ever post that they understood my username, which I widely use.  

I chose the bonobo for their open sexual attitude.  I spent a long time as a Marine, and quite frankly, I now prefer to make love, not war. While I don't do the male-to-male, I have been known to pay for sex, just as male bonobos "pay" for sex with gifts of food (and if the food isn't enough, a female will often refuse the male until he goes and forages for more.)

Let's see, a group which eschews fighting but rather likes to have sex?  Fits the bill for me!

My congrats on your astuteness!  

[sbk]

well bonobo, its good you are honest about your inclinations from the get go. I think most women would rather get this out in the open to choose to accept (or not) rather than enter into a relationship with the idea that it was monogamous and then find out later that their partner never had any intention of being monogamous. Too often people who like to play around find it easier to lie and deal with the consequences later, than to be honest from the start.

And, this perhaps, could be another reason for OP's fiancee's jealousy. Once bitten, twice shy, you know.

[girlx]

I think most women would rather get this out in the open to choose to accept (or not) rather than enter into a relationship with the idea that it was monogamous and then find out later that their partner never had any intention of being monogamous.

this is so true! i think most women would like to be able to make informed decisions, and feel betrayed more by the partner lying and hiding things than by the infidelity.

[Nhscotsman]

Congrats, but not to rain on your parade, I think you have much more than her jealousy to worry about. At least not going out in the states. No sane female approaches a man who is with another woman.

Have you thought about taking her to the states to see how she will like it?

How will she be able to adjust to a new surrounding with no friends? Have you started looking for a Thai community to help her make the transition, but at the same time, one that she will not become to dependant on?

I know your friends will be her friends.. but.. with the age gap, how nice will the other women you know be? Forget the comments, I am talking about those looks of disproval that women like to dish out. Are you prepping them also and telling them what you will and will not tolerate?

I understand you want her to work like other wives work, and I assume her English is really good, but.. what kind of work are you thinking she will be qualified to do? Are you prepping her on how to interview for a job?

Staying at home for the first 6 months until she has a work permit can be a challenge, for anyone. You need to start preparing for her transition. By finding a hobby that she can enjoy to keep her mind occupied while you are at work in the beginning.

I have been thinking about how will be the best way for her to make the transition between Thailand, where she lives by very minimal means to here, a place where we have EVERYTHING at our disposal and pretty much lack for nothing. I live in a small town in Northern New England and I have been more concerned with the weather change. She has never experienced extreme cold weather and most importantly snow, so I suspect her first zero degree day should be an eye opener. Considering I live in a rural town, we have a few Thai people that run a restaurant and I know their kids (I’m a school teacher) from school and I suspect they will be good at helping her make a social transition. I have spoken to the school district and found out that they have lived here only a few years...maybe 5 or 6 years and their kids didn’t speak a word prior to coming to the United States.

As far as work, I have offered to either let her work for my business or she can go to school to do whatever she’d like too. It amazed me that her brother is allowed to go to the University but she and her sister weren’t allowed, but that’s Thailand for you. She has a little boy 3 ½ years of age and if she needs to stay at home for the first six months, he will keep her busy and again, she can always work for my business. Heck, it will be good practice to do stuff with my business prior to working for someone else. I know the transition will be a HUGE shock to her, to say the least but she’s extremely intelligent and has a wonderful and outward personality and living in a small town as I do, the people will adore her just as I do.

Nhscotsman

[sbk]

No, thats just some families in Thailand. Many of my husband's female relatives have opted for higher education and it was with full support of their families. Its just some families who think this way, not all

Regardless, I say get her into a ESL class first, even if its conversation. My husband spoke English quite well when we first got to the US as young marrieds but enjoyed going to an ESL Conversation class just to meet new people and find out how other people adapted to the US. I think it made it easier to see he wasn't the only foreigner in town.

The weather is a problem, but people adapt if they want to.

Remember that Thai people do not make friends easily with other Thais as their society is quite class oriented. Don't push her on the local Thai family, let her make her own friends her own way.

School outside of ESL classes is a better idea, IMO, than working for you, as she will learn to be her own independent person, rather than your wife or gf (to the other employees). This should help to boost her self-confidence and help reduce possessiveness and jealousy problems.

Encouragement and support from you are what she will need most. She must never feel that she will be sent home if there is a problem or that your friends are more important than her. Remember that she will be alone there, without her usual family and friends support network and that she has given this up for you. She must always feel that if she really needs you, you are there.

[bonobo]

well bonobo, its good you are honest about your inclinations from the get go. I think most women would rather get this out in the open to choose to accept (or not) rather than enter into a relationship with the idea that it was monogamous and then find out later that their partner never had any intention of being monogamous. Too often people who like to play around find it easier to lie and deal with the consequences later, than to be honest from the start.

