A Sad Story About A Very Elderly, Lonely, Englishman.

[bendix]

Hm.. Yes.. interesting. It certainly helps to explain the vitriol and sense of outrage.....

("How dare he suggest helping some grumpy old farang, when I, Bendix the Great, have been so generous with the kids in Ubon - how dare he indeed!!")

Despite my lack of sympathy, I have nevertheless offered advice and assistance on two occasions in this thread. What more would you like Mobi? Some typical Thaivisa crocodile tears?

You seem to have more respect for the members who talk a good talk and say 'there, there, what a shame' and yet are prepared to do nothing at all.

If it's warm hugs, meaninless platitudes and pats on the back for well-meaning members you're seeking - a collective lovein perhaps - then I'm sure we could arrange that.

Let's get back to the real issues. He has four options:

1) He goes back to the UK either temporarily or permanently.

2) He finds more money to find real support, a nursing aid etc. That will need more than 7000 a month.

3) He gets assistance from some church or charity here in Thailand.

4) The embassy becomes involved, but I suspect their role will be to refer back to 1).

[bendix]

This initiative may be ill conceived from your perspective, but the only thing I can read from you posts, is unnecessary hardness and negativism.

It just come to my mind, and I hope I am wrong, that your only objective has been to wait for the right moment to brag about your actions in this matters.

I think you mean, 'hardness, negativism and yet also offers of help.'

As for your last sentence, yes you're quite right. A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

I gave those examples solely to show that when it comes to sorting through the thousands of different ways one can get involved and help, one has to prioritise. It is not an easy to do, but my personal way of prioritising is to give to those areas where people are genuine victims with no choices first. Volunteer victims such as this guy - while often deserving - take second place in my book.

[lazeeboy]

Four years ago I was introduced to an elderly Englishman who had fallen on hard times, but even in his impoverished circumstances, he was able to survive reasonable well, and made several trips a week to some of the cheaper bars, and take advantage of 'happy hour' beer prices, and more importantly, rely on a few old friends to buy him a few.

He was a bit of a crusty old bastard, who had no topic of conversation other than how hard done by he was, and how he lost all his money to his ex wife many years ago, and how his UK pension had been frozen more than 20 years ago (which was his sole source of income) and so on. If you tried to change the subject, he would quickly bring it back to his own misfortunes. He swore he would never return to England, he lived in a small 2 bed apartment in Prakanong, and managed to survive by using the buses, and for the most part, buying fresh food from the market and cooking himself. Being with him was 'hard going' but a few did their bit to help.

Fast forward 4 years.

He is now 80, very frail and semi-crippled following a road accident, is now unable to use the buses and is more bitter and twisted than ever. I ran across him in central Bangkok, on one of his rare forays from home, and got him nice and pissed. It seems that he is now totally friendless, as he has lost such friends that he had, by asserting that no-one helped him when he had his accident, and when he meets any of them on one of his rare afternoons out, they never offer to help, or put him in a taxi, or offer him a lift etc etc.

He says that the farang community in Thailand is totally heartless, and the Thais are no better. He is desperate for some home help who can take care of his basic needs, and said he can provide room and board plus 7,000 Baht a month for anyone who could take him on. He told me he has tried to put the word out, but there have been no takers.

He certainly appears to be totally alone now, and his future is very bleak. As I said, he is a difficult old bugger, but he still has all his faculties, and he doesn't deserve to spend his remaining years like this.

Certainly if he was in England, he would be looked after much better – by both the social services – and – even these days, I believe in most areas the neighbours would look out for persons such as he.

Is he right? Is the farang community here heartless and uncaring? Are the Thais equally heartless and uncaring? Many in his neighbourhood are aware of his circumstances and no-one ever offers to help – not even by giving him a lift the main roads when they see him hobbling along with his cane.

But he will never go home. So what is the solution? Is there one?

I don't know the answers, but his plight bothers me a lot.

He is not a close friend - in fact I have only met him 2 or 3 times, but I would like to do something, if I can.

And on a practical level, does anyone know of anyone – maybe up country – who may be willing to take care of him? If so, please PM me and we can explore it further.

there 1000s like that in uk ,lonely and all those things you said ,but at least this guy is never cold,can afford a2bed flat and buy a drink ,1000s would swap with him here and the uk ,he aint doing as bad as you think ............................

[Hampstead]

No doubt a part time maid would also work.

Maybe my suggestion went under all these idiotic remarks. I think a maid is only a short time solution. The problem is that he will very soon need a qualified nurse, and 7000 Baht a month will not cover that. What about hospital care? Very soon he might need some of that as well.

