thedude Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 so i met this young law student in a bar one night, and she seemed nice. we got on pretty well and before i knew it, she's like staying over every other night. i am now finding it increasingly difficult to tell her that i'm actually quite tired of this arrangement and i want to see her less often, like maybe once a month or something. i miss the solitude. question is, how do i break it to her gently and not get her all worked up? genuine advice appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainman Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 i'm afraid there is no way to break it gently... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevinN Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 If you both speak and understand the same language,What is wrong with the truth? You should be able to just talk about how you feel and she should understand, The truth is always the best and telling it is the easiest way out of any situation,You have done no wrong so why worry about it,just tell it like it is and if she takes offense then you have tried and she pobly wasn't for you on the long haul anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 There is no way to break it gently, but you could start acting like an idiot in front of her and in public, hopefully she will change her mind about you. Don't hurt her though - she's done nothing wrong. You've had your free sex and now you want to move on to greener pastures - shame on you. If you want to be a butterfly you should only go with butterflies. However, maybe you are not, if so I apologise... Just tell her you don't know where your life is going and that you don't yet know what you want so you can't promise love and kids. Or just stick to the first paragraph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevinN Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 So just tell her you are not ready to live with anyone yet,that you are a loner kinda dude and you have to have your own space,shit there is a lot of folks like that, The truth should not be something that will get you in trouble,less you lying to us and then you belong in trouble,you sorry scoundrel, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skint_mak_mak Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Well dude in all honesty keeping her is the easy part but keeping her away might prove to be your an obsticle. 'knock knock' i know you in there and all that jive. Have you told her the truth dude? i mean it's not hard to have an open realtionship for you but to her this might prove to be impossible ahving you away from her side for long periods. One thing i must add though is on the contrary she might love you! who knows but she's an educated girl and she might find you her perfect match. lets face it i'm sure she can speak english very well after studying law and you are helping her with her studies right? All in all if she's a great girl maybe that's good for you to spend the time with her she's wants. bangkok can change people and at times it better to remain faithful to the girl who loves you dude. time after time i hear of guys saying, if only i could see her once in a blue moon but where does that leave her and what will her parents think about this situation. maybe she wants to go overseas if so have you discussed this with her? At the end of the day the ball is in your court but don't be one of those who finds it a pleasure to hurt her dear little sole. she's the one on the recieving end so if you want to be a semi single guy it's obviously better to play the ball in her court see how she takes seeing you less but don't rub the salt in the wounds of this girl. she has studied hard now doubt and needs a break in life. You may well be the break she is searching for. good luck though geezer it's a difficult situation and someone will be hurt in longrun and my guess it's going to her. make a choice and make it clearly dude. sometimes in my past experiences when the going got tough skint got going. how things have changed. laters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 i'm afraid there is no way to break it gently... I'll second this one. Especially with Thai women. If they agree to stay at your place. Any other night, as you put it. It means there are far more nights to come. In her mind, at least. And the break up will not be pretty. Ok, so if you do not post anymore in the future, we know why,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Tell her you lost all your $$ and job and you'll need her to support you thats should take care of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skint_mak_mak Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 i'm afraid there is no way to break it gently... I'll second this one. Especially with Thai women. If they agree to stay at your place. Any other night, as you put it. It means there are far more nights to come. In her mind, at least. And the break up will not be pretty. Ok, so if you do not post anymore in the future, we know why,... It's not just the fact she's thai. other things come into the aquation, for example studying law can be extremely difficult and she may need someone who will support her through her studies. when i say support i don't mean money but just moral support. after all there are almost eight million people in thailand and how many of these young ladies have chosen to study law? she obviously needs someone who is strong and willing to direct her and support her decisions. It's far to easy to be knocked back in thailand and this can course severe stress to students who are trying so hard to suceed. i guess thats why many students decide to go solo during their studies which in hand allows them to be stress free from relation....shits. whatever the outcome. it's going to ungly for her if she doesn't understand freedom of choice for one certain individual ....that been the dude. once again good luck....rather you than me dude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keestha Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Mostly if you hit it off with a Thai lady who is not into "play for pay" she will expect the relationship to be everlasting. Take care moving around in this essentially still deeply conservative Asian society. Wanna remain single and carefree? Consider only farang oriented beerbars, a gogo's and so on as hunting ground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmesparrow Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 these situations i just keep myself busy and hopefully she'll do the same. depends on your relationship, does it warrant a talk down type of thing or is it casual where my way will work. slowing a relationship down is not what a woman wants, in thailand or anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizMe Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 If you both speak and understand the same language, Unfortunately men and women rarely understand the same language, regardless of their native tongue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john b good Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 These things happen.......... In many relationships the momentum is often at a very different pace for either/or of the involved parties. "she" thinks that because she has put out (and for free too) that must mean something. She might be saying I love you when she is divesting herself of her knickers. "he" is thinking, hey, I thought that this is not supposed to happen in Thailand (free pussy, unless, you are a drop dead handsome hunk of a man) On the issue of how to get out of this current (wonderful) situation you find