I have been involved with a Surin woman for 6 months and am currently engaged to her and I am coming back to Thailand in 10 days to spend another month with her. Now I was curious about how some of her actions are when we have been out in public in the past. I spent 3 weeks in January in Thailand and I have found her to be kind of odd when we have been with other people, especially when other women are around us. Just so you know, I am a 47 year old divorced American and she’s 26, divorced with a 4 year old. Whenever we have been around other people, especially where women are around us, she acts like I’m her possession. In that she doesn’t like women talking to me or even to get close to me. Someone told me that when a Thai woman finds a love, they tend to keep the new love close to them and they don’t like other women to get near their boyfriend. Regardless whether the boyfriend is loyal or not, they don’t like the opportunity to be there for the boyfriend to even ponder straying with someone new. I made a mention about going dancing in Surin when I get there in 2 weeks and she states we don’t need to go to a bar to dance. Neither of us drinks anyway, but as I told her, we don’t have to just drink to go to the bar and dance. Again, I believe it’s the issue of my being around other women, instead of just being around my gf and her little boy and family.

Now for additional background my gf truly dislikes Thai men and I suspect she feels this way because her ex-husband cheated, lied, drank, and abused her once, so her image of Thai men is tarnished forever and even now when a Thai man speaks to her, she frankly tells him where to go in no uncertain terms….haha When I questioned her about this, she says that many of her Thai female friends feel the same way as her and that there aren’t many good Thai men. I find this hard to believe but as I have seen here in the states, if you’ve been abused by someone, either physically or emotionally, you tend to dislike the type that abused you.

So do Thai women tend to be possessive with regards to finding a “good man” as my gf calls me….she always says that I am a “Good Man with a Good Heart” and even her family states the same thing. This is something that is sooooo important to them when they speak of significant others. At first I thought it was just in my head, but we were out at a club one night in January just listening to music and a friend of hers was talking to me a lot about life in America and stuff like that and she joked about maybe if my gf didn’t work out, she likes American men. It was all a joke an everyone laughed but my gf you could tell was not amused at all and made it crystal clear.

Give me some insight on how Thai women think with regards to the men in their life.

Nhscotsman

you answered your own question. I have had TGFs both older and younger. They attribute their low self esteem to previous relationships with Thai men. I predict one day they will hate all men, just like my exes. Now one of them hates women too.

you answered your own question. I have had TGFs both older and younger. They attribute their low self esteem to previous relationships with Thai men. I predict one day they will hate all men, just like my exes. Now one of them hates women too.

I thought this from the first time my gf said she had a bad marriage with a man she truly dislikes now. It's fortunate that the ex-husband has disappeared and hasn't been seen in over 3 years. I think by her being with me and with my treating her well, as she should be I think she may be able to heal. My gf has had very few relationships which I find really odd because she's gorgeous but then I'm looking at it as an American and not as a Thai either. Plus, she's from Surin and not from cities like Bangkok or Pattaya either. But considerring she has had very few releationships, the hate for Thai men may not be as deep as it is in some of the females she's friends with. Her family did not allow her to date when she was younger and then she got connected with the ex. She did live in Bangkok for a couple of years and you would think she would have met more men there, but as she put it, she lived in Bangkok to work, not to date. She worked worked worked and did nothing else. I was surpised that she didn't see the city when in Bangkok and this is when she said she was in Bangkok to work, not to see city or to date. Do Thai women normally have a low self esteem or is it something that was instilled into her by her ex? I know when we discuss her doing things once she arrives in the United States, she'll always say "I can not do that" when I mention things as trivial as learning to drive a car. I think she's truly an amazing Thai woman with the most wonderful heart I have ever experienced. I know some things about her that she has done for her family and all I have been able to do is sit back and say "WOW" because I have been so impressed. I suspect there will be many things that will make me wonder about her beliefs and attitude regarding her life past and present and future. It also amazed me the amount of trust the family puts into her too. They didn't allow her to date as a younger but they trust her decision to marry me even though they never have met me. She and I have been together for a while and they believe and trust her decision to commit to me, even though I'm an American. According to my gf, the entire family is so excited to meet me when I come in 2 weeks. Maybe I should be nervous....hahaha.

Thanks for your input though, I really want to try and bring reason to why she behaves like she does.

Nhscotsman

My observation is a 'normal' Thai woman will have a 'normal' attitude, not overly possessive. Girls from the bars tend to be very possessive. The competition is heavy.