I think a wiser decision would be to bring the case to the attention of one of the many churches here. They have resources, experience, budgets and a network of helpers.

You are quite right of course. I was just thinking that if possible let's deal with the problem right now, and then in the medium term, we could look for other solutions.

Churches are a good idea. I'm not in BKK, but will ask my contacts at the Mercy Mission here in Pattaya if they know of any organisations in BKK that may help .

If anyone has any contacts in this regard please advise.

Ruam Rudee Church has been known to help in these situations, maybe they have people who know of helpers or maids or nurses.

also Chula Hospital could be an idea for nurse help as it is also the hq of Thai red cross

Edited June 10, 2007 by Hampstead

[nick2k]

after all the suggestions, and the OP keeps pushing for more advice? makes you wonder...

maybe what the OP wants is not help, but confirmation that farangs and thais are not humane.

[Mobi]

If he popped back to the UK for a while he'd be entitled to the current single pension which is a minimum of £87.30 a week.

I stand to be corrected on this, but i really think there is a mis-conception about all this.

I would be totally amazed, if this guy turns up at Heathrow, throws himself at the Mercy of the social services, and within a few weeks his pension is restored and he can jump on a plane back to Thailand.

If this were the case there would be thousands of pensioners from dozens of countries (My sister is one - living in S Africa) who would all be jumping on planes and doing just that.

The authorities in the UK these days are more sensitive and aware than ever before of the expats who want to come back top England to get free health treatment and other benefits, and only the other day, they issued a new rule whereby any expat who is non -resident will not be eligible for treatment until he /she has re- settled back in the UK.

I know of another pensioner who lives in Thailand, and by deceit,(i.e by pretending he is in England) he gets his pension upgraded. He uses his daughter's address, and the money gets paid into a UK account and his daughter sends it to him periodically. In spite of all this, the authorities are on to him, and have actually visited his UK address to establish whether he really lives there. So it really ain't that simple.

I am quite sure that if my 'acquaintance' returned to England, after a lot of hassles, social services would probably take care of him, and eventually they may supplement his pension on a 'needs' basis. But there is no way, that I can see - and please correct me if I am wrong - that he will ever get an adjustment up to the current going rate. It just won't happen.

[Mobi]

after all the suggestions, and the OP keeps pushing for more advice? makes you wonder...

maybe what the OP wants is not help, but confirmation that farangs and thais are not humane.

:D

[Aujuba]

I think we should throw the guy a birthday party for his 81st with free drinks for him. It might cheer him up. Everyone would get a chance to meet him. He might make some friends.

By the way, does he use computers? Why not introduce him to Thaivisa?

[Mid]

I think we should throw the guy a birthday party for his 81st with free drinks for him. It might cheer him up. Everyone would get a chance to meet him. He might make some friends.

now here's a comment that makes it worth while to reenter this thread , this is sensible stuff

all you need is love ,

love is all you need .

now I'll just go and put my flame suit on ........................

[Robski]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

Edited June 10, 2007 by Robski

[Prakanong]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

He pretends he hard nosed but probably a soft <deleted> in real life - another keyboard persona?

[Robski]

Are you starting to take a shine to him then?

This thread is bringing the best out in some people, even lazeeboy managed to hit the mark with this comment;

there 1000s like that in uk ,lonely and all those things you said ,but at least this guy is never cold,can afford a2bed flat and buy a drink ,1000s would swap with him here and the uk ,he aint doing as bad as you think ............................

Edited June 10, 2007 by Robski

[meemiathai]

I think we should throw the guy a birthday party for his 81st with free drinks for him. It might cheer him up. Everyone would get a chance to meet him. He might make some friends.

By the way, does he use computers? Why not introduce him to Thaivisa?

Good post!

[torito]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

He pretends he hard nosed but probably a soft <deleted> in real life - another keyboard persona?

Not at all....typical arrogant attitude of those who give and in change demands a compensation, and enjoy bragging about how good he is.......feel pity for the kids who receive his presents as for sure are belittled and denigrated them at the same time, and for sure they have to kiss his azz and bend their knees each time he appears...I call them white gods!

Edited June 10, 2007 by torito

[LinkPopularity]

Torito,

chill out, man, if that was Bendix intentions he would be more like you in his comments, meaning only trying to be good by pointing out the bad in others, while not doing anything yourself ... that's what you do !

I remain disgusted by the fact that all the goodies here only identify themselves with the old man, because it could be them some day, while not giving a sh!t about the maid to be.

she's suposed to accept her faith, but not the old men ?

blatant racism !