And, this perhaps, could be another reason for OP's fiancee's jealousy. Once bitten, twice shy, you know.

Yes, most women would rather get this upfront. Unfortunately for me, most women decide not to proceed. But that is OK. I would rather spend time with a few women of like ilk than many with whom it just isn't going to work.

I also have to say that I fully accept the same kind of activities from the women.  If it is OK for me, then it certainly must be OK for them.  

[a2396]

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

Are you scared your girlfriend might actually kill you?

To the OP forget all the stuff about Thai men, half is true, half is b/shit and theres no doubt a few other halfs to it too.

It comes down to one thing, your girlfriend knows exactly how much opportunity you have in this country to get a new girlfriend or find a wife. If your handsome you got more opportunities, if you've got money you got even more, either will do. If your a guy that likes to splash about his cash then a lot of the women you meet will happily whip you away from your girlfriend without a second thought.

So she's looking after her interests because there's a ton of competition out there. The only thing to worry about is your gf keeping you away from other women coz she's worried about losing your heart or your wallet?

Yeeessss! I agree with bkkm here. Let you be not mistaken here that jealousy meant she has love for your heart. It could well meant your money. So if you have never shown to her as a rich person, you should be ok.

Surin - Khmer - Cambodian - Thai nationals for sure - but traditionally Khmer - I have lived on & off in Thailand for 30 years , the most jealous of all are from the Khmer region of the Cambodian border - you have been given some solid advise from the above posters. I will tell you, I have lost 7 friends to Thai wives, 3 from Cambodian (lived there for 3 years) and several from Philipina wives - Possession and status is first and foremost. as you are determined to marry this lady, and she has already showed her possessive nature, I would be wary. She is either scared to death you would fancy another chick or she has somthing else more sinister to hide - my aquaintence in Udorn was killed by his wives Pee Chai - turned out he was her husband that was missing for '3 years" I no see him 3 years now - you may find out she was still married to him - has she talked about insurance, buying a house, land, taxi for her 'older brother', open a resturant??? Has she told you that since you have proposed if you don't marry her, she will have to commit suicide because her village and family will disown her, and she will have to be a prostitute??? That is a common story. I had a very affluent friend tell me once - "Tim, these girls put a spell on you, they are so gentle but so treacherous at the same time" Of course there are the exceptions, but I have been associated with Thais so long I look at every story, excuse, explanation with scepticism. Be Wary only six months??? I lived with my thai GF almost a year , I told her I didn't want to be married from the beginning, after a year, she started becoming a real bitch - her 'Pee Chai' came out of the woodwork, talking she is living in shame, my family blah blah blah - so I hired a Thai investigator - found out he was her husband = be wary = all is not as it seems. What raises a flag is she said her Thai husnabd disappeared - same story my GF told me..............................offer to live together = see what she says.......................

Common story here, unfortunately. Many of these women have hidden Thai boyfriends and it may take some time and sluthing to uncover them. A recent GF of mine was an example. At first she said he was a "friend", until I caught the two of them coming out of her apartment early in the morning, on another occasion found him hiding under the bed, the final time he was IN her bed at 2:30 AM one evening, when I showed up unexpectedly at her apartment, of which I was paying for. She claimed that he showed up unannounced and flopped in her bed and demanded to stay the night against her objections. Later she admitted that he beat her on occasion. However, it looked to me that she could not stay away from him. He is young and handsome & the sex is probably good between them. The bottom line was that she needed a farang for money and perhaps some emotional support. For any other use, I was the loser. Needless to say, she is history. I have know others similar to this, but she is the worst example.

[KhunMarco]

Common story here, unfortunately. Many of these women have hidden Thai boyfriends and it may take some time and sluthing to uncover them. A recent GF of mine was an example. At first she said he was a "friend", until I caught the two of them coming out of her apartment early in the morning, on another occasion found him hiding under the bed, the final time he was IN her bed at 2:30 AM one evening, when I showed up unexpectedly at her apartment, of which I was paying for. She claimed that he showed up unannounced and flopped in her bed and demanded to stay the night against her objections. Later she admitted that he beat her on occasion. However, it looked to me that she could not stay away from him. He is young and handsome & the sex is probably good between them. The bottom line was that she needed a farang for money and perhaps some emotional support. For any other use, I was the loser. Needless to say, she is history. I have know others similar to this, but she is the worst example.

Tell the truth, the third time you had a little tiny doubt eh :D

Good to see she is history now .