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

I know just what you mean. My gf has the advantage of speaking Thai and I don't speak a word yet, but that is a huge advantage on her part too. But you also live in Pattaya too, big differance between Pattaya and Surin.

Plus, what I failed to say previously though too was that the one beating she did get from the ex-husband, she told me that she called the police right away and that because she was pregnant too, the police arrested him and he went to jail for 5 months. She has never seen him since! I got this info from her sister and not from my gf herself. I sat with a group of 7 Thai girls (friends of my gf) and had a discussion about their lives as females in Thailand and how Thai society treats women and children. They were the ones who initially started the conversation about my gf getting hit by her ex. She was embaressed that it was told but she speaks of it a little bit now if I bring it up.

Nhscotsman

It's like people anywhere. Their past experiences and individual personalities are going to impact the way they act in a relationship with you. I'm lucky that my wife has never acted jealous in the least way, but a woman with different experiences would certainly act different. I think it would be a mistake to try and make an estimate on how Thai women think, as their individual thinking is as diverse as women anywhere.

I think you have most likely hit the nail on the head. She's had a bad experience with her ex and now tars all Thai men with the same brush. This appears to be a common failing because I see many bitter western guys on this forum hate all western women because of their failed relationships with their ex wives. It is common for people to place all the blame on the other spouse rather than take a look at what their own failings might have been as well.

That said, Thai culture tends to belittle women anyway. The wife is the hind legs of the elephant (a rephrase of the old chestnut "behind every good man is a good woman") but the idea is common that there are things women can and cannot (or should not) do. An example: alot of women will not wash their underwear in the same laundry load as their husband's clothes. I guess women's underwear is "unclean" somehow. Not sure of the reasoning behind it but as you can see, it still belittles women.

Also, be aware that if your girlfriend has a low self-esteem you cannot change that by your actions. What has to change is her attitude towards herself. You can help her by encouraging her to be independent, do things for herself. The more she succeeds in her own right, the better she will feel about herself.

I think you have most likely hit the nail on the head. She's had a bad experience with her ex and now tars all Thai men with the same brush. This appears to be a common failing because I see many bitter western guys on this forum hate all western women because of their failed relationships with their ex wives. It is common for people to place all the blame on the other spouse rather than take a look at what their own failings might have been as well.

That said, Thai culture tends to belittle women anyway. The wife is the hind legs of the elephant (a rephrase of the old chestnut "behind every good man is a good woman") but the idea is common that there are things women can and cannot (or should not) do. An example: alot of women will not wash their underwear in the same laundry load as their husband's clothes. I guess women's underwear is "unclean" somehow. Not sure of the reasoning behind it but as you can see, it still belittles women.

Also, be aware that if your girlfriend has a low self-esteem you cannot change that by your actions. What has to change is her attitude towards herself. You can help her by encouraging her to be independent, do things for herself. The more she succeeds in her own right, the better she will feel about herself.

I agree with everything you people say and it's a shame too that these women are like this too. I have met some remarkable Thai women that have been controlled by former Thai husbands and you can tell by their reactions that it's been a control issue too. My own gf, even as we spoke tonight about it, still has such anger towards the ex and he's been gone for 3 years, yet she is very protective of me in that she doesn't want anyone getting to friendly with me. I'm "her man" as she puts it. She constantly states that I'm a "good man with a very good heart".....she doesn't say I'm handsome, or cute or any other physical compliments, she will always state the inner beauty versus the outer beauty. That may be a Thai thing or as I suspect, she values the inner strength more than the outer strength. I can't find any justification with hitting women let alone anyone in general, I've never hit a person in my entire 47 years....haha. Maybe the fact that I used to be 400 lbs and 6'5" that no one ever challenged me to a fight, but I'm skinny now 200 lbs and still 6'5" and still no one has approached me for a fight...haha. Maybe the fact that Thai's do belittle women does in a sense give them justifaction to do it, but because the ex was jailed for 5 months, I suspect the police don't think much of it.