[LinkPopularity]

something to think about ...

when they give the safety instruction in a plane, they make it very clear to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before your children, if you're out, they'll be lost for sure !

selfishness is sometime the only right thing to do ...

I have people working for me, if I put myself in danger, I also put my people in danger, I had some 'friend' a few months back who got himself in trouble and wanted to stay with me for a few days, I tried to help him, but he didn't want to help himself, so I kicked him out.

that might sound harsh, but he was putting many jobs at risk ... I didn't feel good about trowing him on the streets in his condition, but it was the only right thing to do for me in that situation !

if you want to help, don't give a fish, learn them how to fish ...

[meemiathai]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

He pretends he hard nosed but probably a soft <deleted> in real life - another keyboard persona?

Not at all....typical arrogant attitude of those who give and in change demands a compensation, and enjoy bragging about how good he is.......feel pity for the kids who receive his presents as for sure are belittled and denigrated them at the same time, and for sure they have to kiss his azz and bend their knees each time he appears...I call them white gods!

I know what people you are talking about but it doesn't seem to me that bendix has shown that he is one of those. He was just trying to be realistic which most people aren't in real life. It is natural though that human beings often try to fullfil their own feelings instead of being realistic. It is not an easy thing to do.

[meemiathai]

Torito,

chill out, man, if that was Bendix intentions he would be more like you in his comments, meaning only trying to be good by pointing out the bad in others, while not doing anything yourself ... that's what you do !

I remain disgusted by the fact that all the goodies here only identify themselves with the old man, because it could be them some day, while not giving a sh!t about the maid to be.

she's suposed to accept her faith, but not the old men ?

blatant racism !

Are you a farang? I am a bit surprised.

[November Rain]

Torito,

chill out, man, if that was Bendix intentions he would be more like you in his comments, meaning only trying to be good by pointing out the bad in others, while not doing anything yourself ... that's what you do !

I remain disgusted by the fact that all the goodies here only identify themselves with the old man, because it could be them some day, while not giving a sh!t about the maid to be.

she's suposed to accept her faith, but not the old men ?

blatant racism !

Racism? What twaddle!

I'm British & I'm white & I've worked as a nurse in a geriatric ward. Yes, it is a hard job, very often unpleasant & occasionally rewarding. My mum & sister have both worked as care assistants in an old people's home in UK. We also looked after our grandfather, who had Alzheimers in our home. So, I know exactly what would be involved (worst case) in any hypothetical helper's job. I've done it. The only way race comes into this is that any helper would have to be a Thai, as no-one else would have a WP to do it.

So, let me get this straight, Link. Are you only sorry for this hypothetical girl? Or are you sorry for all geriatric nurses & care assistants, the world over? Should they all quit their jobs because they have to clean up after cantankerous old people, sometimes lacking their full mental facilities? In my job I was felt up & flashed regularly by old men who to put it politely, had lost a few of their marbles. I had food thrown at me, cleaned up after so many bouts of incontinence you wouldn't believe (some of the patients seemed to save it up until after you'd washed them & settled them in a nice, clean bed). I've been vomited on, abused verbally, kicked & hit - you name it, I've had it done. Do you feel sorry for me? Or my Mum or sibling, who could tell similar stories? On the offchance that you do (though I doubt it), I wouldn't bother - it was a job. We got paid (though not highly) for it & we went home to our own lives every night.

Now, you tell me, why I should feel sorry for someone that will be doing no more (probably a lot less, as this man doesn't sound that bad) than I have done myself? Just because they're Thai? Now, that's blatant racism!

[meemiathai]

Now, you tell me, why I should feel sorry for someone that will be doing no more (probably a lot less, as this man doesn't sound that bad) than I have done myself?

Because of the different pays. How much did you get paid in the UK?

[bendix]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

He pretends he hard nosed but probably a soft <deleted> in real life - another keyboard persona?

Not at all....typical arrogant attitude of those who give and in change demands a compensation, and enjoy bragging about how good he is.......feel pity for the kids who receive his presents as for sure are belittled and denigrated them at the same time, and for sure they have to kiss his azz and bend their knees each time he appears...I call them white gods!

Torito, I'm delighted you think of me as a white god. You have much in common with my wife.

But moving on . . . As much as I'm gratified by the attention, this thread isnt about me. So let's stop making silly assumptions and doing half-arsed psychological analyis because - frankly - it's embarassing watching someone make an arse of himself in this way.

Why don't you use your obvious intellectual rigour to help the poor old guy instead? I'm sure he'd appreciate the huff and puff of your effort.

