Friday Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defence Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: hel_l, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"

"Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing."

An elderly couple had attended their local Church Service. About halfway through the sermon he leans over and says to his wife:

"I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

She replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!!! "

A young lad walks out of a store and sees and elderly man sitting on a bench crying. He walks over to the man to check to see if he is O.K!

YM: Sir, are you O.K?

Old Man: Yes, it's my birthday today (and he is still crying)

YM: Wow, it's a special day for you.

Old Man: Yes it is. I'm 82 today (and still crying.)

YM: Even better, you look great for your age.

Old Man: Thank you, and I just got married (and he is still crying.)

YM: Married!! Gee, that's great! 82 and married, wow! You've got a whole new life ahead of you.

Old Man: I married a 25 year old.

YM: Holy Moly!! Even better.

Old Man: We have sex every day! (he's still crying)

YM: I don't even have sex everyday, you lucky person you.

Old Man: No I’m not, I've forgotten where I lived.