Discipline In Thailand

[nonthaburial]

In my opinion, anyone wishing to lend a car (an expensive item) to an 18 year old is the one who needs help !! Guaranteed if it were damaged there would be no assistance in repairing and I guess the fuel used was not topped up neither.

In the philippines the attitude seems to be "what is yours is mine, and what is mine is very much mine" seems to be the way of the youth of today

[RueFang]

Actually if he damaged the car his school principle father (our uncle) would pay for it, but you're right about the petrol...every single time it comes back empty. He's quite a nice person actually but he's never been taught responsibility so he takes it for granted that he can get away with anything. He's also bought 2 fighting dogs home to the village even though he only comes home on weekends from college, so his parents have to take care of 2 vicious dogs in small cages..not to mention all the competition birds, etc. I just find it amazing that his behaviour puts everyone out but no one says a thing, so he remains blissfully unaware and just repeats it.

[chiang mai]

Actually if he damaged the car his school principle father (our uncle) would pay for it, but you're right about the petrol...every single time it comes back empty. He's quite a nice person actually but he's never been taught responsibility so he takes it for granted that he can get away with anything. He's also bought 2 fighting dogs home to the village even though he only comes home on weekends from college, so his parents have to take care of 2 vicious dogs in small cages..not to mention all the competition birds, etc. I just find it amazing that his behaviour puts everyone out but no one says a thing, so he remains blissfully unaware and just repeats it.

And so your preferred route forward with the problem is - how do you suggest the problem is dealt with from this point onwards?

[IMA_FARANG]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Well, I have a Thai girlfriend who has 3 children and now one grand daughter. And in the last 30 years since I have known her she has disciplined them on many occassions. She was a single mother whose husband left her and has never contibuted to their support or upbringing. The two boys and one girl still obey their mother and respect her (the youngest is now 26 years old). Whether you think so or not, there are Thai families who teach their children respect and discipline. Of course, there are others who have problems with their children. This is no different than any other country or culture.

[PadThaiGuy]

I just find it amazing that his behaviour puts everyone out but no one says a thing, so he remains blissfully unaware and just repeats it.

This must also be the guy that is blocking the skytrain door every time I try to exit.

Sombody please give him a smack.

[geriatrickid]

To qualtough & chiangmai, perhaps you do indeed appreciate restraint and the use of measured discipline. I can and do understand the benefit of a non- damaging swat on the behind when its dispensed with love, genuine caring and an explanation of consequences. Unfortunately, there are far too many adults that do not have this basic understanding. Due to the overabundance of kids with ruptured internal organs, brain damage, gouged eyes, burn marks etc., many countries have been obliged to pass laws to forbid such behaviour. Wasn't too long ago that TV was alive with a hang the bastard sentiment when a certain fellow allegedly overdid it on a child in his care and killed him. Several TV opinions were that he was a jolly good fellow, that wasn't one to beat kids. Meanwhile there was the small detail of a dead child.

Edited October 13, 2007 by geriatrickid

[xyborg]

<br />To qualtough & chiangmai, perhaps you do indeed appreciate restraint and the use of measured discipline. I can and do understand the benefit of a non- damaging swat on the behind when its dispensed with love, genuine caring and an explanation of consequences. Unfortunately, there are far too many adults that do not have this basic understanding. Due to the overabundance of kids with ruptured internal organs, brain damage, gouged eyes, burn marks etc., many countries have been obliged to pass laws to forbid such behaviour. Wasn't too long ago that TV was alive with a hang the bastard sentiment when a certain fellow allegedly overdid it on a child in his care and killed him. Several TV opinions were that he was a jolly good fellow, that wasn't one to beat kids. Meanwhile there was the small detail of a dead child.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

Its always difficult for govt's to deal with "normal sensible" people and as such the "nanny state" in the UK now allows you to do almost nothing. On the other hand I see so many cretins these days its not surprising.

I dont advocate beating a child but do advocate a good smack when needed.

[meemiathai]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child". It's as true and applicable today as it ever was and the proof of that is seen hanging around shopping malls and street corners everywhere in Thailand.