With my gf, ever since I met her and we have been serious, I always have told her that th world could offer her so much more that what she has gotten from her humble life in Thailand. I think Thailand is amazing and I truly have found that Thailand is in my heart but I believe that my gf has sold herself short as far as following any dreams she may have had. She has done a wonderful job so far with raising her 4 year old son considering what she has had to work with. He's a great little boy who she is raising to be respectful of his elders and to respect women as a boy should, but his love of Thailand is also evident and it should be. I think with time and love, my gf will realize that not all men are abusive, drinking and lying scoundels that she thinks they are now and will probably be more trustingof people around the ones she loves. It's amazing how quick someones opinon can change with one slap or hit and how long it takes to heal, if it ever does.

I wake up every morning and look at my darlings picture and thank god for bringing her and her little boy into my life. I know she will be fine and once she moves to America, she will have a very different life but also a very full and happy life too.

I had never heard the thing about not washing their clothes together.....wow, that's a new one on me. Can you imagine havingthe thoughts like that going through your mind? My gf talks about the importance of all of her family and friends meeting me and in fact, just tonight I told her that once I get to Surin in 3 weeks, why don't we just have a large get together/party so I can meet them all. She thought that was a wonderful idea and was actually excited at the whole idea. So if something as trivial as putting on a function to meet her friends and family puts a smile on her face, I'd do it in a second. She was funny too because she has certain family and friends she wants me to meet first....lol.

Again, you peoples advice is VERY VERY helpful, makes me understand Thai's a little bit better. I'm amazed by Thai's anyway and with each trip I make to Thailand, I find more and more to love about the people of the country.

Nhscotsman

My wife would hit the roof if I ever went for lunch with Thai female work colleagues - but it was more than ok if I went with farang female work colleagues...

We have been married for 4 years and I think that if I had done that 4 years ago she would have hit the roof, whether Thai or farang. So I guess things are getting better...

I think you'll find that spousal abuse is not limited to only Thailand, so I doubt it is solely a cultural issue. Abusive people (men and women) exist in all countries and all cultures. It is a human issue and luckily for your gf, she managed to escape. Alot of women don't.

From Canada:

HOW WIDESPREAD IS SPOUSAL ABUSE IN CANADA?

It has been difficult to obtain a complete picture of the full extent of spousal abuse in Canada because it often remains hidden. A person who is being abused may endure the abuse for a long time before seeking support. Some victims never tell anyone about the abuse. A person who is being abused may be reluctant - or unable - to talk about or report abuse for many different reasons. For example, they may be emotionally attached to the abusive partner or have strong beliefs about keeping their relationship or family together. They may fear that the abuser will retaliate (against them or their loved ones) or they may fear being stigmatized by others. They may be economically dependent on the abusive partner. They may live in an isolated area, or be socially isolated from others. They may face communications, language or cultural barriers. They may feel ashamed or powerless and lack access to information, resources and support.

In particular, victims may be reluctant to involve authorities because they:

* do not want the abuser to be removed from the home, go to jail or have a criminal record

* do not believe that involving the criminal justice system will stop the abuse, or they

* do not believe that the criminal justice system can help or protect them.

Many cases of spousal abuse are still not reported to the police - although there are some signs that reporting is increasing.6 The most complete information about the extent of spousal abuse in Canada comes from the 1999 General Social Survey on Victimization (GSS).7 This victimization survey asked almost 26,000 women and men in Canada about their experiences of abuse including experiences of violence and emotional abuse in their current or previous marriages and common law partnerships. According to the GSS, women and men experience similar rates of both violence and emotional abuse in their relationships. The survey found, however, that the violence experienced by women is tended to be more severe - and more often repeated - than the violence directed at men. For example, compared to men, women were:

* six times more likely to report being sexually assaulted

* five times more likely to report being choked

* five times more likely to require medical attention, as a result of an assault

* three times more likely to be physically injured by an assault

* more than twice as likely to report being beaten

* almost twice as likely to report being threatened with, or having a gun or knife used against them

* much more likely to fear for their lives, or be afraid for their children as a result of the violence

* more likely to have sleeping problems, suffer depression or anxiety attacks, or have lowered self-esteem as a result of being abused, and

* more likely to report repeated victimization.

From the US:

The National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) reported 691,710 nonfatal violent victimizations committed by current or former spouses, boyfriends, or girlfriends of the victims during 2001. About 588,490, or 85% of intimate partner violence incidents, involved women. One of every five crimes against women was of this nature - compared to only 3% of crimes committed against men.

