Is This Just Another " Sick Buffalo"- Story?

[dannyh2000uk]

Under-5 mortality rate (per 1000 children per year)

Thailand 15.1

UK 6.0

Source: United Nations Population Division

For children living in poverty in Thailand in Isaan the rate will certainly be considerably higher. Get your priorities dam_n straight. The mother-in-law's debt is way down on the list. Remove your child from this utterly unnecessary disadvantageous position. This is clearly your top priority.

well I agree, BUT, at the moment I am limping around London, sleeping on friends couches I have nowhere to bring my Daughter.

While my wife lives in comfort in surrey with our children, I am struggling, my ex cancelled all my bank accounts credit cards once she knew I was with X, and while I was over there( I have no idea how!!!!) so me and X bumbled around asia with no cards.

And at the Mo If I get any cash, I want to fly back and see my Daughters 1st birthday, not get fleeced.

[Briggsy]

fleeced by whom?

[dannyh2000uk]

fleeced by whom?

I guess having read so many " I got done by my thai girl" stories Paranoia could be setting in.

It is always possible.

[Maigo6]

fleeced by whom?

I guess having read so many " I got done by my thai girl" stories Paranoia could be setting in.

It is always possible.

Asking a hunch of strangers on an anonymous forum about your relationship with a person they don't know will quell those thoughts of paranoia.

[Dave the Dude]

Thanks Guys that was what I was looking for .

cheers.

I'll update as and when

Hi Dan

I can relate to having too much time sitting in cold old London town thinking of Thailand. I did it for 3 years. I WOULD NOT try to be one of those 'desktop therapists' but will offer a suggestion, similar to what sorted out me and (my now) wife.

Could you organize(PAY) to get your GF out of Trat and back home with your child and use your pending Loan monies to set up a little mini-mart in/outside the existing house.

This would give family 1) an income

2)keep em busy(& off the cards/rice whiskey)

3) give all parties 'face' and help self-esteem (if Poss)New Shop owner in Village(Many brownie-points)

4)Show debt collector repayment can only be in the longterm (No overnight ferang lottery win)

5)Show your GF YOU are thinking of Longterm solutions,that is why you are going IN DEBT for her&baby.

She needs to understand that the implications of No.5 above may force you not to see her and baby so often. In true Thai fashion, that would be a good time to say "up to you" are YOU in agreement with this arrangement (If Not, No go)

:DIt worked for me! I hope you manage to resolve the situation and not dwell on too much negative cr@p that comes your way. This may be your second chance at happiness and I hope it is.

Dave

[Crash999]

In order to pay that 100,000 baht at this time I would have to loan, so not something I can do Lightly-if at all- I can't believe I am so blind after 18 years marriage, or am I just rebounding and that is blinding me

What do you guys think ?

Is this just another "sick Buffalo story"- or are there ever any honest stories?

There are lots of honest stories out there. Money lending is real. People fall ill. Accidents happen. Things break. People make bad decisions and wind up in dire straits.

My advice would be to offer 10k or 20k or what you can scrape together letting your gal know you want the money to go through her and letting her know it's the most you can give now. I doubt the full amount is needed and if you did pony the whole amount up it could create a bad precedent and the impression that you've got deep pockets.

Best of luck to you!

[garro]

It has been my experience that many of those discussing about how "I was done by a Thai girl" aren't really the best people to get advice on relationships from. Sort of like getting advice about fitness from a chain-smoking obese person.

There is often a good reason for why the Thai girl 'screwed' them, and it is often the same reason why their girlfriends back in their home country 'screwed' them and why their next girlfriend will 'Screw' them.

[vrsushi]

I can't believe the general tone of most posts.

The OP's post show that his girlfriend came up trumps for him time and time again. The family are looking after HIS daughter. The girlfriend has shown much commitment.

And posters here act like 100kbht is a large sum???????

OP tot up all the hours she spent looking after you while you were incapacitated. Add in the hours of child care. Multiply it by ANY AMOUNT that you choose as a reasonable hourly wage EVEN in Thailand. 100kbht wouldn't cover it I'd bet.

AND this women has done nothing other than love you all that time too.

TO ALL THE GUYS out there who don't seem to trust anyone; why do you bother getting to know people, including Thai women, at all? What's the point of any social relationship if you have it in the back of your head that that person is only trying to rob you?

[Briggsy]

Forget this mother-in-law's fictional or otherwise debt.

The child's welfare is what you should be focused on.

[geriatrickid]

Dave the Dude' date='2008-02-09 13:52:02' post='1809127'

Solid post, good advice.

Another option is;

If this lady looked after you in your damaged state, then surely, you are obliged to her for that kindness. Even if everything else is untrue, her care for you is worth something. If you had been laid up in he UK and needed an attendant you'd have paid alot for that assistance, so at the very worst consider any financial aid given to her as payment for services rendered. I don't share the negative views that others have, but that's because my absence of a sex life has precluded the Pattaya syndrome.