yourself in, maybe you will have to resort to a little lie (just a bit off white) You could tell her that you have received a message and someone in the family is ill and you have to return home. She could even come to the airport to see you off. Of course you would be well advised to change your accommodation. I have found myself in a similar situation (alas, without the free pussy though) and it's not easy particularly if you want to avoid hurting the little ones feelings. A question that comes to mind is just why these beautiful creatures fall in love with the biggest <deleted>. Love is far from being a fairy tale isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I cant wait for the part where the brothers show up with bats to repair their sisters reputation i hate that part Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stroll Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I think a bit more info is needed to make valuable comments. We don't know the nature of the financial or emotional aspects here, the dude hasn't explained the details. Fair enough. With the info at hand, I agree with John, an excuse to travel or not be around for a while would be an elegant solution, but winding it down to seeing less of each other, well, unlikely. But then, depends on what arrangement exactly you do have at present? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Padkapow Guy Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Tell her you lost all your $$ and job and you'll need her to support you thats should take care of it 55555 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anamore Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 one of you fellows with more experience in the thai culture should write something about ducks. I don't know all of it but when matters get bad the most farang men in this site just warn the fellow who is having trouble with his gf to watch out for the ducks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 It's not bad advice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff1 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Bring another girl home when she's there..that usually works Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khutan Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Tell her you lost all your $$ and job and you'll need her to support youthats should take care of it That can backfire badly. I knew someone who tried that tactic and she turned aroud organised a really cheap apartment out near Rangsit and she supported him into further misery..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoophound Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 She will be feeding something of yours to the ducks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12call Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Tell her you know Rainman!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thedude Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 thanks for the replies guys. i guess there's no easy way out of this. its tempting to think about the going home trick, or the going broke trick, but it'll be a really disrespectful way to end what is already a humiliating experience, apart from the fact that she's too smart to buy into it. i have stopped calling her for some time, but she keeps sending messages asking if i'm angry with her, and its just too awkward to say no but i don't want to see you, so she just says okay i'll be over tonight.... she's nice but she has these aspects to her personality that have really started to get to me, like how she spends hours talking at me about her friends and what so and so said, and what so and so did, and guess what, she told so and so this and then they plan to do that.....i'm struggling to remember what it was that got me interested, okay i though she was kinda good looking, but ######, its definitely been too high a price to pay. anyways, thanks for the advice, i guess i'll just say what i need to say, preferably outside the apartment to avoid the flying furniture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 she's nice but she has these aspects to her personality that have really started to get to me, like how she spends hours talking at me about her friends and what so and so said, and what so and so did, and guess what, she told so and so this and then they plan to do that..... How many girls did you stay with before this one,...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Simple- moving too fast! Legitimate excuse and you need to step back and take a breather. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thedude Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 to answer mr. bluecat - a few, but its been a couple of years since the last one, and that wasn't in thailand either. i know what you are getting at, they are all the same, i guess maybe i'm rediscovering why i prefer solitude, i'm just not made to be actively interested in another person's life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyinkat Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Ah, the perennial, universal challenge - finding the woman who knows when to shut up. I actually thought, in my gross naivety, that if I settle in Asia and fail to become fluent in the host language this would be a solution; the gf could communicate with me to an extent I could cope with and the small talk would be saved up for her friends. As a bloke, the logic seems water-tight - why doesn't it work like that??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 i know what you are getting at, they are all the same All the same in the sense that living with somebody implies some interaction. Some sharing if you prefer. And as far as personal experiences are concerned, girls are better at sharing their experience. Which can be bothering, sometimes, for men. But without that "sharing", no relationship possible. Like it or not. And if others' life does not interest you , you probably better stick to "short term" relationships. But do not worry, your time will come,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john b good Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 thanks for the replies guys. i guess there's no easy way out of this. its tempting to think about the going home trick, or the going broke trick, but it'll be a really disrespectful way to end what is already a humiliating experience, apart from the fact that she's too smart to buy into it. i have stopped calling her for some time, but she keeps sending messages asking if i'm angry with her, and its just too awkward to say no but i don't want to see you, so she just says okay i'll be over tonight.... she's nice but she has these aspects to her personality that have really started to get to me, like how she spends hours talking at me about her friends and what so and so said, and what so and so did, and guess what, she told so and so this and then they plan to do that.....i'm struggling to remember what it was that got me interested, okay i though she was kinda good looking, but ######, its definitely been too high a price to pay. anyways, thanks for the advice, i guess i'll just say what i need to say, preferably outside the apartment to avoid the flying furniture. .....i'm struggling to remember what it was that got me interested, Wouldn't have been her pussy by any chance would it?? I know they all have one but some like to keep it to themselves or for some pure collateral at a later date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Wouldn't have been her pussy by any chance would it?? I hate to say it but Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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