Intimate partner violence against women declined by half between 1993 (1.1 million nonfatal cases) and 2001 (588,490) - from 9.8 to 5 per thousand women. Intimate partner violence against men also declined from 162,870 (1993) to 103,220 (2001) - from 1.6 to 0.9 per 1000 males. Overall, the incidence of such crimes dropped from 5.8 to 3.0 per thousand.

Still, 1247 women and 440 men were murdered by an intimate partner in the United States in 2000. The comparative figures in 1976 were 1357 men and 1600 women. It declined to around 1300 in 1993. So, while the number overall intimate partner crimes directed at women declined sharply - the number of fatal incidents remained stable since 1993.

And the figures mask a difficult cumulative picture:

One in four to one in three women have been assaulted or raped at a given point in her lifetime (Commonwealth Fund survey, 1998).

The Mental Health Journal says:

"The precise incidence of domestic violence in America is difficult to determine for several reasons: it often goes unreported, even on surveys; there is no nationwide organization that gathers information from local police departments about the number of substantiated reports and calls; and there is disagreement about what should be included in the definition of domestic violence."

Using a different methodology (counting separately multiple incidents perpetrated on the same woman), a report titled "Extent, Nature and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey", compiled by Patricia Tjaden and Nancy Thoennes for the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control and published in 1998, concluded that there were 5.9 million physical assaults against 1.5 million targets in the USA annually.

According to the Washington State Domestic Violence Fatality Review Project, and Neil Websdale, Understanding Domestic Homicide, Northeastern University Press, 1999 - half of these crimes were committed against women in the process of separation or divorce. In Florida the figure is even higher (60%).

Only 4% of hospital emergency room admissions of women in the United States are attributed by staff to domestic violence. The true figure, according to the FBI, is more like 50%. Michael R. Rand in "Violence-related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments", published by the U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, August 1997 puts the number at 37%. One in three murdered women was done in by her spouse, current or former.

The US Department of Justice pegs the number of spouses (mostly women) threatened with a deadly weapon at almost 2 million annually. Domestic violence erupts in one half of all American homes at least once a year.

One half of wife-batterers also regularly assault and abuse their children, according to M. Straus, R. Gelles, and C. Smith, "Physical Violence in American Families: Risk Factors and Adaptations to Violence in 8,145 Families, 1990 and U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse and Neglect, A Nation's Shame: Fatal child abuse and neglect in the United States: Fifth report, Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, 1995

"Black females experienced domestic violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced domestic violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races." - Rennison, M. and W. Welchans. Intimate Partner Violence. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics. May 2000, NCJ 178247, Revised 7/14/00

The young, the poor, minorities, divorced, separated, and singles were most likely to experience domestic violence and abuse.

It is definately a self-esteem issue, so results may vary. First wife (farang) very jealous, resented even a casual look at other women and made my life hel_l. First Thai wife (Thai-Chinese) was extremely jealous of dark-skinned Thai women because she 'knew' that all farangs liked dark skin. Jealous to the point it led to many fights and contributed to the downfall of the relationship. Current Thai wife (11+ yrs.) not really jealous at all. I don't have to report where I have been, and if I want to have lunch or dinner or whatever with a female friend or acquaintance it is not an issue.

My advice for anyone meeting or getting to know a women who is overly possesive is to steer clear. Been there, done that, and don't want to do that again.

Well, anyway, back to the topic. Low self-esteem can result in extreme jealousy. Also, be aware that it is fairly common for men here to have multiple "wives" and many women are happy to be the minor wife of a successful nice man, so that may be at the back of her mind as well.

Well its common, but it comes down to trust in the end.

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

Are you scared your girlfriend might actually kill you?

To the OP forget all the stuff about Thai men, half is true, half is b/shit and theres no doubt a few other halfs to it too.

It comes down to one thing, your girlfriend knows exactly how much opportunity you have in this country to get a new girlfriend or find a wife. If your handsome you got more opportunities, if you've got money you got even more, either will do. If your a guy that likes to splash about his cash then a lot of the women you meet will happily whip you away from your girlfriend without a second thought.

So she's looking after her interests because there's a ton of competition out there. The only thing to worry about is your gf keeping you away from other women coz she's worried about losing your heart or your wallet?

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

Are you scared your girlfriend might actually kill you?

To the OP forget all the stuff about Thai men, half is true, half is b/shit and theres no doubt a few other halfs to it too.