[ColPyat]

Now, you tell me, why I should feel sorry for someone that will be doing no more (probably a lot less, as this man doesn't sound that bad) than I have done myself?

Because of the different pays. How much did you get paid in the UK?

Nurses in geriatric wards in the west usually are at the absolute bottom of the pay scale, and have to work murderous shifts.

[November Rain]

Now, you tell me, why I should feel sorry for someone that will be doing no more (probably a lot less, as this man doesn't sound that bad) than I have done myself?

Because of the different pays. How much did you get paid in the UK?

Seriously, I don't remember. I did my geriatric stint during my first year of nurse training (although you really do geriatric care all through, as older people are patients in all specialities). That would have been 1989 & student nurses don't get a lot, although my lodgings were subsidised. No idea - about 300 pounds a month, I would guess. I know I was always overdrawn when the next pay cheque came in, if that helps!

[Mid]

Torito, I'm delighted you think of me as a white god. You have much in common with my wife.

coffe , monitor , a/c bendix ...........................

[qwertz]

Regardless of all opinions and intentions on this thread, Mobi's post did at least swing the focus on an inescapable fact:

There is insufficient regard or care for this particular faction of society which is not only on the increase but is also given too little attention.

Whatever your altruistic or other motivation, wherever you are, this problem is not going to go away.

Some or all of you will be a part of it sooner or later.

I haven't offered up any suggestions for a solution, as many have, except to say that we, the system, society should all have more sense of responsibility for our aged when they are no longer able to take care of themselves.

It's fair to say that whatever brought the old guy to LOS and kept him there, the only thing he couldn't have planned for was that one day he'd find himself old and in need.

[meemiathai]

Now, you tell me, why I should feel sorry for someone that will be doing no more (probably a lot less, as this man doesn't sound that bad) than I have done myself?

Because of the different pays. How much did you get paid in the UK?

Nurses in geriatric wards in the west usually are at the absolute bottom of the pay scale, and have to work murderous shifts.

I feel sorry for whoever gets underpaid then. West or north.

Well in HK they get quite a good pay. Still hard work though, I know coz my ex-gf was a nurse here in HK.

[meemiathai]

I admire Mobi for having started this thread. It is always a good thing to care about people.

Like someone said, a birthday party for the man would be meaningful, I think.

Also I did not read through the whole thing, is the old man looking for a maid or is it Mobi himself who is trying to look for maid for him? I don't understand why with 7000baht there is difficulty in finding a maid. That made me refrain from asking if my sister in law would be interested.

[torito]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

He pretends he hard nosed but probably a soft <deleted> in real life - another keyboard persona?

Not at all....typical arrogant attitude of those who give and in change demands a compensation, and enjoy bragging about how good he is.......feel pity for the kids who receive his presents as for sure are belittled and denigrated them at the same time, and for sure they have to kiss his azz and bend their knees each time he appears...I call them white gods!

Torito, I'm delighted you think of me as a white god. You have much in common with my wife.

sorry for your personal problems bendix!

[qwertz]

A review of my contributions to Thaivisa over the last couple of years will show how much I yearn for the board's approval.

Did somebody mention finding some wheat amongst the chaff?

He pretends he hard nosed but probably a soft <deleted> in real life - another keyboard persona?

Not at all....typical arrogant attitude of those who give and in change demands a compensation, and enjoy bragging about how good he is.......feel pity for the kids who receive his presents as for sure are belittled and denigrated them at the same time, and for sure they have to kiss his azz and bend their knees each time he appears...I call them white gods!

Torito, I'm delighted you think of me as a white god. You have much in common with my wife.

sorry for your personal problems bendix!

Bullseye, Torito!

[torito]

Regardless of all opinions and intentions on this thread, Mobi's post did at least swing the focus on an inescapable fact:

There is insufficient regard or care for this particular faction of society which is not only on the increase but is also given too little attention.

Whatever your altruistic or other motivation, wherever you are, this problem is not going to go away.

Some or all of you will be a part of it sooner or later.

I haven't offered up any suggestions for a solution, as many have, except to say that we, the system, society should all have more sense of responsibility for our aged when they are no longer able to take care of themselves.

It's fair to say that whatever brought the old guy to LOS and kept him there, the only thing he couldn't have planned for was that one day he'd find himself old and in need.

This is a quite valid point 'qwertz'....the self-inflicted theory disregard all other circumtancial aspects. This guy is 80 and he was spotted 4 years ago in better shape.......how can a 70 years old man to fix his future, come back to the work force? In where one can do that?