Would You Do It All Again

[nidge]

Andy, i know exactly how you feel. I went through this state the beginning of last year and it made me really depressed. I was in a small village but i was also living in the same house as the in-laws. Every day i felt like i was a shelf ornament and had no input in the day's worth. Eventually after some screaming and shouting we moved out of the village and into our own house down the road. that helped a lot but there was still a feeling of emptiness. Communication is not the issue although one of the earlier posters seems to think this is the only consideration. Normally when i get this 'empty' feeling i get out on my bike and ride hard for a few hours until i am totally knackered and drag myself back home. That seems to help a little.

As for the sex, you have started a post that i wanted to start for a long time but never dared. When i met my wife 4 years ago sex was great. She was very naive and i had to be very patient at first but it was still great. When we got married and moved to the village sex almost stopped, (unless we were in a hotel somewhere). I thought moving house would help but then she was pregnant and yet again sex was a "no no". Our baby is nearly 6 months old now and sex is getting back to normal. But this is only after some serious arguments and me packing my bags a couple of times and putting them in the car. I can't recommend you have a huge argument to get your sex life back but it is the only way i found to work.

I'm also on a 6-4 rotation and where i work sucks, so being home for 4 weeks with little sex is at least better than being at work!

[seonai]

Hi KhunAndy,

If it's any help from a woman married to a Thai man... it's never easy really being married especially not to someone from another culture. In any marriage there are difficulties but 'mixed' marriages are particularly strange

[kmart]

Being laid up with an injury tends to make anyone feel a tad depressed and restless.

When you're healthy again, go for a holiday somewhere and regain a bit of perspective on things.

[nidge]

I forgot to add..

Would i do it all again? Without a doubt!

[JR Texas]

I forgot to add..

Would i do it all again? Without a doubt!

Met "Rose" in 1999 and fell in love......she made me laugh.........took lots of my money.......built a house.....supported her family and still do........good and bad memories.......too many thorns on my Rose.

If I said "I would not do it again," I would be saying that I would not have met her in the first place. It is always easy to look back and think about how things could have been different if I had, in my case, decided not to jog on that particular day (met her jogging).

As an aside, looking back I would not have made Thailand my second home.......not being negative here.........being realistic given all of the negative changes that have taken place over the past 20 years (especially the past 5-6 years).

[pgs]

I suggest learning to read and speak Thai. I couldn't imagine living in a village without it. Actually, I couldn't imagine living in a village. Why not move to a city? As someone else said - communication is vital - good luck. Have a few kids - you'll be screaming for time alone.

Fair go - village life is great. Almost no pollution, lower prices, friendly people, good food, room to relax.

Best I can manage in a Thai city for is a week or 2 (CM) or a few days (BKK).

I admit, it can get boring sometimes, but so can being at the 'other home'. Grab a bike & go for a ride. Hook up with a few TVers in a nearby town once a month - assuming there are others in the area - for a chat & a few beers.

Ask the teachers in the closest school if they are interested in having a 'chat group' after hours - they can improve their English & you might pick up some more Thai (and a few cooking hints)

- I have a great Thai family. Yes, I would do it again.

[Pepe']

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

----------------------

Thank you for your candor.

Having been married to a beautiful gal from Samut Sakorn I've got some experience that is similar.

I will only speak to one question that you posed though.

"why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?"

IMHO we must be complete and happy within ourselves,inside, and not rely on external influences or relationships to complete us.

If we become centered and whole it overflows into all other ares of our lives.

"I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven..."

Again I could say I felt pretty much the same way until I found out my wife was cheating.

Cherish the moment...

[intumult]

As for the sex part...

Seems to me that sex is a bit like working in a bakery or a sweet factory. At first the temptation is there to eat all you want and you tuck in. Then as time goes by you lose the desire / need to have to eat your fill so often.

In a longer term relationship sex is pretty much the same. At the start there is the challenge and burning desire but once you have overcome the initial challenge and bedded the lass, then been in the relationship long term the sex is available (usually) on tap but you lose the urgency and the need to explore each other and then it does become more mundane.

In our heads we still have the feeling of wanting to have it as before but the body and mind know it is 'there'.

More often than not that is when a lot of people stray into extra maritial relationships. It adds excitement that has been lost.

Often what is needed are ways to make the sex life more interesting. Maybe in the car or away on holiday somewhere. Lingerie can add spice. Showering together or finding a place with a bath and having a bath together. Maybe the odd bottle of baby oil might help. Obviously it all depends on your partner and yourself.

But, yes, many of us do get that '7 year itch' at various times. So your feelings are nothing unusual.

All the above is IMHO of course and I have left out a lot of the raunchier ideas LOL.