It comes down to one thing, your girlfriend knows exactly how much opportunity you have in this country to get a new girlfriend or find a wife. If your handsome you got more opportunities, if you've got money you got even more, either will do. If your a guy that likes to splash about his cash then a lot of the women you meet will happily whip you away from your girlfriend without a second thought.

So she's looking after her interests because there's a ton of competition out there. The only thing to worry about is your gf keeping you away from other women coz she's worried about losing your heart or your wallet?

Yeeessss! I agree with bkkm here. Let you be not mistaken here that jealousy meant she has love for your heart. It could well meant your money. So if you have never shown to her as a rich person, you should be ok.

***edited for offensive content***

This is the Ladies forum, please remember to mind your manners, sbk

My wife has made it very plain to me what is going to happen if I stray -- and she has spies all over Pattaya -- Also I found out what happened to to her prievious husband -- she put up with the beatings the drinking,the gambling, the never working , but the young lady -- well just say I read a translation of the death certificate.

Are you scared your girlfriend might actually kill you?

To the OP forget all the stuff about Thai men, half is true, half is b/shit and theres no doubt a few other halfs to it too.

It comes down to one thing, your girlfriend knows exactly how much opportunity you have in this country to get a new girlfriend or find a wife. If your handsome you got more opportunities, if you've got money you got even more, either will do. If your a guy that likes to splash about his cash then a lot of the women you meet will happily whip you away from your girlfriend without a second thought.

So she's looking after her interests because there's a ton of competition out there. The only thing to worry about is your gf keeping you away from other women coz she's worried about losing your heart or your wallet?

Yeeessss! I agree with bkkm here. Let you be not mistaken here that jealousy meant she has love for your heart. It could well meant your money. So if you have never shown to her as a rich person, you should be ok.

I suspect they all look at the money aspect of it, but she has never asked for money and I haven't sent her an allowance like some bf's do. I did send her some money to meet me in BKK when I come to Thailand but it's the least I can do considering I ask her to meet me in BKK and she doesn't have the baht to just throw into a bus ticket. She knows I'm not rich either and I have made it crystal clear that when she comes to America she wil have to work like any other American woman does.

As far as the **offensive** comment, I don't see it as being whipped. I bet there are a lot of Thai women out there that watch their men like hawks to see if they play around on the side. When you live in a country where woman can be bought for 30.00 US for the night and they're stunning, I can't blame the average Thai woman for keeping track of their men. hel_l, I have been told by countless Thai men and women that the majority of men play around, so if the people of Thailand are saying it, the average Thai woman would be a fool not to keep track of her man, especially if she has found a keeper...haha.

Nhscotsman

Just like women of all other nationalities you will find everything from ultra jaloux to ultra laid back. Why should things be different just because of nationality?

Just like women of all other nationalities you will find everything from ultra jaloux to ultra laid back. Why should things be different just because of nationality?

I agree with you 100% but this was just an observation I have seen personally with regards to my Thai gf's and her friends in Thailand. I have met women that are friends of hers in Surin where she lives, Pattaya and in Bangkok and it was an "OVERALL" observation. Ultra laid back is not one that I have observed in regards to the Thai women but I suspect there are ones that have that opinion. Thanks for your input though.

Nhscotsman

Ultra laid back exist, I'm married to one of them

Sounds like she just likes keeping tabs on her man. If you can handle it then deal with it, if you think it will become a problme then tell her to lay off & if she doesn't, well, you need to decide if you can handle that kind of control for the forseeable future???

As for her comments about thai men, well, just beware that you don't mess her around otherwise the next bloke she gets together with will be hearing her opinion on American men too & they will probably be as offensive as her opinions on thai men. They probbaly wont realise that she is talking about one man, seems she formed a total opinion on half her own population based on a couple of expereinces so why woulodn't she about US men based on her one experience with you??

Sounds like she just likes keeping tabs on her man. If you can handle it then deal with it, if you think it will become a problme then tell her to lay off & if she doesn't, well, you need to decide if you can handle that kind of control for the forseeable future???

As for her comments about thai men, well, just beware that you don't mess her around otherwise the next bloke she gets together with will be hearing her opinion on American men too & they will probably be as offensive as her opinions on thai men. They probbaly wont realise that she is talking about one man, seems she formed a total opinion on half her own population based on a couple of expereinces so why woulodn't she about US men based on her one experience with you??