Before you get yourself further in debt consider the long term implications. If you really want to help her, how much good will you be if you are burdened with debt? Think of the interest payments you will carry - it's money that could be spent on you or her. If the Dave advice is not feasible, then only give what you can afford to forgo, but don't get yourself further into debt as it will only worsen the situation and keep you away from her. 100K is not really significant to some, but for others with limited means it is. And you sir, can't afford to give 100K. Consider a smaller amount.

[ozzydom]

"Now I discover her mum is Owing 100,000 Baht..."

It's her mom's debt. It does not concern you, and you should not get involved. If "secretly ironing your shirts" is sufficient reason to give her 100,000 THB, I'll iron all of your clothes for the same amount of money.

.

I was under the impression family looked after eachother there, and having a common link I.e the

daughter, made me somehow linked.

I don't have a problem if it is genuine.

But you can imagine after losing 98% in Uk after what took a life building, it is more the desire not to be

an idiot again.

If you are of a mind to help out with the loan,ask X to send you a front and back copy of the title, if its a loan through a gold shop or recognised lender it will be registered on the back of title, if its only a handshake loan it is very hard for the lender to "foreclose". Tell them you need the copy to approach your bank re a loan to help them out.

As another poster stated,if the relationship is on the up and up,you should be looking at re-establishing yourself in your home country with view to getting x and your child to join you as at 40 odd years you will not be able to support them in Los.

The responsibility of a child does not make your ultimate decisions any easier, just play the hand you were dealt , if you act honorably and it all comes unstuck,well thats life. Its no reflection on you as a person.

ozzy

[khunandy]

Forget this mother-in-law's fictional or otherwise debt.

The child's welfare is what you should be focused on.

Believe in close family ties do you Briggsy? Marry the women, marry the family.

Whats the guy suppsed to do if the story has a bit of truth in it. Just get the kid to his missus then leave the mother-in-law by herself. I think Thai family bonds and responsibilities between daughters and mothers are bit stronger than that.

I can't see that the daughter is in any danger, your posts are reading like she is in imminent danger of something terrible.

The Op has probably been reading all the sad tales on Stickmanbangkok and having a few seeds of doubt planted in his head.

Don't worry Op, that 100K debt may have started off a lot smaller....did your GF ever mention this in the past 14 months or when you were living in the mothers house for an extended period?

Khun Andy

[Boo]

Quite frankly she sounds like a nice person who genuinely cares about you, she looked after you during a very low time in your life whilst also dealing with, 1stly being pregnant & then later looking after the baby as well as you.

I am assuming you are working in the the UK? Well 100k b is quite a small amount of money to ensure your daughter is still living safely with her granny. (Why not get a long term persoal loanto pay for it)

dam_n, my husband is a fairly low income earner here in UK & sends more than that yearly to his mum & she doesn't look after any of our kids. Just make it clear that this is a one time deal but just out of curiosity, do you provide anything for your daughter on a regualr basis?

One other question though, why have you not pursued the option of bringing you gf & daughter to the UK or do you harbour fantasy that you will be able to return tp Thailand & live happily ever after, with no money & no realistic prospects of finding legal work??

Your gf sounds like hard working women, why not bring her to the UK, free health care, free schooling, chance for her to get a job & contribute again to your life together as well as being able to be wiht your baby. Dunno to me jst seems like the most logical solution.

[Boo]

Sorry missed the post about the op sleepig on couches atc, so the idea of bringing them over isn't viable yet.

[LoveDaBlues]

Now I discover her mum is Owing 100,000 Baht ( and has done for 8 + years) to a loan person who now wants to call in the loan, i.e. House/Land etc, etc.

So suddenly after 8 years( ) the loan shark wants his money back?

Happens all the time. The loan shark might need money NOW to take advantage of a sweet deal; ex. a good deal on a piece of land has come up and the shark wants to buy it.

Who paid the 10% monthly interest laon sharks require?

myth. I've seen a loan go 7 years without a single baht being paid. Then the debt was paid with one payment.

Something does not add up, typical family embarassing their children, see it all over again and again

It adds up to me; I've seen this EXACT situation before. BTW; all loan sharks in Thailand aren't men with goons backing them up. Sometimes it's a little old lady or a husband/wife team.

[Lucifer]

To assure the guy who thought it was a hoax, have a little look at the montage I put up a couple of months ago.

Back in London ( left 11 years ago, I now know why), a year more of dodgy leg, staying at friends.

you tend to wile away the time doing montages, so forgive me, too much time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le9Bu6db7rY

Great video, but why Cuban music?

Whats the name of the track?

Ta

[think_too_mut]

Now I discover her mum is Owing 100,000 Baht ( and has done for 8 + years) to a loan person who now wants to call in the loan, i.e. House/Land etc, etc.

So suddenly after 8 years( ) the loan shark wants his money back?

Who paid the 10% monthly interest laon sharks require?

Something does not add up, typical family embarassing their children, see it all over again and again

That's my thought too. Over the course of 8 years almost 1 million baht would have been paid in interest to the loan shark. Who has paid that?