Not only in Thailand but all over the world! I remember, as an 8 year old kid, throwing stones at a derelict building and being caught by a policeman (my mates were quicker on their feet!). He rolled up his rubberised cape and hit me with it. When I got home, Dad asked me why I was crying and yes, you've guessed it. He hit me for getting into trouble. These days, the parents would be round to the police station putting in a complaint!

Exactly!

[Aussietraveller]

Finding the balance in bringing up a child is something that i am just starting to grasp.

My Daughter is only 4 months old, so the decisions on how to discipline her are all in front of me.

I dread the thought of having to discipline her as she gets older, but i know we will have to.

She will test acceptable boundaries, and need to be taught what is acceptable, and what is not.

How to best do this i do not know.

As i child i was smacked/spanked by my father.

I was caned at school.(and deserved it)

At home, our parents always seemed to have the right balance.

We were smacked, but never in anger, and never excessively.

When we misbehaved, we were sent to our rooms and told "your father would be down to see you shortly"

The anticipation of the punishment was worse than the punishment a lot of the time.

I have talked to my parents about this now, and had a laugh about it.

When they would send us to our room, they would sit down and have a cup of coffee/tea.

They would discuss what punishment fitted the crime, and make sure that the punishment was not handed out in Anger.

I hope that i have the wisdom and balance that my parents had.

[thaibebop]

This problem is everywhere. I am in America where a spanked bottom can get a parent five to life. I use such a action as last resort but am more than happy to take toys away, conduct time outs all sorts of stuff. My wife hates, says I shouldn't be so mean. Well, when the little one acts up she uses me as threat, "I am going to tell your father." and she runs to me telling me to so something, this of course while she tells me I am too harsh on her, like taking a toy away from the rest of the day is gonna kill her.

[RueFang]

Actually if he damaged the car his school principle father (our uncle) would pay for it, but you're right about the petrol...every single time it comes back empty. He's quite a nice person actually but he's never been taught responsibility so he takes it for granted that he can get away with anything. He's also bought 2 fighting dogs home to the village even though he only comes home on weekends from college, so his parents have to take care of 2 vicious dogs in small cages..not to mention all the competition birds, etc. I just find it amazing that his behaviour puts everyone out but no one says a thing, so he remains blissfully unaware and just repeats it.

And so your preferred route forward with the problem is - how do you suggest the problem is dealt with from this point onwards?

Well the obvious answer is that he can't borrow the car any more. As to the animals, have a talk and explain that you don't want his animals at home because he is not there to take care of them..and possibly sell them during the week to prove the point

[chiang mai]

About ten years ago I owned a house in an Oxfordshire hamlet and a young lad of about twelve from a nearby village liked to visit and vandalize whatever he could. I returned to my house from a walk one morning to find said youth pushing his bicycle down the hill as fast as possible and allowing it to roll into a couple of parked cars - the object of the exercise was clearly to create as much damage to the cars as possible. I was so incensed by his actions that I picked up the bicycle and threw it into the near by lake - a silly thing to do I admit but at the time it was either the bike or him! He subsequently retrieved his bike but got mighty wet in the process and I figured he had learned his lesson. I had considered taking the matter up with his father but since he was the local villain in the next village that seemed to be pointless.

Later that day I noticed someone had taken a screw driver to the door of my Toyota Supra. I called the police to report the incident mostly because I thought I would need a reference for an insurance claim. During the course of the call I was asked if I knew who was responsible for the damage and I said I had a pretty good idea and when I saw him next, he was going for a swim in the lake. Later that evening I was visited by two uniformed police who went to some great length to lecture me on the perils of taking the law into my hands and the penalties for assaulting young children. I was told I would not be cautioned on that occasion but if there was any repeat they would take further action. In addition, I was told not to speak with the youth and to stay out of his way when he next came to visit. In the following three weeks I was visited on two more occasions by the local police to see, "if everything was ok" and to see if I had, "cooled down". Not a word was mentioned about the damage I had suffered.