Thank you, Boo. I've been waiting for someone to say that. I didn't want to, as I'm beginning to sound like a stuck record on that topic. I find it incongruous that on thread after thread farang men slag off Thai men on the basis of what they've heard from some Thai women. Newsflash, guys: if a woman has been badly treated or feels like she's had a raw deal, she will have a few words to say on the subject. But, to put down all of the males of their own race is a bit of overkill, as far as I'm concerned. It would be like me professing dislike for all UK men, because of my ex hubby (I don't even particularly dislike him, so why would I dislike others?) Or it would be like farang guys calling down all farang women, because of a couple of previous bad relationships. Oh, wait... that does happen, occasionally...

I think in some cases it's deserved, in some cases it's generalisation/overkill, and in some cases the women are saying what they believe their farang partner wants to hear. After all, the farang guy is hardly going to be impressed with a wife or GF who sings the praises of Thai men all the time...

As for the possessiveness, as Boo says, you have to decide whether you are OK with it, OP. Because, I can't see it becoming better with time. Possessiveness rarely does. Insecurity & jealousy can be very destructive to both partners (it's not a barrel of laughs being the insecure one or the one kept on a tight rein). Maybe, she would talk to a monk or a counsellor, to help with any deep rooted insecurities she may have? That might help her, and therefore you, a little. If you are OK with it, then great.

Edit - to clarify a point

Edited April 5, 200719 yr by November Rain

The OP's wife has very legitimate worries. I always hope in this forum that I never hear another "Thais are just like anyone else from any country" BS. I can hope but it will never happen. I also depsise when I hear that people always swallow the BS that ALL Thai guys are wife beaters and cheaters; that is a huge load of shit too.

At any rate, the OP's wife has worries for good reason. Of course there are a lot of foolish insecure men who marry Thai women like they are the only one out there. I do chuckle at these people. I will never do that even though I have lived with a Thai girl for many years. Of course her dream is for me to marry so she can link herself to foreign wealth (the goal of all these poor girls). It will never ever happen. There are too many available women out there. And do I cheat on her? Of course I do whenever a good opportunity arises and she is not likely to know about it.

The OP's wife has very legitimate worries. I always hope in this forum that I never hear another "Thais are just like anyone else from any country" BS. I can hope but it will never happen. I also depsise when I hear that people always swallow the BS that ALL Thai guys are wife beaters and cheaters; that is a huge load of shit too.

At any rate, the OP's wife has worries for good reason. Of course there are a lot of foolish insecure men who marry Thai women like they are the only one out there. I do chuckle at these people. I will never do that even though I have lived with a Thai girl for many years. Of course her dream is for me to marry so she can link herself to foreign wealth (the goal of all these poor girls). It will never ever happen. There are too many available women out there. And do I cheat on her? Of course I do whenever a good opportunity arises and she is not likely to know about it.

Well, at least you are honest with us about it

anyway, I agree with part of your first paragraph at least

Nice avatar btw, Gilligan's Island was my favorite show as a kid.

My Thai wife is just not the jealous type. Once in a while when I get on her nerves too much she sends me down to Jomtien to visit my old friends. Some of her girlfriends tell her that she is crazy to allow me to go alone. She just laughs and tells them that he knows where home is and he'll be back. She is DEFINITELY right. She teases me about having a mia noi but she knows better.

I was going to pick one and reply to it and I couldn’t pick just one because I agreed with most of all of them. I too don’t believe the BS that all Thai men beat their wives. I guess where my gf is concerned, the majority of her gf’s have not had good relationships with the Thai men they have been with, but foreign men who come over here don’t come over here for long term relationships, they come to screw beautiful Thai women, and even when I mentioned this to my gf, she could bring justification to their action and I was actually surprised, but Thai’s accept the fact that men come here to get laid. When I come over in a week, I’ll be here for a month which will give me more opportunity to dig deeper into her brain to see where this deep hate comes from. We all have opinions on certain people and even though she dislikes Thai men, she still has some sense to identify that some like her brother and her deceased father were good men even though they were Thai and her best friend in married to a Thai man and she claims he’s a good one too, so she’s not totally a Thai Man Hater….haha. I too have heard nasty comments regarding all nationalities being in Thailand. I can’t go to Pattaya and not hear a negative comment about an Australian or a Brit and personally I have found them to be some of the nicest guys, but a few get drinking and act badly and everyone claims they are all like that. The same goes for Japanese tourist in Thailand, every time I would see a group, someone always made a negative comment.

