Trump's Newest & Bestest Insider Trading Grift

Calling all market guru wannabes!

President Donald Trump, the man who made over $2 billion in 2025, despite working tirelessly to destroy 250 years of American democracy and whatever goodwill the US still had in the wider world, plus put his name anywhere and everywhere on things and places with which he had nothing to do, is offering you the chance of a lifetime…..a chance to get Griftly Rich, undeservedly rich, maybe Muskian rich….just like you’re a card carrying member of the Trump Crime Family.

Hasn't he already done enough? What is Donny offering now?

Insider trading. Bigly insider trading. The covfefe of insider trading.

Nobody has ever seen anything like it. Many people are saying it’s the best grift they have ever seen.

Really. Ask not, what you can do for your country; ask what you can do for Donny. And here it is:

For the paltry sum of $100,000 per month, Trump will give you early access to statements he will soon make about policy that can materially and substantially affect markets as well as your wallet. He will also give you early warning regarding upcoming social media posts he will issue during his nightly rage Tweeting extravapalooza.

How can that help make you griftly rich, you ask?

Well, being the uberly generous and altruistic man that he is, Trump---like the deities he has replaced---has a Master Plan.

Remember back when Trump announced one the first of his plethora of  “the war is over” Tweets? Remember how “somebody” loaded up on long equity futures and short oil futures? How about the second time he did something similar….announcing the (one hundredth) re-opening of the Strait of Hormuz….when “somebody” shorted oil futures ten minutes before Trump’s announcement, pocketing a cool $1.5-4 billion in twenty minutes (depending on how professionally they unwound the position)?

Well, that insider trader can now be YOU. Imagine! You’ll probably be arrested by lefties for noise pollution given how loudly and how often your personal cash register will ring. (And Trump would pardon you anyway, albeit for a price.) Ka-ching Ka-ching Ka-ching !!!

Think of all the porn stars you can buy. Think of all the gold leaf you can apply to your own living accommodations, just like your garish and gaudy idol. Think of how many Trump watches and Trump phones and Trump Bibles and Trump golden sneakers and Trump meme coins you can buy with all the dosh you’re going to make. Think of it! You could be as old and fat and ugly as John Cafero, your hair and mustache dyed in pure Commie Black like John, puffing away on a Cohiba RedDot Pequenos ….and still pull babes like the one in the attached photo.

All it takes is $100,000 a month, paid into the pocket of your favorite grifting POTUS and benefactor, President Donald J. Trump. Is that too much to ask? Hardly.

Be like Trump, where too much is never enough.

And please, for your own good, act now, before Trump ends the Iran War and re-opens the Strait of Hormuz yet again.

Edited 1 hour ago1 hr by Wingate