Two possibilities I still see:

- They are stuck with a baby that someone fixed and disappeared, doing nothing for them. They may want some compensation and use loss of house as a threat to make it happen. They have no idea what a westerner has to do for his money and they don't think 100K (3,000US$) is too small of an amount.

- Less probable, the OP painted himself in the corner in this post for a wind up.

(sorry, the music background in the montage is so irritating, bailed out after 10 seconds).

[Lucifer]

Now I discover her mum is Owing 100,000 Baht ( and has done for 8 + years) to a loan person who now wants to call in the loan, i.e. House/Land etc, etc.

So suddenly after 8 years( ) the loan shark wants his money back?

Who paid the 10% monthly interest laon sharks require?

Something does not add up, typical family embarassing their children, see it all over again and again

That's my thought too. Over the course of 8 years almost 1 million baht would have been paid in interest to the loan shark. Who has paid that?

Two possibilities I still see:

- They are stuck with a baby that someone fixed and disappeared, doing nothing for them. They may want some compensation and use loss of house as a threat to make it happen. They have no idea what a westerner has to do for his money and they don't think 100K (3,000US$) is too small of an amount.

- Less probable, the OP painted himself in the corner in this post for a wind up.

(sorry, the music background in the montage is so irritating, bailed out after 10 seconds).

Let me think...She's 25, speaks good English(prob) and has worked in Pattaya for 8 years(prob). Difficult, that one.

[jstumbo]

Now I discover her mum is Owing 100,000 Baht ( and has done for 8 + years) to a loan person who now wants to call in the loan, i.e. House/Land etc, etc.

So suddenly after 8 years( ) the loan shark wants his money back?

Who paid the 10% monthly interest laon sharks require?

Something does not add up, typical family embarassing their children, see it all over again and again

I have seen similar things. Where the family tells the daughter to ask for something and the daughter does it, even though they don't want to because the parents come first.

Not saying whether it is true or not, but if it is not, that does mean the she does not love you, and only sees you as an ATM. It might be coming from her family and it has put her in a real tough spot for a Thai daughter.

[Briggsy]

Selling clothes in Trat = say, 10,000 Baht a month.

Hovel in Trat =say, 1,500 Baht a month.

Remainder = 8,500 Baht a month

Selling clothes in Isaan= say, 8,500 Baht a month and can stay with child.

There's something here that is defying logic.

[t.s]

good lord man its 100K. 3000 usd.

if you cant put that together to ensure your child has somewhere to live, you got bigger problems than whehter or not the request is legit

[khunandy]

Selling clothes in Trat = say, 10,000 Baht a month.

Hovel in Trat =say, 1,500 Baht a month.

Remainder = 8,500 Baht a month

Selling clothes in Isaan= say, 8,500 Baht a month and can stay with child.

There's something here that is defying logic.

Take no notice Danny Boy, from your You Tube videos you look and sound like an intelligent sensative bloke and your GF looks to me to be the genuine article.

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get working asap, limp or no limp. You should get back to your new family here in Thailand as quickly as finances allow.

If you have lost 98% to the ex-wife there isnt much to squabble over is there.

Dont forget your daughter in the UK though.

[bendix]

This might be a ridiculously naieve question, but why is the OP in such a bad way financially? How can anyone lose 98% to their wife in a divorce. I'm not an divorce expert, but i do know that there is no way any court would make such a ruling.

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

[Westerner]

Had unprotected sex with a girl you hardly knew!!!!!! . Got her pregnant when you knew you had no money!!!!!! You're such a responsible sort of guy aren't you?

Jeeeeeeeeeez!!!

[khunandy]

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

If its worth doing....its worth doing well.

[Gary A]

This might be a ridiculously naieve question, but why is the OP in such a bad way financially? How can anyone lose 98% to their wife in a divorce. I'm not an divorce expert, but i do know that there is no way any court would make such a ruling.

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

Believe it or not, it CAN happen. I know first hand. That said, I think the lady is a good one. Loan sharks frequently hold land papers for security for a loan. There is no mortgage in many cases and it is NOT legal but if the loan defaults the person owing the money always forfeits the land whether it has a legal mortgage on it or not. A common tactic is for the loan shark to say nothing and make no attempt to collect his interest. When the shark is owed enough that they feel the loan plus interest cannot be repaid they will frequently demand payment and take the land. This happens VERY often here in Isaan.

[HDRIDER]

HI

Give her the money for <deleted> sake, its only 100.000, maybe something good will come out of it, if not you have learnt something.

[bruceboy]

Best of luck mate!

[khunandy]

I would think Danny has a bit of reading material while he has his tea and toast in the morning anyway

[howtoescape]

This might be a ridiculously naieve question, but why is the OP in such a bad way financially? How can anyone lose 98% to their wife in a divorce. I'm not an divorce expert, but i do know that there is no way any court would make such a ruling.

That is the part of the story that doesnt add up for me, only way to lose that amount is to volunteer to give it away.