I made Asia my permanent home soon after that incident and can be found on bad days throwing kids bikes into the surf on Patong Beach!

[JetsetBkk]

can be found on bad days throwing kids bikes into the surf on Patong Beach!

Give me a call - I'll give you a hand.

[brahmburgers]

I happen to be in daily contact with 2 Laotian families. We've been close for years. Each is mom, pop and daughter. I've never heard any of them raise their voices with another. They're all very poor, but very sweet with each other and with me, a sort of uncle figure in their lives. The girls are always respectful and soft-spoken with me and their parentss

It's a big difference from the average spoilt sneaky Thai kid or typical spoilt loud farang kid. ....at least from examples I've seen.

On the other side of the pew, I know a 9 year old very bright girl, with a farang dad and Thai mom, who says all the students in her class get hit with a bamboo cane on the butt for minor infractions. I asked her if she ever got hit and whether it hurt. She said yes to both questions, and the reason: her homework was inadequite once. She said she never told her parents because she didn't want to alarm them. I told her if she was my daughter, I would immediatly go to the school superintendant and make a stern complaint.

So, Thailand appears to be 50 years behind the times in regard to allowing teachers to strike students.

[londonthai]

all the students in her class get hit with a bamboo cane on the butt for minor infractions. I asked her if she ever got hit and whether it hurt. She said yes to both questions, and the reason: her homework was inadequite once.

maybe you should tell her parents what you were told - they can complain. Surely punishing everybody or those with poor results doesn't work.

[DirkGently]

From the way I see it Thai adults are barely more than teens in the way they act and are unable to show their own children the way to behave and what happens if they don't.

Couple this with the way children are treated like idols and your on the right track. I agree children need praise but it seems a Thai child only has to sit up and scratch his nose and he gets a round of applause.

Parents pushing their kids infront of adults in lines and on the BTS gives all the wrong ideas to the child. "go on honey! push that lady with her shopping out of the way. it's all about you sweetie".

Along the same lines, has anybody noticed how many FAT kids there are in BKK. 8 year olds that have to walk with an odd gait to allow for their bloated limbs. Teens that look like they are stuggling to move. I was at the airport bus station when I saw two brothers in a uniform of blue shorts and white shirts, so they were under 18 and they must have been 20 stone a piece. One had a comic glued to his face and the other a massive 7-11 slurpie drink.

This, in my view, is part and parcel of child care that Thais are crap at.

[Spee]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand?

I can see parallels to the way young men are raised in the village and the way young men are raised in black urban ghettos in America. Though I hate generalizing, I've seen and experienced a fair amount of both. The discipline to study in school and prepare for a life of work isn't there. They aren't disciplined or held accountable when they get out of line. As a result, they grow up undisciplined, lazy and without the work ethic or motivation to fend for themselves. When they do get into big trouble through crime or bad mistakes, they get bailed out and don't have to face consequences for their actions.

That is not to say that there aren't a lot of good things being done, and a lot of good men coming out of the community, because there are. But there seem to be fair amounts of both good and not so good, instead of a large majority of good and only a handful of not so good.

The biggest story I saw first hand was a friend of my girl's brothers. This dumb kid made and lost about 50,000 baht worth of football punts during the last World Cup. Of course he didn't have the money to pay. So the mafia came to his family and basically said pay up or he's a dead man walking. So now the kid's family had to cash in their valuables and go into legal debt to pay off the illegal debt. This kid is still around and behaving as if nothing ever happened.

[rafval]

why would they discipline their kids to do something they wouldnt do? If I lent any adult thai that i know my car they would return it 8 hours late with no petrol too

[endure]

Shouldn't this thread be entitled 'Why isn't Thailand exactly like I'd like my home country to be'?

[Naam]

Shouldn't this thread be entitled 'Why isn't Thailand exactly like I'd like my home country to be'?

any thread starting with "why" is *&*%$&$#.

[Tafia]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Because the word "responsibility" has no meaning in Thailand

...and it has anywhere else these days?????