The times I have been in Thailand in the past, I have never met anyone that I could say I truly disliked, man or woman. I know I can go on and on about how nice Thai’s are and bore you all, but I believe they have a different set of values compared to myself and are truly unique.

If I find my gf does have a deep set of issues, I will suggest maybe she speaks to someone about it. It’s not healthy to live with such a dislike towards a group of individuals. My first wife was severely beaten by her first husband and she had a similar attitude towards him and men, but I was never able to convince her to get help and it eventually ate her up emotionally. Now we have been divorced 2 years and she’s a severe alcoholic and drinks constantly and still has nightmares about something that happened years ago.

Boo, I really like what you wrote especially though and I won’t let her keep tabs on me like I’m her pet. I have expectation of her and expect her to be a certain way and I have made this crystal clear to her, just as she has to me regarding what she likes and dislikes in men. This is where we agree on everything…..so far anyway, but if I go there next week and I feel like I am on a leash, then it’s going to get cut or I’ll be saying bye bye. I love Thai women, both physically and emotionally and there are way too many out there to tolerate being led around and being told what I can do and what I can’t do. I think a lot of guys come to Thailand with big eyes looking for a Thai beauty to love forever and the first one that comes along is the one they claim, but she is only one of thousands that are looking for a nice guy to marry, so I believe it’s best to sit back and make sure the one you pick it the one truly want to be with.

I would never be comfortable being brash and saying to any woman “I love you but I’m still going to play occasionally” like some guys do. If they want to play, Don’t get married!

You people really do make some outstanding points and I truly enjoy reading all of them.

Nhscotsman

...ummm, is the OP willing to show/discuss/read this thread with his future spouse?

Actually, I agree with the OP here, better you know now if its going to work out then hope for the best (or hope for change) only to have it all end in disaster down the road. I think you should have a serious talk with her about it, tell her you aren't willing to be on a short leash etc.

And good point, it is a good idea to make sure the partner you choose is the one you want to be with. And one you can live with as well.

I have expectation of her and expect her to be a certain way and I have made this crystal clear to her, just as she has to me regarding what she likes and dislikes in men. This is where we agree on everything…..so far anyway, but if I go there next week and I feel like I am on a leash, then it’s going to get cut or I’ll be saying bye bye. so I believe its best to sit back and make sure the one you pick is the one truly want to be with.

This is the key to ANY good relationship IMO. There are things about my husband that I don't like, things he does or the occasional thing he comes out with reminds me that although we are very alike in our wants, upbringing (yes even though I am UK & he is thai) & values, he has still been raised in a different culture & lifestyle. BUT, these are the things I have decided I will just deal with & not focus on too much but when we first started out there were certain things I just wouldn't tolerate. One example, was smoking dope. He liked the weed & as I grew up in an enviroment where it was openly used, knew the pitfalls of having a life with someone who liked it too much.

So, when we started to talk about getting more serious, I just gave him a simple choice, the weed or me. Up to him, I wasn't going to push it or nag about it but I was able & willing to walk away if he wanted the smoke more. He chose me & apart from the occasional visit to my dads farm in spain, he doesn't smoke it anymore. His life hasn't been destroyed by that descision & he doesn't miss it but had I not forced the issue in the beginning it would have destroyed us for sure.

So, if your lady is going over the top & you feel restricted and you know you can't live with it, then there are only 2 options. Encourage her to stop & help the trust grow or walk away letting her know the reason why.

It isn't very sympathetic I know, but I am great beleiver in not being able to change people. Someone can chose to change themselves but you can't force them to change. You can give them options & also explain what you will do if they don't change or at least compromise but ultimately, if they don't want to change then they wont.

While it is certainly not universal among Thai women, this sort of jealousy is not uncommon and I have known many Thai women like this. The frequency with which Thai men cheat and even take extra "wives" is part of it. So, I think, also is the fact that many Thai women are quite flirtatious and don't hesitant to make a play for someone else's man. (Of course there are women like that it in every country but it seems much more prevalent here, almost accepted behavior).

I gather she will be coming to the US to live with you...in which case the issue becomes, will she remain like this there (which will quickly make you both miserable) or will she be able to adjust to a culture where casual social contact between the sexes is part of daily life (and most women consider it very wrong to go after someone e;se's husband)? Is her jealousy limited to Thai women? If not you may want to start talking to her now about how things are in the States....