[WaiWai]

Definitely, recuperating from a broken leg would be bringing you down and simultaneously leaving you with a lot of time to think.

In other ways, though, the feelings you describe are very similar to those expressesd by some in the threads about retirement/expat life, to the extent that you have spent time and effort creating your "dream life", but now it feels hollow. Making new goals is a good suggestion from one poster.

It also sounds as if, somehow, your daily life has become separated from your partner's and that intimate connection is something you are missing. For many people, their partner is a best mate and for expats, that can help compensate for the disconnection we experience from much of the life around us.

What were the happiest times in your life ? Where were you and what were you doing ?

[JimmyCA]

You guys with sex issues need to get out of the village for a few weeks. Try a different course. Reestablish the relationship.

Go to Pattaya.

[hiromj]

You guys with sex issues need to get out of the village for a few weeks. Try a different course. Reestablish the relationship.

Go to Pattaya.

Yep.....Saturday

Honestly, great thread. I am enjoying reading it as I have been going through the same issues myself. I wish I could add something constructive but it looks like most of it has already been covered.

[YangYaiEric]

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

Hey, Andy.

I've read all posts in this thread from our fellow TV members, and can sympathise with you and the reasons why you posted in the first place. I think ALL farangs married to Thais go through the SAME emotions as mentioned in your post; feelings of emptiness, depression, anxiety, you name it! I've been married to my Thai wife now for 20 years. We live in the 'sticks' (as some people may call it, although I wouldn't) and I have had the SAME feelings of frustration and anxiety as you are having now. Fortunately for us, we have 5 children to look after, which tends to allieviate these negative feelings we undergo from time-to-time. To be quite honest, I sometimes yearn for a bit of peace-and-quite every so often!

You didn't mention whether you have kids or not in you post. I assume you don't have them yet? I which case, I would like to ask: why not? You've been married 3 years and no kids? Is there a reason for not having kids?

You also stated that your sex-life has gone South. After ONLY 3 years together married I find that really hard to believe ! The first 5 years is usually the 'honeymoon' period, and in my own case, sex was, and still is, GREAT! Admittedly, from time-to-time, the temptation to vist one of the Gentlemans Establishment raises its head, simply to quench one thirst. And you have to deal with that as best you can .

Would I do it again? Yes, most definitely!

So cheer up, mate, you're not alone. But you simply have to look ahead, rather that wallowing in your present anxious state-of-mind.

I'll have a few Vodka-Martinis for you tonight, though . Cheer Up mate!

Cheers!

[naka]

You guys with sex issues need to get out of the village for a few weeks. Try a different course. Reestablish the relationship.

Go to Pattaya.

The "Gold Standard" cure for the Boondock Blue's !

Naka.

[p_rry]

What makes me feel lonely is when I only hang out with my girlfriend. It's easy to happen if you have a Thai girlfriend. In fact this is my situation. I need to get out more and just hang out with the guys.

[ThaiPauly]

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

Ditto...I would do it all again...but I DO get the skanky sex

[JetsetBkk]

Ditto...I would do it all again...but I DO get the skanky sex

I didn't do any of it, but I still get the skanky sex.

[a2396]

Andy, i know exactly how you feel. I went through this state the beginning of last year and it made me really depressed. I was in a small village but i was also living in the same house as the in-laws. Every day i felt like i was a shelf ornament and had no input in the day's worth. Eventually after some screaming and shouting we moved out of the village and into our own house down the road. that helped a lot but there was still a feeling of emptiness. Communication is not the issue although one of the earlier posters seems to think this is the only consideration. Normally when i get this 'empty' feeling i get out on my bike and ride hard for a few hours until i am totally knackered and drag myself back home. That seems to help a little.

As for the sex, you have started a post that i wanted to start for a long time but never dared. When i met my wife 4 years ago sex was great. She was very naive and i had to be very patient at first but it was still great. When we got married and moved to the village sex almost stopped, (unless we were in a hotel somewhere). I thought moving house would help but then she was pregnant and yet again sex was a "no no". Our baby is nearly 6 months old now and sex is getting back to normal. But this is only after some serious arguments and me packing my bags a couple of times and putting them in the car. I can't recommend you have a huge argument to get your sex life back but it is the only way i found to work.

I'm also on a 6-4 rotation and where i work sucks, so being home for 4 weeks with little sex is at least better than being at work!

I think there's something to be said for having multiple wives, legal or otherwise. It seems sex is not a priority with many women, particularly once they figure they have got the guy "snagged". From what I have seen of Thai women, their sexual sophistication is a bit limited, unless the have worked in "the trade" and that is no guarentee either. Often communication inadequacies re: language prevents any detailed discussion of complex matters.